We have a winner!

I thought of Karsen at my Sunday morning tennis match. I'm brand-new to tennis, and at one point I told myself, "every time we say 'deuce,' I'm a winner!"

Now, if only I could sell that concept to my beginning U-6 soccer players.

Karsen, in particular, insists that "winning" is when he gets the ball in the goal. The game score means nothing. If he didn't score, he didn't win.

What he doesn't appreciate is that, after three weeks of hugging the bench, he finally got into the game on Saturday. He ran as hard as his legs would carry him, moved the ball up the field and withstood tackles that knocked him clear to the ground. It was a huge developmental leap, and I tried to explan to him that this makes him a winner. I'm not sure if he heard me.

Karsen comes from a family of athletes. I shouldn't let this wig me out, but his dad works for a professional sports organization. It's clear that Karsen has speed, agility and intelligence. He gives me hugs, brings me crayon drawings, and shows more promise with each practice. It's great to think of the athlete he will be with a little more maturity. Best of all, his mother and I have talked, and we seem to be on the same page.

Go Karsen!

Marlene Sokol, Times Coach 

A good day for Isabella, frustrating for Elijah

Your child's coach here, proud of Isabella. Remember her from my first post of the season? Just a few weeks ago, she was backing away from the ball in defense. We worked hard during practice, and recently she ran for the ball and saved it more times than I can count.

Poor Elijah, shown here in warm-up. He's a truly gifted player, so I asked him to mark the other team's star, known throughout the league as "the X-Man." To his credit, Elijah got the ball away from X-Man a bunch of times. But each time he tried to run with it, X-Man's teammates tripped him. We're not supposed to complain to the refs during the game, and I probably follow that rule more closely than any other coach. But I did talk to the ref afterward because it was really obvious, and the parents on my team were pretty upset. So even though we lost AGAIN, these players (and others) showed genuine growth.

If there are any coaches out there, please tell me: How do you handle reffing issues without inciting a riot, or getting a yellow card??? 

-- Marlene Sokol, Times Coach

Your child's coach: Post-game drama

My team lost recently, 6-0. But at least my parents didn't turn on me. Here's league president Tony Rivera mediating a post-game discussion between parents and coaches of a U-12 game.

I'm not going to take sides in this one, because both sides had legitimate grievances. And it doesn't help when several of your players have parents who coach (and have strong opinions about how it should be done.)

Much of the discussion involved the practice schedule. Is it right to train on Thursday nights when the kids have so many exams on Friday? Or to expect the kids to show up both Tuesday and Thursday? You can let them choose just one night, but then they never practice as a team. You can bench them for not attending practices. But then you're punishing a kid whose parents' cars broke down, or who was sick.

I hope they work things out so I can go back to showing you cute pictures of my U-6-ers.

All right, here's Gaby taking a goal kick.

-- Marlene Sokol, Times Coach 

Your child's coach: Shocked!

Okay, so the truth is that I wasn't supposed to take a soccer team this season, too hard to juggle coaching with my new work schedule. But the league was desperate, so I took a team just long enough to find a parent to replace me. Within days a woman stepped up who solved my weeknight practice problem. She lives at the field and she's great with the kids.

In the meantime, we struggled all week with the rain. You know how it goes if you're a coach. The clouds appear at 3 p.m. and parents start calling you. "Will it rain tonight?" I sometimes want to answer, "Am I God?" It's always been my policy to wait until about an hour before practice time before deciding. It still could clear up, in which case you feel like a dope. But people have to get dressed and drive, and so forth.

Anyhow, the woman who coaches the weeknight practice is more adventurous than I am, and she tracks storms on Weather Underground. So we cut it a little close this past week. By the time I called all the parents on the second rainy night, it was 15 minutes past practice time. It was POURING and, worse, a fierce thunderstorm had developed. I mean, the lightning was right on top of us.

And wouldn't you know that when I called one of the dads -- who also coaches some -- he said, "we're at the field!"

NOOOOOOOOOO!

I told the practice coach, and I will tell any coach who reads this, you absolutely cannot have sports practice in a thunderstorm. Rain is one thing -- and for little kids, I let parents use their judgment. If you have a kid who gets sick with the first rain drop, stay home. Then again, this if Florida and as long as it is not cold AND rainy, you can let your child play if he's tough enough to handle it.

But electrical storms are an absolute no-no. Coaches, don't risk it. And parents, just turn that car around and take the kids home.

-- Marlene Sokol, Times Coach

Your Child's Coach: Just had to take this photo

I've written before about my husband, who thinks U-6 soccer is stupid. He has some good points -- it's stupid if you take it too seriously and put any pressure whatsoever on the kids. But I say, show them a good time and let the game teach the child. It's a good foundation -- again, if you let the kids be kids.

Observe our first game. Mine were the ones in purple.

Yeah, this was in the middle of a game! Don't ask me what was so fascinating down there.

Fortunately, we won on goals by Julian and Giancarlo. And a really good defense by a young player named Christian (not shown).

I always say, leave your ego at home and pack your sense of humor!

Marlene Sokol, Times Assistant Coach

Whether child is athlete or just having fun, help them stay in the game

Isabella was 4 when I started coaching her. Athletically, she wasn't the most competitive player. But I noticed that when she would arrive late, the children's faces would light up. "Isabella!" They would squeal. She is just a delightful child.

Two years later she is still playing, and I'm proud to be her coach again. Her dad is an accomplished player who declined our invitation to run a team. But one way or another, I'm going to get him on board as assistant coach. Gabriella, another 6-year-old with a bubbly personality like Isabella's, is also on the team. I'm not even asking Gaby's mother to be team mom. I left her a message on voice mail. Tag, you're it.

It's a cliche to say that I plan to show these kids "a good time." But the fact is, some of them are athletes the way I am an athlete. I took up tennis this summer for the first time in 51 years. I play as often as I can, and joined a Sunday morning league. Usually I lose. Badly. But I just absolutely love playing, my doctor says it's good for my bones, and I can see incremental improvements along the way. I am sure Isabella and Gaby will go farther in soccer than I ever will in tennis. My job is to keep giving them reasons to stay in the game.

Marlene Sokol,

Times coach

Skip the junk food and try these easy game snacks

Kids are back to school and back on the field and that makes it doubly hard for a family to get a healthy meal in between homework and running to the ballfield. This list of healthy snacks to keep in your cooler is a good place to start. And in this story, you can find out what student athletes are eating -- and what they actually should be eating.

One of the ways to work in a sort-of family dinner is to pack like it's a picnic and have a meal on the sidelines with cold chicken, fruit and salads. I tend to go the route of staving off hunger with a snack before and/or after and getting home for a decent meal. Not that I don't do it far too often, but going through a drive-through lane for fast food after a healthy afternoon of exercise feels like a failure to me.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

Your Child's Coach: Another season ends

I don't know the name of this dog. It scampers across the soccer field about once a week in the middle of a game. Why do the owners take such a risk? Beats me.

In a way I am happy to see our season end, as we had more trouble with parents than ever before. We actually did have police at the field one night. "The economy, stupid," a lawyer source suggested and yes, come to think of it, one of the parents who gave us agita had a foreclosure on his house. Another had been married a slew of times, and the child's father had a long record of drug arrests.

So to recap: We get all kinds of families, from all kinds of circumstances, some a bit eccentric, some downright scary, and sometimes they don't play nicely. The parents, that is. The kids, they play just fine.

I am very proud of my soccer program. Hard as this season was, it was gratifying to meet the challenges it presented. Seeing the children leap for joy after scoring a goal, or making a save, or coming in as the underdogs to win a championship, made it all worthwhile. They're kids just once. And these are magic moments.

A thing to remember, though, when contemplating the diverse circumstances of our families: Never, ever start an argument at a children's sporting event. You just don't know what might result.

-- Marlene Sokol, Times Coach

Is it okay to let a kid quit activities?

A mom I know is struggling with this issue of stick-to-it-tiveness and her kindergartener. Her daughter begged to do dance lessons and the season is long, September to June. By December she was already whining she didn't want to go anymore. Her mom wouldn't hear of it and made her follow through on her commitment. Now summer is here, and her kids are on a local swim team.

Once again, her daughter begged her to do it. The mom was going to be at the pool anyway because her older son loves the swim team. But she cautioned her that swim teams can be tough -- she knows firsthand because she was a swim team member. They practice every afternoon for 40 minutes and have a meet every Saturday. She reminded her how she had gotten tired of the dance lessons half way through. No way, the girl insisted, "I want to swim."

I'm sure you know where this story is headed. Not three weeks into swim practice, the girl is whining about not wanting to go. "My arms hurt by the end," she whines. "It's not fun."

In the poolside debate, we moms agreed that the reason we like sports is they provide a good life lesson about being a part of a team, working hard and improving even when you don't feel like it. I think it makes for good future employees.

"But she's only 5," one mom argued. It would be one thing if she were a teen. But at 5, can she really realize what she's in for?

We all agreed, the stick-with-it stuff is an important lesson, but should it be tempered by the age of a child? Can a 5 year old really understand what she's getting into and be blamed for getting bored with swim practice every. freaking. day. (Can you tell I'm already bored with it?)

My suggestion was to flip the issue around and dangle a reward for being ready to go and no whining. I'm thinking a gold star every day she's good about it and 5 gold stars gets you an extra half hour at bedtime, or she gets to pick the family game night activity or some other reward that she would look forward to. Another mom friend suggested imposing a whining tax. Any child who begs to be on a team will have to pony up some of your costs if they start whining about it. Mom gets a full refund if they want to quit.

I like that idea, though I'm not sure a 5 year old values money yet. But it's a good way to show them that there's a cost to all this as well.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

Your Child's Coach prefers to remember what went right

Weeks after we suspended two whole teams because of parental misconduct on our U-12 soccer field, we started seeing some of the same in U-6. Unthinkable, with players as young as 4. You are probably tired of reading here about obnoxious parents. So, instead, I'll tell you what went right at a late-season game between the M&Ms and the Scorpions.

It was 70 degrees with a light breeze, perfect playing conditions. The M&Ms had a full team; the Scorpions had only five players, one arriving late. So technically, the game was a forfeit. But the two coaches agreed to play anyway, fielding comparable sides with their oldest kids in the defense.

I got to see many of the children I have coached in prior seasons: Jaylene and Albert on the Scorpions, Santiago, Caleb and Isabella on the M&Ms. Every child, even the 4-year-olds, was fully engaged, laughing and smiling, and getting touches on the ball. Albert and Caleb, 6-year-olds on opposing sides, played such a skillful defense that the ball rarely left the field. Over and over, I saw them race to the ball in a rubber-legged motion they will put to use as they advance in the sport.

I also saw Jaylene, who is turning 6, do something she has done since she was 4: She ran off the field to hug Mom, who caught a high-flying goal kick. You cannot be in a bad mood around Jaylene. The coaches laughed and smiled throughout. They gave gentle instructions. But mostly, they stood back and watched the kids run and play and learn.

If you have a child in sports, you can easily get disgusted by the adult behavior that you witness every Saturday morning.

Or you can reflect on the benefits -- physical, emotional and developmental -- that occur as Santiago gains focus, Caleb shoots with more precision, Isabella attacks the ball instead of shying away from it, and Albert hears his name called by a cheering crowd. So I will spare you a recounting of who-said-what about those borderline goals (one off a throw-in, the other caught between the legs and on the line).

My 15-year-old daughter was the referee who got an earful at this match and in the one that followed. For her trouble, she earned $16. And, of course, a lesson in human behavior.

-- Marlene Sokol, Times Coach