American Idol Gives Back, Especially to Cynical Critics

How easy it would be to slam this whole thing.

Simon Cowell looking like he can barely stand to touch the mother with AIDS he's trying to comfort in New York. Billy Ray Cyrus tenderly stepping past folks in a dilapidated Appalachia neighborhood who probably would have kicked his behind, had the Achy Breaky Boy tried sporting the blond/black hair and too-cool aviator glasses he wears now back when he was growing up there.

Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul playing basketball with kids whose families earn less in a year than their dry cleaning bills. Tonight's Idol Gives Back telethon was a big, fat tempting target for any pop culture critic with an ounce of sense. Or irony. Or integrity.

And yet. Though it was too long (at 2.5 hours it STILL went over schedule), too pretentious and, oddly, a little too focused on the parade of sad black victims in America and Africa (the Cyrus trip to Appalachia was a welcome reminder that there are white people in need around the world, too), Idol Gives Back also offered the promise of actually making a difference for people who need it.

Of course, there is the fact that last year's proceeds, mostly pledged to a range of charities over two years, have not been fully distributed. And nobody saying where the interest income from all that cash built up over two years is going.

A few impressions:

-- It was amazing to see the British Prime minister step up and pledge $200-million toward mosquito nets to help curb malaria in Africa. But where, where, WHERE the hell was our own government? (I mean, the people who aren't trying to get elected to something). When a foreign power can come in and face your country on the nation's highest rated TV show, that's saying something.

-- Call me a touchy old fart, but did Fergie really need to upstage poor old Ann Wilson of Heart by doing TWO cartwheels during their duet on Barracuda? Bad enough she jumped out and rocked the high notes better than her elders; her energetic calisthenics made poor hyperventilating Ann look like she was chained to centerstage.

-- Can we get Jimmy Kimmel to come back and take the piss out of Simon Cowell every week? (my fave line: "You make $40-million a year; you can get your hair cut somewhere better than SuperCuts)

-- Miles Cyrus may have been pretending not to know who Billy Crystal was, but my two daughters -- aged 13 and 12 -- had no idea who he was, either.

-- Simon is clearly tired of people joking about his breasts. But, apparently, not enough to stop wearing the undersized sweaters (as the Donald is to hair, Simon is to tight clothing!)

-- While watching Teri Hatcher front a band filled with actors from TV shows, I alternated between surprise that the Australian twit from House could actually play violin to horror that the mind reading police dude from Heroes can barely play drums.

-- Maybe Randy and I really have been separated at birth.  

-- One look at Bono without his glasses makes you realize why he almost never takes them off (another guy, by the way, who my girls didn't know. Despite the fact that my wife has U2's greatest hits on constant rotation in the house. Sigh).

-- Annie Lennox with a piano and microphone is more powerful than a eight wannabe Idols and a stageful of breakdancers. Now THAT's talent for you.

      

Comments

[Suzi]

Marissa- thanks for the feedback. I was pretty apalled by it and I thought the same thing, "OMG- she's doing this at the age of 15???!!" Can't wait to see what delightful moves she comes up with next. I've already told my daughter that Miley's on-stage look and behavior are inappropriate. I can imagine the letter that would come home from school if they start re-enacting those dance moves on the playground...Yikes.

[Marissa]

Suzi, I found it grossly disturbing when she was exhibiting what might be stripper moves. She's 15! And yes, her target audience are the very young elementary girls who are being told, "you're not an object. Use your brains not your bodies for attention." Oy!

[Suzi]

I didn't watch the entire show-- but I was thinking the same thing about most of the celebrities. I kept asking, "Okay, and how much did you donate you mega-millionaire?" I know Bono goes above and beyond so I don't question his generosity.

I missed Fergie's performance but I'm sure she's just relieved that she didn't wet her pants on-stage. (Like she did at one of her concerts last year). Oh, see now Eric, you're not the only one feeling snarky!!

Here's my question- I have an 8-year-old daughter who loves Hannah Montana. Were any other parents disturbed that Miley Cyrus is obviously trying to sex up her image? I wouldn't be so disgusted by it if Disney didn't market her to elementary school kids.

[Marjorie]

Wow, I thought I was the only one who felt weird about the so called celebrities asking for "even a $10 donation" and asking kids to "open their piggy banks." I bet the majority of those celebs felt that their appearance on the show was their "contribution" to the cause.

[Marissa]

Oh, I have to mention this sound issue. Did you notice during the group performance of "Seasons of Love" that someone's mic was turned up and they were way off key? It was a woman's voice, but lower range. The only person to not sing a solo during that was Brooke. I question if it was her. Perhaps her ear monitor wasn't working. Either way, It was bad.

[Eric Deggans]

I think every celebrity who appears should show up with a check in his/her hand....

[Marissa]

Eric, I sat completely depleted of all energy after watching Annie Lennox perform. She's THAT powerful. She left me in awe. She usually does just by listening to the countless songs of her that play on my iPod, but w o w! WOW!

You are indeed a tad bit more openly snarky about last night. And that's all right. We were all thinking it while the over paid stars appeared to be concerned. "For the price of one of my undersized tshirts I could bail this family out of debt and they'd still have enough to live on for a year. However, you're the working class. Send money now." ~ Simon Cowell if he were honest.

One designer dud from Celine's closet could support that African Village for more than a year. Heck, the giant scarf wrapped around her scrawny neck was probably valued at more than I'll make in 3 months. But sure, let me dig around the couch cushions for some change.