Isn't That a Christian Church?!
So Kid Lulu and I are reading Dr. Seuss books in her room last night. Cat in the Hat, The Lorax. We're having a lovely time, father and child, all warm and fuzzy.
When suddenly, Lulu, three and a half years of precious angel, starts tugging at her shorts and says:
"I have a 'gina!"
Me, gently: "You have a what?"
"A 'gina! I have a 'gina!"
At this point, I call for her mother.
The FF comes in: "What's wrong?"
"She says she has a 'gina."
"A what?"
"A 'gina. Your daughter says she has a 'gina. What should we do?"
"She does have a 'gina. Girls have 'ginas."
"SHE'S THREE YEARS OLD! Where is she learning this stuff?"
The FF shoots me a look: "Daddy's just being silly."
"Silly? She's three. What are they teaching at that school? It's a church, fer crissakes!"
The FF just rolled her eyes, kissed her daughter and left me with Lolita. A 'gina? At three years old. Isn't that too young for 'gina chitchat? But I couldn't protest any longer, 'cause then I'd scar her somehow and she'd wind up working the streets by the time she was 12.
I thought about how, when Lu was still in the womb, I used to put headphones on her mommy's belly and play Tom Jones. Well, there's a lesson learned.
I was gonna shoehorn some playlist in here (Innocence -- Go West, Sweet and Innocent -- Donny Osmond). But instead, I think I'll just crawl under my desk and weep.
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
Daly,
My three-year old told my wife recently (in anger) that "I'm gonna pull your ass through your eyes." Where the hell do they come up with this stuff? She goes to a Christian daycare as well. I feel your pain, my friend. Good luck to you, FF, and 'Gina.
Posted by: Assless (but not Nippleless) Chaps | May 31, 2007 at 12:09 PM
Rumor has it Daddy has a gina too, and I aint talkin' bout no Sue Stanton thing.
Posted by: clayFan | May 31, 2007 at 12:24 PM
"Ass through your eyes" pretty impressive, must be hanging around Uncle Guy again.
Gentlemen, that is why if the Sparky's have children I will be rooting real hard for boys. I'm not so much worrying about scarring the child as I am with how it will scar the father. Mrs. Sparky on the other hand is saying I better be thinking girl thoughts. God help us if we have a child and it is a girl because the child will start convent school at the ripe old age of three by the way it sounds.
Posted by: sparky | May 31, 2007 at 12:39 PM
Where's she learning that stuff? Try the mean streets of Feather Sound.
Posted by: Guy | May 31, 2007 at 01:40 PM
Have a chat with Viper...I bought our little just about two-year-old her first underwear.... poor daddy didn't know what to call these things that she so proudly walked around in..he stuttered the words "panties" (not sure if that was the appropriate title)...
clueless and sweet daddys you all are. Don't lose that.
Posted by: Erin | May 31, 2007 at 05:03 PM
Sweet and clueless uncles would just blush and run -- RUN -- the other way.
Posted by: Uncle Crappy | May 31, 2007 at 05:22 PM
See, this is one of so many reasons why I'm glad that my child is a boy. Boys are uncomplicated, as compared to the multilayered Pandora's Box that is a girl. My son's only concerns are Airsoft BB guns and dangerous fireworks- I'll take that over discussion of naughty bits ANY day.
Sherrie
Posted by: Sherrie | June 01, 2007 at 10:03 AM
My, my, my, DeLulu. Why, why, why, Delulu?
Posted by: Tom Jones | June 02, 2007 at 05:34 PM