Anne Heche can't afford child, spousal support

Anne Heche may have flipped out on ex-husband Coley Laffoon on a regular basis, but one thing she apparently can't do on schedule is pay her court-ordered spousal support. Since the cancellation of Men In Trees, which even tbt*'s former entertainment editor couldn't bring herself to watch anymore, she can't cough up the $14,798-per-month stipend she's supposed to pay (not including their son Homer's private school tuition), People says.

"I am continuing to look for work, but I have no offers pending and the impending strike by the Screen Actors Guild reduces my prospects for work even further," the 38-year-old wrote in court documents. Superior Court Judge Gail Ruderman Feuer is going to let her slide on July's payment, but told Heche to provide updated income and expense information.

Heche said the only income she has for the year is a $65,000 check for movie work, or about the same as one episode of Men In Trees. In addition, E! Online says she's apparently $364,000 in debt, with only about $35,000 in the bank. We think that's just fine though, since that's about as much as the entire tbt* staff makes in a year.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Source and source

Nicole Richie, Joel Madden shoot UNICEF PSA

Minor celebrities Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have taken time out from preening their daughter Harlow for celebrity mags to film a PSA for cyclone relief for Myanmar, Us reports. The couple broke out the cue cards for UNICEF, proving that maybe having a baby has shown them there's more to life than nightclubs and recreational drugs.

"Nicole and Joel dropped everything so they could record it," a source tells the magazine. "They felt compelled to act as quickly as possible." Dropped everything? Like, their daughter? Because that's all they really have going on right now.

Us says Madden plans "to start traveling and doing some good things for UNICEF," while Richie "is trying to do something for mothers who don't have the same resources she did." You mean she's realizing that not every third-world mom has access to big-dollar deals for pics of their kids? It's a banner day!

Source

Jessica goes on a bender, might be single now

What with her sister Ashlee getting married and ex-boyfriend John Mayer dating Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson has a lot to cry about -- which she promptly did on May 10, getting trashed at Mexicali Cocina Cantina in L.A.

Jess headed to the joint around 4 p.m. with her friend CaCee Cobb and her boyfriend Donald Faison, and stayed so long she had to call her mom Tina for a ride home, Us says. Thank goodness she didn't call creepy papa Joe!

The mag goes on to say that on the same night, Jess' boy toy Tony Romo was partying solo in Chicago, saying he was a free man. Maybe he'll get with some actress in Miami and have his pictured splashed all over the paparazzi sites. That'd make Jessica's week.

Source

Cameron Diaz says she's prettier at age 35

For everyone who thinks Cameron Diaz is too skinny and acne-ridden to be considered hot, the 35-year-old has news for you: you can stuff it. The actress tells the U.K. edition of Cosmopolitan that she's happier and looks better now than when she was younger.

"I look at pictures of myself when I was 21 and think, 'Wow, I don't look so bad,'" she says. "But I take more care or myself now, so in a way, I feel like I look better than I did then… I feel stronger and more confident."

She also admits the only real work she's had done was a nose job after a surfing accident three years ago. But even as she ages gracefully, she doesn't think she'll necessarily ever tie the knot.

"There are a lot of ways to approach commitment and relationships -- and marriage is just one of them," she says. "I think partnerships are a wonderful thing in whatever form they take, and I definitely want that in my life, whether or not it's in the traditional sense."

And somewhere, Justin Timberlake sighs.

Marissa Miller named Maxim's sexiest woman

About a month ago FHM said Megan Fox was tops on its list of the 100 sexiest women in the world, so fellow lad-mag Maxim needed to get in on the act. So it named Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover girl Marissa Miller the best on its ninth annual Hot 100 list (Megan manages a meek 16, sad to say).

She's not letting it get to her head, though, dismissing her career as just so much cotton candy: “I get a kick out of it, but it would be stupid to let it go to my head," she said. "It’s modeling—I didn’t find the cure for cancer.”

Following her in an appropriate 2-3-4 were Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Eva Longoria, followed by a misplaced No. 5 in Sarah Michelle Gellar. After her was Elisha Cuthbert (whom we haven't follwoed since she got her finger cut off in House of Wax), Eva Mendes and Christina Aguilera.

In ninth was Lindsay Lohan, showing how trustworthy the voting was, with new-nosed Ashley Tisdale rounding out No. 10. The big surprise was No. 19, Britney Spears, who got the mercy 100 spot on FHM's list. That Maxim spot goes to Tila Tequila, who will probably do something else wild 'n' crazy to boost her self-esteem over it.

[Photo: Getty Images]

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Mischa Barton says cellulite pics are faked

Paparazzi photos of Mischa Barton's lumpy thighs ended up in celebrity mags and tabloids recently, including Britain's Daily Mail, causing the former O.C. starlet to cry foul.

She initially told Ok!, "Every woman does have cellulite! I just feel like the photographers try to get the most unflattering shots." But now shes saying some digital trickery had to have been involved.

"Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, told the New York Daily News. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old."

And what's Perkins have for proof?

"Look at the shots that were taken shortly before on a beach in L.A. Did she develop all that cellulite in a couple of weeks? There's a lot you can do with Photoshopping."

Believe us, we know; but does that mean these were faked? Look at the pics in question here and sound off below.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Police report doesn't back up TMZ story on Rihanna, Chris Brown

ST. PETERSBURG -- A police report about the attack on a tbt*/Tampa Bay Times photographer says he was beaten up by bodyguards for R&B stars Chris Brown and Rihanna while photographing them through an open window of their limousine.

The police report contradicts an account of the encounter reported by the web site tmz.com here. That account, attributed to an anonymous source who "was at Chris's birthday party," says bodyguards attacked Santana when he opened the door of the limousine

Police are investigating the attack as an unarmed robbery. The police report says Santana walked around the limo, which was outside the Vintage Lounge, to photograph Brown and Rihanna through an open window. It does not say he opened the limo door. Police say four bodyguards beat up Santana and took the camera from around his neck, destroying it.

Rihanna's bodyguards tried to keep Santana from photographing the couple as they entered their limo, the police report says.

Abhi Raghunathan, Times staff writer

Jennifer Aniston is dating John Mayer now

Who needs Jessica Simpson? John Mayer is all about Jennifer Aniston these days, In Touch says. The mag has several photos of the pair lounging around Miami last weekend.

The singer apparent flew to Miami on April 23 and checked in to the Four Seasons, even though he spent most of his time over at the $3,000-a-night (!) presidential suite at the Mandarin Oriental. Jen is there shooting Marley & Me with Owen Wilson, but she obviously had time for John.

After being caught with her several times by paparazzi, Mayer told In Touch "My weekend was good," sending Aniston fans into a twittering frenzy about whether she'll finally be able to get over Brad Pitt. We're more curious whether her career will be able to get over The Break-Up.

Kate Hudson face of People's Most Beautiful

It's time to feel bad about yourself again, because People's 100 Most Beautiful issue is on its way to newsstands. The cover girl is Kate Hudson, which we can't argue with, but the list has a few interesting choices.

Besides the usual roundup of big names like Salma Hayek, Carrie Underwood, Halle Berry, Julianne Moore and Mary J. Blige, People picked a couple people whose careers have gathered strength as of late, like Patrick Dempsey and Christina Applegate.

There were celeb couples, too, like Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, and Jessica Alba and Cash Warren, and some surprises in Sarah Silverman and Rumer Willis, who says "I grew up with a mom that most moms don't look like." That's fine, because she doesn't look like Demi Moore, either.

Other names included Isla Fisher, Zoe Saldana, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Swift, swimmer Amanda Beard and the Miami Dolphins' Jason Taylor. Oh, and the entire cast of Gossip Girl: Blake Lively, Chace Crawford, Ed Westwick, Jessica Szohr, Penn Badgley, Leighton Meester and Taylor Momsen. Too bad nobody's watching the show to see all those hot folks.

Carrie Fisher finally settles Luke vs. Han debate

For years geeks the world over wondered if Carrie Fisher ever had a thing for her Star Wars co-stars, and finally, thanks to the U.K. TV show Bring Back ... Star Wars, she confirms that she was taking the name Princess Leia a bit too seriously.

"I went on the film saying ‘I’m going to have an affair’, like it was a kiwi, an exotic fruit — because I’d never had one!” she tells the show's Justin Lee Collins. And Harrison Ford was her target.

“I had a crush on Harrison for sure. Harrison is great fun when he’s had a few drinks,” she says. Shenanigans ensued. “I’m going to get in so much trouble; Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes.”

Actually, the idea of Han Solo naked is kind of weird, so she switches gears and talks about what Mark Hamill thought about all this, saying there was "some jealousy."

“Harrison had this enormous career by the second or third film, that was tough for Mark." Fisher says. "He was like, ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen — it’s the adventures of Luke Skywalker.’ ”

It sure sounds like Fisher and Ford were the ones having the adventures.

[Photo: This 2005 pic is as close as Mark Hamill ever got to Carrie Fisher. Getty Images]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt crash dinner

To catch up on the weekend: When last we heard from Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag, the Hills couple were getting disinvited from the White House Correspondents Dinner in D.C. on Saturday night, since Spencer thought it wasn't "A-listy" enough (i.e., he wasn't invited). But lo and behold, they managed to get in somehow.

The New York Post's Page Six says they weaseled into a couple seats at Fortune's table, and then went out for the night at various after-parties across the burg. One of the place's they dropped by was the Bloomberg LP shindig at the Costa Rican embassy, which was so over capacity that real stars like Colin Firth, Rob Lowe, Donatella Versace and Rupert Everett couldn't get in. Of course, a source tells the paper that the roof was leaking on guests anyway.

Meanwhile, Vanity Fair's party at political writer Christopher Hitchens' home went well (before the Miley Cyrus shoe dropped): Kal Penn was spotted with Salman Rushdie for a new high in incongruity, while Katie Couric, Rita Cosby, Charlie Rose and Tucker Carlson milled about, the paper says.

But for The Juice* faithful, the quote of the night came from the Capitol File party at the Newseum, where Rosario Dawson hosted and Pete Wentz acted as DJ. Before he took the tables, he gave a shout out to Ashlee Simpson by yelling, "I just want to thank my girlfriend's vagina!"

Now, now, Pete; the proper term is "my fiancee's vagina."

[Photo: Getty Images]

Gary Coleman is getting divorced already

It's curtains for Gary Coleman's new marriage already. The 40-year-old actor and his 22-year-old wife, Shannon Price, are on the docket over at Divorce Court, with a scheduled appearance on May 1 and 2 (3 p.m. on Fox around here, folks). That's right, a two-parter!

The pair are set to argue that the marriage has failed, since they get into "ugly" fights on a monthly basis. Mind you, they only got married in August, but whatever. 

"If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does," Price says, according to a transcript of the show provided to the AP. "He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."

Coleman defends himself by saying he's just being a guy.

"When I try to state my case or explain things to her or try to get her to understand my point of view, my point of view doesn't matter," he says. Hey buddy, that sounds like a marriage to us, all right.

But awfully strange is Price's recounting of how Coleman has no friends and gets up in the middle of the night and disappears. It may account for what he describes as a "mediocre" private life. His explanation:

"I don't have any friends and don't have any intention of making any," he says. "People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back, steal from you. And they're not really your friends. (They're) only there because you're a celebrity or because they want to get something from you."

Like a few months of notoriety for marrying a basket case former child star, perhaps?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Amy Winehouse arrested; husband flirts on

Remember Amy Winehouse's fab night out, during which she was doing drugs and headbutting people? It earned her a ticket to Bobbyville on Friday, as the 24-year-old was arrested at a London police station on suspicion of assault.

The Daily Mail says Wino was due to be questioned about allegedly headbutting a 38-year-old man who approached ehr as she was trying to get in a taxi early last Wednesday. Folks in her camp say she was felt he was trying to molest her, because she oozes all sorts of class. She faces up to six months in jail and a $4,000 fine.

Speaking of jail, her no-good hubby Blake Fielder-Civil appeared in court on charges of assault and "conspiracy to pervert the course of justice" to pub landlord James King. Something tells us Blake knows all about perversion, but he denied both allegation.

And since Amy wasn't at the hearing, he was free to flirt with Sophie Schandorff, a blonde sitting in the gallery who described herself as a close friend. How close? He mouthed "You all right, babe?" and "I love you" to the 21-year-old, who mouthed "I love you" back.

Maybe that's why Wino was caught doing drugs in a restaurant bathroom the night before. Seriously, her addictions are bad enough, but when a guy like Blake thinks you're not worth the trouble, that's a reason to be depressed.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Cynthia Nixon wants to shackle her life partner

Cynthia Nixon has kicked breast cancer to the curb, so now she's moving on to other life commitments -- namely, to her partner Christine Marinoni. The National Enquirer says the 42-year-old Sex and the City star had an epiphany during her radiation treatment, and decided it was time to seal the deal.

"Cynthia and Chris want a quiet autumn ceremony in Vermont under the red leaves," a source tells the rag. "It's supposed to be a very low-key gathering, just for close friends and family."

Nixon met Marinoni in 2004, seven months after calling it quits with ex-lover (and baby's daddy times two) Danny Mozes. We wish them a happy future divorce.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Jeff Goldblum, Imogen Heap are a couple now

Perez Hilton is using his photo-stealing prowess to show us that Jeff Goldblum has taken up with singer Imogen Heap (actually, he gives credit on his post, but a spade's a spade). The pair were seen holding hands and kissing during a walk in London's Hyde Park.

That's, um ... interesting news. The Juice* digs some Imogen, whom most people will recognize from Grey's Anatomy, The O.C., and Garden State soundtracks, among others (the latter as part of Frou Frou -- the video is for her song Headlock, btw). Jeff was cool until he started getting all goofy and providing voice work for Crank Yankers. Plus, he's 55 and she's 30, and that just causes all kinds of weirdness.

Cameron Diaz is getting 'medical attention'

We declare a snark-free zone while updating you on Cameron Diaz, whose father Emilio died of pneumonia last week. Her What Happens In Vegas co-star Ashton Kutcher addressed the press in London, saying he would be promoting their new movie alone for awhile, the U.K.'s Sun reports.

"Sadly she will not be joining us for the premiere as she has just lost her father and is under medical attention with stress at the moment. But she will be better soon," Kutcher said. "I will be telling her of your get well soon wishes and condolences following her father's passing on."

And for a dose of "aw that's nice," ex-boyfriends Justin Timberlake and John Mayer attended a memorial service for Emilio on Sunday in California. The family has suggested donations to Surfrider.org or Reefcheck.org in the 58-year-old's name.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Shakira, British PM Gordon Brown trade praise

Even if most Americans don't know who he is, British Pime Minister Gordon Brown got a vote of confidence from Colombian hottie Shakira during a Monday telephone conference, the AP reports.

Brown was praising the singer for her working to provide the world's children with a basic education. She's supporting a week of events to highlight advocacy group Global Campaign for Education. Shakira returned the kind words with nothing but adulation for Brown.

"He is a man with wonderful intentions, he is very pro-active, he is working very hard for the issue of education," Shakira said, speaking from Washington on a conference call. She had met Brown before to discuss aid for education, and said she "could feel how passionate and enthusiastic he was about it."

All this and those rumors of her having a sex tape we're untrue, too? Believe it or not, we like it when celebrities use their powers for good, not evil. Of course, Shakira could ask us for change for a dollar and we'd be singing her praises.

[Photo: We're not making it up; here's Shakira in Bangladesh in December. Getty Images]

Harrison Ford got drunk with Jimmy Buffet and Ed Bradley before he got his ear pierced in 1997

We know, the curiosity about Harrison Ford's earring has been killing you since he got it done in 1997. Why, oh why, would he go out and make himself look like your grandfather dressed as a pirate for Gasparilla? Whatever was it that pushed him to this madness?

"A semi-drunken lunch with (late 60 Minutes correspondent) Ed Bradley and Jimmy Buffett, who were both wearing rings," the 65-year-old tells Maxim. "Afterward, I walked down Madison Avenue till I found the first jewelry store that pierced ears."

Yeah, something tells us Ford isn't the type of guy to go to Claire's down at the local mall. Of course, we didn't really peg him to be the kind of guy to get sloppy drunk and have a midlife-crisis piercing, so shows what we know.

[Photo: Getty Images]

David Hasselhoff pays Pam Bach $25k monthly

David Hasselhoff has to pay the price for ending a contentious marriage to ex-wife Pamela Bach -- to the tune of $25,000 a month, the AP reports. Court documents released Thursday show the couple's divorce settlement demands he pay $21,000 a month to Bach and another $4,000 to support daughters Taylor, 17, and Hayley, 15. That's a lot of drunken cheeseburgers.

The couple divorced in 2006 after more than 16 years of marriage. They will have joint custody of their children and their San Fernando Valley home. We wonder if they're going to tape the house down the middle like that episode of The Brady Bunch. They will be dividing the family's cars, bank accounts and Hasselhoff's pensions from acting and directing guilds.

Wait a minute: It took two years to decide Bach deserved that much, while the kids don't even get a fifth of the cash even though they're dependents? That Baywatch money was way to kind to her. And remind us not to anger Mrs. Juice* too much.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Miley Cyrus is writing her autobiography

That MIley Cyrus sure is branching out, moving from a teen pop star and teen actor to a teen writer. Ok! says the ubiquitous 15-year-old has decided to write an autobiography.

Well, not all by her lonesome, of course. Much like her music and acting career, she's going to be relying on a ghost writer to put all one-and-a-half sassy decades in print. It's all part of a "very hush-hush" multimillion-dollar deal with Disney books, an insider says.

"The plan is to move her away from Hanna Montana. She's outgrown it," the source tells the mag.

Outgrown it? The show has only been on since 2006! Did Gary Coleman outgrow Diff'rent Strokes after two years? Did Michael J. Fox outgrow Family Ties after two years? Did Mayim Bialik outgrow Blossom after two years? Sure, they didn't have instahits playing on Top 40 radio or hosting gigs on country music shows, but darn it, they stuck with it!

[Photo: With her older half-sister Brandi, who probably wants her own show, too. Getty Images]

Emma Watson is 18, rich and well-educated

Yesterday we had Harry Potter's Rupert Grint dropping science about starlets, but today we find out Emma Watson, a.k.a. Hermione Granger, just got paid simply for turning 18. The New York Daily News says that since Watson turned legal on Tuesday, she now has access to the $20 million she's pulled together for filming the series since she was 9.

But unlike most celeb parents, Watson's folks made sure she wouldn't blow through her cash like Todd Bridges on a bender. Watson has been given a lesson in money management by Coutts bank, the same institution that manages the Queen of England's riches. She's learned the basics of economics, investing and philanthropy, which gives her a leg up on 99 percent of American taxpayers.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Angie Harmon gets naked in 'Allure' shoot

Once upon a time, Angie Harmon was everywhere, what with marrying then-New York Giants cornerback Jason Sehorn and starring in Law & Order. Then she kinda disappeared for awhile, starring in things that made us wish A.D.A. Abbie Carmichael was back (Agent Cody Banks, anyone?).

But now that she's starring in Women's Murder Club she's got to do something to get that media attention back. How about taking naked photos in Allure? That's what she and a few others did for the mag's May issue.

But it's not about the sex, oh no: "It's about showing the female body in a positive, beautiful way," Harmon told Allure.

She's joined by Gabrielle Union, Zoe McLellan, Ana Ortiz and Jill Scott, who boasts, "Here I am, naked in a magazine at size 16 ... We are all beautiful, each and every one of us." Wait, what was the message here?

Rupert Grint hates mindless L.A. starlets

While Daniel Radcliffe gets all the kudos for the Harry Potter series, let's not forget his sidekick Rupert Grint, who sounds like he's got a decent-sized noodle between his ears. The 19-year-old actor was quoted by Showbiz Spy as saying he won't be moving to L.A., saying Lindsay Lohan is the reason he's changed his mind.

“I met Lindsay last summer and she talked about herself a lot," Grint said. “She said she was going to win an Oscar before she turns 25. I just kept thinking, ‘But you can’t act.’ ” Ouch!

And then young Rupert says something so profound, it has moved us to break our yearlong ban on printing the name Paris Hilton: “I haven’t met Paris and don’t want to either,” he said. “She and Lindsay are the type of girls you need to stay away from.”

With that kind of level-headedness, it's no wonder Grint is winning the attentions of Jessie Cave in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Rob Lowe's nanny sues for sexual harassment

We all know by now that Rob Lowe and his wife Sheryl have come out swinging against former nanny Jessica Gibson, who they claim was falsely accusing him of misconduct of the sexual sort and allegedly tried to extort $1.5 million from the couple with a list of "false terribles." At least that's what the Lowes say. They sued Gibson for defamation, emotional distress and breaking a confidentiality agreement.

Gibson, 24, and her powerhouse lawyer Gloria Allred hit up the Today show to talk about the allegations (see video above). Gibson has counterfiled a lawsuit saying the 44-year-old "placed his hand" inside her pants several times in the last three years, groping her glutes without her consent. Wife Sheryl also had a habit of walking around the house naked, making nasty comments about the couple's sex life, the suit says. So why not just run for it?

"I love the children. I needed the job," Gibson told Meredith Viera. "I thought it would get better, and I was scared." That's about all Jess said, though, as Allred was in full shark mode and barely let her say a word. It'll be an interesting court case, to be sure, but don't forget the Lowes have sued two other household workers, as well.

Jason Beghe doesn't like Scientology anymore

Warning: Video contains profane language.

Jason Beghe isn't exactly a household name, but he is one of those actors who make you think "Oh, that guy" when you tick off his resume: Demi Moore's beau in G.I. Jane, a bunch TV shows like Criminal Minds, CSI and Numb3rs, and even David Duchovny's best man in his wedding to Tea Leoni, But now you can add ex-Scientologist to that mix.

Fox News' Roger Friedman says Beghe, who has been taking church courses since 1994, has made a YouTube video about his experiences now that he's gotten out, claiming, "Scientology is destructive and a rip-off."

The three-minute video (shown above), in which he declares the church "ain't deliverin' what it's promised," is a teaser to a longer video coming soon. Beghe says that he achieved "Operating Thetan Five," a level similar to folks like Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley and John Travolta. But Beghe wasn't too impressed.

"It’s very, very dangerous for your spiritual, psychological, mental, emotional health and evolution," he says on the video. "I think it stunts your evolution. If Scientology is real, then something’s f---ed up."

And blowing cash on courses is a big part of the problem, he adds: "The further up the bridge, the worse you get."

We can't say for certain why Beghe chose now to put Scientology in the crosshairs, but The Juice* will follow up when the full video is released.

UPDATE: For reasons not entirely clear, xenutv1 has had his YouTube profile yanked. Let the conspiracy theories begin.

News flash: Everyone hates Heather Mills

Heather Mills may have been roundly booed by the audience at last weekend's Miss USA pageant, but the producers weren't giving her many cheers, either. The New York Post's Page Six says the ex-Mrs. Paul McCartney almost didn't do the show from Vegas because she got all diva during contract negotiations.

"She flat out refused because of one line," an insider said. "They went back and forth rewriting and finally threatened to pull her from it altogether. She still wouldn't sign it because she wants to get paid if they resell the footage. Her ego is enormous, and it's getting bigger by the minute."

So big, in fact, that the folks who booked her vowed to never again offer her a job. That doesn't bode well for her professed move to States, since Mills said she and daughter Beatrice were moving to L.A. Sources tell Page Six that she's even thinking of hiring Elliot Mintz, former rep for an unnameable heirhead. Look how well that relationship turned out!

[Photo: Getty Images]

We hope Mario Lopez gets it in 'A Chorus Line'

Even at 34, Mario Lopez manages to channel A.C. Slater with those bulging biceps. He’s busy rehearsing for A Chorus Line, in which he plays Zach, the demanding director, as opposed to Zack, his smart-assed cohort on Saved By The Bell. His run starts Tuesday, and will run until Sept. 7, with a couple weeks off in between.

[Photo: Getty Images]

At least Miley Cyrus made more than that dog

Get ready for Sunday's annual "What People Earn" issue of Parade -- or, as we like to call it, the annual "hate your life and the rest of the world" issue.

The big surprise (or is it?) is that cover girl Miley Cyrus raked in $18.2 million, which we hear is a lot of scratch for your average 15-year-old. That's more than Jessica Alba's $9 million and even Katherine Heigl's $11 million.

Making more than Heigl was Leona Helmsley's dog, Trouble, which was a $12 million beneficiary after Helmsley's death. That's also the same amount Ryan Seacrest made, who we're betting does a little more actual work than that pooch.

Other big-ticket celebs featured: Dr. Phil McGraw, with an unbelievable $90 million; Steven Spielberg, who made $110 million; Mariska Hargitay and Carrie Underwood, both with $7 million; Jeff Foxworthy, topping off at $10 million; Mary-Kate Olsen, who managed $17 million; Gisele Bundchen, raking in $33 million; Scarlett Johansson, whose arty projects limited her to $5 million; 50 Cent, who earned $33 million; and the queen bee herself, Oprah Winfrey, who collected a cool $260 million.

Meanwhile, The Juice* is happy to hear it will be double coupon day at Winn-Dixie soon.

Giada De Laurentiis' c-section: Good or bad?

Once again, our resident mommy member adds her two cents: Giada De Laurentiis' va-jay-jay is up for debate over at Celebrity-Babies.com. While some of the mums are miffed at the picture of the perfectly made up new mother, which no real woman looks like in the delivery room (see it here, courtesy of People), the maternal rage is directed at how daughter Jade Marie was delivered via c-section on March 29.

There's lots of c-sections in Hollywood, with the rumor being celebrity moms will only have a kid if they go out through the window instead of the door to prevent any tearing ... you know ... down there.

Christina Aguilera told Hello the reason she asked for a caesarean section: "I didn't want any surprises. Honestly, I didn't want any (vaginal) tearing. I had heard horror stories of women going in and having to have an emergency c-section (anyway). The hardest part was deciding on his birthday. I wanted to leave it up to fate, but at the same time I was ready to be done early!"

Victoria Beckham was dubbed "too Posh to push" by the British tabs when she had her 1999 C-section for her son Brooklyn and is said to have kicked off the trend. She said the kind cuts for her two other children were medically necessary, but she's widely regarded as having had them done to preserve her famously skinny figure. Others on the c-section greatest hits: Angelina Jolie, Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears.

So tell us, Juice*heads, since you had such spirited opinions on Jennifer Lopez's thoughts on breastfeeding, what do you think of all this vagina vanity?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Daniel Radcliffe's 'Equus' coming to Broadway

Are all you Harry Potter fans jealous that stagegoers got to see Daniel Radcliffe in the buff and you did not? First, gross! Second, here's your chance to see him bare it all Stateside.

Reuters says Radcliffe will reprise his role in Equus for a 22-week run on Broadway. That's a bit of a longer stretch than the eight weeks he played the role in London last year. It'll be the first revival of the Peter Shaffer play on Broadway since its 1974 debut (the show ran until 1977).

Joining 18-year-old Danny will be Harry Potter cohort Richard Griffiths, who was in the London show and played Uncle Vernon in the movies. Now that the kids who grow up with Harry are old enough to see this play, we're expecting a lot more scarred psyches in the future.

[Photo: Handout/AP]

Jessica Simpson finding work posing naked

We're happy Jessica Simpson got over her kidney infection and all, so we're starting to wonder when she's going to actually, you know, work again. It seems she's starting by ripping off old covers of men's magazines.

The used-to-be singer is on the cover of next month's Esquire, emulating a March 1965 cover of the same magazine in which actress Virna Lisi is shaving her face. It's part of a multi-page spread showing her sopping wet in a swimsuit and a flesh-colored body stocking, which would have been awesome, were this 2003.

This is what Jess considers generating buzz? She might as well hang a "will work for food" sign around her neck. And while then-Esquire designer George Lois meant it as a boost for women's lib, we're pretty sure it's just the latest in Esquire's inability to develop original ideas.

Your daily troubled starlet update

• Troubled starlet Mischa Barton will plead no contest in her DUI case Thursday, People reports, landing three years of probation, a three-month alcohol education class and a fine of $1,700 — but no jail time. A related marijuana charge will also be dropped.

• Troubled starlet Naomi Campbell has been banned from British Airways after being booted off a flight after a scuffle with a cop, British tabloids said Tuesday. The airline hasn’t confirmed it, and Campbell’s spokeswoman told Reuters, “Naomi has been flying with British Airways for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably.”

• Troubled starlet Lindsay Lohan was sued Monday by her former bodyguard. TMZ says David Kim claims LiLo owes him big bucks for unpaid security detail, including driving her around L.A. He wants $55,000; Lohan’s reps had no comment.

• Troubled starlet Britney Spears might be getting into the furniture business. The New York Post says Spears’ dad, Jamie, is trying to make Brit a spokeswoman job for Danish furniture broker Claus Hjelmbak. Hjelmbak denies this (wouldn’t you?) but the Post says a possible deal has been in the works for two months.

• Troubled starlet Pete Doherty has been jailed for 14 weeks for violating his probation and for using drugs, the BBC says. The porkpie-topped “rocker” apparently missed an appointment with his probation team and was late for another. A spokesman told NME that Doherty might appeal the sentence.

• Troubled starlet Amy Winehouse is not in the news today, which is a shame, because we almost had a Troubled Starlet Yahtzee. But we suspect she’ll pop up on TMZ soon enough, freebasing ground-up hippo tusk or some such nonsense.

Rob Lowe gets crazy with the lawsuits

Okay, let’s see if we can make some sense out of this Rob Lowe extortion story. On Monday the actor posted a cryptic missive on the Huffington Post, in which he says an ex-employee was trying to extort $1.5 million from the Lowe family, or else she would accuse them “of a vicious laundry list of false terribles.”

Then things got really crazy.

On Monday, Rob and wife Sheryl filed separate lawsuits against two former nannies and a former chef — whom he alleges had sex on Lowe’s bed and stole prescription drugs. In all, the Lowes are levying several charges including defamation and violation of confidentiality, and they want millions of dollars in damages.

Let’s take this one suit at a time. According to TMZ and People, the Lowes say ex-nanny Jessica Gibson claimed to have “a personal and intimate relationship (with Lowe)”; that she “bragged” about giving Lowe a massage; that Lowe sexually harassed her; and that Sheryl made “inappropriate comments of a sexual and racial nature” to her. (This all sounds bad, but remember: The Lowes are alleging that Gibson is going around spreading all this stuff, which would be defamatory to the Lowes. Moving on.)

In another suit, the Lowes claim former nanny Laura Boyce spread “malicious lies” about the Lowes and used “intimate and salacious” details of her personal life using “profane and vulgar” language.

Finally, the Lowes sued chef Peter Clements, alleging he had sex on the Lowes’ bed “with third parties”; stole pills from their medicine cabinet; broke security cameras; and overcharged them for food. (Okay, stealing pills is one thing, but overcharging for food? That’s the last straw.) Clements told TMZ the allegations were all news to him.

“Everyone knows we live in a time where public figures are targets,” Lowe wrote in his HuffPo editorial. “Well I won’t go away. No one intimidates my family. ... We will defend ourselves with vigor and without fear.”

(Photo: AP)

Clooney: 'Head writer?

The Writers Guild of America was lampooned last week on South Park, and now they’ve made another powerful enemy: George Clooney. Clooney wanted a credit on the script for Leatherheads, after he claims he basically rewrote much of Rick Reilly and Duncan Brantley’s 17-year-old script. (Side note: Are you sure your want your name attached to that bomb, George? Just checkin’.) Variety says the WGA denied Clooney’s request, and so Clooney protested the only way he knew how: by scaling back his Guild membership to something called “financial core,” which means he’s still technically a member, and can therefore work on WGA-approved productions, but that’s about it. Otherwise, he said he would have quit the Guild entirely. “When your own union doesn’t back what you’ve done, the only honorable thing to do is not participate,” Clooney said. Even more amazing? This whole imbroglio went down before the writers strike last fall, and Clooney chose not to publicize it, because he didn’t want to hurt the Guild’s position. And then they go and do him like this?

(Handout photo)

Shockingly, Dita Von Teese made some porn

Wow, The U.K.'s Sun says new Wonderbra spokesmodel Dita Von Teese (a.k.a. Heather Sweet, a.k.a. ex-Mrs. Marilyn Manson) has a mysterious background in porn. You think? Seriously, it's not like she hung her shingle on being a fetish queen or burlesque performer or anything.

Anyway, the meat of the story is somewhere out there on the InterWebs there's kinky video of Von Teese being spanked and having all-girl orgies with sex toys that would make Jenna Jameson blush. The 35-year-old has been plying her burlesque shows as performance art for years -- which is really up to you to decide, dear readers -- and has been very outspoken in defending it.

The Sun posits that this will ruin her new gig with the lingerie company, but is there a woman on this earth who didn't think Dita's announced line of undergarments wasn't backed by a girl with a dark past?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Angelina Jolie acted like a 16-year-old model

There's really no debate these days about Angelina Jolie's near-regal bearing, saving the world one child at a time as she is. But once upon a time she was a pouty lipped 16-year-old trying to make it modeling, and that qualifies as a sex scandal, according to InTouch Weekly.

The cover of the latest ish shouts "what she said during the shoot was even more shocking" -- except all she said to photographer Sean McCall and crew (as shown in this video) was that she liked fencing, boxing and collecting weapons. Whoop. As for the photos, they merely show Angie wearing bikinis and odd bodysuits, and really are nothing to write home about, save bragging rights that you're a creep who ogles 16-year-old girls.

After Jolie made Gia, which is full of nudity and lesbian liasons, she pretty much made sure there was nothing else left for her to try on film. That must be what that vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood and the makeout session with her brother were about.

Harrison Ford slimed at Kids' Choice Awards

Harrison Ford is a beloved geezer, but he was still slimed during Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards Saturday night. All in all, this is much, much cleaner than the one a couple of years ago. You know, the one where Lindsay Lohan revealed to the audience of tweens her preference for going without panties? We’ll take Harrison any day. Although, how many kids out there in Juice*land actually remember the origin of green slime? We haven't seen an episode of You Can't Do That on Television in years.

[Photo: Getty Images]
 

Some guy can't stop stalking Tyra Banks

Tyra Banks is so popular these days she actually rates her very own stalker. The AP says Brady Green, of Dublin, Ga., was arrested after showing up at the March 18 taping of The Tyra Banks Show and asking to speak with the main event. He's been ordered to stay away or face jail time.

What's wrong with asking for a chat? Well, Green has been following Tyra from L.A. to New York since January, sending her flowers and asking for a little face time. He's also been calling and generally being a nuisance, leading the 34-year-old talk-show and reality TV host to file a complaint.

He was arraigned on charges of stalking, criminal trespass and harassment last week. He has to return to court on May 13, but faces up to a year in jail if he keeps his shenanigans up. We think Mr. and Ms. Jay from America's Next Top Model should take care of business.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Priscilla Presley has an injection horror story

Have you been wondering what's up with Priscilla Presley's face on ABC's Dancing With the Stars? It's not just that she's had cosmetic surgery, it's that she's had bad cosmetic surgery.

TMZ says Presley and a bunch of other Hollywood peeps are the victims of a scam by one Dr. Daniel Serrano, stemming from injections he gave them starting around 2003. Argentinian Serrano claimed to have an injectable treatment that would work better than Botox.

Problem was, he was actually shooting them with "industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina," the site says. It caused paralysis, lumps and even holes in people's faces.

The doctor wasn't even licensed to practice medicine in the U.S., making him quite the target for the FBI. He was indicted and convicted for smuggling drugs and the conspiracy and use of unapproved drugs, earning him the nickname Dr. Jiffy Lube.

Several women (and even some men), would have Serrano over to shove needles in their faces for up to $500 a hit. Larry King's wife Shawn and Diane Richie, Lionel's now ex-wife, had such parties. Shawn says she developed a lump in her lip that made it tough to talk or drink. Diane, on the other hand, was indicted as an accomplice but pleaded out for probation.

Presley, meanwhile, will be getting corrective work, TMZ says, but we'll still have to wince whenever DWTS does a closeup.

[Photo: While partner Louis Van Amstel is animated, Priscilla has been stone-faced on DWTS. ABC]

J.K. Rowling says she thought about suicide

Who knew crippling, suicidal depression was the creative spark J.K. Rowling needed to create a multi-billion-dollar empire?

The 42-year-old author recently opened up to a Edinburgh University student magazine, the BBC reports, detailing the dark period in her life before starting the Harry Potter series. She said she contemplated suicide in the early '90s after being separated from her first husband, Jorge Arantes.

"We're talking suicidal thoughts here, we're not talking 'I'm a little bit miserable," Rowling told 22-year-old student Adeel Amini. "Mid-twenties life circumstances were poor and I really plummeted."

Rowling said she had to ask friends to help pay the security deposit on her apartment -- the same one where she would begin writing Harry's adventures.

"The thing that made me go for help was probably my daughter (Jessica)," Rowling said. "She was something that earthed me, grounded me, and I thought, this isn't right, this can't be right, she cannot grow up with me in this state."

Happily, J.K. found a therapist and was able to go on to buy and sell whatever emotions she wants.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Winona Ryder might've been trying to shoplift

Has it really been six years since Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting from Sak's in Beverly Hills? Old habits die hard, it seems, as the 36-year-old actress was busted again, this time at a Hollywood drug store, the National Enquirer reports.

Ryder had finished making several purchases when the security alarm sounded as she was leaving.

"When a security guard stopped her, he found make-up she had not paid for," a store employee told the rag. When t