Idol chatter: Please, no more wookies
Hey gang -- Steve Spears here, your Stuck in the 80s guru.
With Times pop music critic Sean Daly on family leave, I'm the point man for this week's American Idol blogging duties.
I'm here now and queued up to Fox. God help me, I just realized tonight's show is from OMAHA, NEBRASKA!?! Are you serious?
And Paula Abdul is late? Big surprise. I was late to work the day after the Lightning won the Stanley Cup -- probably for the same reason.
FIRST IMPRESSION: Chris Bernheisel, or Applicant No. 1, looks like a video game character. And he's crying!! My vote is ready long before he sings a note.
FIRST HOTTIE: Rachel Wicker, the arm-wrestling vixen. Put her in the final four. Because I want an outside chance at letting her wrestle with me too. She gets to Hollywood by the HIGHLY UNLIKELY 2-1 vote, with Simon saying no. I'm shocked. SHOCKED. Seriously though. Final four. I'm so there.
A SECOND WRESTLER?: Only in Nebraska. Sarah Whitacker (photo above right) scares the living crap out of me. Simon is so right when he says, "This is like the soundtrack to this whole town." Amen, Simon.
GAFF OF THE SHOW: "I can't wait to get to Hollywood and to prove Simon wrong that I am America's Next Top Model."
TODAY'S SOB STORY: Angelica Puente. Oh, I don't get along with my dad, so I moved out. Boo-hoo. This is what makes for tragedy in the Great Plains? No wonder they keep voting Republican.
I WANNA ROCK: David Cook is the most normal, adjusted person ever to appear on this show. I want to swill some beer with him -- and tell him to wash the red hair dye out.
SO THAT MEANS A FREAK IS NEXT: And that'd be Johnny Escamilla (photo left), who also gives Paula the hiccups. He gives the rest of us acid reflux. Nobody should ever sing Otis Day and the Knights for an audition. Unless it's for a wedding reception.
... PAULA?: What's up with laying across the table suddenly? Either you're about to puke or Randy's going to spank you. Either way, I don't want to see it. Well, maybe if he's gonna spank you.
FINAL CONTESTANT: Leo Marlowe gets the honor of being last, which is usually good luck. He's got that "High School Musical" meets "Can't Stop The Music" vibe about him. And of course, it worked.
That's enough for tonight. Omaha produces 19 golden tickets for Hollywood. Must be all the corn-fed beef. Go figure. See you all Wednesday night for our next installment. The location: Miami. And you thought tonight was weird.
[Photos from Fox]
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!
Why did you have to include that picture?
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 06:18 PM
LOL Bassnote... it had the same effect on me!!
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 06:58 PM
I'm ignoring the photo and picturing Paula passing out mid seal-clap. It helps -- not as good as brain bleach, but it helps.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 07:05 PM
Our Internet keeps cutting out, but I'll chip in if I can.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 29, 2008 at 07:27 PM
Alas, I'm here. Ready for the pain?
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 07:57 PM
Omaha, Nebraska?!? Sean did this to me on purpose!
I can't handle the heartland.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:01 PM
First Guy: Chris... I saw that bomb dropping from a mile away.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:08 PM
So Paula's plane was late...hmm
Nice start with a deluded dude -- good lord.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:14 PM
I was late to work the day after the Lightning won the Stanley Cup -- surely it couldn't be for the same reason?
And just how many times are they going to let Jason Rich sing before booting him?
Posted by: Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:15 PM
Jason got through? What is it? Reward a Weasel Week on American Idol?
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:17 PM
Wow -- can't believe that my post posted -- my wireless was being weird (thanks to the impenetrable plaster walls of my house).
Carry on.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:18 PM
Arm wrestling girl can actually sing.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:21 PM
I could totally beat that girl at arm wrestling.
Posted by: Cotey | January 29, 2008 at 08:21 PM
Rachel Wicker, I totally think she's gonna last a while. Love those arms. And she's got a good "name." Never underestimate a TV-friendly name.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:25 PM
I have those same glasses that Randy's wearing -- except mine are plain old sunglasses. The red shoes -- meh.
And I'm totally distracted by the white rings around Simon's eyes, presumably from the little shields he wore in the tanning booth.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:25 PM
Somewhere, Paul Bearer's heart is aflutter
Posted by: Cotey | January 29, 2008 at 08:27 PM
Another wrestler?: Only in Nebraska. Sarah Whitacker scares the living crap out of me. Simon is so right when he says, "This is like the soundtrack to this whole town." Amen, Simon.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:28 PM
I'm HERE! Scared, but here.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:29 PM
Goth chick is going to give me nightmares.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:29 PM
Samantha won't manage to project her voice. She'll just be another Haley Scarnato.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:30 PM
Norah Jones girl? WINNER!
Heard it here first.
Sorry I just ruined the show for everyone.
Goodnight.
Posted by: Cotey | January 29, 2008 at 08:30 PM
Just got my internet back... it went out right as Idol started. Hmmmm, was that an omen?? What did I miss??
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 08:30 PM
Samantha Sidley -- I'm liking this breathy little audition.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:31 PM
Paula seems trashed again...
Not 3 weeks into the fun... at least we now have something to talk about.
Posted by: Dasher | January 29, 2008 at 08:32 PM
She'll crumble because she won't be able to do anything BUT Norah Jones-ish tunes.
The next girl would have been better if she'd left the under shirt off. Bleah. I'm already nauseous.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:32 PM
Seacrest sooooooo wanted Norah Jones girl.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:32 PM
I'm thinking "plane delayed" is code for "hung over."
Goth wrestler = love child of Ozzy Osbourne and Billy Corgan. Seriously.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:32 PM
I've had enough of the Colby Collie whatever types. Bleah!
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:33 PM
"I can't wait to get to Hollywood and prove to Simon that I am America's Next Top Model."
You just can't BUY entertainment like this.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:33 PM
Uh, maybe to clean his house, Bassnote. Seacrest isn't into chicks. I have it on good authority.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:34 PM
YEAH! Sob story!!
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:37 PM
ACK! Singing Celine Dion needs to be an automatic boot to the keester.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:39 PM
Today's sob story: Angelica Puente. Oh, I don't get along with my dad, so I moved out. Boo-hoo. This is what makes for tragedy in the Great Plains? No wonder they keep voting Republican.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:40 PM
Man, I'm so glad I live in the Midwest! lol
High winds here, by the way. I think I just saw Toto and Dorothy.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:42 PM
OK, I just totally aspirated my Daisani at that Great Plains/Republican comment. Boo HOO hoo indeed.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:42 PM
I totally agree about the Celine Dion songs. Let's extend that to Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, and Christine Aguilara.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:45 PM
Surely there has to be something far more heart wrenching than "we didn't get along." How about, Uncle Daddy and Cousin Brother taught me what lovin' was about in the hay bales out in the barn?
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:45 PM
I'm a total sucker for a sob story (see the Chicago single mom with the special needs daughter) but 17 and not getting along with your dad... welcome to adolescence, sweet cheeks. Pfffft.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:45 PM
I keep forgetting it's Florida Primary night. So we get these painful results that we're a dysfunctional democracy during commercial breaks in the Sunshine State.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:45 PM
ACK! "hi, I think I can sing just like Scott Stapp if he mated with Chris Daughtry...like me?"
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:47 PM
Nice glitter ball shirt. "spin you silly minx!"
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:49 PM
I'm more than a little displeased with the primary results, which is why I'm FF the show on the DVR so I can avoid all that.
Anyhoo -- Mohawk Argyle Sweater guy has a good voice. Didn't like the slowed tempo on "Livin' on a Prayer" -- I kept beating out the time on my leg hoping he's pick up the pace.
And I'm totally coveting Paula's Christian Louboutins.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 08:51 PM
Bon Jovi singer was okay, but he's gone in the next round.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 08:52 PM
Johnny Escamilla gives Paula the hiccups. He gives the rest of us acid reflux.
On the bright side, he's the front runner for the stage version of Revenge of the Nerds.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 08:53 PM
Hey Bassnote! Is it icky poo windy where you are? I just want to know so you can keep an eye out for my son and I ...we might fly by if this wind keeps up.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:54 PM
Did the tattooed chick try to duplicate the print on her dress?
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:56 PM
You know somethin, the time is really giving me the run's these days. The whole staff should be fired and beaten for the trash they print. What ever happened to the "news" paper. I would rather stare into the sun with binoculars than read one more line of sh*t from these idiots. Well, I am off to buy more toilet paper
Posted by: Yeah its John again | January 29, 2008 at 08:56 PM
Jason Rich ... totally hot! Nora Jones girl was cute as a button. She just needs to work on putting more power behind that voice. (And yeah, Ryan was hot for her.) Arm wrestler girl had an awesome voice. I hope all 3 of them make it to the top 10.
Posted by: Stephanie | January 29, 2008 at 08:57 PM
Okay, so I get my internet back for the second time tonight... and right in time for the "Stuck In The Middle W/ You" terror!!
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 08:57 PM
Marissa... I wouldn't be surprised to see you and your son fly by my windows here in Nashville. Crazy weather tonight!
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 08:58 PM
Phil Stacey performed on the Chicago Fox channel this morning. Yup. He sure did. lol
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 08:59 PM
Why is the 'witch theme' from The Wizard of Oz running through my head?
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:00 PM
What to watch now? It's either the second half of Star Wars or The Blues Brothers from the start.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 29, 2008 at 09:01 PM
Yeah, It's super windy here too. I'll keep an eye out for you and your son.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 09:02 PM
I'll make sure to double up on the jammies.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:04 PM
Steve, why only the second half of Star Wars?
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:04 PM
I think I'm a little bit in love with Leo the Homecoming Queen. He needs to not cry so much, though -- that's gonna get really old really quickly.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 09:04 PM
I vote for The Blues Brothers. Just for Aretha and "Think" -- LOVE!
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 09:05 PM
My son kept exclaiming, "another one that talks like a girl!"
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:08 PM
Blues Brothers, Steve, always the Blues Brothers.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 09:09 PM
Well done, Steve! I know you're probably already planted on the couch with remote in one hand, and uhm, a drink in the other.
I won't be around tomorrow night. My presence is required elsewhere. Have fun!
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:14 PM
Blues Brothers!
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 09:15 PM
*snort*
Very nice speedy work there, Mr. Spears, with the contestant photo -- she's even more horrifying in a still shot. Tights as pants = never a good idea unless you're a superhero.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 09:15 PM
The Blues Brothers plays gently in the other room while I dutifully add photos to the main blog post now.
I'm amazed how quickly the hour flew by.
And I'm crushed that Tattoo Girl didn't make it through. They should do a whole Fetish Episode of American Idol.
Posted by: Spears | January 29, 2008 at 09:17 PM
Fetish Episode? And you thought THIS was a scary bunch? Talk about opening Pandora's Box.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:20 PM
Wow... given the two photos you posted.. I'm kind of grateful that I missed most of the show!
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 09:21 PM
Do you think that goth girl was trying to channel Carrie Ann Moss with that black pleather slicker?
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:23 PM
If this writers' strike keeps continuing, I daresay a Fetish Episode might be just around the corner (tied up to something), as producers search desperately for original programming.
It wouldn't be boring, that's for certain.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 09:24 PM
I think my first post still applies to the new photo you put up.
Posted by: Bassnote | January 29, 2008 at 09:26 PM
Poor Johnny Escamilla -- I haven't witnessed a rendition of "Shout" quite like that since I used to drink and groove at post-football game frat parties at UF.
Posted by: jane | January 29, 2008 at 09:26 PM
Is it Hollywood time yet? I'm already worn out from the auditions. I love watching them crumble under the pressure.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:29 PM
I kept the photo theme the same: "No more wookies."
That's for you, Bassnote. (Picture Vince Vaughn saying that to Sean Astin in "Rudy" though, with the music swelling in the background.)
Posted by: Spears | January 29, 2008 at 09:29 PM
I'm sure it does Bassnote, I'm sure it does!! LOL
Posted by: Carla | January 29, 2008 at 09:29 PM
Steve, you could have stopped at "picture Vince Vaughn" and I'd be happy.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:31 PM
Give Marissa credit for the buzz-killing Vince comment. That does it for me.
Please tune in Wednesday night when I'll be chock full of sarcastic things to say about Miami and people from South Florida.
Posted by: Spears | January 29, 2008 at 09:43 PM
I'm off to find my slippers and Old Navy pjs. I know when there's no love.
Posted by: Marissa | January 29, 2008 at 09:45 PM