Jeanne Cosenza photo
SAFETY HARBOR, Fla. - On a beautifully breezy 88-degree day, two warriors went to battle on an unpopulated asphalt track in this quaint burg, just a card's throw from Old Tampa Bay.
The Official Arrival Ceremony lived up to the hype. Fasso, escorted by Scott Long, entered the arena from the North, sporting a Fly Emirates red cap and slurping a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, venti. From the South, Cosenza stalked the track, escorted by Ante Upper Erik, with a 67-ounce bottle of Gatorade pinned to his lips, a WSOP ballcap screwed on backwards and an iPod Shuffle dangling from his neck.
For a death-defying 33 minutes, the combatants exchanged quips, threats and taunts. Negotiation over the rules was tense at times. Cosenza refused Fasso's demand that he run in Lane 6 the entire way, but did agree to not step to the left of the inside white line - until he was way ahead and Fasso couldn't see.
The roaring, collected crowd (population 4) smirked at a request to station track stewards at each 100 meters.
Shortly before kickoff, Chris' wife arrived, offering moral support and photographing the historic event for posterity. Fasso's wife never arrived, not much of a surprise, seeing as he doesn't have a wife.
Like buckin' broncos at a rodeo, the fighters were restless and wanted to start early, but the crowd booed and made them sweat out the next 4 minutes.
At the stroke of 11, the gun (really just Scott yelling) sounded, and they were off!
Cosenza blasted from the blocks and scorched to a race-best 1:33:06 lap on the first trip around the asphalt. Fasso, using his patented "recumbent bicycle" stroke, was slow and steady, finishing the first lap in 1:42:34.
At the 600-meter mark, the tank clicked "Empty" on Cosenza's gut and he was forced to walk. (BIG surprise). Fasso didn't take the bait, keeping his slow and steady strategy intact.
At the end of three laps, the noticeably dying "athletes" crossed the line at the same time, setting up a bell lap for the ages. They kept neck and neck, ankle to ankle, for the next 200 meters, when Fasso made his move. He boosted his mph from 1 to 2, and left Cosenza in the dust ... for about 3 meters.
Chris dug in and put on the turbo boost (and you don't want to know what his "turbo boost" is. We got a whiff of it prerace) and streaked (fully clothed, thankfully) to the finish line, taking the Race for the Hundy in a startling 9:09.01.
Fasso, to the polite encouragement of the peanut gallery, finished in 9:21:17 - never having to walk a step.
Congratulations to both of these bold men, who have inspired couch potato turtles everywhere.
Stay tuned for the video report, expected from Snuffy later tonight or Sunday.
And after the Ante Up! Home Game, which begins in just 10 fateful minutes, I'll go through the several Race for the Hundy predictions, and crown a winner. That lucky soul (not as lucky as Rant, but still ...) will be shipped a Bicycle-brand coffee thermos.
Maybe you can loan it to Fasso for Race for the Hundy II.
- SCOTT
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