Parents, park your helicopters

Bravo for Time magazine's cover story this week noting the backlash that is growing over "the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads."

"The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they'll fly higher. We're often the ones who hold them down."

*applause applause*

I'm really getting tired of defending the fact that I let my 6 year old walk the dog alone or a 10 year old roam the neighborhood on his bike and just check in now and again, or go a whole season without being signed up for any organized sports. We live in a nice quiet neighborhood, not downtown Tehran, but you'd think I was letting them play in a minefield. In the last 15 years, the crime rate has plunged, but anxiety has skyrocketed. 

Fear of danger is one thing, fear of failure is another. That's where tutors and music lessons and pitching coaches come in.  And that's where an overparenting backlash is also coming from the Slow Parenting Movement, which says it's okay to take a simpler approach to parenting and cut back on all those extra activities and toys. The message: Parents should just chill. It's okay to pay attention to your own needs and back off on the kids. Everyone will be happier.

-- Sharon Kennedy Wynne

Keeping tabs on baby

I got it at my baby shower. One base. Two remotes.

I use it every night. I take it with me when we travel. It comforts me.It’s the baby monitor.

I have weaned myself from carrying it around the house when my daughter naps during the day. She’s a big girl now, and when she wakes she usually babbles contently or calls out for me. (Momm-eeee, she says. It's music to my ears. Okay, I digress.)

But at night, it’s a different story. My husband has started to forget to turn the monitor on. It’s on your side of the bed, he says. I’m always on my game and turn it on.

Even if I hear my 19-month-old daughter, who sleeps in her room in her crib, whimper or whine at night, I don’t automatically jump up and rush to her side. Most of the time, I listen intently and allow her to settle herself. Being able to listen is the thing. But, I’ve started to wonder how much longer I should keep it up? By tuning in to her every breath at night, am I hovering?

-- Sherri Day

[Fisher-Price Private Connection Monitor with Dual Receivers]

Momma, are you going to work today?

It comes like clockwork if I'm putting on makeup or nice clothes. The query from my 4-year-old daughter, eyes wide, sweetness in her voice, arms firmly wrapped around my leg: "Momma, are you going to work today?"

Undoubtedly, my answer is yes and no matter how I say it, the tears start flying. "Noooooooooooooooooooo!! You ALWAYS go to work. Please stay home with me just today! Please!!!"

I am not exaggerating when I say I field this question at least five times a week. Each time I apologize, explain how a job is a way to support our family, and point out that Saturday or Sunday is only so many days away. Lot of good that does. 

The issue seems exacerbated by a recent run of vacations for us, where I have been able to spend several days in a row with her. And even though I give her notice when that time off is up, she falls back into her daily goodbye trauma. All this despite the fact that my husband works from home and is with her every day.

Mind you, I share this not out of complaint, but rather out of sadness. Truth is, I would love to just once say, "You know what, sweetie? I will stay home with you today. Let's play!"

-- Amy Hollyfield    

[Jupiterimages]

Parents are best protection against drownings

At left, Chrishnay Hicks, 6, splashes with instructor Kristen Campbell during swimming lessons at North Shore pool in St. Petersburg while Madison Hamilton, 4, clings to instructor A.J. Augustine as he helps Grant Jordan, 4, float. [Times photo -- Edmund D. Fountain]

From Thursday's Times, comes a story all parents need to read. Children are drowning and more often than not, it's in the backyard pool. Here's the start of the story by Times reporters Stephanie Hayes and Andy Boyle:

The stories are chilling, and so often the same.
The child, tiny and teeming with curiosity, escapes his parents’ sight for just a flash.
He wanders outside.
He finds the pool.
This year in Tampa Bay — a place bordered by ocean and paved with pools — it keeps happening.
May 25: Brayden Lague, 18 months, left his parents for a couple of minutes at home in Tarpon Springs. His father found him floating in the pool.
May 26: Mariah Kras, 2, got out of her family’s mobile home in Spring Hill and climbed a deck to the above-ground pool while her mother slept.
June 11: Matthew Mannix III, 1, drowned in a Dunedin pool after he left his crib and opened a bathroom door leading outside.
June 16: Kevin Walker, 18 months, drowned in Odessa after wandering out of his mother’s view and falling into a partially emptied pool.
This month, two more boys nearly drowned, one at Fort De Soto Park and another at a St. Petersburg pool party.
The number creeps up every year.
Summer has just begun.

In addition, we compiled the best pool safety advice, from fencing and gates, to alarms, swimming lessons and your role as a parent in protecting your children.

Share your stories, tips and concerns with a comment on this post. Talking about it is a good start.

-- Amy Hollyfield

A Dad's Day no brainer: tix to the Father Daughter Dance

 When I was in fourth grade, my school held a breakfast called Muffins for Moms that was exclusively for the boys and their mothers. We girls got the better deal, in my opinion: the Father-Daughter Square Dance. For weeks leading up to the shindig, our PE teacher taught us to do-si-do and swing our partners -- in this case, the boys in the class. On the night of the big dance, our elementary school gym teemed with dads and girls, plaid shirts, more denim than Jay Leno's closet and, as I recall, donuts. Lots and lots of donuts.

To this day, I couldn't demonstrate a square dance call to save my life. Don't ask me how to "shoot the star" or do an "all around the left-hand lady." But ask me how to secure the bond between fathers and daughters, and I'll say spending quality one-on-one time is a great start. (That's me with my dad, Fred Wheatt, at my wedding rehearsal last February. Sadly -- or fortunately -- I have no pictures from the Father-Daughter Square Dance.

For all the Poppas (and Poppa-figures) and daughters out there, Deejay Stu Robinson of 95.7 The Beat will host his third-annual Father Daughter Dance from 5-8 p.m. Sunday at Alfano Conference and Banquet Center in Tampa. Tickets are $25 per person. You have until Friday to get them here. Doors open at 4 p.m. for seating and photos.

“It was no hidden secret in my family that my dad and my sister had this special bond. Getting older, I saw that bond that my dad and my sister had. I want that same bond with my daughter,” said Stu, whose 11-year-old daughter, Tyeisha Hairston, comes down from her home in Greensboro, N.C., to attend the bash each year. (That's Stu with Ty on your right. All together now: Awwww...)

The Poppa and little girl in your life get dressed up, enjoy a buffet dinner and sashay the night away to sweet songs like Luther Vandross’ Dance with My Father and Bob Carlisle’s Butterfly Kisses. They can always go out for donuts afterward.

-- Guest Momma Dalia Colon

Almost to that golden age: 4 years old

It's been four joyous, challenging years, but my little girl is almost there. Almost to that golden age of  toddlerdom, as I call it, when her big-girl instincts kick in and she's a joy to take almost anywhere. Tantrums are scarce, curiosity is fierce and fun is first rate.

Almost since she was born, I've been waiting for her 4th birthday. That's about the time my older daughter turned the corner of early childhood. And, about the time I got pregnant with the little one. I relished the time before the baby, knowing full well my days of freedom were numbered. Not that having a 4-year-old was easy, but my husband and I both recognized the flexibility her maturing personality allowed.

Now we're closing in on that milestone with the baby. And I couldn't be happier. I've struggled many times these first few years, knowing I couldn't take her certain places because of her volatile nature (okay, that may be too harsh a word, but you mommas know what I mean). Usually it meant splitting the family up: Daddy/Big Sis here, Mommy/Little Sis there, or vice versa. With so little family time to begin with, the separations were painful. Some times, we just didn't go anywhere at all. Certainly, it was easier that way.

And who isn't ready to leave the tantrums behind? I've seen so many tears today alone, I'm eager to move on to happier days. Just a couple more months of the 3's and I'm there!

-- Amy Hollyfield

Share your photos of Tampa Bay moms

In honor of Mother's Day, we'd like to see your favorite Mom photos. Above, you can see some of the sweet pictures that readers submitted last Mother's Day.

Smile, Mom: E-mail photos to submit@tampabay.com. Please make sure to include your name and photo details -- tell us who is in the photo with Mom and where the photo was taken. We'll highlight the photos on Let's Talk and in tampabay.com's Community Photo Gallery.

You also can register to join tampabay.com's Community Photo Gallery for free and upload your own photo galleries.

God, what if I lose him?

Family vacations are usually just the three of us: Mom, Dad, six-year-old. Which means we spend a lot of time acting as our son's playmate in kiddie pools, gooney golf courses and arcades.

So I wasn't entirely surprised when he asked if he could bring a friend on our weekend get-away to the Nickelodeon Hotel. (At least he's stopped asking for a baby brother.)

Surprising myself, I said "yes," and in two days we'll be a gang of four heading to Orlando.

For now, I'm freaking out a little. What if the kid wants to go home in the middle of the night? What if he won't eat? Or he gets lost? Or he's really naughty? I can't threaten to toss the Nintendo of some other Momma's baby out the window for bad behavior -- can I?

Any advice for handling Other People's Children?

Long-distance Momma

I'm not an emotional person. Hardly a mushy momma. Definitely no PDA gal. But since I took a temporary work assignment a few hundred miles away from home, everything inside is out.

I miss them. Totally and completely. My heart aches and I constantly worry about theirs. The 3 year old usually never fusses when I leave for work or errands. It's always, "Bye, Mom!!" But recently, when I said goodbye to drive back to Tallahassee, she sobbed and hugged me like never before. I drove the whole way thinking about her body glued to mine and wondering how I could ever make it up to her.

The 8 year old appears more brave about the whole experience, but I know it's hurting her just as much. We talk on the phone twice a day, and sometimes exchange e-mails. It's not the same. It never could be.

Taking this amazing professional opportunity was a heart-wrenching decision. How could I leave them? How could I leave my husband? With his total support, I took the risk. It's for two months, and for these first few weeks, I can drive home every weeked.

The truth is, I'm so busy working this new assignment, I wouldn't see them at all even if I were home. But I would be closer. Able to sneak a hug or a laugh or a smile once a day. Instead, I try to send hugs through the phone. Pray that I'm not scarring them for life.

Mommas, give me strength. I really need it.

-- Amy Hollyfield

[Photos.com]

My 5 year old races cars -- am I crazy?

Absolutely not.

Sure. He can't even ride a bicycle without training wheels yet. And his car zooms at about 25 mph surrounded by as many as seven other kids in the 8 and younger crowd.

What am I thinking?

Well, honestly, I'm thinking that he's safely buckled in, protected with a helmet, gloves, fire suit and a cage. It's probably safer than playing on the offensive line of some flag football team.

And more importantly, this is what my son loves. And aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids to try new things, learning all they can along the way so they can be their best?

Blame it on Pixar.