Goodbye Ike, hello Spock

Ike Turner died today.

Ike was a man of highly questionable behavior. He makes the feminist chunks gurgle in my stomach. But there's no denying that he and Tina had some FANTASTIC songs.

So, instead of plain-ol' vilifying a man who just died, let's let the following artists do it the old fashioned way. ALL TIME WORST TURNER REMAKES!

River Deep, Mountain High (Private Dance Mix) – Erasure

OK. The original lyrics are a little sad: “I’m going to be faithful as that puppy.” I would add, “Then I’m going to leap up and lunch on your nose if you twist my floppy ear one more time, jerkface. Now give me a Beggin’ Strip.” Nonetheless, the original is shakeworthy. This cover from Erasure’s 1988 album The Innocents is worthy of a one-piece jewel-toned leotard, Reeboks, leg warmers and JAZZERCISE! Plus, it’s like seven minutes. I have things to do, people.

Nutbush City Limits – Melinda Doolittle

Look, I loved Melinda on American Idol last season. I wanted her to win. And she did a good job with this song. But anyone who has EVER glimpsed Simon’s bulging pectorals in an inappropriate Dri-Fit top KNOWS that there are certain artists you just don’t touch. Mariah. Aretha. Celine. Chaka. Tina. If Melinda had lowered the bar and covered, oh, say, Stars are Blind by the enigmatic Paris Hilton, she’d be the one with the mediocre CD hanging LIGHTING HOT on the charts at number kindadisappointing. Boy, she learned her lesson.

Proud Mary – Leonard Nimoy

Ike and Tina remade John Fogerty’s song, and it became awesome in an entirely new and exciting way. Leonard Nimoy, who I’m sure had the best of intentions, remade it first in 1970, and, well... He's probably a very nice man, and he certainly has spunk. He's a music fan, no doubt, and... HE’S SPOCK, OK?  Frick. Further explanation seems redundant. 

Other nominees?

Comments

[Marissa]

I love "River Deep, Mountain High." Now I have to go find the Erasure version. That's one song that I tolerate from Ms. Celine Dion because I like the SONG that much. It's a great shake your bootay Tina Turner style, for sure!

I'm having the brain fart of the century coming up with other songs at the moment. Someone else will take care of that task, I am sure.

[Al]

Tina had tremendous gams back in the day. Simply the Best!

[Bassnote]

I Want To Take You Higher - Tesla
A Fool In Love - Jackie Jackson
Ohh Poo Pah Doo - Trini Lopez
It's Gonna Work Out Fine - Paul Brady

[Stephanie Hayes]

Dang, Bassnote, pulling out all the stops with Tesla. You put me to shame. You do.

[Marissa]

Hey Stephanie!
I found this while feeding my youtube addiction. I loves me some Annie Lennox and here she is with a live rendition of River Deep Mountain High.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYVtq8cfAss

[Stephanie Hayes]

Ooh, LOVE Annie! Back in the day, when I worked at the mall slinging wolf T-shirts at a nature store, a co-worker and I smashed an entire glass shelf into a million pieces. So "Walking On Broken Glass" became our code song. I get all warm and fuzzy thinking about it.