Live Idol: a.k.a. where is Sean Daly?

Hey gang, it's Steve Spears here, your Stuck in the 80s superhero. And I'm here again for tonight's American Idol auditions from Atlanta. The chat and live commentary begins now.

What do I expect from Atlanta tonight? In the words of Clubber Lang, "pain." Nonstop Ray Charles. Probably a little "Devil Went Down to Georgia" too. And if we're really cursed, a bucketful of Vicki Lawrence and the "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia."

OH JEESH: "Devil Went Down to Georgia" for the opening credits? We're getting the stereotypes over with early, I hope.

FIRST UP: Joshua Jones has a passion for working with glass. And trendy facial hair. Even I felt bad when the judges made him turn around to sing that Queen song ("We should have done that to Clay Aiken years ago!" Simon said). For that alone, send him to Hollywood.

HUB-CAP GUY: OK, we see him sitting out there. We know he's coming. Just get it over with!

FIRST SOB STORY: Asia'H Epperson -- her dad died in a car accident 30 minutes after she told him she was auditioning for American Idol. "How Do I Live" is a gutsy choice. Kind words from Simon even. And Paula leaves crying. Welcome to Hollywood.

I'M SO ASHAMED: I don't know where to start with beauty queen/space cadet Brooke Helvie, who went to UF, same as me. Where we part ways is that I never kissed a pig (literally anyway). Brooke is just like Barbi -- only with a better tan and belly full of winecoolers. She's going to Hollywood anyway.

FREE-FALLING: Eva Miller can dance - and she's in love with Simon. "I'm dead serious," she swears. I loved the slip and fall. "I didn't mean to fall, Simon! I didn't mean to fall!" Just a hug for Eva.

GRANDMA IN THE HOUSE: Alexandrea Lushinton brought her 93-year-old granny with her. And she's only 16? I'm thinking Top 12. "Don't let me cry because they're taking pictures!" Granny pleaded after she got the golden ticket.

WHERE ARE THE FREAKS: Oh sure, there was lumberjack guy with the leather skirt and other nerds singing like castrated pixies. Where are the real head-cases? Please don't make me be serious for this entire recap.

I SPOKE TOO SOON: Ninth-grader (repeater) Nathan Hite is the reason I fear the future. It's full of hairy, sarcastic teenagers who don't know when to shut up. It takes a real slacker for America to feel sorry for Simon. "Out you go!"

GOTH NURSE ON A MOTORCYCLE: Amanda Overmyer takes care of all my fetishes in a single audition. Plus, she's got that cigarette-infused, bourbon-soaked voice that Sean and I do flips for. Looks a little like Jodie Foster -- as a dominatrix. I'm sold. So were the judges.

FINAL AUDITION: Josiah Leming lives in his car, wrote his own audition song and sings like Davie Jones from the Monkees. Even Simon thinks the Brit accent is weird. Face it, the only reason Josiah gets through is that the show won't have to buy him a plane ticket or hotel room.

TOP 5 REASONS IDOL IS IN ATLANTA:

5. The producers hope the city's hellish traffic problem will cut crowd of contestants down to just the hotel's cleaning staff and Paula's designated driver.

4. With his green card held high, Simon Cowell was assured that he won't be treated like the rest of the "damn Yankees" that pass through town.

3. Randy Jackson wanted to see what the holdup was on his customized Atlanta Falcons No. 7 jersey.

2. Kicked out of Jacksonville after chamber of commerce read last week's Live Idol transcript.

1. They're just there on a long layover. Gotta love that Atlanta airport.

Comments

[Jeff in Cuba]

Lately our Internet has been dropping out as soon as the sun sets (must be a satellite thing), but if the fates allow, I'll try to chip in.

[jane]

That is one unflattering picture of Vicki Lawrence on that album cover -- yikes.

And that list -- spot on. Speaking as one who's done much time driving on the perimeter, watching ball games at the old Atlanta Fulton County Stadium and spent eternal layovers at Hartsfield.

[Sean Daly]

I'll check in best I can, Spearsy. I promise. It's just that we have ourselves a Gremlin situation in the Daly manse, and all hell breaks loose after the sun goes down.

[Bassnote]

Psycho boy goes first... and Randy and Paula let him slide, while Simon calls it right.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I tuned in a few minutes late.

Why does that guy have his back to the judges? Is he singing out of his butt?

[Bassnote]

His eyes were freaking Simon out.

[jane]

He was doing something weird with his eyes that was distracting -- ergo the turn-around-and-sing thing.

He was meh. Weird song to audition with.

[Sean Daly]

Paula's gams drive me wild. Is this because I'm on romantic shutdown for the next six weeks? Maybe.

This show is really starting to bore me. In fact, I'm getting a little worried how I'm going to tweak myself into caring for the next four months. Drugs? Maybe.

Seriously, when that dude was talking about glass -- not glass blowing, but freaking' windshields -- that might have been the most boring moment of TV in history.

[Bassnote]

Joshua... everybody mumble!

[Jeff in Cuba]

JP only sings one note, but he sings it well.

I'm not sure where he's majoring in voice, but he must be an amazing football player or something.

[Bassnote]

Simon, she can't make up her mind because of the booze!

[Steve Spears]

Paula looks a little more orange that usual tonight, doesn't she?

I liked the Queen song for an audition. Beats the usual crap they sing.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Am I the only one who isn't getting any sound?

Am I cursed or blessed?

Anyway, the hottie sure looks like she can sing.

[Sean Daly]

Is it too late to swap "Maya" for "Asia'h"?

[jane]

Nice use of "i'm Just A Girl Who Cain't Say No."

Oh man-- the girl whose daddy just died. That's a big time sob story. She did really well under the circumstances.

[Bassnote]

Paula faked the tears so she could go get a refill.

[jane]

Crap--now I'm crying. Wow.

[Bassnote]

Miss South Florida is a real mensa candidate.

[Jeff in Cuba]

OK, remember that my sound is cutting in and out so you have to forgive me if I accidentally refer to women with recently deceased relatives as "hotties".

Did I just see Blondie do a 'Gator chomp?

Friend of yours, Steve?

[Bassnote]

Dang... she could actually sing.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I got my sound back just as Blondie started screaming. Now I wish it would go out again.

[Jeff in Cuba]

If anyone ever asked me to sing 'The Glamorous Life', you know I'd be busting out the Sheila Escovedo.

At least Ray Charles can rest in peace.

[jane]

I just felt the value of my diploma decrease when Blondie Pageant Girl did the Gator chop. Ai yi yi.

And whoever called the "peach" montage/references -- right on.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Did Eva forget to bring her pole? It might have helped in her ongoing fight with the laws of physics.

Remember kids, gravity's not just a good idea, it's the law!

[Bassnote]

I missed a little. I had to go throw salt on the driveway. We're getting some nice freezing rain here in the Chicago area.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Did great-grandma just cop a feel on Ryan's thigh?

Granny's going where no woman has gone before!

[Sean Daly]

Have no fear, that chick falling on her a-- has restored my faith in Idol. I love slapstick. I think I'm gonna hit Spears with a 2x4 when I get back to work Friday.

In other news...has anyone ever NOT gone to Hollywood after singing "My Funny Valentine"?

[jane]

Slip-and-Fall Eva was wearing pretty much the same ensemble (right down to the red pumps) that I sported on a number of occasions in the year 1984. I think I had that exact same dress -- but mine was strapless.

And I love Great-Grandma -- "Don't make me cry -- they're taking pictures." She was more than a bit of alright.

[Bassnote]

Rock and Roll nurse could go far.

[Jeff in Cuba]

That's what this competition needs, more Goth-biker-nurses.

How'd you like to see her pulling back you hospital bed curtain with a colonic in her hand?

[Sean Daly]

The RnR Nurse is a hard-looking 22 years old. But when she kicked into Creedence at the drop of a hat, there was only one word for that: badass.

[jane]

From smart-alecky ninth grade repeaters to rock & roll biker nurses -- that segment had something for everyone!

Biker Nurse was actually pretty damn good -- I don't think this is the last we'll see of her.

[Bassnote]

I'm sorry, but I didn't like car boy.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Josiah's got a real sob story, but I didn't think he'd go through. Go figure.

By the way, in Morristown, TN living in your car is known as "upwardly mobile".

I kid because I love...

[Sean Daly]

Josiah needs to toss his Keane albums immediately. But homeless car boy can sing for sure.

[Bassnote]

I'm kind of bummed, I was hoping to see those Varsity chili dogs.

[Sean Daly]

Spears, you're so good at this, you should do it EVERY Idol night.

[jane]

Keane reference -- spot on, Mr. Daly.

Josiah does have a good set of pipes. However, I'm thinking that car of his has got to smell something awful. Not that that has anything to do with how he sings, mind you.

[jane]

I'm with Bassnote -- boo to no Varsity sighting.

And yet, I'm still craving onion rings.

[Spears]

Did Hub-Cap guy not get into the audition room on TV? I'm so disappointed.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Was anyone else stunned by the industrial-sized can of hairspray Paula's stylist was wielding?

I can't believe they'd need that much product to keep her hair looking so crappy.

"Quick, more Aqua-net! Her hair may accidentally fall away from her eyes!"

[jane]

Maybe it's because I lived in a sorority house with 39 other girls during the hair-spray happy '80s, but the size of that can didn't faze me a bit. The Atlanta humidity might have been wrecking a bit of havoc on Paula's do, ergo the need to crop dust with Aqua-Net.

[Jeff in Cuba]

For the love of Sanjaya, when are these auditions going to be over?

I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Let's get to Hollywood, assign the nicknames, unearth the naughty photos and police records, wheel out the celebrities, film the lame Ford spots, and get on with it.

[Spears]

Sorry, I'm disturbed (or at least distracted) by the Goth Nurse colonic image that Jeff planted.

[Marissa]

I was working while the rest of the world basked in all that is Atlanta, GA ...where I was once a Damn Yankee!

[Elizabete]

Ha,does anyone else besides me find Nathan Hite's comments funny? I guess it's just me,I like guys who can come up with"witty retorts".
Go Nathan!

[Jeff in Cuba]

It seemed to me that Nathan had that bit rehearsed and ready to go. I think no matter what Simon had said, Nathan would have come back with "Do you have this written down?" followed by a litany of classic Simon-isms.

So while he may not be Oscar Wilde, I applaud him for knowing his opposition and bringing something to the fight.