Marion Cotillard thinks 9/11, lunar trips faked

Just when we were warming up to the idea of a foreign actress winning best actress for a movie only in Tampa Bay theaters for about 10 minutes, Marion Cotillard had to open her big yap and say something completely stupid.

The Daily Mail points out the 32-year-old French actress went off about how Sept. 11 and the moon landings were faked in an interview for French show Paris Première — Paris Dernière.

“I think we’re lied to about a number of things,” she said, claiming the U.S. government often makes up stories for political reasons. “We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes. Are they burned? They (sic) was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burnt for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there (in New York), in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed.”

And why make up a story about such a thing? “It (the World Trade Center) was a money-sucker because they were finished, it seems to me, by 1973, and to re-cable all that, to bring up-to-date all the technology and everything, it was a lot more expensive, that work, than destroying them.”

That makes perfect sense, doesn’t? Kill thousands of people, spark economic upheaval and lay the foundation for a protracted land war in exchange for some demolition work? Sure, why not.

But that’s not all. Cotillard has watched enough National Geographic to know the Apollo missions were likely done in a TV studio. “Did a man really walk on the Moon? I saw plenty of documentaries on it, and I really wondered. And in any case I don’t believe all they tell me, that’s for sure.”

The hilarious part of this tripe? She actually said it a year ago, long before getting famous in the States for playing Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose, but the interview was just rebroadcast on a French Web site. Now that people actually listen to her, she may have just found it’ll be harder to get work in the States.

[Photo: Why are the pretty ones always so dumb? Getty Images]

Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt punish us more

Apparently The Juice* and the rest of the blogosphere haven’t ripped on Heidi Montag’s video for Higher enough, because she and Spencer Pratt are laying it on thick when threatening us with — uh, talking about — her new album.

"When people hear what we have in the bank, it’s gonna blow their minds,” Pratt told People. “Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming — they’re gonna sell 10-million plus.” We’ll have to see about that after the drubbing she took on the Internets.

Meanwhile, Montag and Pratt are going to record a follow-up this weekend, with Paul “Coy” Allen at the helm. You’d remember him as the director of Give it to Me, starring Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Nelly Furtado.

But Pratt’s ego knows no bounds, since he’s promised to release an alternate version he’s done on his own. Do your commenting warmup exercises now.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Turns out Tony Parker was right after all

Only now, after the holidays take a quick breather before plunging headfirst into New Year’s, can we relate the latest about Alexandra Paressant, the so-called model who claims basketball star Tony Parker cheated on new wife Eva Longoria with her after meeting at the couple’s wedding.

People’s Dana Kennedy wrote on the Huffington Post that she did some digging and found several holes in Paressant’s story — namely that she made the whole thing up, uses pictures of other models and claims they are of her (including the ones on her MySpace profile, which is now set to private), pretends she is other people and is frankly off her rocker.

Kennedy said that after calling Paressant several times, the woman said she was going public with her “affair” after Parker insisted they have a menage a trois with Paressant’s friend, “model” Ornella Irie. Problem is, when Kennedy called Irie, it was obviously Paressant answering the phone.

Not only that, but she apparently fakes being her own agent, under the name Olivia Ducreu, and photos Paressant says are of herself are actually similar-looking, real models — including German model Hana Nitsche (pictured), who was apparently the one used in pics Paressant sent to X17 claiming to be evidence of an affair.

But had we just paid attention to the French press, the alarm bells would have gone off sooner. Mag SO FOOT has been following the tale of the girl from Le Creusot since she claimed she was marrying soccer god Ronaldinho, saying so on forums and sending out faked photos so much that the gossip mongers started to think it was true. Ronaldinho finally sued her in 2006 for saying the pair were up partying and having wild sex every night during the World Cup, despite the fact they’d never met.

So what lesson have we learned? We all should pay more attention to soccer, of course.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Jamie Lynn Wombwatch: Day 3

News continues to trickle out regarding the stunning up-knocking of 16-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears. Us magazine got in on the fun by checking in on Jamie Spears — who split from Mom of the Year Lynne in 2002 — and he’s apparently not happy. The mag says he’s “furious” that Lynne and Jamie Lynn (couldn’t these people come up with a less confusing name?) sold their story to OK! magazine. “He put his foot down and refused to take any money and 'profit off his children,’ a source said. “Lynne didn’t care.” He also reportedly “feels Jamie Lynn ruined her life.”

Meanwhile, could churchgoing boot-knocker Casey Aldridge be in trouble with the law? The 19-year-old (or 18-year-old, depending on who you believe) babydaddy-to-be could theoretically be charged with “felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile,” Us says, since Jamie Lynn is only 16. No complaints have been filed and there is currently no criminal investigation. (Life & Style says the happy parents to be are actually on the rocks; Access Hollywood, meanwhile, says they wanna get married, like, so freaking bad. The lesson, as always: No one knows anything.)

Finally, in the midst of all this chaos, MSNBC.com decided to get the opinion of the one celebrity we all wanted to hear from in this mess: Ashlee Simpson, herself the troubled little sis of a blonde former teen pop star. Ashlee’s been working on her new album Outta My Head for a year, and was supposed to debut a new video on Wednesday. Unfortunately, Casey Aldridge’s seed got in the way, costing her a shot at the spotlight. “Ashlee can’t believe this happened,” a source tells MSNBC.com. “She’s so disappointed.” Indeed — Ash had already fallen behind Drew Lachey on the fame charts; now she’s being bumped from the front pages by Jamie Lynn? If she wants to get back in the limelight, she’d better get Pete Wentz to knock her up, and fast.

(Photo: Getty Images)

UPDATE: Survivor's lunch lady gets ... served? (Eh, that works)

Consider us shocked — shocked! — to learn that someone might not have been entirely truthful on Survivor. But Massachusetts lunch lady Denise Martin, who finished fourth on Survivor: China, apologized for claiming during Sunday’s series finale that she had been knocked down to the rank of janitor. When the prodigiously bemulleted contestant told folks that the school “didn’t give me my job back,” producer Mark Burnett surprised her with $50,000 worth of cheer-up money. Turns out Martin had actually been promoted, at her own request, to the janitor’s job — which has more benefits and higher pay — in late March, said Nancy Lane, the superintendent of Martin’s school district. “It was not my intention to be misleading,” Martin said, according to the Associated Press. But she was a little squirrelly on whether she’d still take the money and run if it was offered to her. “I had no idea I was going to be awarded that,” she said. “I did not do this for myself, I’ve done this for my family, I’ve done this for my town.” She’s a hero! Hail to the lunch lady, the lunch lady man!

***UPDATE!!!***

Apparently Martin has decided to donate the money to the Elizabeth Glazer Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Good for her.

(Photo: Associated Press)

Reese Witherspoon vs. Vince Vaughn: This is also on!

It just wouldn’t be Friday without a new A-list feud to keep you on your toes this week. The New York Daily News apparently flicked on the Celebrity Feud Generator and pulled out the names Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, who are supposedly fighting on the set of their upcoming movie, Four Christmases. Word is the type-A Reese has blasted Vince for being unprofessional. “Vince rolls onto set in the morning looking like he just came in from a night out, while Reese will arrive early looking camera-ready,” a source says. “Then Reese tries to force Vince into blocking out each scene and running through their lines as Vince tries to convince her that he’s an ad-libber and wants to play around and see where a scene goes.”

(Photos: Getty Images. Photo illustration: Yo.)

'Jackass 2.5': The 'In Rainbows' of movies

The gross-out daredevils of Jackass pulled a new stunt for their sequel: bypassing the movie theater entirely. Jackass 2.5 will be released to the Internet with unreleased footage from Jackass Number Two and new content. “It’s the first broadband movie ever distributed by a major studio,” said Thomas Lesinski, President of Paramount Pictures Digital Entertainment. Blockbuster will offer it for free at www.blockbuster.jackassworld.com from Dec. 19 through Dec. 31. It will go on sale on Dec. 26 on DVD. The film will also be available for download at iTunes, Amazon.com and other sites. It’s exactly the kind of new-media revenue stream that Hollywood writers are striking to get a piece of, except for the fact that Jackass doesn’t require writers, just low IQs.

And no, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you: That is a saucy young lady checking out Steve-O's tush in the photo above. Shudder.

(Photo: AP)

Linda Hogan loved street racing in 2005

Linda Hogan (a.k.a. Linda Bollea) has been very outspoken about the dangers of street racing since her son Nick’s tragic crash in August, which left 22-year-old Marine John Graziano in a coma.

But ABC Action News uncovered a 2005 street-racing DVD called Vehicular Lunatics that shows Linda hasn’t always practiced what she preaches. In an extra called Street Racing with Linda Hogan, the video shows Linda driving a Mercedes S600 with daughter Brooke in the passenger seat, challenging another car to a race.

“Wanna race?” Brooke asks, to which a man in the car responds, “Yeah! We love racing you! On three.” Linda is seen later describing street racing thusly: “Oh, I love it. I love it. The rush, the speed on the road, stereo blasting, heart-pounding, racing in between all the cars, dodging the cops. It’s awesome.” Nick and patriarch Hulk Hogan are also seen on the disc, which was shot all over Florida, including Tampa, St. Pete and Orlando.

This is kind of a big deal, since ABC Action News’ Matthew Schwartz had asked Linda two weeks ago if she had said such a thing, and she denied it, the station's Web site says. Graziano’s family no doubt will be very interested in the DVD as fodder for a possible civil suit.

Two Led Zeppelin tickets: $170,000

All you parents whining about Hannah Montana tickets (see Page 33) should know how lucky you are that your kids aren’t into Led Zeppelin. A Glasgow man on Thursday took the phrase "buying a stairway to heaven" to new extremes by paying $170,000 at a charity auction for a pair of tickets to Led Zep’s one-off reunion gig in London on Dec. 10, the BBC reports. Kenneth Donell also won the right to watch the band rehearse the day before and receive a signed memento. (Unless that memento is a Porsche, he probably got ripped off.) Proceeds benefitted the Children in Need charity.

(Photo: AP)

Guess the dumbest Ricky Martin picture!

Here's a new feature on The Juice* that we like to call, "Which Picture of Ricky Martin Getting A Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame Makes Him Look Like The Biggest Waste Of Pants In History?" We'll give you five choices, and you tell us in the comments which one makes you hate the world the most. Ready? Let's play! Is it ...

1. "The Faux-Broadway Kneel 'N' Belt?"

 

2. "The Skinny-Tie Jesus?"

 

3. "The Horizontal Crotchapult?"

4. "The Livin' La Vida Lowdown?"

 

5. "The Creeping Sweat-Stained Terror-Filled Realization That William Hung's Rendition Of 'She Bangs' Is More Famous Than Mine?"

Cast your vote in the comments!

(Photos: 1, 2, 3 are Getty Images, 4 and 5 are AP) 

LiLo's going brokesies

We were going to ignore this report from the British tab News of the World about Lindsay Lohan going broke ... but then they had to go and use the phrase "massive orgy of booze and drugs," and we were powerless to resist. The News reports (and MSNBC.com seems to agree) that Lindsay's so poor, post-rehab, that she's having to crash in a house owned by billionaire producer Tom Gores. The report quotes a source as saying Linsday "thinks nothing of blowing thousands of dollars on a single night of partying." The tab for one bash, the report states, ran over $1-million. Strange -- who would have thought the star of money mints Georgia Rule and I Know Who Killed Me would ever end up in dire financial straits?

(Photo: AP handout)

Britney blah blah kids blah court blah no undies

What would a day be without Britney Spears drama? On Thursday, Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon gave lawyers for Spears and Kevin Federline more time to discuss the singer’s visitation rights with their children, then ended the hearing without making a ruling on Brit’s request for overnight visits.

The hearing was a result of Spears filing an emergency motion to see Sean and Jayden, who were taken away from her on Oct. 1, the AP reports. The dire situation? Spears’ attorney, Anne Kiley, claimed overnight visits are critical for Spears to bond with her sons, since she can’t do that bonding while sucking down appletinis in Las Vegas.

“I do think it is an emergency for them not to have overnights with their mother, which they’ve always had,” Kiley said. “What possible concern can he (Federline) have if there are monitors present?”

Britney was so concerned, in fact, that she couldn’t even be bothered to attend the hearing (Federline also was absent) until after the commisioner refused to rule. 

K-Fed’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, was unimpressed, saying it was frustrating for Spears to try and bring this back to court so soon.

“If she could remedy all of those problems ... in one week, that would be a miracle,” he said.

One problem she couldn’t remedy is her missing underwear issues. Bratney was photographed sans undies yet again on a shopping trip, with those pics making the rounds on the InterWebs. Please cover your mouth when you yawn.

UPDATE: So, she apparently won overnight visitation rights with her kids. But she still has to be monitored. Woot. We're more interested about when Gordon said, "I understand you have a medical condition" when she didn't take her sunglasses off. What is she, some kind of vampire?

Read the AP story here.

[Photo: AP]

Britney keeps kids, has to be tested for drugs

Well, like its coverage about most things, it looks like FOX News’ report that Britney Spears was losing custody of her children was wrong.

TMZ reports that the judge in the hearing has found that “there is a habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol by (Britney),” and ordered her “to undergo testing for the use of controlled substances and alcohol.” Snap! So much for those nights out on the town.

The testing will be conducted twice a week. Meanwhile, both she and Kevin Federline are forbidden from meting out corporal punishment and must “engage in joint co-parenting counseling.”

The judge also declared they can’t badmouth each other, saying “each party is restrained from making derogatory remarks about the other party and the other party’s family or significant other.”

Also, to keep things clean, “Neither party shall consume alcohol, or other non-prescription controlled substance during or for the 12 hours immediately preceding any period such party is responsible for the health and safety of the minor children.”

Before or after visits is their own business, apparently. But for now, custody remains 50/50, since the judge wouldn’t change it to 70/30 like K-Fed asked. Is that good or bad?

O.J.'s blind rage caught on audio tape

O.J. Simpson apparently never was good at getting rid of evidence, so it’s no suprise that TMZ is posting an audiotape of the scene that allegedly took place in a Las Vegas hotel room, with the Juice (no relation) threatening the men Simpson says stole his sports memorabilia.

O.J. is heard shouting to his henchman, “Don’t let nobody out of here” and doing his best Samuel L. Jackson impression by rhetorically asking “Think you can steal my s--- and sell it?”(Listen to a portion of the tape here.)

The recording was made by Thomas Riccio, co-owner of the auction house Universal Rarities, according to TMZ. Simpson has said Riccio called him several weeks ago to tell him collectors were selling some of his items, the AP reports. Riccio told the site he thought Simpson was going to confront Alfred Beardsley, the man planning to auction off the sports stuff in question.

Another collector in the Palace Station room, Bruce Fromong, said the meeting was supposed to be with customers, but obviously didn’t work out that way.

“The door burst open and they came in almost commando style, O.J. Simpson and some of his people, I guess you would call it, with guns drawn,” Fromong told ABC’s Good Morning America Monday. “O.J. at that time was saying, ‘I want my stuff. I want my stuff.’ The thing in my mind as soon as I saw him, I’m thinking, ‘O.J., how can you be this dumb? You’re in enough trouble.’ ”

He is currently being held without bail because the judge he was arraigned before labeled Simpson a flight risk, but can seek bail during a Wednesday court date.

Meanwhile, we’ll just massage our temples and remember a funnier O.J., as Nordberg in the Naked Gun movies.

[Photo: AP]

We dig the amateur sketch ...

This is an old one but a good one, reminding us all (as we coast into the weekend) to watch out for those leprechauns ...

Britney didn't want to work, has bad ideas

We’re really getting fatigued by all the excuses being trotted out by the Team Britney as to why Sunday’s performance was so bad — everything from her flight was delayed to her stilletto heel broke — but leave it to the New York Post’s Page Six to provide an explanation so plausible, it has to be true.

The tabloid says Spears really was late, scheduled to come in at 1 p.m. Saturday, but after that it was pure China syndrome time.

“She didn’t even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m.,” a source says. “It was ridiculous ... The production people at MTV were freaking out ... Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess.”

But even then, she didn’t head to rehearsals — you know, to work — but instead went to her hotel room to stuff her face and suck down frozen margaritas before wandering down to the stage with a drink in her hand.

“The dance number was spectacular — without her,” a Post source says. “When the stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything. The dancers were supposed to lift and twirl her in the air a few times, and that just wasn’t going to happen. The more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn’t do them.”

Finally, instead of the sleek corseted number MTV had picked for her, Britney decided it would be oh-so-awesome to wear that horrid sequined bikini that highlighted the fact that she’s no longer a size zero.

“The dancers were texting pals, asking them to pray for them,” another spy said. “They were worried.” Gee, whatever for?

[Photo: Getty Images]

Don't feel bad, Miss Teen South Carolina

Apparently the French don't know basic kindergarten knowledge, either. No wonder there are so many fires in Paris -- they must still be burning people at the stake over there for believing the world is round.

Roseanne wasn't guilty of drunken blogging

The Juice* hasn’t been writing about drunken ramblings on Roseanne Barr’s MySpace page because, frankly, we didn’t care that Rosey was getting hammered in Hawaii and mumbling about liking red wine and wanting to smell like urine (it read like something she’d write, anyway). But AFP reports that the culprit was an intern who has since been fired for her insolence, though it has the faint ring of a cover story.

“One of the interns who was administering my MySpace page has been fired,” Barr wrote on RoseanneWorld.com. “I apologize for the offensive blogging that went on there last night.” Of course, we prefer offensive blogging, but maybe that’s just us.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Britney drives as well as she dresses

Need another reason to dislike Britney Spears? Check out this video from TMZ of her hitting a parked car with her Mercedes convertible while pulling into the lot at Studio City. The popped star not only dings her fender, she mumbles "I'm a brainiac!" before banging her door into the very same vehicle as she gets out. Then, after inspecting the damage to her car, she simply walks away, with her faithful paparazzi posse recording every move. We just knew that was her in the Publix parking lot!

Chris Rock isn't the daddy after all

Remember Kali Bowyer, the woman in Georgia who said Chris Rock was the daddy of her 13-year-old son, Jordan? Remember how Chris Rock stepped up to the plate and said he would pay child support and help with medical expenses for the boy? Yeah, well forget all that, because a Bulloch County (Ga.) judge put the kibosh on that Monday, the AP reports.

“The results of the test are that Chris Rock is not the father of this child,” said John Mayoue, Rock’s attorney. “It is conclusive.” And while Bowyer disputes the results, Chris and his wife Malaak bashed her pretty badly, accusing her of selling her story to tabloids and exploiting her poor son, “who has continually been embarrassed and exposed in the media by his mother,” a statement from the comic read. Bowyer should get together with Dina Lohan soon.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Drunken media obsession Lohan busted with coke

It's enough to make you believe there's no magic in the world: Lindsay Lohan, who slogged through two stints in rehab and was even voluntarily wearing an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet, has been arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession early Tuesday, the AP reports. And her sobriety officially ends at two weeks. A new record!

Lindsay, who is already facing DUI charges in Beverly HIlls for a Memorial Day weekend accident, was busted by police in the parking lot of Santa Monica's Civic Center after they got a call about a white Denali chasing a black Escalade, Sgt. Shane Talbot said. And who says the SUV was dead?

Apparently the three people in the Escalade knew Lohan and her two passengers, but were unaware she was chasing them. Sounds like another case of normal L.A. driving gone wrong.

A breath test turned up a result of about .13 percent, plenty more than the .08 legal limit in California. LiLo was booked on two misdemeanor charges of DUI and driving on a suspended license (we know how that one goes) and two charges of cocaine possession -- found in her pants pockets -- and transporting a narcotic.

This is amid reports from X17 that Lohan is trying to sell photos directly to the paparazzi or $30,000 or more, making LiLo sound more desperate by the minute. TMZ says she’s gone back to rehab, but is eschewing Promises this time around. The site also reports she faces up to six years in prison if they really throw the book at her.

We're betting TriStar is really rethinking the media blitz for I Know Who Killed Me right about now.

[Photo: AP]

Fine, we'll join the club

We love it when competing shows like VH1's Best Week Ever and E!'s The Soup agree a clip of a show is so hilarious, they both have to show it. Here's said clip, a beautiful moment from MTV's My Super Sweet 16 that reminds The Juice* of when we worked all summer to buy a 1979 Ford Fairmont with no rear windows.

Bruce ruins daughter Rumer's image of men

Bruce Willis is a favorite of ours and all, but we find it a tad disturbing the 52-year-old actor was seen “flirting and leaving with a gorgeous young blonde” at the premiere party for Live Free or Die Hard last Friday in Times Square.

Why? The New York Post’s Page Six quotes its unnamed source as saying he did it “right in front of Rumer Willis,” his 18-year-old daughter. And then on Sunday, Rumer got to witness daddy celebrate Petra Nemcova’s birthday at the Gramercy Park Hotel by living it up at a table of “20-something models.”

We don’t want to hate on Bruce — if you dig girls with daddy issues, go right ahead. But please, don’t give your own daughter those same issues.

[Photo: Bruce with Rumer at left and Tallulah at right, and his dirty wife-beater from Die Hard, too. He donated the shirt, a poster, his badge and an original script from the first movie to the Smithsonian this week. Getty Images]

Beyonce rips someone off yet again

The blogosphere is all atwitter at the latest apparent round of Beyonce biting off other people's ideas. The singer has been accused before of stealing looks and imagery, but never before was it so apparent as last night, when she kicked off her number at the BET Awards by stepping out of a metallic robo-suit straight from an anime cartoon.

That's great and all, but bloggers point out Kylie Minogue did the very same thing back in 2002 on her Fever tour.

Of course, Kylie remained stationary (opting for some half-hearted robot-arm action near the end) while Beyonce jumped out of her shell for a quick Lord of the Dance-inspired skipping and shuffling. Next thing you know, she'll be wearing sequined mini-dresses. Oh, wait ...

Larry is the only one who will talk to Paris

Thanks to Larry King’s hard-hitting interview style, we’ll soon know the ordeal behind Paris Hilton’s all-too-short jail time.

E! reports the interviewer has scored the first sit-down with the heirhead on Wednesday night, just in time for us to find out that she pretty much sat around for three weeks and proved that no one younger than age 30 can write in cursive anymore.

“I am thrilled that Larry King has asked me to appear on his program to discuss my experience in jail,” Hilton said in a statement. “Larry King is not only a world renown journalist but a true American icon. It will be an honor to do his show.”

Of course, the only reason King has the interview is because NBC, ABC and CBS all turned down the opportunity to chat her up (with the Hiltons trying to win a big payday in the process). Now that’s integrity!

[Photo: Getty Images]

And yet it was sold to her in a capitalist market

Cameron Diaz had to do a little apologizing after getting some on-the-job cultural sensitivity training over the weekend. While visiting the Incan city of Machu Picchu in the Peruvian Andes on Friday, Cammy wore a olive green bag with the Mao Zedong-era communist slogan “Serve the People” in Chinese.

Problem is, in Peru it’s reminiscent of the Maoist Shining Path insurgency that crippled the government in the 1980s and ’90s and killed nearly 70,000 people.

“I sincerely apologize to anyone I may have inadvertently offended. The bag was a purchase I made as a tourist in China and I did not realize the potentially hurtful nature of the slogan printed on it,” Diaz said in a statement e-mailed to the AP on Sunday. “I’m sorry for any people’s pain and suffering and it was certainly never my intention to reopen what I now know is a painful wound in this country’s history.”

And nary a mention of why Diaz was in Peru to begin with: She’s working with 4REAL, a Canadian TV production that focuses on young community leaders around the world. This is a great lesson on knowing the local history of the places you visit.

[Photos: Getty Images]

Eddie's the baby daddy, all right

Speaking of the Spice Girls, this one won’t wait until next week. People reports the results of Melanie Brown’s paternity test against Eddie Murphy are in: “He’s the baby’s father, it’s official,” says a source close to Brown. “The baby is undoubtedly, 110 percent his.”

Brown wasn’t surprised at all, the source tells the magazine, but Murphy still hasn’t had contact with 2-month-old Angel Iris Murphy Brown. “He hasn’t seen his daughter,” Brown said. “My people have contacted his people and they just had no response to anything.”

So the resulting paternity suit will no doubt bankroll the Spice Girls world tour, we’re guessing.

LiLo: Charged with DUI-Lo

<...an Ill Literate post...>

Only a few months out of rehab, Lindsay Lohan has been charged with driving under the influence following a Saturday morning car crash, and police reportedly found cocaine in her car. ABC News reports:

Witnesses said at 5:30 a.m., Lohan, 20, was driving down Hollywood's Sunset Bouelvard in her Mercedes convertible. She jumped a curb and flew into a set of trees. Right after the accident, she ran into a nearby house.

Lohan ended up at an L.A. hospital, where police arrested her but did not take her into custody so her minor injuries could be treated. When police impounded her car, they searched it and found something else. "It was a usable amount of illegal narcotics that was preliminarily identified as cocaine," police said. (More here.)

Though Lohan announced she checked into rehab for alcohol abuse in January, paparazzi have caught her drinking on several other occasions. Whether any of this means she'll get the Paris Hilton treatment (the Jailhouse Rock) will have to be seen.

 

Quote of the day

"I wish I'd used a knife and fork to eat that [bleeping] burger."

— David Hasselhoff to Piers Morgan, after the infamous drunken Hoff video ruined his life.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Now we can get the General Lee and park it in the garage next to KITT

Bo Duke has to go back to the drawing board. The $10-million bidder who won John Schneider’s eBay auction for the General Lee last week is apparently backing out of the deal. William Fisher, who owns knifecollectors.com, missed his first deposit deadline for the 1969 Charger from The Dukes of Hazzard. He had one week from the auction’s May 4 close to work out a deal, TMZ reports.

“John is looking into his options,” a rep for Schneider tells the site. “We cannot calculate the point where legitimate bidders would have topped out if it were not for fraudulent bidding, but it seems to have been in the range of $5 million.” All this probably means you’ll have another shot to buy this ride, so save your pennies.

[Photo: AP]

Paris rehires lackey, begs for mercy

That Paris Hilton changes her mind faster than those ratty extensions on her scalp. Besides filing the paperwork for her appeal, the heirhead has rehired publicist Elliot Mintz after firing him over the weekend, the AP reports. The 62-year-old Mintz didn't say why he was rehired, but we're sure Paris needed her toilet plunged or some other menial task performed.

More interesting is the online petition that's been started to save the poor little rich girl from six weeks of shiv-dodging and solitary confinement. The petition, addressed to California guv Arnold Schwarzenegger, asks for a pardon, pleading "Everyone makes mistakes. (Paris) didn't hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson."

Literally thousands of people have broken our hearts and signed the thing. If you want to check it out head on over to http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/PH21781/ . But please, for decency's sake, don't sign it.

Update: Or you could sign the one at http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jailparishilton/ and do the world a favor!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Paris hangs her PR bodyguard out to dry

Poor Elliot Mintz. You spend all your days trying to explain away the ridiculous things your client says and does (no doubt for quite a salary, mind), and this is the thanks you get. Soon-to-be jailbird Paris Hilton fired her manager after blaming him for getting her idiot self sentenced to the clink for 45 days, AFP reports.

As you’ll recall, Hilton testified Friday that Mintz had told her it was okay for her to drive for work-related purposes when she was busted for violating her probation, and Mintz also said that sounded about right. But as life goes in the Hilton world, it’s fine to blame someone else for your stupidity.

Says Mintz to TMZ: “I am deeply and profoundly sorry. I told her that I assume personal responsibility for my part in this matter. I believe when stated in court that she believed it was okay for her to drive under certain circumstances she was being absolutely truthful.” Sounds like he’s already interviewing for a new PR gig. [Photo: Getty Images]

'You're pathetic'

Maybe we should pity Paris Hilton just a little, now that we know a little more about her mom.

Because yes, "You're pathetic." You'd expect that's what the judge would have told Paris when sentencing her yesterday to 45 days in jail for violating her probation for alcohol-related reckless driving.

But no, "You're pathetic" is what Paris's mom, the even-more clueless Kathy Hilton, barked at the prosecutor after the sentence came down.

Before passing sentence, judge Michael Sauer said of Paris "I think she has wanted to disregard everything that was said and continued to drive no matter what" after her license was suspended.

But pathetic? Plenty there to go around. Let's start with 26-year-old Paris, who arrived to the 1:30 p.m. hearing 20 minutes late (nice job winning over the judge right from the start). We know you can't drive, Paris, and maybe there were no cabs handy. Maybe you should have taken the city bus?

Then there's her lawyer, Howard Weitzman, who said the sentence "is inappropriate and borders on ludicrous. It is clear that she has been selectively targeted for prosecution for who she is." That's right, Howard, because if the rest of us repeatedly get drunk and drive on a suspended license, it's slap on the wrist time.

The Associated Press reports:

When a prosecutor asked if she had read the licence suspension notice mailed to her from the Department of Motor Vehicles, she replied: "I have people do that for me." Hilton said she didn't read her plea agreement either: "I just sign what people tell me to sign."

For all that, the true pathetic one is mom Kathy, who just doesn't get it, because she's never had to get it. To her, fame--even fame gained by nothing more than having a crapload of money--takes precedence over everything.

The AP reports: 

As a city prosecutor said during closing arguments that Hilton deserved jail time, Hilton‘s mother, Kathy, laughed. When the judge ruled, Kathy then blurted out: "May I have your autograph?"

When a reporter asked what she thought of the judge's decision, a visibly angry Kathy responded: "What do you think? This is pathetic and disgusting, a waste of taxpayer money with all this nonsense. This is a joke."

With values instilled by a mama like that, we almost feel bad for Paris. Almost. [Photo: AP]

Looking for booze clues

There’s some alcohol-related mischief going on out there, as Justin Timberlake told a Belfast crowd that he had a little incredible juice before the show, the Daily Mail says. “I’ve had four of five Guinness before I came on — I love that s---.” He also downed tequila shots, but to be fair, he did that in Tampa, too. Speaking of the devil’s brew, In Touch Weekly says the aforementioned Britney Spears “tossed back glasses of wine” with cousin Allie Sims before going out drinking at Parc in L.A. on April 14. That’d be after her release from rehab. And she lost custody? Who’da thunk?

Sheryl Crow details convenient solutions, beats down Karl Rove

Sheryl Crow should stick to singing and plucking guitar strings. The AFP points out a posting on her Web site that says she has a great idea to wipe out global warming: conserve trees by limiting bathroom visits to one square of toilet paper.

“I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required,” she rants.

Her other ideas include selling clothes with built-in sleeve napkins and producing a reality TV show where the most eco-friendly contestant wins a recording contract. So they can record what? Crazy left-wing diatribes?

All this comes after her attendance at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, where Crow and Karl Rove got in a dustup when the Rovester got all up in her grill when she tried to touch his arm to get his attention.

The New York Daily News reports Rove said, “Don’t touch me,” to which Sheryl replied, “You can’t speak to us like that, you work for us.” Karl responded, “I don’t work for you, I work for the American people.” Ummmm ... so Sheryl points out, “We are the American people.” OWNED!

[Photo: Crow and David at the dinner on Saturday. Getty Images]

Michelle Branch punks stalker at show

Would you believe Michelle Branch has a stalker? That what the AP says, since the 23-year-old singer interrupted her own show Monday in Sheboygan, Wisc., to report a guy in the crowd who was making her nervous. “Michelle Branch just said, ‘Wait a second. There’s a guy in the audience — striped shirt and glasses — can somebody check him out?’ ” said Cali Haas, 20, of Sheboygan, who was in the crowd. “It left everyone just so confused, like, ‘Is this a joke, part of the show?’ ”

Dominick Giordano, 32, was cited for disorderly conduct after employees at the venue stopped him as he tried to run away, police said. Authorities said Giordano had been following Branch to concerts around the country since 2003 and regularly sends her letters and videos. He had previously managed to sneak backstage at concerts and into post-concert parties, and had lunged at Branch during an autograph signing. Not only that, but a restraining order after Giordano was arrested in Arkansas in 2004 has now expired. We all should keep an eye on this dude before he goes all John Hinckley on us. [Photo: AP]

I'd write about Jesse Metcalfe in rehab but I don't know who Jesse Metcalfe is

<...an Ill Literate post...>

Good afternoon, friends and fans of The Juice. (And no, Judith Regan, we don't mean you.)

This is Rick Gershman, late of the Ill Literate arts and entertainment blog, signing in for my first post on The Juice. The Times editors graciously invited me to post here on occasion, seeing as how I'm a perfect complement to fearless Juice editor Josh Gillin.

(See, he likes to post 10 times a day, and I like to post once every 10 days. It's a match made in heaven.)

I might not dive into the Seagal-infested celebrity news waters as often as Josh, because he does it better than I possibly can. (Is it my fault I stopped caring about Lindsay Lohan when she turned 18? Or is it more just... creepy?)

But I will be dropping by to share whatever arts, entertainment and pop cultural musings cross my Mo'Nique's Fat Chance-obsessed mind.

Anyway, I promised the tbt* crew (motto: Don't call us Tubthumping) I'd put up a post this weekend about my participation in Thursday's Celebrity Dancing in Tampa Bay event.

So look for that post this evening, Juiceheads. (And no, Barry Bonds, we don't mean you.)

Two posts in one day. A new record. But hey, I have to work quick before my posts sink beneath a weekend full of celebrehab action. Meanwhile, thanks for supporting The Juice. [ Photo: Um, me. Duh.]

They don’t mean no harm

The Cincinnati Pops Orchestra has canceled a July 14 concert with The Dukes of Hazzard stars John Schneider and Tom Wopat because of the Confederate imagery associated with the ’80s TV show, the AP reports. The orchestra said in a statement its planned Dukes-themed show was shut down because “we decided that some of the messages conveyed in the program are not consistent with the efforts of the Pops to reach out to all members of our community.” Schneider and Wopat, who have both worked on musical careers since the TV show, have performed with the Pops before. “It’s a huge shock to me that in this day and age people could be so narrow-minded, especially professional people,” Schneider said.” And former Georgia Congressman Ben Jones, who played the wisecracking mechanic Cooter on the popular show, wanted to bring attention to the “blacklisting of these guys out of some kind of political correctness that is just plain wrongheaded.” We think the bigger story is the fact that Cooter went into politics. But Orchestra spokeswoman Carrie Krysanick denies blacklisting the former Dukes: “We look forward to working with them in the future.” As long as they don’t show up in the General Lee.