"Twilight" fades

I wanted to like Twilight, I really did. I'm certain that the gaggle of 'tween and teen girls commanding the theater did, judging by their reaction. This was a rare time when AMC Theater's introductory logo got a round of applause just for suggesting the movie would begin in mere seconds.

I got a kick out of that, along with the earlier forest of raised hands seeking the attention of a radio station flack (wearing a "Team Edward" t-shirt) to answer impressively trivial questions about Stephenie Meyer's book series. Keep reading, kids. It'll pay off with a better movie version of a fave someday.

In a theater seating around 250 people, I counted only 33 males, excluding those of us working as critics and security staff, so we had to be there. A few men I recognized as "chronics," what we call folks seen at nearly every free screening because they haunt ticket giveaways like Marley's ghost.

One guy there by choice was Alex Huie, 22, of Tampa, who spent the pre-show time sitting alone in a handicapped section seat safely away from everyone but me. Alex clutched a copy of Meyer's The Host, which isn't part of the Twilight series. He calls himself a "hit and miss" reader, so an author must really work to keep his attention. He's also a romantic, judging by his response to my question about the seduction potential of knowing books that mostly females enjoy:

"I would like to think so," he said. "But to find something that intense?

"I'd like to think so"

Alex started to say something else but was drowned out by the AMC logo cheer. I said we might talk after the show. But as soon as the end credits began, a lovely young woman he was separated from (get to free screenings early!) leaped into his lap, hugging and cooing about the movie. Never underestimate the power of literacy and cinema, kids.

And the movie? It's fairly dull, if you're not into Robert Pattinson's eyebrows that are thicker than his lips, and his perpetually sullen expression intended to evoke James Dean (you can Google that reference, kids). Dean has been dead for 53 years and can still emote better than Pin-Up Pattinson. His pallor matched the Pacific Northwest landscape perfectly, which is a polite way of saying he blended into the background.

I liked Kristen Stewart as Bella, although she constantly resembled Sigourney Weaver in Alien, tentatively touring high school halls instead of a spaceship. Their expressions of curious dread are the same. Stewart was in my favorite movie last year, Into the Wild, giving me a taste of the automatic affection that "Twilighters" felt for everything else.

Director Catherine Hardwicke previously displayed a nice way with teen angst, in Thirteen and Lords of Dogtown. That kind of creative empathy made Twilight's high school and parental interactions better than the script alone.

But Hardwicke treats this material so darn seriously. The best parts of the movie occur when tongues slip past vampiric incisors and lodge firmly in cheeks: Bella meeting the Cullen family, trying to be on their best, non-biting behavior; any scene with Bella's blithely protective police chief father (Billy Burke); and the scholastic twits Bella endures at school, driving her toward the dangerous Cullen clan. Humor is what Meyer's material deserves, not austerity.

And this is a very passive movie, considering it's about vampires. Only one neck and a forearm get bitten, and both are tame attacks. Twilight literally needs more teeth. Watching Edward and his kind  scrambling up pine trees and swooping like love bugs toward windshields is only exciting the first time.

But Twilight will make a bundle at the box office this weekend, likely enough to jumpstart the sequel New Moon that Hardwicke not-so-subtly promises at Twilight's last gleaming. Do the math: 17-million books sold times an average $7 per movie ticket, plus several thousand dragged-along boyfriends and uninformed horror geeks responding to the word "vampire" like Pavlov's dog.

Comments

[Cassie]

Okay, so i saw the movie before reading the book, and i was totally lost.

if it wasn't for my best friend, i would probably have left the theater.

i'm dissapointed with a lot of the differences, however i don't think that it's a bad movie. it was a good attempt. plus, rob pattinson is hot as hell.

and the books? well those are just fantastic (:.

[Casey]

Haven't seen the movie yet, but the book was amazing! Just look at the ratings, but man if you guys reallly say it's that bad, then maybe I will reconsider & wait to rent it-- :/

[Marissa]

That Robert Pattinson dude needs to eat a sandwich. Bloody raw or well done. Just eat!

[Natsu]

Brad - Don't say that!! The book was awesome!! I couldn't get enough. Which is why I wanted the movie to be perfect too.

[Spiky Sandy]

I'm so disappointed in the movie reviews. I read all four books in less than a week; they were that infectious and good. Maybe I'll spare my husband the torture of going to see the movie and wait to watch it on PPV. Thanks for the comments, everyone.

[Brad]

Dull movie, form a dull poorly written book. That's a shock

[A.H.]

My daughter wants to see this movie so badly. I think it's only because it is about vampires. She's never read the books, and doesn't even know what it's about. I think I'm going to try and keep her so involved in other things this weekend so she doesn't even think about the fact she missed the opening weekend.

[Michelle]

Oh, well. I'll still go see it (just to satisfy my curiosity) and hope they have a bigger budget (and better screenwriting) for New Moon. Thanks for the heads up, everyone.

[Natsu]

Oh yeah, and I feel bad for the people who watch the movie that never read the book. They'll be lost within 20 minutes.

[Natsu]

Michelle - I think the constant mobbings and attention that Rob Pattinson's getting is the hype that lead's this movie to it's doom. The actors themselves did not come out and glorify this film. It was the screaming teens and twilight moms that made this film bigger than life. All the actors had said when they started filming they knew it was low budget and wasn't going to be as big as it is now. I love Rob Pattinson; however, his acting was not up to par. Of course, he had a few lines that made me melt, but he didn't portray "my" Edward. The script could have been much better. I caught myself saying, "Hey! That's not in the book!" or "That's not what they said!" more often than I hoped. If they had to add another 30 minutes to the movie to make it true to the book, I don't think the fans would have minded. I wouldn't have. Another 30 minutes of Rob is okay with me. :)

[Shannon]

It was just a bad movie. Don't get me wrong, I laughed through the majority of it, but I don't think that was the reaction I was supposed to have. My expectations weren't high. I knew it wouldn't be as good as the book, but I didn't think it would be terrible. Other than names, towns and basic plot it was nothing like the book. Key scenes & dialogue were totally changed. I'm all for editing, but since when did that include adding things that never happened & failed to move the storyline along? Go see it, just don't expect much unless you're 14 or younger.

[Michelle]

So - is it just really cheesy, poorly acted, poorly written, or just very low budget overall? It sounds like it is very close to the book, and I thought the previews looked okay (not Oscar material, of course, but not terrible either). Are the expectations so high that we will be disappointed no matter what?

[Natsu]

Geez Louise, I wanted this to be a great movie!!!! But, like the others above me already said, this movie was a huge disappointment. I went with Shannon, Melanie and Pam and the whole time I just kept saying, "It's going to get better, It's going to get better..." Melanie's right. It got better when I got served my amaretto on the rocks at Logan's. I almost feel betrayed as a fan that Stephanie would allow her book to be filmed like that. Didn't she feel her work deserved something better than this? What about the devoted fans that's putting millions into her pockets? I know I deserved better.

[Pam]

I totally agree, this movie was a bust! I was so looking forward to the movie and I'm a 28 year old teacher, but I was VERY upset at what I saw. Most of the great scenes from the book were mutilated: the meadow scene, when Bella affirms she knows Edward is a vampire, Alice's visions, Carlisle's past that leads him to eating only animals. I kept asking myself "what was this movie's budget?" It looked as if were it made in a basement using a MacBook. Jasper's constipation face? Priceless. Edward's trying to control himself in science? Pathetic. Vampires dancing around James' body in the fire? Moronic. I will definately not be seeing the movie again.

[Steve Persall]

Well said (and shouted), Jason.

[Melanie]

Jason A. - I agree 100%!!

[Jason A.]

Vampire Film Rule #1: You cannot make a vampire movie without teeth.

Vampire Film Rule #2: YOU CANNOT MAKE A VAMPIRE MOVIE WITHOUT TEETH.

[Michelle]

This is what I was afraid of - the anticipation for this movie is out of control, and it will probably be a disappointment. The low budget didn't help, I'm sure. I still want to see it, but I'm preparing myself for a let down. (Love the books, and actually prefer New Moon or Eclipse, so hopefully they will get made into movies with a bigger budget.)

[Melanie]

I think the best part of the movie was going to Logan's Roadhouse afterwards to discuss it!! I, like everyone else, read the book. I had envisioned things so differently. There were scenes in the movie that weren't in the book. I wanted the ballet studio scene to be better. I wanted to love this movie!! I agree with Shannon, who I went to the movie with, that Robert Pattinson looked constipated, especially when he sees Bella for the first time. He looked like he was in pain.

I will see this movie again because my daughters want to see it. Yes, I am a mother, and not some teenager or 20-something. However, I don't expect it to be any better the second time around.

I hope that New Moon is better. Higher budget, better screenplay and for the love of God, stick to the storyline!

[Sherrie]

Thanks for the scoop, I've been wondering how the film would pan out. I'm a school librarian for a grade 5-9 school, and there are girls (and a few boys) who are nearly driven to seizures in their excitement over this movie. I've read all 4 of the Twilight books (and The Host), but I think this movie can wait for a slow week on my Netflix queue next summer.

[Shannon]

I knew it was going to be bad, but had no idea it would be that bad! Unfortunately, I think you're being a little too generous calling it dull. It was like a train wreck that you couldn't stop watching! I kept waiting to see the guy & robot from Mystery Science Theater 3000 in the bottom corner of the screen. The "perpetually sullen expression" of Rob Pattinson looked more like contipation to me.
I loved the books, but this movie was so far off that I would expect to find it on CW44 on a Saturday afternoon soon. Of course, realistically I'm aware that won't happen for a long time since it will no doubt make tons of money off of young girls as soon as their parents give them their allowance. My only thought on a sequel is "Please Dear God let the next one be better." Actually, I think Stephenie Meyer should just get over her tantrum and finish Midnight Sun so that we can focus on another good book instead of another low budget film full of bad acting!