Don't blame Somer's mother for killer's work

I am detecting a distinct note of blame in some of the coverage of the horrific murder of 7-year-old Somer Thompson, who was snatched while walking home from school. She wasn't walking alone, she was with her brother and sister, but she ran ahead after a squabble and disappeared. Times reporters in a story today looked at local schools with plenty of registered sex offenders in the neighborhood and virtually no one walking home without a parent escort.

"I see parents walking with their children in the morning and the afternoon," said parent Rhonda Hodgdon, whose 11-year-old son attended the school in suburban North Tampa last year. "We're almost shocked when we see a kid by themselves."

Somer's mother, Diena Thompson, told Good Morning America today that she has been wracked by feelings of guilt and responsibility for being at work when her youngest daughter disappeared.  "I feel responsible," she said. " If I could have just, I don't know, left work or something and been able to pick her up, this wouldn't have happened." 

We need to stop blaming the victim. Would you tell the victim of a drunk driving accident, "What were you doing out driving Saturday night? You know the roads are full of drunks." Of course not. The blame goes to the criminal.

What happened to Somer is extremely rare, and fortunately, according to the experts, getting even rarer. 

David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes against Children Research Center in New Hampshire, told the New York Times that parents need to put these crimes in perspective.

“I am of the opinion that these kinds of crimes have declined. They are shocking and galvanizing to the communities where they occur. But some of the research suggests that the effort we have made, both in flushing out sex offenders, incarcerating them and doing things like registering them and keeping tabs on them, are among the things responsible for the decline.”

It doesn't make it hurt any less, but I find comfort in the fact that the vast majority of crimes against children is from people they know, not from anonymous boogeymen. I can police people they know a lot better than some faceless nightmare.

Somer is a victim of crime, not neglect.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

[Family photo of Somer Thompson]

Comments

[Sharon Wynne]

I am in my 40s as well, SeenIt. I quoted the leading expert on this and their reports are that across the board crimes are down, not just against children but all crimes, even property crimes.

The crime rate rose through the ’70s and ’80s, when I was a kid freely riding my bike around town and walking home from school alone. But then it started way down in the early ’90s. They credit more policing, longer jail terms, cell phones and psychiatric meds. As a result, crime across the board is back to the level of 1970. So if you were playing outside in the ’70s or ’80s, your kids are actually safer than you were
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance/viort.htm

[seenitfirst hand]

And Sharon, here is your quote, verbatim. You made broad brush assertions with no citations.

"While I don't dispute it's tough to be a single mom, I don't agree with your premise Ernie that walking home from school is a dangerous activity. If you look at any statistics or crime rates, the streets are far safer today than when you or I were kids. The constant drone of cable news channels make it seem like this happens all the time when in fact more kids get hurt falling out of bed than get kidnapped by strangers."

[seenitfirst hand]

Uh, Sharon, I didn't blame the victim or the victim's mom. I was responding to your first post wherein you stated the streets are safer now than when we grew up. I am in my forties. They are not comparitively safer from then. Perhaps you are in your twenties when the bulk of more aggressive laws were passed; from that time period to now, the streets have gotten safer. It depends upon your point of measure.

[mom]

Kimberly--First thing the boyfriend was HOME!! Second--CCC is very reasonable. 10-15 dollars a week! Discounts for more then one child! To me I would do without my nails being done or the pedicure that I see so many "poor" moms have done to make sure my child was safe! If you cant afford that then have a neighbor pick them up. Pay the neighbor xxx of dollars or watch her kids on a weekend night. It can be done! I was a single parent at one time and never let my child be unsupervised as young as these children are!

[Kimberly]

Before criticizing the mother for not paying for child care, please consider...

The US Census people found, in 2005, that 28.22% of American households are living on less than $25,000 per year.

Household means that you add up all the incomes of all the people living in the house.

Try paying for child care when your household makes less than $25,000 per year.

At this point, there will be people screaming about irresponsible teens and adults who make babies when they can't afford to take care of babies.

Here are two lessons for everyone: (1) sex makes babies, and (2) no birth control method is 100% effective 100% of the time for 100% of the people.

Many teens and adults get a lot of pressure from all directions to have sex and/or get married. Capitulate to the pressure to get married, end up with an abusive spouse, get divorced, and now you're supporting your kid(s) on less than $25,000 per year.

Peers, parents, people belonging to religious organizations, the media, and others need to stop pressuring people into having sex or getting married.

One young woman got so much pressure from her parents and the religious people with whom they associated that she made a very bad marriage decision. The young woman's husband was abusive. After they had a child, the woman divorced. She and the ex got joint custody of the daughter. He started molesting the child. The mom got physical evidence by having a doctor examine the daughter. The ex was so wealthy and had so much clout that the judge ignored the evidence and maintained the joint custody. The young woman's sister related this story to me.

So back off on the pressure to have sex or get married and you'll have a lot more children brought into the world in better situations by parents who are better able to afford caring for their children.

Oh, and more.....

For many years, employers have been shipping higher paying jobs overseas. The St. Petersburg Times published a story telling that the American former employees have been finding replacement jobs that pay an average $9,000 less per year.

Since the recession began in 2007, the 28.22% have probably grown a lot. Many people have experienced lay-offs, taking minimum wage jobs (about $12,000 per year after taxes) so something is coming in, living on unemployment, becoming homeless when they could no longer pay for their houses because of mortgage payments resetting, and trying to survive on minimum wage incomes or unemployment payments.

And this is in addition to the normal financial catastrophes of families and individuals going bankrupt because someone experienced an unexpected major illness or injury that resulted in huge medical bills they couldn't or their insurance company wouldn't pay.

[mom]

Jill---I agree with you 110%. It is a shame that this had to happen! It could of been prevented.

[J]

Blame all the people who come here from other states to run from their pasts. All I ever hear on shows where they are looking for a killer is "last seen in Florida." That's because Disney and others bring millions of people from other states, countries and planets here. No one knows who belongs here anymore. That's one of the reasons this native plans to leave soon. The paradise of my childhood has been turned into hell. Anyone can hide here. Our prison system has more people from other states in especially the midwest incarcerated ie; Oba Chandler. Bundy was not from here, nor was Wuornos. Offenders don't register because they move here because they can't live where they offended. I don't think this was an offender, but of course it could have been. As to blame, that can only be placed on the killer and those who saw something and are not saying anything.

[Sharon Wynne]

Seenitfirsthad, you'll notice that my post quotes David Finkelhor, head of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, the country’s leading expert on such things. He sees such travesties becoming ever less common. But there's a craven commercial reason on the part of the cable channels to keep us afraid and to tease to the next child in crisis story to get us to tune in. It makes me sick that such awful things do happen but I refuse to blame the victim when they do. It's the equivalent of blaming a lighting strike victim for being outside (and more rare)

[jill]

I do feel bad for mother , but she should not have let the kids walk home. The boyfriend should have picked them up or she should have paid for after school care .

[James]

You can not let kids walk home without an adult. This is why we have PLACE. Kids must be protected.

[seenitfirst hand]

Sharon, I appreciate your comments. I don't know how old you are . . . I am in my mid 40s, and I don't know what crime rates or stats you are looking at, but the crime stats and rates are not better, as you state. The manner of reporting crime stats and rates have changed dramatically over the years so we are not comparing apples to apples, as it were. For instance, some crime stats are not even reported anymore, some are mis-classified unintentionally, and some are mis-classed on purpose. Crime reports and stats occur by jurisdiction voluntarily, so mis-classing occurs either by failing to report, or classifying a crime as something less than what it was so that it will not show up in the crime stats. Also, while the instances of abuse to children may have declined in some categories, the severity of the incidents have risen. Are the streets safer? That depends on what you are talking about . . . The defense that these incidents are over reported by media, cable, etc. is a myth. The other defense that they are reported more is also false; the vast majority of all frantic parents have always reported their children missing and appealed to the communtiy when the unthinkable occurred, and their child is missing. These types of incidents have increased over the decades, not decreased. Maybe you are in your 20s so the rate has not been dramatic.

[Sharon Wynne]

While I don't dispute it's tough to be a single mom, I don't agree with your premise Ernie that walking home from school is a dangerous activity. If you look at any statistics or crime rates, the streets are far safer today than when you or I were kids. The constant drone of cable news channels make it seem like this happens all the time when in fact more kids get hurt falling out of bed than get kidnapped by strangers

[Kimberly]

When are we going to require mandatory incarceration for life for child molesters? Put them in a facility where they can work to produce a product that can be sold to pay for their incarceration.

When are we going to require mandatory death sentences for child molesters where there is clear-cut physical evidence of molestation?

Yes, there are people on this post who probably don't believe in the death sentence. But when there is DNA and other evidence to prove what the child said, why do we want to wait until a child is killed?

If a person doesn't know right from wrong or won't stop him/herself from destroying children's lives by the time the person is 18-years-old, why do we let the person loose in and be a part of society?

[Ernie]

The strains and dangers of being a single parent became evident in the case of Somer Thompson. The girl's mother needed to work in order to support her and her children. With no father as part of the family unit, the young children were put in a dangerous position by having to walk from school without a parental escort. No one can blame Deina Thompson for the abduction and murder of Somer. It's just a shame this family was less a father in the household who could have played a helpful role in supporting this family in more ways than one with his wife. Again, this case is an example of the strains within a single, parent home.

[Renee]

It is a sad reality of today's world -all parents need to make the best possible decisions for the safety of their families ... while working around work schedules. Being a stay at home mother is almost a luxury these days. Economically, many families need two incomes to cover the basic bills. With the number of layoffs over the last year, it is a nice insurance policy too. If the father loses his job, at least the mother is working to help keep the family’s head above water.

Do I blame Somer's Mom? No way. I am sure that she was doing the best that she could. Somer was making the 15-minute walk home with her twin 7-year old brother, 10-year old sister and friends. Florida doesn't have a specific minimum legal age for kids to be able to be at home by themselves, but most state agencies recommend no younger than 12. That might be a good guideline for walking home by themselves too. The reports say Somer’s mother’s boyfriend searched up and down the block when she didn’t make it home with her siblings. Here’s a question. Why didn’t Somer’s mother’s boyfriend get into a car circle to pick the three of them up if he was at home at 3:05 in the afternoon?? Somer’s mother called from work around 4:00 to check on the kids. Why didn’t the boyfriend call her at 3:10 when he knew that Somer was missing?

Florida has more than its fair share of criminals – pedophiles included. Florida’s protective homestead laws are attractive to those that fear possible civil lawsuits after criminal prosecution. If you live in Idaho and are incarcerated for improperly touching a child, the family can sue you civilly and be awarded a monetary judgment which can then attach itself as a lien (and possible foreclosure) to your home. Florida’s homestead laws prevent any lien other than non-payment of mortgage, HOA fees, and mechanic liens. You are unable to lose your primary home in Florida. That is why a lot of criminals move here. Ever wonder why OJ Simpson moved to Florida after the $11.5 million civil case verdict? Now you know.

Be smart Florida Mommas.

[sue]

I think there has been some misunderstanding about the previous abduction attempt that happened near where this little girl disappeared. It's been reported that Somer was almost abducted a week before she went missing, although it was actually another little girl. That may part of the reason there is misdirected blame towards the mother.