Sharks or alligators

Civic groups often contact the newspaper for public speakers. I have one speech and it doesn't change much whether I am addressing second graders or Shriners. This evening, talking with a group of senior citizens enrolled in Eckerd College's Elder Hostel program, I made them pick.

"Sharks or alligators?" I asked. A show of hands revealed an evenly-split crowd. The audience, many of them from as far away as Canada and the Pacific Northwest, wanted to know which of the two I considered more dangerous.

Alligators are stupid reptiles with the brains the size of walnuts. As long as you stay away from their mouths and tails you are usually OK. But sharks are another story.

As a surfer, I live by the creed: I don't eat sharks, sharks don't eat me. But I did acknowledge that sometimes members of the wave-riding brethren do become part of the food chain. Tragic indeed, but let's not forget, natural selection. Were sharks put here to develop a stronger, more cunning breed of surfer?

There's a race in San Francisco called the Alcatraz Shark Fest, I told this crowd of silver-haired students. The Bay has its challenges...cold, current and Carcharodon carcharias. The first two can be overcome, but the third, now that's not quite so easy. My strategy, I explained, was stay in the middle of the pack. As long as you are not first or last, the sharks will leave you alone.

But in all seriousness, I warned, these toothy predators are not to be taken lightly. That is why when swimming or surfing in any ocean, always bring a buddy. It will cut your risk of shark attack by 50 percent.