Whether You Like It or Not...

American Idol starts next Tuesday.

And although I will continue to post a wonderland of musical madness and self-referential playlists, I will also be taking over a hulking portion of the Idol coverage here at your St. Pete Times.

I intend to cover the show irreverently but comprehensively, as both a chronicler of popular culture and a large man in his boxer shorts eating Chunky Monkey and chortling at Simon Cowell's man-bazooms.

In other words, I'll make it worth your while, baby.

So as you gaze at the vocal talents of Antonella Barba, let's start the Idol 2008 campaign by asking this question...

HOW MANY OF YOU PLAN TO WATCH (all of, part of, none of) SEASON 7 OF AMERICAN IDOL?

Comments

[jane]

*raises hand frantically*

This item is bringing me untold amounts of joy, as I am a total Idol junkie. Through and through and then some.

I watch it all, from the auditions, to the Hollywood round, to the weeding out of the top whatever it is, through all the theme weeks to the overblown finale. It's fantastic when it's good and glorious when it's so bad it's good.

It's must see TV of the finest order here at Chez jane.

And I cannot wait.

[Sherrie]

I'll be here for every second of AI. Along with reality TV and professional wrestling, AI is my (not so) secret shame.
I read yesterday that Simon had a "procedure" that removed a good deal of the fat in his man-b**bs so he may not be testing the tensile strength of those black shirts again this year. We'll see!

[Tonianne]

I've never watched an episode.

But with the promise of man-bazooms, how can a chick resist?

[Marissa]

I'm so hooked on AI that it's shameless. I do have to work some nights, but I beg them not to schedule me late on AI nights. The audition rounds are always such a treat!
Antonella needed some jaw tightener. Did you notice how her jaw did this annoying pop? She was dreadful. Just horrible. Who was the chick who realized 'sex sells' and kept wearing skimpy shorts and skirts? Pretty girl, but had the talent of scrunchie. Even Simon got sick of her, but I think that was probably because she privately told him his self-molestation wasn't a turn on.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Don't get me started on AI!

Our cable company is having trouble with its Fox affiliate, and it doesn't look like we'll get to watch AI, at least not the first few weeks. The Armed Forces Network shows it the next day, but by then the blogosphere is already awash with the results.

Anyway, people keep asking me what I'm going do about. And no matter how many times I tell them there's nothing I can do, the questions keep coming.

So am I going to watch AI? Maybe, maybe not. I just hope everyone else here gets to watch, so I can have some peace.

[Marissa]

Oh, and for the record, Sean, Chunky Monkey is my ultimately favorite Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream!

[Sean Daly]

Wow, guys, very cool. I was somehow convinced that this was an Idol-free crowd. Knowing that my fearless crew will help me host the Idol stuff is a major relief.

Word from the Web (including your boy Spears) is that they're gonna promote the hell out of Pop Life as being a major Idol chat place.

Which means if I'm still asleep the morning-after, Marissa can put on a pot of coffee and start chatting up the newbies who'll be flocking here.

[Marissa]

Ooh! I can do that! I'll be your stand in hostess with the mostest. And I can do it all in my jammies --if I'm wearing any

[jane]

Most excellent -- now I'm uber-excited about the season starting up! I'll do my best to keep the chat ball rolling as well -- especially with those who are insomniacs like myself. I might have to upgrade my sleepware, however, just to keep up with Miss Riss...

True Confession: I'm such an addict that I've begun my annual scour-of-the-internet for spoilers and such. How sad is that...

[jane]

PS: While Chunky Monkey is a delectable delight, the REAL Ben & Jerry's champ is Chubby Hubby.

Chunks of chocolate covered peanut butter-filled pretzels in a rich vanilla malt ice cream with deep ripples of fudge and peanut butter -- it's almost, but not quite as good as the horizontal mambo.

Mmmmm...

[Marissa]

It's not sad at all, Jane. I was an avid reader of that site that claims to hate AI, but they clearly are addicts because they are totally devoted to the 'dismantling' of the talent (or lack thereof) on the show. They even extend it to reviewing the past contestant's albums. Naturally, they have nothing good to say about them, but take it for what it's worth.
I wasn't an avid watcher of the show until the Chris Daughtry year. From that point on I was glued. In fact, we had a major storm on the afternoon of that finale show. Our power was out and I was panicking that I wouldn't get to see Chris perform live with LIVE. I yelled to the ComEd worker "how much longer? American Idol is on in 45 mins" He was none too pleased with me, but c'mon! I'd anxiously awaited that moment and I couldn't have some stupid little power outage mess it up.

[Marissa]

Ah, Chubby Hubby is a delight, but I just adore the incredible banana flavored ice cream in Chunky Monkey. Chunky Monkey is the fifth most popular flavor: http://www.benjerry.com/our_products/top_ten/

A little trivia: In the Naomi Judd/Hugh Jackman flick "Someone Like You" she offers her sister a bite of Chubby Hubby. Her character name is ... Jane!

[Sean Daly]

"If I'm wearing any" -- ah jeez, Marissa, please don't host the Idol chats in the nude. Playlists? Fine. Blog battles? Strip on down. But Idol chats? Promise me you'll at least wear a teddy and maybe some stilletto heels. We're gonna have young, impressionable minds showing up. Let's try to keep it at least PG13 or a mild R.

You know, like Antonella up there...

[Sean Daly]

BTW, Jane, I'm very excited about your participation as well. Spears was trash-talking me yesterday, saying he seduced you away from me. Come back to the dark side...

[Sean Daly]

Tonianne -- I think you should watch just to give the, ahem, virginal perspective.

And Sherrie -- you are an Idol goddess. Can't wait til you show the peeps your prognostication skillz.

[Marissa]

Sean, I wouldn't toy with your younger readers. Besides that, the comment spam blocker mechanism-doohickey won't let me go full throttle Eartha Kitt on the Pop-Life nation.

[jane]

Ah, Marissa -- so glad I'm not the only one who yells at the screen when this show is on. I really got hooked in season 4 -- Bo Bice, "Whipping Post" and his leather pants reeled me in and held me in their delightful grip until the bitter end. Did I mention his leather pants?

And Sean -- I'd like to think I'm diverse enough to be a darling of both Pop Life and Stuck in the '80s... I haven't had anyone trash-talk over me since, well -- never. You do know how to turn a girl's head...

[jane]

Ooops -- thanks for the trivia about Chubby Hubby, Marissa. I'd forgotten about that flick until you reminded me -- Hugh Jackman...mmmmm. And Ashley Judd's hair is just adorable in it.

[Brad]

I was going to say that I've never seen a minute of American Idol and I'm not going to jeopardize that streak this season but now I see we're talking about ice cream.

I really like ice cream!

[Clark]

I'm with Brad on this one; never watched the show, never will. However, if someone wants to stage Ice Cream Idol (finally a competition where there are truly no losers), I'll tune into every episode.

[Sean Daly]

Brad and Clark, don't give up, dudes. I'll provide for all Pop Lifers. Hell, if I have to commence a daily ode to Ben & Jerry's to keep you guys around, then dammit, gimme a spoon and a tub o' Cherry Garcia and let's get to work.

[Carla]

Sean.. give me some "Brownie Batter" Ice cream or some (yummy) "Phish food" and I'm in! I've had some "Phish food, served in some interesting ways".. but I'll save those stories for a later date... considering we are trying to keep this PG-13 at least!!

Naaaa, I'd be here anyway. I confess, AI is one reality show I really like, with the exception of last year.. it sucked. Hopefully this year will be much better.

[Marissa]

Carla, I have a feeling you and I could swap some interesting stories. Perhaps if the 'boys' are lucky, we'll let them eavesdrop, eh?

[jane]

I'm liking the idea of a Daly Ode to Ice Cream, actually.

Especially since Chubby Hubby has taken on the nature of Forbidden Fruit for me, as it's not NutriSystem-approved. Much to my chagrin.

[Carla]

Marissa... I have NO DOUBT we could. I just knew that "Stuck In The 80's, music and the 'boys' weren't the ONLY things we had in common!!

[Old Fat Bald Chick Magnet]

Not a second. I love music too much to let this pain into my ears.

Well, unless the Mrs. puts on the local Fox "news" at 10, which features more Idolatry than news.

I have cable and internet specifically so that I don't have to choose between no-talent people screaming at briefcases and no-talent people "singing" ten notes when one would do.

[Marissa]

OFBCM, I have to agree with you on the vocal gymnastics most of today's pop stars and wannabes use. My vocal coach of years gone by told me that's a trick singers use when they can't just nail the note.
Think of the number of times the Nation Anthem is brutally massacred due to this "vocal styling." ACK!
But I still watch.

[Sean Daly]

I wrote a column a few years back arguing that Mariah Carey (and her octave-spanning histrionics) was the worst thing to happen to pop music. You see her lousy influence all over Idol.

[Marissa]

A stand-up comic once compared the high octave range of Mariah to that of dolphin mating calls.

What is so ridiculous about AI is when the judges (mainly Simon) tell the contestants to step out of their comfort range, then scold them ... what's worse is "dare to be bold" and the contestant will try the psychotic vocal styling of Whitney, Mariah, Christina or Celine only to get chastised for being so bloody off the mark "you can't duplicate that sound" DUH! Dare to be different, right?
Chris Sligh got such crap for "Endless Love," and I liked it because it was NOTHING close to the original. But I'm goofy like that.

[Douglas Arthur]

I will only get my Idol in vicarious doses as i walk from room to room doing chores while the wifey is cemented to the couch watching every blessed second. I watched the entire first season, because it was new and different, but by the end of season 2, I was sick of the whole Rueben versus Clay brio that I bailed on it after that. especially when they devoted so much time on the crappy no-talent spotlight seekers from the early weeks of the selection process. Do we really need to see the next William Hung? It was funny the first few times, now it is just a boring waste of time. I wish they spent more time on the good singers, especially the ones who make it to Hollywood. Make that part of the "competition" longer and more meaningful.

the last few seasons I have only watched bits and pieces of the early stuff and maybe caught a show or 2 when the top 6 or 7 were performing. I didn't even watch the finale when Taylor Hicks won. I did watch a bit last year since I found found Blake to be an intriguing outside the box contestant, even if the beatbox thing got a bit stale at the end. Jordin has quite a set of pipes for a 16 year old, and it will be interesting to see if she grows into that voice in the years to come, or if she will become another Idol casualty or wind up like Brittney in about 6 years.

it is not must see television for me, but then not much is these days...though that is a topic for some other time... :)

[jane]

The very word "melisma" makes me shudder in my Chucks. While I don't profess to be a vocal expert or master, I have sung in my fair share of choirs and choral groups over the years (alas, never sung in a band -- but that's a rant for another day.) And those vocal gymnastics affected by so many wannabes aren't good or controlled singing techniques -- IMO. "Histrionics" is a great descriptor.

[jane]

Idol News Alert!

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Exclusive-Paula-Abdul/800030619

I'll be watching the game anyway (total sports fan), but this is like the cherry on top of the hot caramel sundae!

[Brad]

Marissa,

I am right there with you on the National Anthem. You don't need to make it "your song." It's *our* song, dammit - and it's challenging enough as written. Get out of the way of the music and just sing it.

[Old Fat Bald Chick Magnet]

'Zactly right about the National Anthem!

And just about every other song that isn't "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton.

[Marissa]

Ya know, I hate when Sean has to tend to his real job and stuff and can't be on the blog. ::sniffle:: I miss his presence. Sean, if you're out there...have a good weekend!

[DC]

Sir Sean..I'll be watching. It's weird because I have no interest in the artists once they've won or are booted off. But during the actual competition: I'm hooked.