Dora's Dirty Dance Party

You are an obsession
You're my obsession
Who do you want me to be
To make you sleep with me?
-- Animotion, Obsession (1985)

This is the last story from my vacation. I promise. But I just had to tell it. So...the Forever Fiancee and I tool Kid Lulu to the Nickelodeon Hotel in Orlando last weekend, which, as you can imagine, was basically a madhouse, like Munchkin Land with more urine. The pools and slides are really cool -- but by 10 p.m., the water rides are unseasonably warm, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, Lulu really wanted to meet Dora the Explorer. So against the pleas of my wallet, I booked reservations for the Nickelodeon character breakfast. Now, as anyone who's done this at Disney will tell you, the character breakfast is often a hellacious experience. You pay $75 bucks to essentially beg some creepy dude in a Goofy get-up to bless your table for 17 seconds. Parents freak out, ready to spray the place with gunfire if Tigger doesn't pose for another Polaroid.

But at Nickelodeon, we ate at 10:10 a.m., and the dining room was essentially empty. Which meant Dora, Diego and Spongebob were all ours. In fact, it ultimately got awkward, as we eventually tried to eat our money's worth, but kept getting interrupted by someone in a costume. "Hey, Diego, yeah, um, we're just gonna eat a little, you know. No offense. Catch you later?" And Diego would slouch away.

Now: We had a great time at Nickelodeon, and especially the breakfast. But like Disney and Orlando, Nickelodeon is desperate to appeal to both parents and kids. Everyone's competing for your tourist dollar. So at the Nick breakfast, they blast grown-up pop songs. A little TOO grown-up.

I'm walking back from the buffet line, when I see my daughter and Dora the Explorer dancing together. Cute, right? But then I slowly realize that the song playing is Animotion's Obsession. You remember that '80s ditty: You are an obsession / You're my obsession / Who do you want me to be / To make you sleep with me." And they have the volume cranked.

Now granted, it's not Gin and Juice or Me So Horny. But come on. Who's the DJ back there? The FF thought I was overreacting -- she also thought I was misquoting the song. I have a feeling some wise-ass kid thought he was pulling a fast one, a buncha dumb parents would never know. But I got you pegged, pal. I got you pegged real good. Let the power of my mighty blog commence!

Comments

[John Hays]

Hey Sean,

Do you recall a few years ago when Outkast's Hey Ya won for something like best song on a Nickelodeon awards show? With lyrics including "Don't want to meet yo' mama...Just wan't to make you cumma"!

I was half expecting to see it the following year on one of those kids cover albums!

[sarah]

I was standing in line at Borders a few years ago and heard a little kid of about 6 singing, "dream of Californication.....dream of Californication....." and I wondered if he would ever get around to asking his parents what fornication meant.

[Bassnote]

I took my family to Disney World last January, and we went to a Princess breakfast at Epcot. No dirty songs, but I remember thinking that Jasmin needed to put on a less revealing outfit.

[Gus]

Sean, I have noticed our little 3 1/2 yr old Katie singing..." hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend..." I can't say for sure, but I think she got this from a "Kid's Bop" commercial on Nick during a break in Spongebob. I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't sing it over and over again, or if it was a better song! At least Kid Lulu didn't start singing along.