Fire in the sky: Fourth of July is here -- be careful with your fireworks!

The Fourth of July always reminds me of my favorite joke, which is "What does a yahoo say before he dies?"  Answer: "Hey y'all, watch this!"

Every yahoo in the neighborhood will be setting something on fire this weekend, so brace yourself. I personally am one of the few adults who actually likes to go to one of the big fireworks shows put on by the city or down by the beach. Nothing beats those giant blooms of fire in the sky. Here's a list of the local shows if you dare to brace the crowds.

If you are staying home and are thinking of loading up at a roadside stand, check out our colleague Josh Gillin's review of what the stuff  looks like once it's set on fire. Surprisingly, the most expensive stuff doesn't give you the most bang for the buck, he says. But before you grab a lighter, keep in mind all the lost fingers and burnt houses that result from patriotic pyromania. Susan Thurston did a nice roundup of the biggest Tampa Bay area roadside stands. And Dalia Colon has you covered legally, taking a look at what will keep you out of trouble. I love her headline "What am I allowed to blow up?"

There are some good non-exploding options available for little kids. Such as those sperm-shaped paper packets called TNT Pop-Its, right, found in any grocery story or big box discounter. They are great for little kids to throw on the ground for a satisfying, non-lethal snap and a spark you can see at night. (Fun fact: When I stocked up recently, the cashier laughed when telling me that he's not allowed to sell those harmless things to anyone under 18. Do you realize how many of these you have to stick in your eye to even come close to hurting yourself?) 

Glow necklaces and flashlights are also a good way to distract little ones from the sparklers, which you should be reminded burn at a temperature of 2,000 degrees and can melt some metals. If you break out the sparklers, make sure you have a bucket of water parked nearby for them.

Okay, I've now covered myself with enough warnings I can now admit I luuurve to see stuff blown up. Just be safe.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

[Photo: Fireworks over Tampa Bay by LARA CERRI/ St. Petersburg Times]

World's easiest recipe: Cake Mix Cookies

I had visions of myself as Incredi-Mom who made birthday cakes from scratch and never turned on the TV and sewed my own Halloween costumes. But then actual children and real life arrived and all those grand plans went out the drive-through window. You can, however, reclaim a spot in the heart of all the neighborhood kids this summer by making the easiest, most delicious cookies ever that require only 3 ingredients (4 if you add some stir-ins): Cake Mix Cookies.

I found the recipe on some Web site somewhere and ever since we first made them I've been telling all my mom friends to stock up on cake mix when it's on a buy-one, get-one sale.

Personally, I think the chocolate cake mix works best. I tried butter cake mix with chocolate chips and the kids raved but they can't replace my friend Jan's buttery bombs of Tollhouse bliss. But then we tried the chocolate cake mix *swoon* they had me at the fudgey, chewy cookie that's just too good for mere mortals. My friend Sherry made some with mint chocolate chips stirred in (yum!) and I made some for the kids with mini M&Ms that had them dancing in my honor. Last night I made some for a girls' night out with white chocolate chips and macademia nuts stirred in that looked so girly and fancy. No one would have guessed I was pulling them out of the oven 20 minutes after I got home from work that night. 

So here's your summer gift from one slacker mom to another, a way to fool anyone into thinking you slaved for hours in the kitchen.

CAKE MIX COOKIES

Ingredients:

1 box cake mix
2 eggs
1/3 cup oil
1-2 cups mix ins such as chocolate chips, nuts, dried fruit.

Directions:
Mix the cake mix, oil and eggs until well blended. Add in mix ins. Roll dough into walnut shaped balls and place on cookie sheet, 2 inches apart. Bake for 10-12 minutes at 350.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

Parents need playgrounds, too!

Can't we adults have a playground or jungle gym? Swings, slides and monkey bars? Ladders and rock climbing walls and rope bridges?

Sure, I play at the playground with my girls, but wouldn't it be a cool business, er bar, to have adult-size jumpy castles and all that? How much fun could we have swinging, sliding and grooving to some music?

Who's in?

-- Amy Hollyfield

[photos.com]

We're not your real parents (and other April Fool's pranks)

Okay, that would be so wrong and so mean so don't try that one. But let's start thinking of some April Fool's Day pranks to play on or with the kids. Here's some of the ones my mischievous friends and family have done (or tried) in the past:

 Prank the kids

• Freeze milk in their cereal bowls. In the morning top the frozen milk with some cereal and a splash of fresh milk for effect.
• Get some Pop-its (those white tadpole shaped noisemakers that make a loud snap when squeezed or thrown to the ground) and put them between the toilet seat and rim. The first person to sit on it will be in a good spot when you scare the poop out of them.
• Another Pop-it option is to tape them to the bottom of the kids' shoes. Distract them as you help them put their shoes on and watch them pop their way out the door.
• Make meatloaf in cupcake tins and frost them with mashed potatoes.

Tricks to play on Dad

• Put a rubber band around the spray nozzle on the sink and ask him to get you a glass of water.
• Go to his office and move his car and when he comes out of work, watch as he searches for his car. Stop him before he calls the police.
• Hang a sexy pair of thong underwear on his bumper. Place the strings on each side of the license plate so there's no mistaking what it is.
• Tape a big sign on the trunk that says "My family is playing an April Fool's Day joke on me. Honk at me!"

Don't blame me if no one is speaking to you on Wednesday. Some people need to learn to take a joke.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

In search of snow

Because I grew up with it -- and quickly fled from it upon adulthood -- snow isn’t all that big of a deal to me. My meteorological memory is alive and well, so I don’t need any current reminders. So it is for my Floridian children whom have never experienced the wonder that is snow that we will travel north this weekend in search of the white stuff.

It’s hard for me to imagine my children’s incredulousness at the concept of snow. To this day I have elastic impressions around my wrists from my snowsuit and still have the urge to plunge my feet into a Wonder Bread wrapper on a cold day. (Native Floridians will be lost with the reference, so just read on.) But as children born in the south, my kids have come to believe that snow doesn’t really exist. It is merely an urban legend. As they stand barefoot at the Christmas tree stand, I can see the skepticism in their eyes. When their northern cousins call to say they aren’t in school today because of a bad winter storm, my children know full well hurricane season ends Nov. 30. For them, The Weather Channel and the Sci-Fi Network have exactly the same content.

I can see the confusion on their little faces when they read their northern-centric textbooks that depict the seasons erroneously. Autumn with its falling leaves and winter’s white landscape? It certainly doesn’t look like that around these parts.

Blizzards? Isn’t that something Dairy Queen serves? Socks? I think that was the name of President Clinton’s cat. Ice scrapers? I’ll have to Google that one…

These are children who get a chill when the temperature drops below seventy. They don’t swim in water that’s below eighty five. They know not of frostbite, moon boots, frozen pipes or salt trucks. They don’t have any idea of what happens when you stick your tongue on a flagpole.

Don’t get me wrong--we all rather like our tropical home. We have grown accustomed to green Christmases and uninterrupted electricity from November to April. We like getting out the door in less than three hours since the only thing we have to locate is another flip flop and not mittens, hats, gloves, scarves, road flares...

So it will be a learning experience. We are looking at the whole thing as if it was like a trip to a Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum. A frigid expedition to look not for the abominable snowman, but just for the snowman.

You really hope it’s true, but you don’t feel all that bad being snowed.

-- Tracey Henry, Suburban Diva

[Photos.com]

Singer Laurie Berkner: Being a children's artist surprised her

Since leaving the classroom about 10 years ago, Laurie Berkner has taken the world of children's music by storm. She started out playing children's parties (while also playing in a rock band) but finally the two careers took their toll and she decided to dive into children's music.

She hasn't looked back, having sold hundreds of thousands of CDs and DVDs. Berkner will be in Clearwater at 2 p.m. Sunday for a concert at Ruth Eckerd Hall, 1111 N McMullen Booth Road. Tickets are $35 and $25 are available at the hall's box office or online.

Read what Berkner has to say about her music, her family and her dream place to play in this story.

-- Sherry Robinson

[Photo: Getty Images of Laurie Berkner at the Kidscreen Summit cocktail reception at Little Airplane Productions on Feb. 10.]

Valentine gift alert: Phineas and Ferb fun for kids -- and you

Have your tweens hipped you to Phineas and Ferb yet? If they haven't, you're missing out on one of the funniest cartoons to come along since some of the early years of SpongeBob SquarePants. My sons love this cartoon and more often than not, my husband and I are laughing right along with them. If you don't believe me, check out this clip -- there is original song in just about every episode -- called Squirrels in My Pants.

The title characters in this Toon Disney show are two stepbrothers -- Phineas, who talks a blue streak, and Ferb, who is more a kid of action -- who build out-of-this-world contraptions or get into crazy predicaments during their summer vacation. They always are back in place before their mom gets home which drives their teenage sister Candace -- shown above with the squirrels -- crazy. They also have a pet platypus, Perry, who is a secret agent doing battle with the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

Now, I tell you all of this because P&F have a new DVD collection that just came  out this week, Phineas and Ferb Vol. 2: The Daze of Summer. It features several of their cartoons that have already been on TV but it also contains two new cartoons featuring Baljeet, their neurotic friend who is trolling for an "A" at the science fair. Usually the extras are packed into these DVDs to make you want to spend even more time in front of the tube. But in this case, the extras were so-so and my kids haven't asked to play them again. They would much rather just enjoy how funny these two characters are.

If you're looking for a funny Valentine's Day gift for your kids, this could be a good one.

-- Sherry Robinson

Mom messed up my homework

Take a look at this scan of a worksheet my 8-year-old did for homework. The circles, the X's, the small type written in the margins. Looks like a mess, wouldn't you say?

Simple enough instructions: Decide if the words in each set would be found on a page with the bold face guide words (as seen at the top of a dictionary page.). Circle the letter in the correct column.

As a general rule, I do not help my daughter with homework. She is in third grade, plenty old enough to be responsible. That said, if she asks, I'll check over her work.

So when she brought me this worksheet, I told her she was wrong about "decimal" and "gram" and "incense." But I also told her she was wrong about "graft"  and  "indict." See the problem? Momma doesn't know her alphabet.

And darn if she isn't required to do everything in pen!

The worst part? The only reason I found my errors is that at the bottom of the worksheet, there's a word finder you're supposed to complete using the letters found with the correct answers. Clearly, "By boninl up all nklht" is not a complete sentence.

So, apologies to Mrs. Paras. And to my daughter. New rule: Dad checks over everything.

-- Amy Hollyfield

UPDATE: Dear Mr. President

UPDATE: Because of a flood of entries, the organizers have extended the deadline for submissions to Jan. 27.

Are your children showing interest in President-elect Obama as the inauguration nears? There's a cool way to make them feel a part of history.

The National Education Association and kidthing have teamed up to gather submissions for Dear Mr. President, a digital book to be published on Presidents' Day, Feb. 16.

Kids are asked to send their ideas for President-elect Obama in the form of letters or drawings. Here are the requirements outlined on the submission form:

• It should be created on an 8.5" x 11" piece of paper.
• It should be landscape (horizontal) orientation.
• Please use bold markers or crayons.
• Submissions may be more than one page.
• Paper can be any color. (But remember darker paper won't show off your kid's awesome creations.)
• Is your kid's handwriting only legible to you? Feel free to send a note along to transcribe what it says.

Kidthing and the NEA will put the top 50 entries into the digital book and a print version will be sent to the White House.

For more information and a submission form, go to the kidthing Web site. (Warning: To enter, you'll have to register as a user.) Entries can be sent by e-mail or snail mail. E-mail entries must be received by midnight PST on Jan. 27. Regular mail entries must be postmarked by Jan. 27.

And if your children do enter, share your entries with us. E-mail them to me at ahollyfield@sptimes.com.

-- Amy Hollyfield

[Top right: photos.com; bottom right: kidthing.com]

Christmas shopping wishes do come true

Mommas, I'm trusting you here. I scored the best Christmas present deal ever and I have to talk about it!

I set myself up for impossible Christmas expectations with both my daughters, 8 and 3, back in October. See, I brought home KOTA the Triceratops to review for our Toy Guide. He of the $299 price tag. Sure, this robotic dinosaur was a hit, with his interactive personality and roaring voice. Both girls howled as they took turns feeding him, riding him and putting him to sleep. But I had no idea the impact he would have.

Flash forward to a couple of weeks ago when my girls made their Christmas lists. 8-year-old: puppy, Nintendo DS, KOTA. 3-year-old: KOTA, Dora backpack. Uh, see my problem? We set a budget of $100-$125 a child, which means KOTA and the handheld Nintendo were out.

Until Sunday, when impossible dreams came true! My husband and I went to Costco to look for toys for the 3-year-old and who do we see? KOTA! Now, at Costco that's good news. Their price: $240 minus an instant $110 rebate, so  . . . $130!

But that's not even the best part. Turns out, the display model was the last KOTA in the store, so we got him for $115!

Now I'm saving you the drama my husband and I endured as we left our post guarding KOTA when a store employee told us there were 13 in storage ("Go to the front and we'll bring it to you"). Yep, you guessed it. Another couple was standing guard when my husband returned. Thank goodness I wasn't there. I feel awful for those parents.

Anyway, I'm so thankful that I can get my girls something on their lists. It's a rough year all around and I was worried they wouldn't understand.

Do you have happy Christmas shopping story? Share it with us!

-- Amy Hollyfield