BLOG BATTLE! Spandau Ballet Blows!
...but Steve Spears, that girthy New Romantic apologist over at Stuck in the '80s, just looooves those dopes in Spandau Ballet.
So to settle our brouhaha, we shall blog battle, just like in ye olden days. To our mounts!
HEREWITH, ONE (1) LONG, VITRIOLIC REASON WHY SPANDAU BALLET'S TRUE IS THE WORST SONG OF ALL TIME...
1.) 'Cause it is. Really. I've been calling True the worst song of all time ever since that pungent turd floated to the top of the punchbowl in 1983. My pals will routinely break into a wobbly, warbly True just for the knee-slapping thrill of watching my ears bleed. The ballad, the sonic equivalent of getting to third base with a wet British robot, is dull, and grating, and so incredibly wussy, especially that tru-hoo! torture at crapfest's end. Why do you "find it hard to write the next line"? 'CAUSE YOUR SONG SUCKS!
Speaking of limp-wristed dreck: Tony Hadley, the frontman for this quartet of Islington mopes, is so insincere and turgid in his tender-coo delivery, he was surely responsible for turning myriad young men, once so strong, so independent, into flimsy, female-fearing wrecks. The whole thing makes me wanna eat a steak and watch a women-in-prison marathon.
Speaking of women in prison: Steve Spears has you fooled. He cherishes True for all the wrong, dastardly reasons, the main one being that the song reminds him of his days as a high-school hound and his hairy-knuckled pursuit of wide-eyed freshman coeds. During those tru-hoo!s, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!
Yes, those fine young studs in Duran Duran were also New Romantics, but they were true to their shallow, shagging selves. They were in it for the money, the fame, the girls on film. "Lipstick cherry all over the lens as she's falling!" Hell, yeah, Simon!! But what nebby-poet shite does Spandau Ballet unload on the poor, spineless masses: "This is the sooound of my soul." No, no, Tony, this is the sound of Steve Spears losing yet another blog battle.
True blows. Case closed.
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
Combine Spandau Ballet with Rick Astley and you get the makings of a suicide by audio.
Posted by: sparky | October 19, 2006 at 11:15 AM
Daly 2, Spears 0.
Although I seem to recall a certain Sasquatchian pal of yours who might have enjoyed this song as he stared lovingly at the moustache of his dance partner. Or maybe that's Careless Whisper that I'm thinking of.
Posted by: Guy | October 19, 2006 at 11:55 AM
Crickets, crickets.
Posted by: Spears | October 19, 2006 at 02:19 PM
as i noted on steve's--i mean, k-fed's--blog, "true" bites... but i liked the way PM Dawn sampled it on "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss." sometimes even a crappy tune can make a killer sample.
Posted by: The ILL Literate | October 19, 2006 at 03:13 PM
True -- Worst. Song. Ever. My wife wanted to play it at our wedding reception. I told her that was fine, but she'd be marrying someone else...
:)
Posted by: bluegrasswriter | October 19, 2006 at 03:59 PM
Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! Way to stick to your guns, Bluegrasswriter. Besides, your marriage would have been doomed to failure had she smeared your nuptials with that love-snuffing crap.
Posted by: Sean Daly | October 19, 2006 at 04:06 PM
Sorry Sean, but I'm going to have to side with Spears on this one. And it's not just because you blinded me with your spittle yesterday.
If you're out there Martin Kemp: I'm still willing to have your baby.
Posted by: Cathy Wos | October 19, 2006 at 04:54 PM
It's terrible that you guys have no respect for poor Spandeau Ballet! :) (Although they do have a terrible name.) I'm totally with Spears on this one. I love this song! Especially when Steve Buscemi sings it during The Wedding Singer! There's definitely a place in my heart for cheesy 80's music. Now excuse me while I go listen to some Howard Jones....
Posted by: erin | October 19, 2006 at 05:06 PM
You're both wrong. It's not a good song (unless Buscemi is singing it), but it's not the worst song ever. There's a list of eighty songs that are worse on some blog somewhere; I don't know the URL.
Posted by: Max | October 19, 2006 at 06:06 PM
Hey, that 80s worst songs of the 80s list is actually something I wrote. Here's the URL: http://blogs.tampabay.com/80s/2006/06/80_worst_songs_.html
Posted by: Spears | October 19, 2006 at 07:50 PM
Chirp. Chirp.
Actually, "True" is so good the birds would be happy to sing it.
You lose, Sean. "True" is an 80s classic.
Posted by: Rick | October 19, 2006 at 08:00 PM
Hello!!!! Their name is Spandau BALLET!!! Not Spandau Gwar, Spandau Metal, or Spandau Somemusicthat makesyourearsbleedfromthehighdecibels!!!
The song is a real good slow song to mellow out with. Plus it got me laid after a prom or two, so sorry if some of you guys are holding some resentment for not getting action after dancing with your woman to this song and getting her worked up by grabbing the nether regions, warranting "illegal use of the hands" penalties from the chaperones, but for me, it was music to reach home plate with...
Daly got my Go-go's vote, but this is a Spears moment for sure.
Posted by: Greg Williams | October 19, 2006 at 09:07 PM
I love Spandau Ballet, so this one goes to Spears, but I would think you'd hate "Gold" worse than "True".
Posted by: Six | October 22, 2006 at 05:57 PM