The "Picture Day" Playlist

Today was Picture Day at Kid Lulu's school.

Certainly you remember the Olan Mills-sponsored smile-a-thon that haunted you the rest of your life?

Needless to say, it was a rough morning. The Forever Fiancee was zero help, leaving the house early with a smirky look on her face. She knew I was doomed.

The beautifying process was a nightmare. My 3-year-old daughter, who has crazy-thick wacky hair to begin with, looked even more like Phyllis Diller than usual. I was literally dumping water on her head and her locks still wouldn't behave.

Then the kid starts sobbing 'cause I won't let her bring a dog cage to school. What? A dog cage?! "But dogs belong in cages!" she wails. Then, mid-breakdown, her face swollen, her hair a Medusan tangle, she started singing Jesus, Loves Me, which totally messed my game up. You can't tell a kid to pipe down when she's hitting you with the Lord.

Oh, and on the walk to school, it started to drizzle. Yep, those snapshots oughta be priceless.

So while I gather myself, here's today's "Smile for the Camera" playlist...

Every Picture Tells a Story -- Rod Stewart
Smile -- Lyle Lovett
Kodachrome -- Paul Simon
Poses -- Rufus Wainwright
Bad Hair Day -- "Weird Al" Yankovic
Look of Love -- ABC
Get a Haircut -- George Thorogood
Picture -- Sheryl Crow & Kid Rock
The Girl With the Golden Hair -- ABBA

Comments

[sparky]

Photograph - Def Leppard

[Boe]

We just got my 3 year old daughter's pictures back and her hair (which I fixed) looked pretty good. Don't be so hard on yourself you might be pleasantly surprised. P.S. Have you tried pig tails yet? They suck.

[Sean Daly]

Any sort of headband/barrette/scrunchy is a total nightmare for me. I cry, Lulu cries. I mean, hell, I haven't changed my snap-on Ken hair in 37 years, mainly because hair products/accessories frighten me.

[Sherrie]

Just wait, it gets worse. My son also has insanely thick hair, with cowlicks from the seventh level of hell. When he was a preschooler, I spent lots of time dumping water on his head to chill out those cowlicks. Now, he's ten and completely obsessed with hair gel to control the 'do. He had to scrub escaped hair gel off his face before leaving for school this morning, he uses the stuff by the bucket. So yeah, this is only the beginning of the hair related trauma in your life. Look forward to it.
Sherrie

[Brad]

Sean,

I feel your pain. The first time I took my daughter to dance class it took me about twenty minutes to get her hair into the required ponytail/bun thingy.

I felt completely retarded. It was like I had lost my opposable thumbs.

PS The "Jesus Loves Me" bit? Comedy gold.

[Erin]

All three of my children had school pictures today...my youngest (2) would not stop wimpering so her eyes are all red, watery and puffy. My eldest woke up with a bed head that no amount of water could fix..and my poor middle child wore this very cute green shirt which his teacher informed me, at the end of the day, was on backwards.

How about Def Leppard's Photograph for your list?

[Erin]

My bad Sparky, just saw your note the second after I posted mine.

[DG]

Once your daughter realizes that you compared her photogenic talent to a 90-year old comedienne, you're gonna have one ticked off little tike.

As a contribution to your playlist, may I suggest: "Picture In A Frame" by Tom Waits.

[The Mouth]

For songs about hair, how 'bout the title song from the musical? "I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen, yada, yada"

Then, in terms of photographs in general, the first few seconds of J. Geils' "Centerfold" (or was it "Freeze Frame" that had all the cameras clicking?). "Turning Japanese" by the Vapors comes to mind, as does "Photo Jenny" by Belle & Sebastian. Would Duran Duran "Girls on Film" count?

[Stuck in the 70s]

Photograph by Nickelback