Playboy's 'The Drinking Man's Guide to Cinema'

Yes, I still read Hugh Hefner's magazine, even if his sexual revolution has been neutered over the years. I never felt the need to use the timid alibi: "... but only for the articles." Doing that would be like not carrying an umbrella when it rains. Come to think of it, I think the Playboy Advisor once used that analogy for some completely different situation that can't be described here.

But I digress.

This time, it is an article in Playboy that got my mouth watering. Right there on Pages 48 and 49 of this month's issue, a tribute to potent potables (thanks, Alex Trebek) in the movies: "The Drinking Man's Guide to Cinema." It almost makes me forgive the editors for that terrifying photo of Lisa Rinna and her artificially plumped air mattress lips on the cover. Somebody, please, lance those things.

I digress again.

The article lists eight types of booze with preparation tips matching the cocktail recipes used in famous movies. Just pick your poison -- gin, sake/wine, champagne, whiskey, tequila, party punch, beer or "anything and everything" -- and there's a movie and mix to accompany it.

Here's the short version for each. Enjoy, then get into the spirit and leave your own choices for the best movie booze.

Gin: Drink it watching The Thin Man, in which William Powell offers classic martini-shaking advice: "The important thing is the rhythm. Always have rhythm in your shaking. Now, a Manhattan you shake to fox-trot time, a Bronx to two-step time. A dry martini you always shake to waltz time."

Vodka: My favorite call, especially since The Big Lebowski's White Russian is the suggested mix. Kudos for also mentioning Karen Allen's vodka shot throwdowns in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Sake/wine: Sideways and Bottle Shock are merely honorable mentions here. First prize goes to Jackie Chan chugging sake like Popeye eats spinach in The Legend of Drunken Master.

Champagne: Casablanca, for the scene when Humphrey Bogart toasts Ingrid Bergman with "Here's looking at you, kid."

Whiskey: Tough choice when you think about all those saloons and speakeasies through Hollywood history. Playboy makes a bold choice: Bill Murray's impersonation of gonzo author Hunter S. Thompson in Where the Buffalo Roam: "Necessary equipment: Six grapefruit, a bottle of Chivas, a bottle of Wild Turkey, a hunting knife and your attorney."

Tequila: Another great, off-the-wall pick, but appropriately psychotic: Sam Peckinpah's Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, with a photo of the late, great character actor Warren Oates chugging from the bottle.

Party punch: No contest. National Lampoon's Animal House.

Beer: Not sure I agree with Bob and Doug McKenzie quaffing in Strange Brew. Especially if they're going to mention Walter Matthau's Boilermakers in The Bad News Bears.

And finally...

Anything and everything: Face down, the funniest drunk ever in movies, Dudley Moore in Arthur. Necessary equipment: "The contents of a medium-sized liquor store, a steel liver, plenty of friends, no regrets." Playboy also reminds us of Arthur's shot-glass wisdom: "Not all of us who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we're not poets."

Okay, kiddies, bar's open. What's your call?

Three life certainties: Death, taxes and movies

Figured everyone could use a laugh right now, just a day away from the deadline for filing 2008 income tax returns. But exhuming this old Three Stooges short (well, not that short; you'll find Part 2 at the tail end of this post) made me realize that Hollywood hasn't produced many movies with the "Infernal Revenue Service" as a key player.

Two reasons: People go to movies to escape from life's hassles, and any movies about the April 15 tax deadline would have an extremely limited window for marketing. You wouldn't go out of your way to see a Thanksgiving-themed movie in May, would you?

Besides that, how do you come up with a happy ending about giving away a chunk of your hard-earned dollars?

(Full, tragic disclosure: My mother-in-law works for the IRS. Think that doesn't add a little sting to the process?)

But a little digging came up with these movies in which the IRS' annual harvest of American salaries plays an important or memorable part. If you can't find them on TV or home video, any old Wesley Snipes movie will do.

The Shawshank Redemption -- Prison inmate Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) is an accountant jailed for murder, who does the warden's taxes to gain favor.

The Wheeler Dealers -- James Garner plays a Texas tycoon milking the tax code and New Yorkers for millions.

Bachelor in Paradise -- Bob Hope stars as an author of books for single men whose latest project - dealing with suburban housewives - is a quickie to pay off back taxes.

The Young Philadelphians -- An ambitious law-school graduate (Paul Newman) tackles the (then-)new, lucrative field of tax dodges for clients.

The Mating Game -- An old farmer has never filed income taxes, prompting a stuffy IRS agent (Tony Randall) to investigate. Soon, the only form he's interested in handling is the farmer's daughter (Debbie Reynolds).

The Last Gangster -- Edward G. Robinson plays a mobster shipped to Alcatraz for income tax evasion. Yes, it was inspired by Al Capone's trouble with the IRS.

The Jackpot -- A nice guy (Jimmy Stewart) wins a $24,000 prize on a radio show (yay!) then realizes he must pay taxes on it (boo!).

The V.I.P.s -- Liz Taylor and Richard Burton starred in this ensemble melodrama but Orson Welles added comic relief as a filmmaker forced to marry his star to avoid paying $1 million in back taxes.

Stranger Than Fiction -- An IRS agent (Will Ferrell) whose life is supernaturally controlled by a novelist (Emma Thompson) falls in love with his latest target for auditing (Zooey Deschanel).

And now, the conclusion of our Three Stooges program...

'Fever Pitch' Red Sox fans in the house George built

So, my pal Harry Diez has an intimate connection at George M. Steinbrenner Field, home of the New York Yankees spring training games. Harry recently palmed a ticket to me, for last night's matchup with the Boston Red Sox - a feisty rivalry any time of the season.

Perfect place to wear Tampa Bay Rays gear, just to rub in that A.L. championship like Yanks and Bosox fans have at the Trop for years. The fact that our seats were front row behind the Yankees' dugout made it even sweeter. I was probably the only person at the game who was hated by everybody but that's how I roll.

Nice way to spend a night off from thinking about movies but, of course, it never works out that way, thanks to Harry.

We had access to the private Dugout Club under the stands behind home plate where the food and beer never ends and the walls are adorned with trinkets like a couple of the Yankees' World Series trophies. Harry remembers Yankees lore almost as well as he recalls trivial movie stuff, as he proved again when we headed to the Dugout Club for the first time.

"There's a couple of movie stars over there," he said. "You can do a story." Before I could ascertain where he was pointing midway up the stands, Harry was off to retrieve two blonds in Red Sox jerseys, pulling out a couple more Dugout Club wristbands and better tickets behind home plate.

Their names are Jessamy Finet and Erin Nanstad, both from East "Bahstahn" and a couple of "wickahd pissahs." Jessamy and Erin were profiled in a 2004 documentary on Red Sox fans titled Still, We Believe, produced when the team hadn't broken their World Series futility streak. Peter and Bobby Farrelly watched the movie while preparing their Red Sox comedy, Fever Pitch, and hired them for minor roles requiring three weeks of work.

"It was the accent, blond hair and we drink a lot," Jessamy (the shorter one) said, explaining their break. How Harry recognized them, I'll never know.

Jessamy plays the old friend Jimmy Fallon greets in the stands, who brags that she got her stomach stapled and lost 300 pounds. Erin's greatest moment - getting a bloody nose from Lenny Clarke - was cut from the movie but made the DVD's extras.

The ladies were spending the final night of their 10th anniversary spring training road trip together, pounding Steinbrenner's beer in the womb of Yankee pride, loving every ironic minute of it (until the Sox lost, 7-1). We spent the middle innings chatting about the celebrity that Fever Pitch brought them in New England. Last year, they attended the Triple-A All-Star Game in Pawtucket and were mobbed by autograph seekers. Jessamy threw out the first pitch at a Red Sox game. Both sneaked into the Red Sox clubhouse once, which they still talk about in confessional booth tones.

"It kind of felt like we were violatin' or somethin'," Erin said. "We knew we shouldn't be lookin' but we couldn't help ourselves."

I had to ask: Did you steal anything?

 "We got gum," Jessamy said. I wouldn't be surprised if it were already chewed.

The women also told me about taking a road trip to watch the Sox play an interleague game in St. Louis, a spur-of-the-moment decision without tickets, travel or lodging plans made. They found a cheap flight to Chicago and rented a car they planned to sleep in after a four-hour drive to St. Louis.

When they got there, the women ran into the Farrelly brothers, unaware they were shooting a bit more of Fever Pitch. The Farrellys were amazed to learn about their impromptu trek. "I told 'em: 'This is what we do,' '' Jessamy said. The Farrellys then arranged for game tickets and a hotel room for their part-time actors. One more curse reversed.

(Images: Boston.com and Steinbrennerfield.com)

Throw these movie dogs a bone

Moviegoers love the yellow Labrador in Marley & Me to the tune of nearly $130-million in ticket sales. They'll check into Hotel for Dogs when it opens nationwide Friday. And if Ron Howard figured out how to get Checkers the cocker spaniel into Frost/Nixon, it might be a bigger hit, too.

Sometimes a movie's best friend is a dog.

Some talented canines just have the "it" factor, stealing scenes from human actors and hearts from audiences. They don't require dubbed celebrity voices or animation artists to get their characters across (but maybe a few stunt doubles). They're members of Hollywood's Kennel of Fame, rising head and haunches above the pack.

Here's a list of the best in shows, from Toto to Cujo and breeds in between. Sit, stay, read. Then add your suggestions.

Benji - This mixed breed mutt was one of the 1970's biggest box office draws with her - yes, Benji is female - eponymous debut and For the Love of Benji. Like many stars of the era, Benji's career faded after co-starring with Chevy Chase (Oh, Heavenly Dog!). 

Skip - This Jack Russell terrier is the canine Olivier, delivering a multifaceted performance in My Dog Skip, one of the best mutt movies of all time.

Air Bud - The most athletic dog actor ever. The golden retriever made the difference on soccer and football fields, basketball courts and baseball diamonds before moving into extreme snow sports.

Verdel - Upstaging Jack Nicholson is As Good As It Gets for this Brussels Griffon charmer.

Hooch - The all-time slobbering champ among Kennel of Famers. This Dogue de Bordeaux is the rare actor to be more adorable than Tom Hanks, in their 1989 hit Turner and Hooch.

Beethoven - Admit it. You never see a St. Bernard without calling him "Beethoven." That's star power.

Cujo - Beethoven's evil twin, the Hannibal Lecter of dogdom. He might have worked more but was a terror in contract negotiations.

Frankenweenie - Tim Burton replaced Boris Karloff with a bullterrier for his calling-card short film, leading Disney to fire the director for wasting time and money. Now it's a cult classic, with Burton planning a stop-action animation remake.

Lassie - The grande dame of canine actors, with a career spanning 70 years (that's 490 dog years). If your barn catches fire or Timmy falls into a well, Lassie is the collie to call.

Old Yeller - Cast as a mongrel, this yellow Labrador retriever convincingly hid his pedigree. Like Heath Ledger, he died tragically and too young.

Toto - The Cairn terrier displayed heart, brains and courage in The Wizard of Oz that everyone else was missing. The only dog actor to have a 1980s pop band named after her.

What's your fave suburban movie nightmare?

You'll never catch Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet raising their kids in the suburbs, judging by their movie choices over the past few years. He directed the Oscar winning American Beauty and now Revolutionary Road (opening Friday), two scathing indictments of picket-fence living. She stars in Revolutionary Road and two years ago played a similarly dissatisfied suburban housewife in Little Children.

Maybe they have a point. Sometimes the only things scarier than a home's devaluation are the next-door neighbors. Especially in movies where good and bad dreams come true.

Here's a partial list of neighborhood nightmares in the movies, ranked from mere irritations to flat-out terror. Any of these situations could make a homeowner plop a For Sale sign in the yard. Feel free to add your suggestions.

Revolutionary Road -Young marrieds (Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio) are smug about their life together when not loudly arguing about it. Good fences make good neighbors but this couple calls for a tall brick wall.

Neighbors - The couple next door to Earl Keese (John Belushi) are a freeloading boor (Dan Aykroyd) and his nymphomaniac wife (Cathy Moriarty). Oh well, you take the good with the bad.

In the Bedroom - Raising a teenage boy is tough enough. Sic the sexy neighbor (Marisa Tomei) on him, with her psycho ex-husband close behind and there will be blood.

Lakeview Terrace - "Look, hon, our new home is next door to a policeman, so we'll be safe. Uh, oh, he looks a lot like Samuel L. Jackson when he's mad."

American Beauty - Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) is a pot head in severely arrested development, his wife (Annette Bening) is having an affair, their daughter hangs around with the creepy son of an ex-Marine (Chris Cooper) next door who's a closeted gay with anger issues. Can't wait for the block party.

The 'Burbs - Nothing ruins a neighborhood faster than a cannibal cult moving in down the street. Unless it's the paranoid residents (Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern) believing that rumor is true. 

Little Children - It's Revolutionary Road with more happening including a pedophile (Jackie Earle Haley) trying to go straight, a gung-ho former cop harassing him, and hot laundry-room sex. Even a playground swing set gets stained by the luridness.

Disturbia -Being under house arrest is a bummer for Shia LaBeouf, especially with a serial killer living next door. Sure, the movie rips-off Rear Window but moving the voyeuristic, amateur detective to the suburbs is a smart update.

Poltergeist - I'll take my chances with killers and killjoys next door. But tell me that my subdivision is built on a cursed burial ground and I'm out of there. Lousy TV reception, too.

(Image from MGM/UA)

 

'Loren Cass' debuts on Amazon.com Video on Demand

Maybe you recall my Oct., 2007 interview with Chris Fuller, 26, a St. Petersburg native and businessman whose first movie, Loren Cass,  made a decent splash in the indie-scene pool.

Now Fuller's movie is going viral. You can see Loren Cass online through Amazon.com's Video on Demand. It costs $2.99 for a 24-hour rental, or $9.99 for a downloaded copy. Loren Cass will soon be available on iTunes, and a DVD version is planned later this year. The Web site for Fuller's Jonesing Pictures is currently under construction.

The abstract drama, set in St. Petersburg after the racial disturbances of 1996, earned slots at the 2007 CineVegas Film Festival, where Robert Koehler of Variety deemed it: "A starkly radical film debut of uncommon power and artistic principle." Koehler also described Fuller as "a genuinely original filmmaking talent."

Loren Cass was also showcased at festivals in Vienna, Helsinki, Finland and Locarno, Switzerland, among other locales. Last year, the IFP Gotham Awards nominated Loren Cass in the category of "best film not playing at a theater near you" and it was shown twice at Manhattan's Museum of Modern Art.

I admired Fuller's pluck, including the fact that early financing for Loren Cass came from earnestly rounding up investors and selling steaks from the back of a truck. That job has grown into The Meatman gourmet butcher shop and catering on 4th St. in St. Pete. Fuller also dropped hints of a new movie project in a recent e-mail: "Work on our next film is also underway, lots of exciting people involved. Stay tuned."

(Images from Jonesing Pictures)

What are the worst remake mistakes?

Anyone preferring Gus Van Sant's version of Psycho over Alfred Hitchcock's 1960 original probably should just move along.

But if you can't stomach the idea of anyone remaking The Birds, Footloose or (Lee Marvin forbid) The Dirty Dozen, keep reading.

Elsewhere on tampabay.com (or maybe Etc, Page 2B in print), you'll find my list of five movie remakes that worked, and five others that had no business seeing the light of day. There are reasons why some reboots don't work and others do, that are included in the article.

But I'd like to know which remakes YOU think offer the best reasons to outlaw cameras and shutter the film schools. What do you say?

EW's 100 movie classics of the past 25 years

All morning long, my nose has been buried in Entertainment Weekly's new issue, the magazine's 1,000th in a consistently fine history. Pretty impressive streak, there.

The issue is chiefly dedicated to listing the "new classics" of the past 25 years in music, television, books and, of course, movies.

*** 8 p.m. update ***

I'm still looking for The Big Lebowski, and the numbskull(s) who left it of the list. How can a movie that created a legitimate cult following be neglected while Crumb is Mo. 14 and Rushmore (RUSHMORE!!) is 22, right behind Schindler's List?

On second thought, ignore this list.

Can't argue with Pulp Fiction at No. 1 ("opened a new universe of mainstream storytelling... recast the future of movies by living so thrillingly, in the moment"). But it doesn't take long to reach one that will ruffle some fathers: Titanic at No. 3.

But debate is what such lists are all about. Scan through the photo gallery of Nos. 1 through 100 (South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut) and let's discuss what EW got right, or horribly wrong.

[AP photo]

Local producer swings The Hammer

Had an interesting conversation with Gregory Firestone, a Tampa clinical psychologist credited as an executive producer for The Hammer, starring Adam Carolla as a boxer taking one last chance at ring glory and love.

Firestone did it for family pride -- his second cousins are the film's director and co-producer -- and also because his minor investment in 2001's Kissing Jessica Stein was successful and fun. being an executive producer means he helped secure financing for the $1-million project, primarily from his Harbor Island tennis pals.

Because of the local connections, two screenings of The Hammer are scheduled Friday at 8 and 10 p.m. at Muvico Centro Ybor 20. Tickets are $10, with proceeds benefiting the Tampa Bay chapter of the American Red Cross. Co-star Jeff Lacy, a former IBF champ from St. Petersburg, will host the events.

"It’s exciting that you have a chance to see earlier versions before it first appears in a theater," he said. "It’s interesting to see it take shape in terms of what gets cut out, or what expands; what gets re-shot and what gets added into it.

"What’s most impressive is when you see people working on an indie film, you don’t have the luxury to shoot the same scene over and over. You try to shoot once, twice max, to keep expenses to a minimum. Then to see the quality product that comes out at the end is really quite impressive."

However, even though it's a fine, funny movie, The Hammer only had a few dozen theater engagements along the West Coast where Carolla's radio show is popular. A DVD release is set for June 24.

Firestone couldn't venture a guess about why The Hammer never really answered the bell. "I don’t know if I understand enough of that business to offer and explanation," he said. "There are a lot of films that are made, and people in the position to distribute movies are in the position to pick what they want.

"But it is a challenge. Film distribution can be more expensive than making the film. You need to find somebody with deep pockets. If we had found somebody like that, obviously we would’ve had a bigger release than we did. You have to put a lot of money into promoting a movie, to get any attention."

Scarface memories and Sarasota redux

Big day. Gotta get some things cleaned up for work, get packed and get down to Sarasota for the closing weekend of the Sarasota Film Festival. Check back this weekend because I'll be (fingers crossed) blogging and posting photos from various events, and shots of some of the visiting celebs.

One of the last things on today's to-do list is polishing off a story running Monday that was born out of serendipity. Twenty-five years ago, a Miami amateur photographer named Bill Cooke was in the Ocean Drive neighborhood when gunfire erupted and two bloodied men faced off. One walked away alive.

Cooke kept on snapping photos.

Don't worry. It wasn't real, but a scene being filmed for the 1983 cult classic Scarface. That was Al Pacino as future drug kingpin Tony Montana still standing, after his buddy got chainsawed inside a hotel room.

Cooke kept those photos stashed away all this time. When he found them, the Times bought these previously unpublished artifacts from what many feel is the quintessential Florida movie.

Thing is, most of Scarface was filmed in California, after the production was chased from Miami by Cuban-American complaints -- and reported threats -- aimed at the movie.

I spoke with Scarface producer Martin Bregman, who said he has never talked about what happened behind the scenes in this matter. Monday, we'll run several of Cooke's photos in Floridian, along with Bregman's recollections. Here's a taste:

“The problem started when I had some Cuban expatriates, I guess, that called me and wanted to meet with me (in 1982),” Bregman said by telephone from his Manhattan offices.

“They were from Union City, N.J., right across the river," he said. "They told be that it would be very unsafe for me, my family and everybody involved in this enterprise to make this film. They said they were aware – and they used the word ‘aware’ – that (Fidel) Castro was financing this film to embarrass the good Cuban community.”

Bregman called that claim “pure, absolute stupidity.”

Those Union City emissaries also expressed displeasure with associating Cuban-Americans with drug trafficking, according to Bregman.

“They said over and over: ‘There’s no Cuban drug people. No Cubans are involved with that,’” Bregman said.   “Now, I had just gotten back from Miami with Oliver Stone and we spoke with nothing but Cubans and they were all in the drug business. Not all Cubans but the people we talked to, the big guys in the drug trade.”

It gets better. See for yourself Monday.