Guns N' Bleepin' Roses

TAMPA — If I were Axl Rose (and I thank the lord every day that I'm not), I would do something truly rock-star grotesque on the current Guns N' Roses tour.

Like cancel upcoming Canadian shows due to "sanitary reasons." Or insult Johnny Cash.
Or brain someone with a microphone stand.

'Cause at a time when rock 'n' roll is a safe, solemn universe desperate for a dangerous star, one of the most volatile frontmen in history now seems so...safe, solemn.

Xanaxed.

Don't get me wrong: Rose, who brought his makeshift rock band to the St. Pete Times Forum Wednesday, can still be a pain in the tuchus. He disapproved media and photographer credentials at the last minute. His show started at midnight and didn't end until 2, sending many of the 10,522 fans home early. And the attendance was lower than it should have been, mainly because Axl is a classic no-show.

Most glaring of all, I still blame the 44-year-old nutter for breaking up the original lineup: guitar legend Slash, charismatic bassist Duff et al. Instead, Axl has opted for a backing band that can rock and rock hard, but doesn't know the first thing about living on the edge.

And edge — that intangible rock-star quality of instability and excitement — is what Axl and the Gunners are missing these days. (No, his recent scuffle with that dope Tommy Hilfiger doesn't count as edge. That's just good sense.)

Was Wednesday's show entertaining? You bet. When the house lights finally dimmed and Slash replacement Robin Finck (of Nine Inch Nails) picked out the opening lick of Welcome to the Jungle, I felt like I was 17 again, listening to jaw-dropping blues-metal brilliance that is 1987's Appetite for Destruction.

Axl has been famously reclusive for almost 13 years, so he's rather well-preserved in a Howard Hughesian amber. He's a bit thicker in the torso now, and those unfortunate corn-rows make him look like a rasta leprechaun, but the guy can still slither-dance all over the stage and dutifully bring you to your n-n-n-n-knees.

And although his high-holy wail took a little while to warm up (the band was playing over him at first, perhaps on purpose), on the final chorus of Knockin' on Heaven's Door, he reared back and fired a doozy, a rageful, punky shriek that time-traveled two decades.

It's weird to accuse someone of being professional, but that's what Axl Rose has become: an efficient showman. After an explosive cover of Live and Let Die, he greeted us like a game-show host: "Hello, Tampa. It's very, very, very nice to be here." He gave faithful, loving renditions of all the hits: Sweet Child O' Mine, You Could Be Mine, Patience and an epic November Rain, the latter of which he played on a baby grand.

Throughout, he was efficient and sweet and normal. When bassist Tommy Stinson (of the Replacements) made a whispered request, Axl even obliged with "a love ballad": the murderously funny Used to Love Her. His new songs from the umpteen-years-in-the-making Chinese Democracy album (out any day now....really!) were even tame, save for Better, which has legit switchblade edge.

It was all perfectly fist-pumping and ear-ringing. But I must be honest: When Axl invited opening act Sebastian Bach to duet on My Michelle, I was secretly hoping he'd bash the Skid Row singer in the head.

You know, just for old-time's sake.

Comments

[Mike T]

C'mon, Sean...tell me you didn't enjoy "I Remember You" last night! Despite Axl's inability to tell time, I did think it was a good show last night. The new songs didn't carry the same weight as the old tunes, they were decent. "Used To Love Her" was definitely a pleasant surprise, and I enjoyed the fact the the hired guns never quit playing - even when they were setting up the piano, the band was jamming. Oh, and the "Beautiful" guitar solo made me and my buddy secretly enjoy that song. Even better show since it was free!

[Sean Daly]

I should clarify my position on Sebastian Bach: I really like the guy. He's like a big dumb dog. He was just an easy target for my column kicker.

And yes, his set kicked ass. Although I was bummed he didn't cue up a little "Get the F--- Out," one of the great metal anthems of our time.

[Geiger]

So, how many shots of Jager did you consume before/during/after the show?

Confession time: that's the real reason your review is just appearing now, right?

Axl proved he is one of the great rock composers and showmen of our time. Its obvious that he puts tons of effort and time into every aspect of his show.

Although I don't mind Papa Roach etal. it was interesting to see how much more dynamic and artisitc than today's rockers he and his songs are. Why did you leave Axl?!?!

Of course if the singer for Papa Roach lost Stephanie Seymour he would be nuts (deep) too!

[SFV]

Jeez Sean, how long are you going to hold a grudge? Are you still upset at Yoko for breaking up the Beatles?? Are you still pissed that drugs and booze almost killed Steven Tyler and Joe Perry? C'mon man, get over it!!

I thought last night's GNR concert was vintage rock n roll. Most 80's rockers have woke up from the drug induced comas and gone straight? Next thing you'll be telling me is you miss the nightly riots that Axl and his bandmates used to cause.

I think it comes down to the famous right wing conspiracy that Axl hates the media and vice versa.

I agree that Sebastian Bach should have been wacked. Have you ever heard one guy drop the f-bomb as often as he did?

One final question to ask yourself, "Do you know where the f___ you are?" I don't think you. Have some Patience my friend and you may end up in Paradise City!!

[Mike T.]

Did anyone stay to see Axl chuck the microphone at the end of Paradise City? It landed a few rows down from me in the isle separating 101 and 130, and I think it cranked someone in the head. Who knows if they got to keep the microphone or not. Oh, and where did Axl keep running off to? Mid-concert botox injections? Key-bumps? They had a black tent-like area stage left which he kept running off to. Regardless, I walked away impressed...and extremely tired.

[I am Paul]

I'm still upset that Yoko broke up the Beatles.

[patti]

guns and roses was the best rock concert this year. axl looked great, handsome , sexy as a man should. i get so sick of these fat pasty faced critics putting him down. Have they looked in the mirror???Like Sean is Johnny Depp himself??? He sure looks fat all over.They expect him to look like he is 21 yrs old, the man is 43// I am a true fan since 1987,I could care less if he is 250 lbs, he is always sexy and the best singer to me. Keep on truckin axl, we need real talent like you to keep on going for years to come. I love you//////////

[Sean Daly]

I am not fat all over. For your information, I have very slender ankles.

[Disgrunted Fan]

C'mon, Sean. Give Axl a break. The man finally emerges after 13 years of hibernation and puts on a killer show and you mock his appearance.

Lemme guess, you're a 40-something, doughy, chain-smoking rock star wannabe. You're probably bald, too - or you will be after you return that awful-looking toupee. Good luck getting your money back, champ.

Critics be da**ed. This is THE TOUR of the year.

[Six]

I got nothing.

[pablo manrique]

Yeah aging does that too everybody. I don't mind his appearance. However the two shows I've heard (2002), the guy sounds like a dying baby squirrel.