Don't honk at an old lady asleep at the corner

Because this is what will happen to you and your fancy Mercedes.

It's one of those slow news days ...

Boy, does El Gato Jugo* need to get with these two.

Kermit the Frog depresses us all to death

We realize we're only talking to a small portion of The Juice* audience here, but Wes Anderson fans will appreciate the depressing subtext of Kermit the Frog attempting suicide in this video of the Muppet singing Elliot Smith's Needle in the Hay. You may remember it as Owen Wilson's character Richie attempting suicide in The Royal Tenenbaums (watch that here for comparison), but this is way more disturbing.

Warning: This is seriously just for Wes Anderson fans. We're talking humor at its driest, okay?

(via Best Week Ever)

The Gospel According to the Ewoks

This is geeky beyond all belief, but there are two things: A) Billy Dee Williams makes an awesome appearance at about 1:30, and B) it's been 25 years since Return of the Jedi?

What's Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

This guy knows.

Shhh! We won't tell you this is a big joke ...

You seen these before. Put your headphones on and turn the volume way up. Yes, we're bored.

Finally, a truthful college recruitment video

This strikes a little too close to home for most of us. (If you're at work, mind the f-note about 2/3 of the way in.)

This little guy looks like our cubicle mate ...

... especially when he checks to see if he's been caught.

Did 'Gilligan's Planet' really happen?

We could look this one up, but we prefer to think it's some kind of mass hallucination via YouTube. And the answer is still Mary Ann.

Who remembers this stylish and versatile vest?

Surely one or two of you had one.

Snoop Dogg is huge over in Germany, too

Snoop Dogg has found that laughter is best when it's directed at you, so it's good to see he's given up tha gangsta for some hilarity. Here, in this promo for ... uh ... something German (we hear rumors it's for the Bild newspaper), he dresses and sings like Deutscher folk singer Roy Black and gives some young dork reasons to live.

It's Music Monday!: Vampire Weekend

This weekend's repeat of Saturday Night Live reminded us if you haven't checked out this band, you should -- especially because all of their songs are about two minutes long. Here's their first video from a ways back for Mansard Roof.

For all you LOLCat-lovin' cube slaves out there

This one's for you. Have a good weekend.

Beware the dangers of working in the media

Yes, yes, we all know the media is populated by scumbags -- vicious Morlocks who deserve whatever's coming to them. But even The Juice* can laugh at the misfortunes befalling these TV hacks.

Thanks, Adam.

'Super Mario Brothers' played by an RC car

As El Diablo says (thanks, btw), we would kill for this kind of mindless free time.

Won't you please help save McLovin?

So tragic ...

Tay Zonday Rick Rolls the world

Wow, we forgot this happened.

Some mascot bloopers to end your week

It's April, which means the NBA playoffs will soon start and run until August. So let's see who's really providing the entertainment, shal we?

Tiny Japanese girl is a one-woman band

Keep watching as this girl plays Carry On My Wayward Son. All of it. By herself. And we're elated when we're able to balance our checkbooks ...

Thanks, Matador.

Who remembers 'Good Morning, Miss Bliss'?

We've already had one Saved By The Bell reference today, so let's take the wayback machine just a little further and get back to the gang's roots ...

Here's the best reason why you should recycle

Ad wizards finally figure out how to get lazy men to sort their trash ...

Find more videos like this on AdGabber

A dancing Optimus Prime battles boredom

And that's all we can say on a slow day.

Optimus’ Evolution of Dance- Amazing animation
by aniboom

We must give thanks to Maury Povich ...

... for providing stuff like this:

And a Happy April Fool's Day to you all

We're too busy LOLing to tell you ...

He's got mad Web design skillz, ya heard?

This is kinda geeky, but there are enough Juice*heads out there who do this for a living to appreciate it ...

We have no idea why this is funny ...

... so please tell us, because we CAN'T. STOP. WATCHING.

I'm off today, so here's something to watch

I'm off enjoying the weather somewhere in the Sunshine State, so while you're waiting for young Jay Cridlin to post a couple things, here's the pilot for Heat Vision and Jack.

What will life be like in the year 2008?

You know how we all thought we'd be in flying cars and have tracking chips embedded in our skulls by now? Let's take a look back to November 1968, courtesy of Mechanix Illustrated, to see what life in 2008 was supposed to be like:

Read the whole thing here.

Not all of it is right, of course, especially that part about heart disease being eradicated (have you eaten at Five Guys yet?!?), but the part about paperless banking, electronic shopping and giant televisions is kinda creepy.

Thanks, T-Bone.

Line Rider is time-wasting at its best

There are a million Line Rider videos out there, but never one so detailed. And set to the theme from Kevin Costner's Robin Hood. That reminds us, whatever happened to Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio?

Thanks again to Matthew of Locksley.

No, really, that's not Michael Jackson ...

... or Britney Spears ...

Even Space Invaders are people, too

Live and let live, we always say. Well, as long as we can laugh about it.

Thanks, El Diablo.

10 Things I Hate About Commandments

Easter is just around the corner, so here's something Biblical for all those people taking Friday off (okay, so it's a few years off message). Mind the minor blasphemy near the end.

Thanks, Langley.

Take this test and realize you know nothing

Watch this British PSA and feel dumbfounded. Wait, what are we looking for?

Thanks, Pivo Lover.

'Cyanide & Happiness' offers a quick laugh

We love pointless Web comics, so check out Cyanide & Happiness:

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Muppets

The extended Juice* collective is made up of more than a few Irishers, so if we can laugh at this, so can you. Slainte!

You don't have to convince us BBQ is an art

The Juice* is shoving off this weekend for a couple days of baseball and barbecue, and this redneck fingerpainting is more than enough to get us rarin' to go.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in 'Juno'

Here we go getting political again. If only it were this easy.

David Letterman Top 10 Eliot Spitzer jokes

Boy, politicians certainly have a leg up on celebrites these days ...

Apparently any idiot can make a (viral) video

This is making the rounds, so now we all know who to call when our videos need spiffing up.

If John Hughes made 'Ferris Bueller' a thriller

The opening to Star Wars, 1960s-style

Sure, sure, some of you say; this has been around a couple days:

But we're only showing you this so you can compare it to the remastered deluxe edition:

Jason Bourne meets Where's Waldo in ...

A monkey riding a goat on a tightrope

That's all. And it's awesome. In Chinese, no less!

Brighten your day with a bit of FAIL

On such a slow "news" day, we find a dry sense of humor helps to keep the day moving. In that vein, we submit the Fail Blog. Because we all know what it feels like to do something stupid. Or at least laugh at stupid things other people do.

Viral video: This kid thinks he got an Xbox

We have no idea how things get popular on the Internet, but here's this video of a kid who thinks his folks got him an Xbox 360 for Christmas. Guess what?

The YouTube video says he actually did, but sniffed out his presents before the big day so they played a trick on him. Engadget has gone so far as to say they would give him one if the kid got ahold of them. Is it that easy? We need somebody taping us opening a 60" LCD only to realize it's actually a bunch of socks.

Thanks, DC.

Even more Filipino prison inmates dancing ...

It's no Thriller, but there's somethign poetic about prisoners dancing to U Can't Touch This.

Too much time + coordination = Can Toss 2

The sequel to the original Can Toss.

'Garfield' really is funnier without Garfield

Have you ever read the latest from Jim Davis and thought, 'Man this sucks'? Try the blog Garfield Minus Garfield, which shows just how deep into dementia Jon Arbuckle would sink without his famous fat cat keeping things going.

Thanks, Lamberto.

Jimmy Kimmel strikes back ... with Ben Affleck

Too bad most of you didn't watch the 80th running of Oscars (since it was the worst-rated ceremony in about 80 tries), because Jimmy Kimmel got his revenge against Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon right after the show. And yes, we're late with this, but we were still sleeping off that boredom hangover.

Is this part of Nicolas Cage's disputed tax bill?

In honor of Nic's troubles with the IRS, we present you with this old Japanese commercial of the actor shilling for a company that makes pachinko machines.

Never heard of pachinko? Imagine a cross between slot machines, pinball and those annoying puzzle games where you have to get a ball bearing into a divot in the middle of a maze. Then fill the room with cigarette smoke, cheap booze and shame.

Robert De Niro shows Elmo how to fake it

We need to wash that Gene Simmons image out of our head. This is strange enough to help.

Four-year-old Korean kid sings the Beatles

Hero Imago, who was born in September 2003 and has never been to an English-speaking country, fits our criteria for a Daily Time Waster slot quite nicely. Here he is on a Korean talent show earlier this month.

Close your Facebook browser and watch this

Yeah, we play it, too. But now that Hasbro's angry, for how long?

Boy, does this feel familiar or what?

And as we come to the end of another week, this pointless clip of ducks on an escalator encapsulates the rat race better than any rat ever could. At least we get a couple days off, right?

For your consideration: 'There Will Be Bell'

Depression is the thing at this year's Oscars, so here's to hoping this mashup of There Will Be Blood and Saved By The Bell gets recognized for something.

Finally, a Valentine's Day gift that makes sense

It's just around the corner, ladies ...

Take the 10-second IQ test, if you dare

This will annoy you, especially if you focus on the awful misspellings at the end.

Here's another singing dog to start the week

There's a reason we call it the daily time waster, folks ...

Singing_dog - Watch today’s top amazing videos here

Lawrence Welk goes one toke over the line

From the way back machine: Here's proof that just because a song has the phrase "sweet Jesus" in it, that's no proof it's a "modern spiritual." Happy Friday, everyone!

What's wrong with these freakin' people?

The Juice* hates heights, for all you supervillains looking to expose our weaknesses. That's why this idiocy makes our palms sweaty just thinking about it.

http://view.break.com/446613 - Watch more free videos

Now this is what you call performance art

If you've ever been to Grand Central, you know how unreal this experiment by Improv Everywhere would seem. Even if you haven't been to Grand Central, you can well imagine anyway.

Thanks, JK.

Goofy German technopop is hilariously sad

What's the point of being aware of other cultures when you can't make fun of them? We wanted to poke fun at German popsters Deichkind, but as they rip on American infomercials and fad diets with Ich Betaube Mich ("I numb myself"), we started to wonder if they don't have a point of some sort. In fact, this might just become The Juice* theme song.

American Gladiators: The rejected auditions

Okay, okay, one more video: This time, we look at who wanted to be on American Gladiators, but didn't make the cut.

Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon? Who knew?

There may be a reason why Jimmy Kimmel rarely invites his longtime girlfriend Sarah Silverman on his late-night show, and this video from last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live (featuring Matt Damon, obviously none too happy he keeps getting bumped off Jimmy's show) is pretty clear about what that reason is. (This is ever-so-slightly NSFW, but hey, the FCC let it ride on TV.)

Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl commercial

We're so glad to be a part of a generation that genuinely considers TV commercials to be entertainment. It helps that by our late 20s, we're so desensitized to advertising that we can't even tell you for sure what was being sold here.

In any case, here's a look at Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl commercial for ... uh ... something or other. Sorry if we spoiled it for you, but that's the risk you run clicking on The Juice*.

Viral Video: Eyes have it for Dramatic Lemur

You've seen the Dramatic Chipmunk, but are you ready for the Dramatic Lemur? This is best viewed with headphones on, btw.

Heath Ledger's new 'Dark Knight' trailer

We're getting a late start today, but thanks to the enterprising work of bootleggers who actually paid money to see I Am Legend in Imax over the weekend, we have the new six-minute trailer for The Dark Knight, featuring Heath Ledger as the Joker. Hold on to your seats, because the low quality makes it pretty hard to see, no matter how cool it looks.

Test your compatability on Facebook today

Who needs eHarmony when we have Facebook?

Thanks, Walter Davis.

This will make you feel pretty dumb

And to think, she's probably not even considered a gifted student in China.

Oooo, Jerry O'Connell really calls out Cruise

Somehow we think this spoof of the infamous Tom Cruise video, performed by Jerry O'Connell, would be funnier if it were performed by someone with a bigger name, but it's not too bad if you were a fan of Stand By Me or Sliders.

Viral video: Bill Clinton asleep on the reel

We generally don't like to get too political on The Juice* (you guys apparently have enough reason to hate us), but this video of Bill Clinton falling asleep during a speech at a church on MLK Day is priceless time-wasting.

And you thought Muscovies were tough

It's Monday, so to get you through the week we show exhibit A that you can win if you don't give up.

Tom Cruise recruits Will Smith to Scientology

Well, maybe. And if he did, this may be what it looked like.

Thanks, Lisa S.

Never forget Speak's business ... yeah, c'mon

We open up the vaults to remember this 2003 ditty by Speak, the Hungarian rapper who raps (?) in English (?) ...

Thanks, Lamberto.

Viral video: That crazy Corey Worthington

We thought this one, about an Australian kid who apparently throws the most-epic, all-city rage of all time, was going to fade out. But oh no. There's t-shirts of this guy, people. T-shirts! And remember, he's not taking off those famous glasses for anyone.

Tom Cruise Scientology video causes ruckus

While Andrew Morton's unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise hits stands, a video clip of the actor ranting about his passion for Scientology making the rounds on the Internet has been removed from practically every source after the Church of Scientology made copyright claims.

Sites like Gawker and the Huffington Post (and The Juice*, natch) linked to the video, a recruitment tool showing Cruise speaking passionately about Scientology that was shown when he was awarded the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in 2004.

“Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them,” Cruise says, while talking about KSW, a “policy letter” that is an abbreviation of “Keeping Scientology Working.”

He also goes on to say "SPs" (which is a Suppressive Person, an "antisocial personality" destructive to Scientology) don't dare approach him and praises the “privilege” of being a Scientologist: “It’s something that you have to earn because a Scientologist ... has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions.”

The recruitment angle comes on strong at the end, with Cruise stating, “I need more help; Get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.”

With a view of the globe and the number 1,037,361,227 flashing onscreen, a voiceover then declares: “A Scientologist can be defined by a single question: Would you want others to achieve the knowledge you now have in answering that question. Tom Cruise has introduced LRH technology to over 1 billion people of Earth — and that’s only the first wave he’s unleashed.”

Let’s get one thing straight here: It’s not that The Juice* is anti-Scientology, or even anti-Cruise (except for the endings of Minority Report and The Last Samurai; we can deal with how they changed The Firm). But we will mock the video’s use of the Mission: Impossible music.

UPDATE: And here's a little more from that night that's popped up:

While we're waiting for Britney's hearing

Sure, her custody hearing is later today -- we can't wait for that one -- but we've got video of her and that ridiculous British accent to tide you over until then.

Exhibit A of what's wrong with kids today

They can't even keep their celebrities straight, as is shown in this outtake from an interview John Cusack was giving USC Trojan Vision's Take 5. But in trademark Cusack fashion, he manages to seem affable even when being blatanly offended by an ignoramus.

Time to 'Crank That' in the acoustic sense

Bet y'all can't wait for Soulja Boy and Chris Brown, so get ready for it with this take on Crank That.

Take a few seconds to fool your ears

Follow the directions and drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

Maybe Maggie needs some Breathe Right strips

After yesterday's raucous gossip day, it's fairly slow. So here's a snoring Shih Tzu.

We've heard that herding cats is tough ...

... but herding ducks seems relatively easy.

Tetris is made out of people! PEOPLE!

Boy, we could sure use a break from the Britpocalypse. Luckily some folks had plenty of time on their hands and made this, which is sure to make any child of the late '80s smile.