What Would You Change About "Idol"?
With equal amounts of self-hate, sarcasm and sheer fanaticism, we officially kick off our American Idol coverage. Huzzah! In today's newspaper, showbiz goddess Sharon Fink and I propose changes for Season 7 of the world's most dangerous show. For instance...
If producers really want to help contestants prepare for celebrity, hook 'em up with mentors who can offer truly relevant advice. Like Jessica Sierra. Tampa's own Idol spinout would be a splendid mentor for kids about to embark on a life of soul-crushing disappointment: She can teach them how to charm police, how to properly light a room at Econo Lodge, how to destroy your looks and still land on the front page. We also recommend legally challengedIdol fave Corey Clark, Partridge Family lame-o Danny Bonaduce and that chick from The O.C. who just got bagged for DUI.
And this bit o' guidance...
We're big fans of the old Dean Martin Show. And nothing was cooler than Dino cracking open the hooch and having a cocktail on his prime-time variety show. Frazzled judge Paula Abdul says she rarely touches the stuff. But maybe she should start hitting it harder - at least that would explain her loopy behavior. Lose those plastic Coke cups and let Abdul peel the seal on a fifth of Jim Beam (and those pills she pops for her chronic pain) in front of 30-million viewers. Cheers, America!
So now that we've had our say, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT AMERICAN IDOL?
(Nuking the entire city of Hollywood is a totally reasonable answer.)
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
THIS WEEK'S SHOW: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rock Tampa Bay. To hear the latest "Stuck in the 80s" episode now, 
I think it's time to let the judges have some kind of say in the voting outcome. The past few seasons have seen some really great tallent get voted off while horrid singers remain.
Posted by: dctim | January 15, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Your Dean Martin-flavored suggestion rocks so hard it hurts.
I know that viewing's more fun for me with an adult beverage (make it a double, Dino!) on the end table beside me, so it makes sense that it would work for Paula too. It would take the bat-guano crazy factor up to 11, but who cares. Her tearful histrionics the night that Constantine was ousted remain at the top of my favorite Idol moments.
Posted by: jane | January 15, 2008 at 12:50 PM
The contestants need to just sing. They don't need those "Coca Cola" interview moments where they get to thank all of their "fans". They don't have fans. Three weeks ago, they were working the drive-thru at Burger King.
Posted by: DG | January 15, 2008 at 01:39 PM
One of the reasons I don't watch the show is that it's just singers, not musicians. My understanding is they're changing that aspect this year a little, so that's good.
But by all means, let the nuking of Hollywood commence regardless.
Posted by: Clark | January 15, 2008 at 04:33 PM
I think Randy needs to be limited to mentioning having played with Journey to 3 times per ENTIRE season. That includes auditions and Hollywood week.
I know there is a writer's strike, but someone needs to give Paula a prompter to read from. She wanders so far away from the planet we're all on. She needs guidance.
Simon simply needs to be told he must refrain from self-molestation. Tell him he needs to do it on his own time. Also, is it fair for a guy who created Il Divo to truly give feedback?
Posted by: Marissa | January 15, 2008 at 04:39 PM
Clark, the Aussie version of Idol lets the musicians play guitar, piano, etc.. I wonder if they are permitted to perform original works, as well. Now, that'd be worth two hoots and a holler!
Posted by: Marissa | January 15, 2008 at 04:41 PM
Wow, you guys are totally bringing me down, man. Unfortunately, we're covering "Idol" tonight like the freaking Super Bowl. No rest for SD.
Posted by: Sean Daly | January 15, 2008 at 04:45 PM
Sean, I'm anxiously awaiting the first installment of auditions. I thought you'd expect a cheeky reply from me.
With all honesty, the powers that be at AI need to regulate the number of calls per phone line/computer addy. There has to be a means of regulating so those mega-dialing gizmos can't have a powerful effect on the outcome.
Also, if they were to let the judge's opinions count as scores, they'd need better judges.
That's all just my most humble opinion. All the same, I'm an addict.
Posted by: Marissa | January 15, 2008 at 05:11 PM
Hey pallie Sean, dude like so nice to meet 'nother Dinolover and a gig your Dinosuggestion...never was, never will be anyone as cool as the King of Cool. Oh, to return to the days when Dino walked the earth!
Posted by: dino martin peters | January 15, 2008 at 06:30 PM
Love the Dino, hate Amerk & Canuck Idol. Terrible, terrible shows. I know I can't sing great, so I do it in the car. 'Nuff said.
Posted by: Al | January 15, 2008 at 08:39 PM
I offered to watch the train wreck tonight with my beautiful, if musically suspect, wife. She declined. I win!
Posted by: Old Fat Bald Chick Magnet | January 15, 2008 at 08:46 PM
Marissa,
If that were the case here, I would definitely tune in and would probably watch on a regular basis!
Posted by: Clark | January 16, 2008 at 12:39 PM