Michael Jackson might have been gay; Debbie Rowe paid $4M to give up parental rights

Yes, we really tried to avoid Michael Jackson news, so we'll keep this short and sweet -- unlike the plethora of dirt being dug up about everyone who cam within 100 yards of the guy.

That means we're skipping the story from the U.K.'s Sun that says MJ was gay and had an "insatiable" desire for sex with half-Asian men and said things like "the King of Pop is going to lick your lollipop," according to biographer Ian Halperin. Because he's just trying to sell and book and we have some standards, you know.

Meanwhile, the New York Post says that Debbie Rowe has given up parental rights to her kids to Katherine Jackson. The price? Oh, only $4 million. Hey, that's $2 mil apiece for Prince Michael, 12, and Paris, 11.

"It's one final payday," a friend of the family said. "They felt is was like a ransom-type thing. (Rowe) jumped back into the picture because she wanted money."

Rowe had forfeited rights back after the kids were born, allowing MJ to raise them for $8 million, plus five annual payments of $900,000. She also popped up in 2001, when Jacko was accused of molestation, but gave up rights again for $4 million more and a $900,000 home.

At least those kids won't be exploited just for money anymore. Unless the Post's report that Joe Jackson wants to combine them with Prince Michael II to form The Jackson 3 is true, that is. Wow, those kids are in soooo much trouble.

[Photo: Rubber Michael Jackson masks at a plant in Japan. Or in our nightmares. Getty Images]

Russell Brand hosting MTV VMAs again. Wow.

If our goal is to avoid Michael Jackson news, we're failing miserably, because the only other things we have is stuff like MTV announcing Russell Brand will host the VMAs again. Oooo, controversy!

Or maybe not, because even the Brit says he's keeping it clean: "This year will be a controversy-free festival of love and discrete orgasms," he said on MTV.com. LOL, we get it. Oh, you're so tricky, Mr. Brand.

The overscripted yawnfest is slated for Sept. 13 at Radio City Music Hall. We can only hope that MTV breaks out of its corporate drone status long enough to ditch the manufactured stuff and excite us again.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Tony Romo dumps Jessica Simpson right before her birthday

As if Jessica Simpson needed any more reasons to believe her love life is cursed, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo broke up with her late last week, People says, the day before her birthday. Hey, you keep being Joe Cool, Tony; the ladies love that stuff.

"She is heartbroken," a source told People of the Thursday breakup. "She loves Tony. But it's been difficult lately. He's busy with his career and she's getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways."

But did that stop Big T? Heck no, he went to Hollywood's MyHouse the very next night with about 14 pals, the mag says.

"He had quite a few girls stop by his dance floor table," another source dished. "Romo was sipping Grey Goose and having a fun time with the boys."

Meanwhile, Jessica was at home crying her eyes out and wishing Tony was dead, we're guessing. Actually, she had planned a Barbie-and-Ken bash for both of them, but instead Tweeted "Barbie party didn't happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!"

Ouch. We make fun of blondie a lot, but that is just way too cold. We hope Romo develops some kind of fungus on his feet or something as payback.

[Photo: AP]

Ryan Seacrest gets $45 million 'Idol' deal

Stop the presses, because the recession is officially over: Ryan Seacrest has just signed a three-year contract with CKX, the parent company of American Idol producer 19 Entertainment, worth a whopping $45 million. I guess value meals are on him today, huh?

The Hollywood Reporter says that the deal, apparently the biggest ever for a reality host, will keep Seacrest working exclusively for CKX -- on broadcast network TV. He can still keep his agreement with Comcast and his day job as E!'s main anchor, plus continue producing Keeping Up With the Kardashians and a future Jamie Oliver series for ABC.

Really, we don't think he should be allowed to keep working on the Kim Kardashian show, but at least this blockbuster doesn't come close to touching Simon Cowell's reported $100 million per year. You think about the next time you're deciding on the lima beans or the cardboard for dinner at the end of the month.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Amy Winehouse is back in London. So?

Despite previous plans to stay in St. Lucia forever, Amy Winehouse is back in London after a six-month hiatus. That's a lot of time for people to forget about her -- we sure did.

The 25-year-old arrived at Gatwick airport and reportedly burst into tears, the U.K.'s Sun reports. She's in town 10 days ahead of a court appearance on an assault charge for allegedly clawing at a woman at a ball last September.

The report says her complexion has cleared up and she's even gotten a tan, while her spokesman said Wino was "really happy to be back and can't wait to catch up with family and friends."

Also wanting to catch up with her is Island Records, who are apparently not happy with several new songs she recorded in the Caribbean. Not that we'd buy a new album, even it was good.

[Photo: Wino in March. We hear she's dropped the beehive. Getty Images]

Michael Jackson took 10 Xanax a night; his body is being stored in a L.A. crypt for now

Now that the flurry of gushing aggrandizement is over and done, we can get back to being realistic about poor ol' Michael Jackson. First up: his alleged drug use. It seems that MJ had a tendency to down 10 Xanax pills a night, CNN says. Why, whatever could be bothering him?

The network discovered the apparent habit using a 2004 report from the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Department, in which authorities interviewed two of Jackson's former security guards. They were asked questions in preparation for the singer's 2005 trial for molesting a child.

One subject told deputies he told one MJ staffer he was worried about that many pills, to which the person replied, "Jackson was doing better because he was down from 30 to 40 Xanax pills a night."

One guard said he and three other employees would all get prescriptions under their names for Jackson to use, a story corroborated by the other guard, who said he had picked up drugs under other people's names for MJ's use. Their characterization of Jackson: He would often appear "out of it and sedated."

The guard who talked the most told authorities he wasn't comfortable with the drug situation and quit after the King of Pop "fell on his face" and hurt himself in a hotel room. Investigators haven't ruled out homicide in the singer's death, considering how many doctors may have been fueling his alleged drug binges.

Meanwhile, the New York Post reports it has discovered where Michael's brainless body ended up: A marble crypt owned by Motown Records founder Berry Gordy at Forest Lawn Cemetery in the Hollywood Hills. But that's not his final resting place, if the family has anything to say.

While his family argues over his eventual tomb, his corpse rests among the likes of Liberace, Bette Davis, Sandra Dee and Freddie Prinze, who are all interred nearby.

Brother Jermaine and abusive dad Joe want to take the body to Neverland Ranch and open a Graceland-style museum, the Post says, while mom Katherine and most of the other siblings don't want the body there, out of respect for MJ's wishes following his 2005 acquittal.

At least most of them agree that they should take part in a new documentary about the family. Because they would make a reported $20 million from it, the Post says. Ah, family values.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Mariah Carey sorry about Jackson memorial

In case you hadn't heard, Mariah Carey apologized to her fans this week after giving what she thought was a less-than-stellar performance while singing I'll Be There with Trey Lorenz at Michael Jackson's memorial tribute Tuesday in L.A. (watch it again above). So nice of her to put the focus on what's really important -- her.

“Trying to sing today was basically impossible for me. I could barely keep myself from crying," she wrote through multiple posts on her feed, @mariahcarey. "I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to pull it together and really do it right, but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me. One thing I know is, we will never really have to say goodbye to MJ. His legacy lives on through his music and the millions of people. He inspired with his timeless music. He will be forever in our hearts.”

You know what will forever be in our hearts? The fact that she wore a dress with a neckline that plunged to her navel. It's a funeral, not an album release, but you stay classy, Mimi.

Arnold Klein denies giving Michael Jackson drugs, being the father of his children

Michael Jackson's dermatologist, Dr. Arnold Klein, has denied prescribing any sort of drug for the late pop star, or of being the father of his kids. And here we thought we'd get through the whole day without more MJ news.

"All I can tell you is, to the best of my knowledge, I am not the father of these children," Klein said on Good Morning America about those rumors, which first showed up on TMZ. "I can't answer it any other way. I don't want to feed any of this insanity going around."

Speaking of feeding insanity, he also says he had nothing to do with the alleged over-prescribing of drugs by doctors, which may have attributed to Jackson's heart attack.

"I didn't give him this crap they are talking about," Klein said. "I've never prescribed Oxycontin in my life. How am I going to prescribe Diprivan when I don't understand how to use it?"

He also said that he is not one of five doctors supposedly under investigation in California over those allegations.

"I am not even under any examination by the police as one of those individuals," he said. "I have not been examined by anyone. I have not been contacted by the police in Los Angeles."

So that should settle everything, right? Because whatever people say in TV interviews is obviously 100 percent the truth, right? Right?!?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Courtney Love ordered to gain 15 pounds

If you've seen Courtney Love lately, you know she's looking more like Kurt Cobain than herself, thanks to dramatic weight loss that's pushed a doctor to recommend she put on some weight. We've been saying that about famous women for years!

"I know I've got too skinny," she says in Grazia magazine. "I know I need to sort it out. I am going to put on 15 pounds in one month."

The 44-year-old says she was surprised when the mag asked her to step on a scale and she came in at 118 pounds, not good for a 5-foot-10 woman.

"I do not have body dysmorphia. Seriously, I want to get fatter. You know, when I was 192 pounds, I thought I looked hot!" she says. "(My doctor) gave me a massive shot of vitamins and told me to start eating."

Of course, she blames her recent lawsuit against the lawyers handling Cobain's estate, and doesn't sound fully convinced about needing to gain a few pounds.

'I need to start working out again," she says. "It's the stress -- you have no idea what it has been like these last few months. I need to get to the bottom of this fraud, I need answers.'

We have an answer: Try a deep dish pizza once in awhile, and make sure to call your sponsor.

[Photo: Love back in February. Trust us, she's looking much worse now. Getty Images]

Kevin Jonas is engaged to Danielle Deleasa

OMG you guys, we tooootally are late with the news that Kevin Jonas got engaged to his girlfriend Danielle Deleasa. Are we gonna get kicked out of the we-don't-care-about-the-Jonas-Bros. Fan Club?

It seems the 21-year-old singer showed up and his girl's New Jersey home on Wednesday morning and dropped to one knee right then and there, People says. That cushion-cut diamond ring must have been pretty heavy.

"She said yes, yes, yes like 500 times super fast in a row," Kevin told the mag. "It was tough performing last night, knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world," he said, noting he flew into Jersey on an overnight flight from Vancouver, B.C. The pair have been dating since they met in May 2007 while on vacation with their families in the Bahamas. And now they can finally ditch those purity rings.

"It still feels like a dream," 22-year-old Danielle told People. Just wait until Kev gets bitten by that love bug again.

[Photo: Getty Images]