Irony Devours Nosferatu, Timberfake

Lesson No. 1 When Choosing A Song on American Idol: Never sing something that hints to your potential demise. Because when Seacrest says you're goin' home, back to the 9-to-5 where you belong, you don't want to be the loser who has to choke out "Another One Bites the Dust" or "Last Dance." It's hard enough getting eliminated. But when America is also snickering into its collective Dorito bowl as you warble about getting "shot down in a blaze of glory," as Phil Stacey did Wednesday night, that's tough.

Poor Nosferatu. I almost felt bad for the bald dude. But he'll be fine. Vampires always land on their feet.

As for Chris "Timberfake" Richardson, his song was also telling. "Wanted Dead or Alive"? Uh, dead, please.

By the way, I was totally waiting for Chris and Blake to kiss. Am I wrong in thinking they're in love?

KiKi goes next week. Then Melinda. In the finale, Jordin trumps Blake in a squeaker. Then we all go back to our lives. Huzzah!