First Draft: "Hair and Now"

This Sunday, my epic travelogue about following hair-metal heroes Poison and Cinderella around the Sunshine State will finally run. Originally, my story was going to start with the following scene about a flash-friendly stripper with a BIG SECRET. But alas, tall, tan C.C. Orlando just didn't work as a lede, partially because her BIG SECRET was too filthy for a family newspaper (as was the picture of her Motley Crue thong). That said, I thought I'd give you a peak of the original lede anyway. It's a rough draft, but it's fun. By the way, if you really want to know C.C.'s secret, ask away, and maybe I'll tell you in the comments section.

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C.C. Orlando has a naughty little secret.

She also has a naughty little Motley Crue thong.

In the mood for mischief outside Tampa’s St. Pete Times Forum, the tall buxom blonde isn’t the least bit shy about revealing either of them.

“It’s a party all year round in Florida, but this night is special!” wahoos the 32-year-old exotic dancer from Fort Myers, yanking up her tight black skirt. As C.C. gives a prolonged panty peak to the black-clad, wildly tressed masses buzzing around her, a silver skull ring on her middle finger winks in the fading Saturday light.

That skull knows the score: There’s nothing like a hair-metal party, especially here in the Sunshine State, where when it comes to rock music, the present is the past, and the past is perfect.

Orlando and her man Anthony, a warlockian 34-year-old with a muscular chest, gruff laugh and long brown hair, are in town for tonight’s double-bill: Poison and Cinderella. The famously hirsute bands are celebrating their 20th anniversaries of gender-bending braggadocio that was last fashionable 15 years ago — or whenever it was still cool for young men to use dangerous amounts of AquaNet.

“When these metal bands come to town,” C.C. says, “it’s allllways a special event.” She then giggles, turns to Anthony, and, with an NC17 grin, says, “Should I tell them?”

“Sure, baby,” Anthony says.

Orlando reveals her naughty secret, which turns out to be far too provocative for a family newspaper. We can tell you that C.C. took her stage name from Poison guitarist C.C. Deville — we just can’t tell you why.

As the stripper spills the bawdy beans, Anthony looks on with pride. On Halloween, Anthony and C.C. will be married. They’re in love, he says, and the music of Poison is the soundtrack of their union.

As a further sign of his affections, Anthony says that if one of the men in Poison or Cinderella takes an interest in C.C. tonight, she’s allowed to have some backstage fun. “Yeah," he says with a grin, "that’s been talked about."

Comments

[Six]

I heard that Justin Timberlake and K-Fed are doing a duet together.

Insert punchline here...

[Sean Daly]

In 1989, C.C. Orlando met C.C. DeVille and, in a warm moment between fan and rock star, the young stripper proceeded to give the Poison guitarist enduring oral pleasure. She was so proud of her brush with greatness, she took "C.C." as her stage name. Something to remember him by. In a curious footnote, Miss Orlando says Mr. DeVille was merely "average." You can take that to mean whatever you like.

[Weldon]

Yes, I want to know this dirty little secret! (hey that was a song)

And the F.F. posted.. this is a great day.. this calls for a round... *or two*

[sherrie]

C'mon folks, can all the talk about KFed and let us in on the "dirty secret"! C.C. Deville is my favorite metal boy, so I gotta know. Spill the beans, Daly.

[sparky]

So FF, what you are saying is that Brit basically married the plumber from the pornos.

And Daly, I am waiting with baited breathe for an email with the naughty secret.

[Mike T]

Ahhh....strippers. I wish I had some musical talent. Or money. One of the two.

[Sean Daly]

Aw, baby, you're so great. Let's lock Lulu in the garage and ravage each other tonight. We'll throw some Chex mix out there for her. She'll be fine.

[Forever Fiancee]

Actually, I believe that K Fed had a bright future ahead of him before Brit. In early 2004 he appeared in a Target ad holding a toilet plunger. There's a picture of it in People Magazine (Nov. 6 issue). Now that's talent!

And I already know C.C.'s naughty little secret. It pays to be engaged to the pop music critic!

[sparky]

Just helping you out on a slow blog day. Beleive me I can't even get to my tail. Don't hate the player, hate the game. K Fed has as much talent as Liza Minelli's ex. If Brit didn't want to shock the world and marry a bad boy this guy wouldn't even have been heard of. Kind of reminds me a Bobby Brown and Whitney, except Bobby had talent.

Now he is doing the talk show circuit promoting his coaster, oh I mean CD.

[Sean Daly]

You're like a dog chasing his tail, Spark.

No sign of the Federline disc. We ran a big feature on him today. If I get the thing, I'll blog. But I don't want to encourage this dope.

[sparky]

And your the music critic? JT was two marriages and kids ago.

[Sean Daly]

What are you talking about?

Everyone knows Britney's with Justin Timberlake.

[sparky]

K Fed, you know Mr. Britney Spears. C'mon!

[Sean Daly]

Who?

[sparky]

Wasn't K Feds album dropped today? What no review?