BLOG BATTLE: 80s Christmas songs

OK, people, Steve Spears from Stuck in the 80s has challenged me to a blog battle! He's waxing poetic on Xmas tunes over on his blog, so check it out and see who you like(coughpleasepickmecough). I know I'm new around these parts, but don’t hold back. I can take your shots. Plus, there’s a really nice place to cry in the third stall of the ladies room.  Here we go!

The top five Christmas Songs of the 80s

5. Santa Baby – Madonna
I’m going to get crap for this, I know.  She sings the whole song in a squeaky Jersey accent. But shortly after releasing this, she squeezed into crushed velvet and got FIERCE as Breathless Mahoney in Dick Tracy. Santa Baby reminds me of the platinum pin-up Madonna, and helps me forget the heavily biceped track suit yogi we have now. And if you can’t have a little fun with, essentially, PROPOSITIONING SANTA to sweep your chimney, you have a stick somewhere indelicate.

4. Winter Wonderland – Eurythmics
Annie Lennox is like no other, and her pipes make this song endure. Listen next time you’re getting fat in the food court or slaving over which dancing snowman to pick in Hallmark. You may hear it. The nice thing about this song is, she holds back. It’s like a tease. And you get the feeling she just doesn’t care, cuz dang it, she’s mellow and has cocoa is not leaving this f-n fireplace. It’s singable, it’s fun, and it’s full of echos and synth and clapping and clanking that make it expressly 80s-tastic.

3. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer – Elmo & Patsy
You hate this song. You’ve heard it a million times. But for me, this song is special. This marks the moment, as a wee small lass freezing my towhead off in Ohio, that I realized I could say things that were weird and twisted and dark, and PEOPLE WOULD LAUGH! It was a stunning discovery. Grandma getting roadkilled by a renegade beast? Sick! I love it!  This song led me down a very snarky path, folks, and for that, I’m grateful.

2. Last Christmas – Wham!
I heart Wham! I love to do the kick-snap dance and sing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go at karaoke. Wham! is cheesy and stupid, and George Michael looked surfer boy hot in the 80s. And I love the bratty lyrics in this song. “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.”  It’s all, NANNY NANNY BOO BOO, pptbbtthh!  Plus, two of my favorite artists remade this song later – Jimmy Eat World, and my one-time crush, Darren Hayes from Savage Garden (who, incidentally, also turned out to like boys. Dang.)

1. Please Come Home For Christmas – Pat Benatar
I love Pat, so much. Her voice is one of my all-time favorites. In 2005, I went to see her and Neil Giraldo in concert at Ruth Eckerd Hall. They looked ready to pick up the kids from soccer. She wore a navy blazer, a permed bob and sensible shoes. Her husband donned track pants and some hot New Balances. But as much as I missed the green eyeliner and lace, Pat came through on the vocals. Her voice is still nearly perfect, and this song is a shining example. You can hear the passion, people! Love IS a battlefield!

BONUS! The worst Christmas song of the 80s

Do They Know It’s Christmas? – Band Aid
Look, I’m all about raising money for starving kids in Ethiopia, or whatever. And no doubt, Bob Geldof assembled some crack artists to wail on this Frankenstein creation. But have you seen the lyrics? This is perhaps the most smug, entitled song ever. “Do they know it’s Christmas?” Around half of Ethiopia practices Islam, so, like, they might not care. “There won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime.” YAY! SNOW BLOWS! And then for the kicker: “And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom. Tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you.”  Wow.  That’s the holiday spirit.

Comments

[Marissa]

I'm straddling the fence on this one and choosing my own freakin' horrifying Christmas Worst selections. Mad Madge ain't got nothin' on the horrific sounds of New Kids on the Block's Funky, Funky Christmas. The entire song selection on their Christmas album totally soaked with suckiness that spans decades to come.
I'll be sure to share this with the ray of sunshine known as Steve Spears.

ps. I don't get why people like The Waitresses. M O N O T O N Y and nearly monotone.

[Mike in Austin]

Well done Stephanie! I couldn't agree more about Pat Benatar's pipes. And those lyrics from the Band Aid song, concur.

[Stephanie Hayes]

OH SNAP! NKOTB! I had a pink plastic wristwatch with their pictures on the face. I worshipped Jordan Knight.

[Mike in Austin]

Stephanie, I'm ROTFLMAO about your NKOTB watch! Worry not, I used to tease my hair in the 80's in honor of Robert Smith!

[Mike in Austin]

Stephanie, I'm ROTFLMAO about your NKOTB watch! Worry not, I used to tease my hair in the 80's in honor of Robert Smith!

[Marissa]

The thrill of the Band-Aid collaboration was the video. For me it was, anyway. To see my favorite British pop stars all together...mmmm better than fruitcake. wait, fruitcake sucks Rudolph hiney. Better than killer eggnog!

[Bassnote]

You lose for including Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, and Do They Know It's Christmas rocks.

[Stephanie Hayes]

At least Mike likes me. I have that.

[Al]

Best Christmas song? "Tears are Not Enough" by Northern Lights, a Canadian response to "Do They Know It's Christmas", which also rocks.

[Marissa]

oh, you crazy Canadians! lol

Here Al, go gaze upon the masterpiece you love.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-KC9BxSibg

[Al]

Haha nice Marissa. You made my day, exams are over and now I can watch some nostalgia.....man I used to love Gordon Lightfoot......and Neil Young looks hilariously badass.

Bryan Adams, Burton Cummings, Anne Murray, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Cockburn, and Geddy Lee, Corey Hart, Mike Reno.....sigh, what a great song.

"If we can pull together, we change the world together, Heaven knows that tears are not enough..." Great lyric.

[chase]

Oy, can't say I'd pay a thimble full of rat pee to listen to Madonna or Grandma getting run over, but I'm with you on the Band Aid song ... that's up there in the running for Worst Song of the 80s ...

[Marissa]

"thimble full of rat pee" Interesting.

[Captain Ron]

Santa Baby and Last Christmas are two of the best Christmas songs ever. I long for December so I can throw my awesome Christmas mix and jam out to those songs. And I'm adding Pat Benetar to that CD mix PRONTO. Steph, you're a genius.

[Marissa]

Stephanie, I do want you to know you get extra points for adding Eurythmics to your list. We've already established that I'm a huge Annie Lennox fan. She's one of those people who could sing the phone book or the extra value meal menu at McDonald's and I'd melt like buttah.

[Spears]

Captain Ron (great movie with Kurt Russell, by the way) ... clearly all those years at sea have left your eardrums corroded. Santa Baby and "awesome" don't belong in the same zip code.

[Stephanie Hayes]

Captain Ron is one scruffy, seafaring beach bum with FAB taste. Work it, baby!

[Marlene Sokol]

So Elmo & Patsy were Stephanie's muse? Mystery solved (I'm dating myself to throw the "Singing Dogs" in there. that was first recorded in the 1930s.)

[Marissa]

It wasn't the 80s, but close to it (1979) or else I would have said this is one of my all time favorite novelty songs: John Denver and the Muppets 12 Days of Christmas. Miss Piggy's raucous 'FIVE GOLD RINGSSSSSS badabump bump' gets me everytime.