Idol chatter: Welcome to Florida
Hey, Pop-Lifers! It's Steve Spears again -- your Stuck in the 80s addict here to wear Sean's enormous cap for tonight's live American Idol chat.
I've got high hopes for tonight's audition in Miami. Not because I expect our judges to uncover any talent in Florida. I just know that the Sunshine State is full of the strangest creatures on the planet -- human and otherwise. And I cringe awaiting the various regional accent twangs that Idol is about to unleash on the civilized world.
It's showtime, so let's see what horror awaits us tonight.
PREDICTABLE OPENING: Let's see. We're in Miami. What other show was based here? Oh yeah! Miami Vice. So let's open Idol with the Vice theme song. And then play some Miami Sound Machine! No one will see that coming!
AND FIRST UP: Shannon McGough. She handles meat. And she can belch! Really LOUD. I'm so in love. But then the singing starts, and we realize how she shreds the meat -- with her voice. "I've never had a person say I sing badly before," she says. "This is like crazy to me."
FIRST TAMPA BAY CONTESTANT: Suzanne Toon (photo top right) from Clearwater is a local, tonight's first single mom and our first sob story. I'd bet my overtime check that she makes it through -- OK, double that now that she's crying during the interview. ... Wait for it ... THREE YES VOTES. I'm thinking Top 10 finish too.
HAS-BEEN ALERT: Robbie Carrico was once in a boy band? Was it .38 Special? Welcome to Hollywood, Facial-Hair Boy! Have a golden ticket and some Silly String.
LATIN LOVER: Ghaleb Emachah (photo left) is going to break some hearts. Not because of his singing. But if Venezuela has a porn business, this guy is going to be the king of it. Looks like he'll get his start in Hollywood. (Simon says what we're all thinking: Test the contents of Paula's cup.)
YES TO JACKSONVILLE?: As someone who lived in Jacksonville for four years, let me say this: You NEVER say yes to Jacksonville! Corliss Smith and Brittany Wescott both pass the audition. God help Los Angeles.
GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN: All the females are breezing through in Miami. And now that they show the guys waiting in line outdoors, I see why. Is there a World of Warcraft convention in town?
TONIGHT'S BIG GAFF: So far, I'm going with ... Holding auditions in Miami.
TAMPA! OH GOD NO: Richard Valles is our second local. Looks good. His singing? Let's hope he has some decongestant back home. The crushed look on his face was seriously painful.
SHE'S GOT LEGS: And she knows how to use them. Julie Dubela was a top 20 finisher in "America's Juniors." You all remember that show, don't you? She's 16 going on 36, which makes me feel a little bad for the "she's got legs" comment. But all she needs is a pole and she's a top 3 finalist for America's Top Erotic Dancers. "Precocious? What's that mean?"
ONE LAST DISASTER: Tonight's final contestant. Brandon Black, this is Fox, not MTV. Which means it's OK to be shameless and pathetic, but at least be funny. I think I wore his same outfit for my junior prom (but with a pink cumberbun). And he seems to be wearing the same Johnny Bench pendant that John Candy wears in "Brewster's Millions." Way to go old school.
Is anyone surprised that the Miami auditions turned out this way? Only 17 people got through. I'm telling you: Florida should become a separate, independent country. Governed by some retired gameshow host. All hail, Prime Minister Bob Barker.
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
THIS WEEK'S SHOW: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rock Tampa Bay. To hear the latest "Stuck in the 80s" episode now, 
On paper I'm still a Broward County resident, so I guess I should take umbrage at your insinuation.
Of course, I agree with you that tonight's show has the potential to make the Omaha auditions look like "Masterpiece Theater", but that's no reason to cast aspersions an entire Metro area.
I know for a fact that there are a number of very normal, hard-working Americans in those parts.
Sure they're cowering in their darkened houses as the denizens of the International House of Freak Shows wanders the streets outside, but they're there!
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 30, 2008 at 03:19 PM
It's anticipating moments like this, when I know my state is going to be shown as its glorious, wacky self, that I'm proud to be a Floridian.
I actually have a special fondness for "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw" as I, along with several of my ne'er-do-well compadres, got tossed out of a high school dance for singing this very loudly and at inappropriate moments. Let's hope Paula does it justice.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 03:22 PM
I sang "Why Don't We..." many a times on the benches of CJ's in Gainesville myself during Quarter Beer Night.
I just never did it on a national TV audition. That's the difference.
Posted by: Spears | January 30, 2008 at 07:19 PM
You have a point.
Quarter Beer Night with chicken wings and singing on the benches. Sigh. Those were the days. Although honestly, I preferred the wings at the Purple Porpoise...
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 07:45 PM
Nice cliche-riddled opening, AI producers. Way to keep things fresh and exciting.
Is it wrong that I was more excited about that meat market (I'm such a carnivore) than I was about anything else? Poor Shannon -- such a voice. No other way to describe it.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:09 PM
The meat market actually made me ill. I think seeing her fist full of stew meat is an image I won't scrape from my brain for another 10 years.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 30, 2008 at 08:12 PM
Anyone catch Zanfir, master of the pan flute?
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 30, 2008 at 08:14 PM
I like my meat very rare (yes, I know... bad for you/unhealthy/ blah blah blah) so that wasn't so off-putting.
The cook in me thought it was kinda cool, actually. Not that I'd want to work there, mind you. Just shop.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:16 PM
What was the over/under on contestants from Jacksonville? 20 minutes was the correct answer.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 30, 2008 at 08:21 PM
I'm still on Venezuela guy -- not bad vocally (didn't have Marc Anthony's range, though) but those were some killer arms. Hmm.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:23 PM
I never thought I'd hear anyone sing "Take Five" (which is a HUGE favorite of mine) on this show, much less a 20-year-old. On song choice alone -- and the fact that she handled it pretty well -- she might get my nod for chica of the night.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:30 PM
PS: Despite the fact that she's from Jax, Mr. Spears, she still gets props from me.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:31 PM
I'm sorry. I have a Jax phobia. But she was the most entertaining performer so far.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 30, 2008 at 08:34 PM
Ramiele... has a nice voice.. don't know how far she'll go.. but she was good!
Her Dad however, is a whole other story!
Posted by: Carla | January 30, 2008 at 08:34 PM
Syesha looks good. Great voice.
Posted by: Steve Spears | January 30, 2008 at 08:39 PM
You didn't think she 'screamed' her vocals a bit. I mean, they were great.. but bring it down a notch.
Posted by: | January 30, 2008 at 08:42 PM
Syesha was a complete package, even though I think her nerves got the best of her and she pushed her vocals at the end. Her natural charm will serve her well.
I'm thinking she's going far.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:44 PM
PS: I liked Suzanne Toon's voice as well, sob story and all. But she needs to make some adjustments to her 'doo -- a wee bit distracting, at least from where I was sitting on my sofa.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 08:47 PM
That entitled, over-indulged American Junior may have been the most obnoxious auditioner I've seen this season. I myself had moments of precociousness as a teenager, but nothing even coming close to that level.
Good riddance.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 09:10 PM
I seriously feel bad for the Tampa guy -- Richard. The only person in the whole show who seemed really human.
Richard, if you're out there reading this, let me buy you a drink at Mastery's in St. Pete. We'll sit around bashing Fox and Paula Abdul. You'll feel better in no time.
Posted by: Spears | January 30, 2008 at 09:13 PM
Mastry's.
Most excellent.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 09:17 PM
They know me well in Mastry's. Ask any bartender. I'm the "surly, Jack-swilling guy who mutters and scares away the ladies" dude.
Posted by: Spears | January 30, 2008 at 09:23 PM
In another life (actually in two other lives) I spent many an afternoon and evening and late night (sometimes all three in one day) at Mastry's and at the Pelican Pub around the corner. We'd go eat at Tangelo's and then head back to the bar(s) to keep drinking.
Posted by: jane | January 30, 2008 at 09:28 PM