Play-Doh? For Halloween?
My formative trick-or-treating years were spent in Westford, Mass., a sleepy, apple-picking town 25 miles outside of Boston. Halloween was a townwide bacchanal there, a total shut-'em-down blowout, with the streets overrun with sugar-jacked hellions until late in the evening. Despite the fact that my mother dressed me as a lame hobo each year, Oct. 31 in Westford was the very definition of wicked excellent.
So the other day, when I heard a FLA neighbor say she was handing out mini tubs of Play-Doh for Halloween, I protested mightily. If you pulled a stunt like that in Westford -- or related crappery like pennies or toothbrushes or bubbles or stickers --- it was a surefire way to get a flaming bag of poop on your stoop. The currency was decadence; even the town dentist handed out stuff to crack your molars. He wasn't crazy -- the guy had a Porsche in his driveway that he really didn't want soaped and TP'd.
I totally dig Play-Doh -- 364 days a year. But on Halloween, you're asking for it. Can't we just overlook the scourge of childhood obesity for one measly day? Of course we can! Besides, it's a matter of self-preservation. Like my friend Chuck said, "Yeah, they'll be seeing that Play-Doh again." Trust me: You don't wanna mess with a 14-year-old kid with a pillowcase and a Freddy Krueger mask.
So in lieu of a musical playlist, here's a Halloween primer I like to call the 10 Best Ways to Get Cavities (not including Three Musketeers or Milky Way, the worst candy bars of all time).
10) Almond Joy (giant size)
9) Peanut M&Ms
8) Reggie Bar
7) Root Beer Barrels
6) Mr. Goodbar (giant size)
5) Baby Ruth (giant size)
4) Lemonheads
3) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (one of those eight-cup jobs)
2) Nestle Crunch (TWO giant size)
1) Fun Dip
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
Let's look back on this the dentist gave you candy so you would get cavities so you would have to get them filled, not because he was afraid to get his car soaped. How do you think he got the Porsche?
And warn your neighbor giving Play-Doh is just begging for a lawsuit. Kids do dumb things with the stuff, like making a pirate's patch and placing it on their eye and then the Play-Doh getting stuck in the eye lashes.
Posted by: sparky | October 10, 2007 at 09:05 AM
Fun Dip rocks! Between Fun Dip and Pixie Sticks, artificially flavored pure sugar is covered. And if I've learned anything in my 38 years on this Earth, it's that any situation is at least slightly improved by a Reese Cup 4 pack and a 2 liter of Coke. Me, medicating with food? Don't tell Dr. Phil, he'll take away my Butterfinger bars!
Posted by: Sherrie | October 10, 2007 at 10:11 AM
Root Beer Barrels and Almond Joy? You can have all of ours. The first candy bar I look for (and take from my children, "You won't like this one.") is a $100,000 bar..chocolate and carmel...pure heaven.
P.S. I read your blog to our neighbor who inspired this...she's at the moment planning all the different ways to give YOU her extra Play Doh.
Posted by: Erin | October 10, 2007 at 12:07 PM
Hey Erin - I will trade you all of my $100,000 bars for all of your Almond Joys - those are my favorite!
Other Halloween staples - Smarties, Tootsie Pops and Twizzlers. On a side note, anyone handing out candy corn should face swift punishment! Who decided that a waxy, artificial corn knock-off would make a good treat??
While we are reminiscing about candy from our youth, does anyone remember those pastel-colored sugar dots on paper? Why did we like those so much?
Posted by: Forever Fiancee | October 10, 2007 at 03:30 PM
FF, I believe those dots on paper were cheap!!! Also, very transportable. The way we attempted to eat them made adults turn up their nose. I'm sure they became quite irritated that we were licking paper in order to get the artificially colored and flavored sugar dot into our mouths.
My favorite things were the wax bottles filled with God knows what and the flavored wax lips.
Posted by: Marissa | October 10, 2007 at 03:43 PM
How the beep does Charleston Chew not get on this list? I'm disappointed in you, Daly.
And giant sizes? Sigh, Amerks are getting jiggly and jigglier.
PAA-UMP IT AAH-P!
Posted by: Al | October 10, 2007 at 07:51 PM
Oh, and Aero Mint. Mmmmmmm......
Posted by: Al | October 10, 2007 at 07:52 PM
TOOTSIE ROLLS!!! Always the 1st to be "Momized". Plain M&Ms too! Love that chocolate!!!
Posted by: MamaM | October 11, 2007 at 01:00 AM
Bottle caps...that's what my daughter has to hide from me. Plus, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Kit Kats.
Posted by: Shelly | October 15, 2007 at 10:39 AM
Oh yeah...I forgot...I completely agree that candy corn is completely disgusting.
Posted by: Shelly | October 15, 2007 at 10:40 AM