Wow, This Song Really Sucks
So I just received a top-secret package, delivered via high-powered overnight service. The new Alicia Keys, perhaps? My heart leaps at the thought (and maybe at the spicy pad thai I had for lunch).
But alas, when I open said mystery, it is but a promo slip-sleeve with a bejeweled CD announcing: SPICE GIRLS "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)." My heart sinks at the revelation (and maybe at the Snickers I had after the pad thai).
I put said CD in the player. What comes out is slow and tinkly and phenomenally frickin' stupid, the kind of nonsong a gaggle of 12-year-old sleepover girls might make on their Wal-Mart-bought Hannah Montana keyboard. "Let's make the headlines loud and clear / The best things suddenly happen when you are here." Seriously, this might be the worst song of the year. (You can listen here -- it says "Holler" but trust me, it's "Headlines.")
I can't imagine that the SG world tour is going to do very well. Oh well, at the very least, here's a picture of Ginger Spice on a wave runner.
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
WHY!? Tell me WHY are you so cruel to put a link for the song on the blog? I had to go and click it! I swear I can taste bile now. UGH
Posted by: Marissa | November 02, 2007 at 02:27 PM
Hey, Marissa, thanks again for that Kylie Minogue performance. I thought I was watching "ER" for a second.
Just in case people missed it, Kylie's detailed examination of the pros and cons of socialized medicine begins here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBDEuzIiTvU
Posted by: Sean Daly | November 02, 2007 at 03:03 PM
Wow. That almost makes Don Johnson's "Hearbeat" sound like it was written by Dylan.
Posted by: Tonianne | November 02, 2007 at 03:04 PM
Good one, Tonianne.
(By the way, Tonianne was referring to the Spice Girls song, not Kylie Minogue, whose "Fever" is one of the great dissections of modern malpractice.)
Posted by: Sean Daly | November 02, 2007 at 03:08 PM
Not a problem, Sean. I understand a man's needs ... for better health care, that is.
Posted by: Marissa | November 02, 2007 at 03:20 PM
Absolutely, Sean. Because the YouTube video clearly illustrates social commentator Kylie's newfound sense of gravitas. She's come quite a way since those frivolous Loco-Motion days.
Stacey Q/"Cinnamon" and Martika should be very afraid...
Posted by: Tonianne | November 02, 2007 at 03:39 PM
I think you're right, this could be the worst song of the year. The package should have come with a warning label.
And on an even more frightening note, the Spice Girls' L.A. dates are sold out and tickets might be even tougher to get than Hannah Montana.
Posted by: Vanessa | November 02, 2007 at 05:15 PM
I found the actual video for this song online. I was a tad confused as I thought it was an advertisement for high end lingerie. Are women suppose to lounge around in bras and panties after being apart for a long time? If so, I'm behind on the game.
http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=msnbc&vid=89a56389-ff6d-4569-8029-f42ef7ee299c
Posted by: Marissa | November 02, 2007 at 05:58 PM
What an embarrassment for me, as their tour is starting in my hometown. Ginger back in the day was quite scrumptious though. I liked her with some meat on her bones.
Thankfully I saved my money for the VH 3/4 reunion instead!
Posted by: Al | November 03, 2007 at 01:21 AM