2009 Movie Preview, Part One (January-June)

No sense waiting until January 1 to look ahead to 2009, at least when it comes to movies. Hollywood has been prepping for next year since last year, with some projects in the planning stages while Barack Obama was only a blip on the evening news.

On the next two posts, I've listed a few dozen titles that seem like solid bets for box office success or Oscars prestige (because we know those don't usually go hand-in-hand). Release dates are subject to change, especially from this faraway vantage.

You'll notice that no releases in January or February are noted, when Hollywood uses its muscle and marketing on late-year releases for maximum ticket sales and awards momentum.

Oh, new stuff will be hitting theaters but if those movies were truly worthwhile they'd open in the summertime or on holiday weekends. Consider those early 2009 movies as your summertime video rentals (that won't compete with the juicy stuff in theaters then). Here we go:

Watchmen (March 6) -Alan Moore's classic graphic novel on screen is what fanboyz (and girlz) are panting to see. St. Petersburg's Patrick Wilson plays one of several former superheroes reunited to investigate the murder of their friend in a pre-apocalyptic world. (Watch trailer)

Monsters vs. Aliens (March 27) - The title's high concept, Dreamworks' fun approach to animation and a killer cast of voices (Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Stephen Colbert) make this THE 'toon of the year. (Watch trailer)

Hannah Montana: The Movie (April 10) - Maybe Miley Cyrus' fans will have grown out of that habit by April. Doubt it.

The Soloist (April 24) - This was touted as a 2008 awards contender then pushed back to next spring. Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey, Jr. are talented enough to overcome the stigma that late uncertainty brings. (Watch trailer)

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1) - Hugh Jackman returns as the most popular X-Man, perhaps kicking off a series of origins projects since the first trilogy played out. Can't wait to see how Beast was born. (Watch trailer)

Star Trek (May 8) - Delayed from the holiday season, J.J. Abrams' reboot of the franchise is poised to be one of 2009's biggest hits. Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto are Kirk and Spock 2.0, younger and hopefully better actors. (Watch trailer)

Angels & Demons (May 15) - Ron Howard films the prequel to The Da Vinci Code, another theological thriller set when Tom Hanks' hair looks normal. (Watch trailer)

Bruno (May 15) - Sasha Baron Cohen does his Borat thing on more unsuspecting people, this time posing as a flamboyantly gay fashionista.

Night at the Museum: Battle at the Smithsonian (May 22) - Same Ben Stiller and Robin Williams routines, different museum to trash. (Watch trailer)

Terminator: Salvation (May 22) - James Cameron makes a big comeback in 2009 with two new adventures (see part 2 for Avatar).  (Correction: Cameron ducked out of T:S) This one has grown-up John Connor (Christian Bale) still battling those Skynet villains. (Watch trailer)

Up (May 29) - Pixar continues its serious approach to animation with a fantasy about an old man (voice of Ed Asner) on a helium balloon flight over South America. (Watch trailer)

Land of the Lost (June 5) -The 1970's Saturday morning cult classic becomes a movie starring Will Ferrell as ranger Rick Marshall, Danny McBride (Tropic Thunder) as Will and Anna Friel as Holly.

The Taking of Pelham 123 (June 12) - Remake of a superb 1974 thriller, in which subway hijackers hold passengers for ransom. Denzel Washington plays the detective negotiating with lead crook John Travolta.

Year One (June 19) - Jack Black and Michael Cera playing cavemen on the loose. I smell MTV Movie Awards.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (June 26) - More robo-cars and noise from director Michael Bay, working with the same core cast (Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhanel) because they know a cash cow when they milk it.

For more movies (July-December), click here.

2009 Movie Preview, Part Two (July-December)

Continuing our peek ahead at 2009's most intriguing movie projects, you'll notice that from July through the holidays, Hollywood becomes more aware that awards season is approaching: Fewer comic book adaptations and more best selling novels. Nothing else for Matthew McConaughey, Zac Efron and Sandra Bullock to plug on celebri-tainment shows.

Of course, these won't be the only movies worth contending for box office records and year-end awards. More will come into focus when Sundance, Cannes, Toronto and Telluride festivals unspool sleepers flying under the radar right now. Keep in mind that nobody heard of Slumdog Millionaire at this time last year.

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (July 1) - More animated hijinks with Manny the mammoth (Ray Romano), Diego the saber-toothed tiger (Denis Leary) and Sid the sloth (John Leguizamo).

Public Enemies (July 1) - Director Michael Mann goes retro-gangster with John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) and Baby Face Nelson (Stephen Graham) pursued by FBI agent Melvis Purvis (Christian Bale).

2012 (July 10) - Roland Emmerich almost destroyed Earth in The Day After Tomorrow. Now he's back to finish the job, as some doomsday codes have predicted. That'll solve the recession.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (July 17) - Postponed from Thanksgiving 2008, this is 2009's leading contender for the box office crown.

Funny People (July 31) - A stand-up comedian (Adam Sandler) is changed by a near-death experience. Keep in mind that this is another movie from Judd Apatow's raunch 'n roll stable (The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, etc.).

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Aug. 7) - Live action (and probably plenty of it) that should hold fans in its kung fu grip.

Julie & Julia (Aug. 7) - Meryl Streep's annual award fodder? Playing celebrity chef Julia Child, whose recipes changed the life of author Julie Powell (Amy Adams). This has to be more entertaining than their recent pairing in Doubt. 

Taking Woodstock (Aug. 14) - Director Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain) examines the roots of 1969's watershed counterculture concert.

Nine (Sept. 9) - Daniel Day-Lewis again proves (or not) that he can do anything on screen, singing and dancing in an adaptation of the Broadway smash, based on Federico Fellini's 8 1/2.

Fame (Sept. 25) - Updating of Alan Parker's 1980 musical that redefined movie musicals for the MTV era. There must be another Irene Cara or Gene Anthony Ray somewhere in the new cast.

Shutter Island (Oct. 2) - Martin Scorsese plunks a fine cast (Ben Kingsley, Max von Sydow, Michelle Williams, etc.) into an insane asylum in the midst of a hurricane. Based on the novel by Eckerd College icon Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone).

Where the Wild Things Are (Oct. 16) - Maurice Sendak's classic bedtime story gets animated by the ever-bizarre Spike Jonze (Adaptation, Being John Malkovich).

Amelia (Oct. 23) - Hilary Swank aims for Oscar No. 3, playing the ill-fated aviator Amelia Earhart.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox (Nov. 6) - Wes Anderson (The Darjeeling Limited, The Royal Tenenbaums) lends his offbeat style to stop-motion animation, adapting Roald Dahl's book. Voices include George Clooney, Cate Blanchett and Bill Murray; great casting in any format.

The Wolfman (Nov. 6) - Benicio Del Toro shouldn't require as much makeup as Lon Chaney to play the classic monster.

New Moon (Nov. 20) - The sequel to Twilight, with a new director (Chris Weitz) after Catherine Hardwicke had the audacity to tell producers she wanted to take more time to make a better movie than Twilight. The nerve of that woman.

Untitled Three Stooges Project (Nov. 20) - Peter and Bobby Farrelly are biting off a chunk of comedy history, with an still-uncast modernization of the nyuk-nyuk icons. Probably the most likely movie on this list to be postponed, if not dumped.

The Lovely Bones (Dec. 11) - Alice Seybold's novel about a murdered girl (Saorise Ronan) watching over her parents and killer has the extra oomph of being directed by Peter Jackson, hist first work since completing the Rings trilogy.

Avatar (Dec. 18) - Is James Cameron still king of the blockbuster world? This mega-budget, 3D fantasy about a U.S. marine (Sam Worthington) shoved into another planet's problems will answer that.

The Human Factor (late Dec.) - Clint Eastwood must finally be getting old: He has only one project on tap in 2009 after double-dipping in '06 and '08. This biography of Nelson Mandela (with Morgan Freeman as the South African icon) looks like immediate Oscar bait.

Oscars predicting for dummies

The death march to the 80th annual Academy Awards on Feb. 22 has begun, with the traditional year-end flood of critics' balloting and lesser organizations doling out nominations and awards. The academy is always last in the parade but its grandest participant. Everything else is just fodder for discussion about who'll win the most coveted movie prizes of all.

Of course, we don't know who'll be in contention yet. Oscar nomination ballots are being mailed to members today, and are due back to the academy by 5 p.m. PT on Jan. 12. Nominations will be announced 10 days later, when the hype fun begins in earnest.

That doesn't prevent movie hounds from sorting through available clues in the interim. You can impress your friends and neighbors by backing the right horses early. Here are a few tips from an experienced handicapper:

First, pay little attention to critics group balloting, which can become compromised decisions among stubborn minds. Also ignore the Golden Globes (because the Hollywood Foreign Press Association nominates according to the best party invite list possible) and the Spirit Awards (which is the opposite of the Golden Globes; honoring people not famous enough to be invited anywhere, for movies that don't make for pleasant nights boasting/sharing screener dvds with friends).

If anything, look to the nominations for the Screen Actors Guild Awards when handicapping the Oscars. After all, actors comprise the largest voting branch of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences (nearly 2,000 out of 5,810 voting members).

Follow me here: Oscar nominations are determined by each branch voting for its specialty (actors nominate actors, screenwriters nominate screenwriters, and so on). The entire membership votes for all categories on the final ballot, giving actors the chances to swing decisions by sheer numbers.

The SAG awards are entirely decided by actors, so it makes sense that what actors lean toward in their nominations closely correlate with Oscar nominations for acting. It isn't foolproof but darn close.

And when you see SAG nominations for deserving but relatively unknown performances like Richard Jenkins in The Visitor, Melissa Leo in Frozen River and Dev Patel in Slumdog Millionaire, that means they immediately count in preliminary Oscar talk. And shouted loudly if they happen to win on January 25 when the SAG awards are presented.

But SAG's influence doesn't end there. The SAG award for best ensemble cast in a motion picture also becomes a solid barometer for the best picture Academy Award. Recent honorees include future Oscar winners (No Country for Old Men, Chicago) and nominees embraced as dark horses (Little Miss Sunshine, Sideways). The SAG ensemble award also predicted the past decade's most stunning upsets: Shakespeare in Love (over Saving Private Ryan) and Crash (over Brokeback Mountain and Capote).

That trend appears to give 2008's inside track to a best picture Oscar to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Doubt, Slumdog Millionaire, Frost/Nixon and Milk -- this year's ensemble cast nominees.

Beyond that, guessing what Oscar voters will do becomes a game of dominoes with muddled tea leaves for refreshments. Golden Globe final results may slightly influence voters, but don't tell that to Dreamgirls, which couldn't parlay Golden Globes respect into a major Oscar nomination for anything except Eddie Murphy (who blew his chances with Norbit when balloting was going on). A lot of bad decisions in release strategies -- too late, too narrow, too bad -- and ad campaigns can still happen.

It just wouldn't be Hollywood without them.

[AP photo]

My Razzies ballot arrived today

I've covered the Oscars and Spirit Awards in L.A. but neither was as much fun as attending the Golden Raspberry (or Razzies) awards (twice), the annual celebration of the year's worst that Hollywood shoveled into theaters.

One year was when Showgirls swept the balloting for worst picture, actress, screenplay, etc. Director Paul Verhoeven showed up as a good sport, accepting the dubious honors and cheap-o statuettes. I missed the years that Bill Cosby (Leonard, Part 6) and Halle Berry (Catwoman) surprised everyone by personally picking up their awards. The show always features cleverly edited film clips, live comedy entertainment and the snarkiest categories and nominations imaginable.

This year's nomination ballot (from which the final list of nominees will be determined) is no exception. You can find the full list and past winners/losers at the Razzies link above, but here are some examples, (one retitled by Razzies organizers for full humiliation effect):

WORST PICTURE: The combo of Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans (two movies, one badly beaten dead horse); The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good; High School Musical 3: Senior Year; The Hottie and the Nottie; Uwe Boll's In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale AND Boll's Postal; Rambo; Meet Dave; Speed Racer; Witless Protection and The Happening.

WORST SCREEN COUPLE (always one of my favorites, and these are the Razzies' descriptions): Any combination of Two Happy-Faced, Empty-Headed, Two-Left-Footed Teens in High School Musical 3; Uwe Boll and Any Actor, Camera or Screenplay; Any Two Non-Singers/Dancers Singing and Dancing in Mamma Mia!; Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher in What Happens in Vegas; Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore in The Hottie and the Nottie; Kate Hudson and either Dane Cook (My Best Friend's Girl) or Matthew McConaughey (Fool's Gold); Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy in Witless Protection; Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy in Meet Dave; Al Pacino and either his I-slept-on-it wrong hair or his bright orange man-tan in 88 Minutes; Keanu Reeves and any Earthling Dense Enough to Listen to Him in The Day the Earth Blowed Up Real Good; Sylvester Stallone and either his supersonic crossbow or his supersonic ego in Rambo; and Mark Wahlberg and either Zooey Deschanel (The Happening) or Mila Kunis (Max Payne).

And in the special category of WORST CAREER ACHIEVEMENT, as the ballot describes them:

Uwe Boll (Germany's answer to Ed Wood; Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer (Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, ad nauseum); Madonna (Retired Movie Star, Immaterial Girl and our Awl-Time Female Champ); Keanu Reeves ("Dude, Where's My Talent?"); and Sylvester Stallone (a.k.a.GRAMPO, Our Awl-Time Male or Female Champ).

The nomination ballot is due back in L.A. by Jan. 10. Final nominations will be announced shortly thereafter, and the Razzies will be presented on Feb. 21, the day before the Oscars show.

(image from razzies.com)

Robert Mulligan, 83, dies; director of "Mockingbird"

Robert Mulligan wasn't the flashiest director, or the most proficient, with only 19 movies to his credit and none since 1991. But he was a solid craftsman whose movies typically focused on real people in extraordinary situations, most notably his 1962 classic To Kill a Mockingbird.

Mulligan died over the weekend at his Connecticut home, succumbing to longtime heart disease.

Acknowledged as one of the best films ever, with an Oscar winning performance by Gregory Peck ranked as one of the screen's greatest heroes of all time, To Kill a Mockingbird was Mulligan's calling card but by no means his only honorable movie.

I'm partial to Summer of '42, a 1971 release that remains one of the finest coming of age tales ever. It's a movie that I mentioned in a review today for The Reader, which addresses the older-woman fantasy of horny teenage boys in more explicit detail. Anyone who hit puberty in the 70s knows what Jennifer O'Neill meant to our social development.

There's also Up the Down Staircase starring Sandy Dennis as a new teacher in a tough school, a movie that along with To Sir with Love inspired me to become a public school teacher for 16 years.

There was The Nickel Ride, one of the toughest, most underrated crime flicks of the 1970s, named for its antihero's penchant for subbing 5-cent pieces for buckshot in his shotgun loads.

Before that, Mulligan had a nice working relationship with Natalie Wood, directing two of her most affecting, defining performances in Inside Daisy Clover and Love with the Proper Stranger (co-starring Steve McQueen) and Baby, the Rain Must Fall (also with McQueen, making Mulligan one of the rare directors -- Norman Jewison and Sam Peckinpah included -- who'd put up with his shenanigans more than once).

And, in a remarkable change of pace, you won't find a creepier yarn than 1972's The Other ("Holland, where is the baby?")

Like many of his peers, Mulligan found himself on the outs when the blockbuster imperative took over Hollywood. But he did leave one nice postscript: His final film, 1991's The Man in the Moon,
is a terrific coming of age flick in the 1950s Deep South that shows up on cable TV fairly often. The little girl stealing the show grew up to be Academy Award winner Reese Witherspoon. Mulligan always had an eye for talent, as well as a good story.

(Photo above from www.filmreference.com)

Florida Film Critics Circle goes slumming

White smoke billowed from the chimney atop the Miami Sun-Post offices where Florida Film Critics Circle chairman Dan Hudak compiled member votes, signaling the results of our annual vote for the year's top cinematic accomplishments.

Thankfully, the other 12 members saw it my way, voting Slumdog Millionaire the year's top awards for best film, director (Danny Boyle) and screenplay (Simon Beaufoy). It's also interesting to note that the FFCC choice for best picture has won the Oscar two years running (The Departed, No Country for Old Men).

Mickey Rourke (yay!) was named best actor for The Wrestler, with co-star Marisa Tomei (yay and yum!) voted best supporting actress.

Heath Ledger was an overwhelming choice as best supporting actor for The Dark Knight, which also earned best cinematography honors for Wally Pfister. (I preferred the Kubrickian framing of Let the Right One In, which was named 2008's best foreign language film.)

Melissa Leo was a wonderful choice for best actress, although her terrific performance in Frozen River (which just missed my top-10 list) is likelier to be a Spirit Award winner than at the Oscars.

Wall-E was named best animated flick. Man on Wire was voted best documentary.

The Pauline Kael Breakout Award went to Martin McDonagh, writer/director of In Bruges.

The Golden Orange Award, given for outstanding contribution to film in Florida, went to Dick Morris of the Sarasota Film Society -- an overdue honor -- who, as a Hudak news release stated: "has been a tireless champion of foreign, independent and alternative film and whose efforts have been seen in independent theaters and film festivals all over Florida for decades."

The Ten (oops, eleven) Best Movies of 2008

At least according to me.

It's that time again, when anyone with a frequent ticket buyer card chimes in with their picks of the year's cinematic litter. Everybody's right, if they have solid rationale to back up their choices and I believe I do.

For the sake of provoking argument, here's my list:

10. Waltz with Bashir -- An animated documentary; a first in my book. Just making that happen is impressive, the results even more so. Don't worry, you didn't miss it. I saw it at the Telluride festival in September. A local engagement, probably in February, is inevitable after awards season pans out. (Watch trailer)

9. Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson -- You're somewhere around Barstow when the brilliance of Alex Gibney's documentary begins to take hold. Now on DVD. (View trailer)

8. Frost/Nixon -- Frank Langella's immersion into disgraced president Richard Nixon's psyche is Oscar bait. Opens Dec. 25. (View trailer)

7. The double feature of Rachel Getting Married and Happy-Go-Lucky, diverse films about polar opposite women that were reviewed in tandem, so the shared billing fits. Now in theaters, or returning soon. (View 'Rachel' trailer and 'Happy' trailer)

6. Let the Right One In -- The best foreign film of the year, a Swedish horror flick that is alternately terrifying and beautiful. Opens Jan. 2 at Tampa Theatre. (View trailer)

5. Milk -- Sean Penn carries this biography of slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk, maybe to another best actor Oscar. Now in theaters. (View trailer)

4. The Wrestler -- Mickey Rourke is Penn's strongest competition, with a semi-autobiographical performance that amazes; physically and emotively. Opens January 9. (View trailer)

3. The Dark Knight -- You may have heard of this one. (View trailer)

2. The Reader -- Kate Winslet's best performance ever, in a stunning combination of Last Tango in Paris, Summer of '42 and Judgment at Nuremburg. Opens Dec. 25. (View trailer)

1. Slumdog Millionaire -- Even if you don't like occasional subtitles, no-name casts and exotic locales, I dare you to not find Danny Boyle's movie entertaining. Opens Friday. (View trailer)

(Photo from Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Sunscreen Film Festival wants you to make movies

Sunscreen Film Festival is offering a four-month course to aspiring filmmakers on using equipment readily available at electronics stores and making their own movies.

The program runs from Jan. 10-March 14, 2009, at Reeves Theater on the University of Tampa campus. (Note on 12/16: Sunscreen's Tony Armer called to say the classes will now be scheduled in St. Petersburg at a site to be determined.) Instructors include Dave DeBorde, professor of cinematic arts at Southeastern University, and Tom Garrett, assistant professor of communication at the University of Tampa.

The program concludes with a screening party at next year's Sunscreen festival, April 29-May 3, 2009.

Instruction fees are $250.00 with a Sunscreen Film Festival membership at the Key Grip level (allowing better access to films and events), or $299.00 without the membership.

According to a news release, the classes -- conducted from 9 a.m. until 7 p.m. on Jan. 10, Feb. 7, March 7 and March 14 -- are geared toward teaching writing and pitching a script; setting up production schedules; planning and shooting shots; directing actors; working with lighting and sound; editing and assembling rough-cuts; inserting credits and more.

Visit the Sunscreen festival Web site for details. For more information, contact Harry Chittenden, at harryc@harryc.net or 727-490-7781.

"On My Honor": Girls Scouts do their best

About three years ago, I did a story on a remarkable project undertaken by eight equally impressive young women: members of Girl Scout Troop 1157 in Pinellas County.

Full disclosure time: One of the scouts is Mimi Rich, whose family graciously allows Princess Di and I to crash at their mountain retreat while visiting the Telluride Film Festival. Mimi's mother Marion is the troop leader who turned me onto this story that would be writable even if they were strangers.

The scouts planned to earn their Gold Award -- a prestigious level in scouting --- by crafting a documentary featuring interviews with famous women whose own Girl Scout experiences paved their ways to success. Read the story linked above for details about their cross-country travels (and occasional travails) to accomplish something that would stymie more experienced adults.

Besides Mimi, the filmmaking scouts include Lauren Copeland, Hannah Jones, Taylor Nash, Shay Perry, Christina Roberto, Danielle Rodnizki and Kelly Sawtelle.

Although most of the girls have graduated from high school and now attend college, they have seen the project through to completion. Now they're ready to share it with the world.

On My Honor will have its world premiere Sunday at Largo Cultural Center, 105 Central Park Blvd. in Largo. The event begins at 3 p.m. with the official presentation of the Gold Award, followed by a screening of On My Honor at 3:30. After the 50-minute movie, I'm flattered to have been asked to moderate a panel discussion on the making of On My Honor with all of the Scouts expected to attend.

I haven't seen On My Honor yet, so I can't vouch for its quality. But if it's anything like the young women who made it, the movie will be a worthwhile experience.

You can contact Marion Rich at 727-791-0024 or MarionRich@aol.com to see if any reserved seats are left.

The list of interviewees is impressive: Alma Powell, co-chairwoman, America's Promise; Carla Hills, former U.S. trade representative; Deborah Norville, television host of Inside Edition; Marianne Alexander, Public Leadership Education Network; Dr. Cynthia Rosenzweig, NASA research scientist; Judith Viorst, author for children and adults; Peggy Sanchez Mills, chief executive officer, YWCA USA; Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, R-Texas; Tina Sloan Green, president/executive director, Black Women in Sport; Judy Woodruff, journalist and former host of Inside Politics; U.S. Rep. Judy Biggert, R-Ill.; Charlene Barshefsky, former U.S. trade representative; Virginia Edwards, editor and publisher of Education Week magazine; Ellen Marram, former president and CEO, Tropicana; Marsha Evans, president and CEO, American Red Cross; Val Ackerman, former president, Women's National Basketball Association; U.S. Rep. Jo Ann Emerson, R-Mo.; Hattie Babbitt, Former U.S. ambassador to the Organization of American States; Rita Braver, national correspondent for CBS News and Sunday Morning; Mary Futrell, dean, George Washington University. Rep. Louise M. Slaughter, D-N.Y. Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, R-Fla.; Deborah Roberts, ABC News correspondent; and Carol Moseley Braun, former U.S. senator and presidential candidate.

Hope to see you there.

Tanned, rested and ready for the year-end push

Yeah, just like Richard Nixon was in 1968.

Hola! after covering 7,000 amazing miles on land, sea and air with Princess Di. The "hola" is compliments of my beginning Spanish teacher Ashley Sferra on the Crystal Serenity cruise ship, so I could communicate friendly with Costa Ricans because that's the kind of guy I am. Ashley became part of our over-the-waves posse, along with cruise jeweler Gena Pagliassotti -- formerly a model and Dr. Alan Quartermaine's illegitimate daughter on General Hospital, one of hundreds of things we laughed about over 11 days.

The second time I escorted these lovely ladies to dinner at Silk Road, the waiters greeted me as "Mr. Lucky." I told them nothing's luck if it happens more than once.

I won't bore you with details but this was a great trip, from Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville on Grand Turk to a submarine dive to 150 feet below surface off Aruba's coast, to a birthday on Pearl Harbor Day with an appropriate barrage of Kamikazes after a superb Pan-Asian dinner. Did you know there's a nifty topless beach on St. Bart's? Or that monos del muerte (monkeys of death) leap off the banks of Panama Canal jungles onto tug boats then cruise ship decks where crewmen in haz-mat suits sweep them away from petrified passengers?

Well, Princess Di made up that last part but the rest is true.

There was also time for movies, including the gracious effort of cruise director Rick Spath to secure the ship's theater for a private screening of Mickey Rourke's triumphant performance in The Wrestler, from a dvd screener I packed. An in-room TV channel was devoted to movies set in our varied locales, including Romancing the Stone, two James Bond flicks, Cocktail, Along Came Polly and Pirates of the Caribbean.

One highlight was a couple of lectures from Ken Fallin, the Wall Street Journal's caricaturist of the rich and famous. Fascinating guy, who led a caricature class that included me as a model. I told him no matter how it turned out, I'd be honored, although I hoped he'd be generous with the hair. He gave me the drawing, allowing me to use it as I see fit. So, without further ado -- and because I have a lot of work to catch up -- I present my new signature pic: