Don't honk at an old lady asleep at the corner
Because this is what will happen to you and your fancy Mercedes.
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Because this is what will happen to you and your fancy Mercedes.
Boy, does El Gato Jugo* need to get with these two.
We realize we're only talking to a small portion of The Juice* audience here, but Wes Anderson fans will appreciate the depressing subtext of Kermit the Frog attempting suicide in this video of the Muppet singing Elliot Smith's Needle in the Hay. You may remember it as Owen Wilson's character Richie attempting suicide in The Royal Tenenbaums (watch that here for comparison), but this is way more disturbing.
Warning: This is seriously just for Wes Anderson fans. We're talking humor at its driest, okay?
(via Best Week Ever)
This is geeky beyond all belief, but there are two things: A) Billy Dee Williams makes an awesome appearance at about 1:30, and B) it's been 25 years since Return of the Jedi?
This guy knows.
You seen these before. Put your headphones on and turn the volume way up. Yes, we're bored.
This strikes a little too close to home for most of us. (If you're at work, mind the f-note about 2/3 of the way in.)
... especially when he checks to see if he's been caught.
We could look this one up, but we prefer to think it's some kind of mass hallucination via YouTube. And the answer is still Mary Ann.
Surely one or two of you had one.
Snoop Dogg has found that laughter is best when it's directed at you, so it's good to see he's given up tha gangsta for some hilarity. Here, in this promo for ... uh ... something German (we hear rumors it's for the Bild newspaper), he dresses and sings like Deutscher folk singer Roy Black and gives some young dork reasons to live.
This weekend's repeat of Saturday Night Live reminded us if you haven't checked out this band, you should -- especially because all of their songs are about two minutes long. Here's their first video from a ways back for Mansard Roof.
This one's for you. Have a good weekend.
Yes, yes, we all know the media is populated by scumbags -- vicious Morlocks who deserve whatever's coming to them. But even The Juice* can laugh at the misfortunes befalling these TV hacks.
Thanks, Adam.
As El Diablo says (thanks, btw), we would kill for this kind of mindless free time.
So tragic ...
Wow, we forgot this happened.
It's April, which means the NBA playoffs will soon start and run until August. So let's see who's really providing the entertainment, shal we?
Keep watching as this girl plays Carry On My Wayward Son. All of it. By herself. And we're elated when we're able to balance our checkbooks ...
Thanks, Matador.
We've already had one Saved By The Bell reference today, so let's take the wayback machine just a little further and get back to the gang's roots ...
Ad wizards finally figure out how to get lazy men to sort their trash ...
And that's all we can say on a slow day.
... for providing stuff like this:
We're too busy LOLing to tell you ...
This is kinda geeky, but there are enough Juice*heads out there who do this for a living to appreciate it ...
... so please tell us, because we CAN'T. STOP. WATCHING.
I'm off enjoying the weather somewhere in the Sunshine State, so while you're waiting for young Jay Cridlin to post a couple things, here's the pilot for Heat Vision and Jack.
You know how we all thought we'd be in flying cars and have tracking chips embedded in our skulls by now? Let's take a look back to November 1968, courtesy of Mechanix Illustrated, to see what life in 2008 was supposed to be like:
Read the whole thing here.
Not all of it is right, of course, especially that part about heart disease being eradicated (have you eaten at Five Guys yet?!?), but the part about paperless banking, electronic shopping and giant televisions is kinda creepy.
Thanks, T-Bone.
There are a million Line Rider videos out there, but never one so detailed. And set to the theme from Kevin Costner's Robin Hood. That reminds us, whatever happened to Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio?
Thanks again to Matthew of Locksley.
... or Britney Spears ...
Live and let live, we always say. Well, as long as we can laugh about it.
Thanks, El Diablo.
Easter is just around the corner, so here's something Biblical for all those people taking Friday off (okay, so it's a few years off message). Mind the minor blasphemy near the end.
Thanks, Langley.
Watch this British PSA and feel dumbfounded. Wait, what are we looking for?
Thanks, Pivo Lover.
We love pointless Web comics, so check out Cyanide & Happiness:
The extended Juice* collective is made up of more than a few Irishers, so if we can laugh at this, so can you. Slainte!
The Juice* is shoving off this weekend for a couple days of baseball and barbecue, and this redneck fingerpainting is more than enough to get us rarin' to go.
Here we go getting political again. If only it were this easy.
Boy, politicians certainly have a leg up on celebrites these days ...
This is making the rounds, so now we all know who to call when our videos need spiffing up.
Sure, sure, some of you say; this has been around a couple days:
But we're only showing you this so you can compare it to the remastered deluxe edition:
That's all. And it's awesome. In Chinese, no less!
On such a slow "news" day, we find a dry sense of humor helps to keep the day moving. In that vein, we submit the Fail Blog. Because we all know what it feels like to do something stupid. Or at least laugh at stupid things other people do.
We have no idea how things get popular on the Internet, but here's this video of a kid who thinks his folks got him an Xbox 360 for Christmas. Guess what?
The YouTube video says he actually did, but sniffed out his presents before the big day so they played a trick on him. Engadget has gone so far as to say they would give him one if the kid got ahold of them. Is it that easy? We need somebody taping us opening a 60" LCD only to realize it's actually a bunch of socks.
Thanks, DC.
It's no Thriller, but there's somethign poetic about prisoners dancing to U Can't Touch This.
The sequel to the original Can Toss.
Have you ever read the latest from Jim Davis and thought, 'Man this sucks'? Try the blog Garfield Minus Garfield, which shows just how deep into dementia Jon Arbuckle would sink without his famous fat cat keeping things going.
Thanks, Lamberto.
Too bad most of you didn't watch the 80th running of Oscars (since it was the worst-rated ceremony in about 80 tries), because Jimmy Kimmel got his revenge against Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon right after the show. And yes, we're late with this, but we were still sleeping off that boredom hangover.
In honor of Nic's troubles with the IRS, we present you with this old Japanese commercial of the actor shilling for a company that makes pachinko machines.
Never heard of pachinko? Imagine a cross between slot machines, pinball and those annoying puzzle games where you have to get a ball bearing into a divot in the middle of a maze. Then fill the room with cigarette smoke, cheap booze and shame.
We need to wash that Gene Simmons image out of our head. This is strange enough to help.
Hero Imago, who was born in September 2003 and has never been to an English-speaking country, fits our criteria for a Daily Time Waster slot quite nicely. Here he is on a Korean talent show earlier this month.
Yeah, we play it, too. But now that Hasbro's angry, for how long?
And as we come to the end of another week, this pointless clip of ducks on an escalator encapsulates the rat race better than any rat ever could. At least we get a couple days off, right?
Depression is the thing at this year's Oscars, so here's to hoping this mashup of There Will Be Blood and Saved By The Bell gets recognized for something.
It's just around the corner, ladies ...
This will annoy you, especially if you focus on the awful misspellings at the end.
There's a reason we call it the daily time waster, folks ...
From the way back machine: Here's proof that just because a song has the phrase "sweet Jesus" in it, that's no proof it's a "modern spiritual." Happy Friday, everyone!
The Juice* hates heights, for all you supervillains looking to expose our weaknesses. That's why this idiocy makes our palms sweaty just thinking about it.
http://view.break.com/446613 - Watch more free videos
If you've ever been to Grand Central, you know how unreal this experiment by Improv Everywhere would seem. Even if you haven't been to Grand Central, you can well imagine anyway.
Thanks, JK.
What's the point of being aware of other cultures when you can't make fun of them? We wanted to poke fun at German popsters Deichkind, but as they rip on American infomercials and fad diets with Ich Betaube Mich ("I numb myself"), we started to wonder if they don't have a point of some sort. In fact, this might just become The Juice* theme song.
Okay, okay, one more video: This time, we look at who wanted to be on American Gladiators, but didn't make the cut.
There may be a reason why Jimmy Kimmel rarely invites his longtime girlfriend Sarah Silverman on his late-night show, and this video from last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live (featuring Matt Damon, obviously none too happy he keeps getting bumped off Jimmy's show) is pretty clear about what that reason is. (This is ever-so-slightly NSFW, but hey, the FCC let it ride on TV.)
We're so glad to be a part of a generation that genuinely considers TV commercials to be entertainment. It helps that by our late 20s, we're so desensitized to advertising that we can't even tell you for sure what was being sold here.
In any case, here's a look at Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl commercial for ... uh ... something or other. Sorry if we spoiled it for you, but that's the risk you run clicking on The Juice*.
You've seen the Dramatic Chipmunk, but are you ready for the Dramatic Lemur? This is best viewed with headphones on, btw.
We're getting a late start today, but thanks to the enterprising work of bootleggers who actually paid money to see I Am Legend in Imax over the weekend, we have the new six-minute trailer for The Dark Knight, featuring Heath Ledger as the Joker. Hold on to your seats, because the low quality makes it pretty hard to see, no matter how cool it looks.
Who needs eHarmony when we have Facebook?
Thanks, Walter Davis.
And to think, she's probably not even considered a gifted student in China.
Somehow we think this spoof of the infamous Tom Cruise video, performed by Jerry O'Connell, would be funnier if it were performed by someone with a bigger name, but it's not too bad if you were a fan of Stand By Me or Sliders.
We generally don't like to get too political on The Juice* (you guys apparently have enough reason to hate us), but this video of Bill Clinton falling asleep during a speech at a church on MLK Day is priceless time-wasting.
It's Monday, so to get you through the week we show exhibit A that you can win if you don't give up.
Well, maybe. And if he did, this may be what it looked like.
Thanks, Lisa S.
We open up the vaults to remember this 2003 ditty by Speak, the Hungarian rapper who raps (?) in English (?) ...
Thanks, Lamberto.
We thought this one, about an Australian kid who apparently throws the most-epic, all-city rage of all time, was going to fade out. But oh no. There's t-shirts of this guy, people. T-shirts! And remember, he's not taking off those famous glasses for anyone.
While Andrew Morton's unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise hits stands, a video clip of the actor ranting about his passion for Scientology making the rounds on the Internet has been removed from practically every source after the Church of Scientology made copyright claims.
Sites like Gawker and the Huffington Post (and The Juice*, natch) linked to the video, a recruitment tool showing Cruise speaking passionately about Scientology that was shown when he was awarded the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in 2004.
“Being a Scientologist, you look at someone and know absolutely that you can help them,” Cruise says, while talking about KSW, a “policy letter” that is an abbreviation of “Keeping Scientology Working.”
He also goes on to say "SPs" (which is a Suppressive Person, an "antisocial personality" destructive to Scientology) don't dare approach him and praises the “privilege” of being a Scientologist: “It’s something that you have to earn because a Scientologist ... has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions.”
The recruitment angle comes on strong at the end, with Cruise stating, “I need more help; Get those spectators either in the playing field or out of the arena. Really, that’s how I feel about it.”
With a view of the globe and the number 1,037,361,227 flashing onscreen, a voiceover then declares: “A Scientologist can be defined by a single question: Would you want others to achieve the knowledge you now have in answering that question. Tom Cruise has introduced LRH technology to over 1 billion people of Earth — and that’s only the first wave he’s unleashed.”
Let’s get one thing straight here: It’s not that The Juice* is anti-Scientology, or even anti-Cruise (except for the endings of Minority Report and The Last Samurai; we can deal with how they changed The Firm). But we will mock the video’s use of the Mission: Impossible music.
UPDATE: And here's a little more from that night that's popped up:
Sure, her custody hearing is later today -- we can't wait for that one -- but we've got video of her and that ridiculous British accent to tide you over until then.
They can't even keep their celebrities straight, as is shown in this outtake from an interview John Cusack was giving USC Trojan Vision's Take 5. But in trademark Cusack fashion, he manages to seem affable even when being blatanly offended by an ignoramus.
Bet y'all can't wait for Soulja Boy and Chris Brown, so get ready for it with this take on Crank That.
Follow the directions and drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.
After yesterday's raucous gossip day, it's fairly slow. So here's a snoring Shih Tzu.
... but herding ducks seems relatively easy.
Boy, we could sure use a break from the Britpocalypse. Luckily some folks had plenty of time on their hands and made this, which is sure to make any child of the late '80s smile.