LIVE IDOL! Butchering the Beatles

You say you want a Revolution? What if it's performed by a skeezy dude on American Idol? After securing rights to perform classics from the Lennon-McCartney songbook, our national televised obsession will have its top 12 singers honor the Beatles tonight.

Kristy Lee Cook covering Sir Paul? Sounds like a long and winding nightmare. However, because we all care far too much about Idol, I've decided to offer a few Fab suggestions to help the final 12 choose the right Beatles song (feel free to play along):

Back in the U.S.S.R., Amanda Overmyer (You don't know how lucky you are, girl. Rock it hard.)

Across the Universe, David Archuleta (If Bambi sings this, Paula will be a puddle.)

With a Little Help From My Friends, Kristy Lee Cook (And a lot of help from her bra.)

Got to Get You Into My Life, Chikezie (The Earth, Wind & Fire version!)

Help!, David Cook (Plug in the axe and blues it up, dirtball.)

And I Love Her, Jason Castro (As if Joe Clambake hasn't seduced enough coeds.)

Mother Nature's Son, Brooke White ('Cause hippie-dippie is just dying to perform barefoot.)

I'm Looking Through You, Michael Johns (Unleash the fury, pretty boy. "You're not the same!")

Get Back, Ramiele Malubay (The singing lawn gnome needs to get back her passion.)

Oh! Darling, Carly Smithson (If she nails this pop plea, she'll go from safe to sensational.)

Drive My Car, Syesha Mercado (The more "beep beeps" the better.)

Come Together, David Hernandez (Make it grindy enough, and even Simon will throw singles.)

We'll be chatting it up here starting at 8 p.m. So bring a six-pack of snark and something to snack on!

Comments

[Marissa]

Sean, I read this yesterday on your online column. I had to laugh at the commentary.
Also, you and Sharon's predictions ala movie rating style is spot on hilarious. Love it.
I heard a Billy Preston cover of "Sgt Pepper" and I totally thought Chikezie. Billy did it complete justice. I hope the kids choose wisely ... or they'll end up in a face melt like the bad guys in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

[Marissa]

This Just In! I read that Jason Castro might-could (Ga living makes me say that from time to time) perform "I'll Follow the Sun."

[sparky]

Here's my picks, only a couple though:

David A - She was just 17. At least that is what she told me, right Paula.

The Dunder from down Under - Octopuss' Garden

Brooke White - Hey Jude

Skullet - Helter Skelter. Kinda reminds me of the hair style.

Kristy Lee Cook - Paperback Writer. Closest she will get to a book.

[Marissa]

OH so snarky dear Sparky. lol

I made random picks (on my blog). No real thought. I just typed in their names and went with whatever song came to mind.

[sparky]

I'm taking the Sean Daly correspondence course "How to be a Smart Tookus in 10 Easy Steps". Could resist, it was 5 easy payments of $49.95 and each lesson came with a bag of Funyuns.

[Marissa]

Crap! I took the speed course and was promised a signed bag of Funyuns, but I have yet to receive them.

[Bassnote]

I have a feeling John and george are going to be doing a little rolling in their graves tonight.

[DoctorDrew]

Apparently they can only havechoose from 25 songs out of the Lennon-McCartney songbook.

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20007164_20171835_20183284,00.html

[mrstreme]

Looking forward to 12 people butchering Beatles' songs tonight!

Catch ya later!

[jane]

Spoilers from tmz...take with the usual grain of salt:

David Hernandez -- "I Saw Her Standing There"
Syesha Mercado -- "Got To Get You Into My Life"
Michael Johns -- "Across the Universe"
Carly Smithson -- "Come Together"
David Cook -- "Eleanor Rigby"
Brooke White -- "Let It Be"
Chikezie -- "She's a Woman"
Ramiele Malubay -- "In My Life"
Jason Castro -- "If I Fell"
Amanda Overmyer -- "You Can't Do That"
David Archuleta -- "We Can Work It Out"
Kristy Lee Cook -- "Eight Days a Week"

[mrstreme]

Oh no! "In My Life"?!?! Say it ain't so! Good lord, I hope it doesn't sound "ghastly" (as Simon would say).

[jane]

"In My Life" will either be ghastly or something akin to what a drunk aunt would sing during karaoke time at a wedding in a cruise ship cabaret.

And... Mrs. Robinson here is very pleased at the thought of Jason singing "If I Fell" which is a favorite from the early Beatles catalogue.

[Sean Daly]

Yes, people, get outraged! Get pumped! I want a high-energy chat tonight! If there are random bursts of profanity, so be it! Jane, I've promised all my friends and relatives that you are my star pupil. Don't lemme down. Bring the A game, or don't bring it at all.

[Sean Daly]

Oh, and mrstreme, the blog-o-verse is already chatting about you. Can you hear the slow-building chant: "Rookie of the year! Rookie of the year!"

[Bassnote]

I'm here! Let the massacre begin!

[Marissa]

Uh. Hi. Just a lowly oldy here.

[Bassnote]

Best talent yet? ...LIAR!!

[Sean Daly]

"A whole new look?" Uh-oh.

[jane]

Let the games begin!

That's one hell of a setup with that new fancy pants stage.

[Sean Daly]

Mosh pit? Am I in a parallel universe? Am I going to wake up next to Marissa tomorrow morning?

[sparky]

Paula doesn't look drunk tonight.

[Marissa]

It all looks the same to me. Maybe more nosebleed seats. Paula: same old psycho.
Simon is taking shirt buttoning lessons from Sean, I see

[Bassnote]

Simon showing the chest hair today. I think Ryan wants him to button up because he's turned on.

[Marissa]

Hey! As if that would be a BAD thing, Sean. If you did, count your luckiest stars lol

[sparky]

Amanda must have put miracle grow on the skunk.

[Marissa]

And Amanda stole Mickey Dolenz pants.

[jane]

You know what's amazing to me is the thought of the number of kids for whom this is the first exposure to Lennon/McCartney.

[sparky]

Changing a BEatles song is like putting a mole on the Mona Lisa.

[mrstreme]

Simon seems extremely cranky this evening. Maybe someone twisted his man boob.

(Living up to Sean's rookie claim)

[Marissa]

Mrstreme-- chest hair caught in a button.

[Bassnote]

Syesha, first victim. Oh No, she's doing the song Chiceze should be doing! She's already screwed it.

[Marissa]

...and I hate this already

NS be damned. I'm drinking. Barkeep! Margarita double shot.

[sparky]

This sounds like poor man's Dionne Warwick.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Yikes!

I Got To Get This Out Of My Head!

[Marissa]

She's doing the dive mic tap. ACK!

[Marissa]

diva not dive

[mrstreme]

Syesha will have a great career on Carnivale.

[sparky]

John Lennon gets phoned Yoko and she's on the way to pull the plug.

[jane]

I swear I have those exact same earrings that Ayesha's wearing.

Not totally crazy about her performance though.

[Bassnote]

That was weak. Simon's drinking out of Paula's cup tonight.

[Marissa]

Simon has gel in his ears. He is no true BRIT to say that was better than all right.

[sparky]

Last week she was a poor man's Whitney. This week she is Pete Best.

[jane]

that's syesha--my iPod touch spell check is picky picky.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Last week Chik-Filet does Whitney, now this week Syesha does Billy Preston...

With all this musical cross-dressing, it's like Danny Montanny never left!

[mrstreme]

Jane? You're typing on an iTouch? You're doing way better than I would. I fat-finger my way through every message when I'm on mine.

[jane]

She should have blown the roof off the place with that one -- gotta keep up with those horns.

Pete Best -- HA! Good one, sparky.

[mrstreme]

One Beatle butchering down, 11 more to go...

[jane]

i'm getting used to typing on the touch, mrstreme, as evidenced by all the typos. It's not too bad, what with the full "keyboard" and all.

[Bassnote]

NO DANNY IS NOT A LOVABLE GUY!!!!!

[sparky]

Why does he look like a bobblehead.

[Marissa]

mmmmmuch better with tequila and lime.

[jane]

everything is better with tequila and lime (and agave nectar!)

[Marissa]

Pleasie, Chikezie do well

[mrstreme]

What is Chikezie wearing on his wrist? Is that a sweatband with a watch?

[Marissa]

Now, this is the Chiksqueezie I knew existed... I like the Brother Where Art thou twist on it.

[Jeff in Cuba]

This is actually pretty good.

Where's this guy been for three weeks?

[Bassnote]

Chickeze mixes bluegrass and metal. I don't completely hate it.

[sparky]

not too shabby,

[mrstreme]

Okay, that was pretty darn good. Hats have to the 'Kezie.

[Marissa]

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sean! SEan! IT is a parallel universe. Paula just said what I said. ACK!

[mrstreme]

Paula is channeling you, Marissa! Where Brother Art Thou?!?

[jane]

interesting arrangement -- started with "I'm a'pickin'/I'm a'grinnin'" to full blown rock-out. That was pretty damn fun, actually.

[Marissa]

Damn it. My kid was all up in my Kool-aid. What the hell did Simon say at first?

[Bassnote]

I, in fact, quite liked that. He's got a good flop sweat going on that one.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Nothing like a near-death experience to get you fired up.

Look what it did for Amanda last week.

[mrstreme]

Ryan is on something tonight.

[jane]

I dig his energy-- that's refreshing. Get happy, dude!

[Erin]

Oh my goodness. I just loved Chekezie! That was amazing. So much so that I had to get up and come over to the computer and fill that in. There you go Sean, you keep asking me to join in and I did.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Once again, Shorty Spice picks a song smaller than her voice.

[sparky]

good but very lazy,

[Marissa]

Hated it! NEXT! ::with 2 snaps in a circle with a twist::

a twist of lime, that is.

[Bassnote]

I almost feel sorry for Ramiele, having to follow that. No, not really, because she's doing a crappy version of one of my favorite Beatles tunes. This could put insomniacs to sleep.

[sparky]

I wonder if she dedicated it to Danny.

[mrstreme]

Did she just dedicate this song to Danny?

Not impressed with her rendition....

[Jeff in Cuba]

This must be just that as horrible in person.

Look, the audience is surrendering.

[Marissa]

She needs to learn better breath control. She should have let that sail through to the big note. NOt take a gasping breath before it. UGH

[Bassnote]

She blew the last note. She can join her buddy Danny.

[mrstreme]

LOL Jeff. Arms up in defeat.

[Marissa]

Bassnote, I thought Carly would be doing this song. Now THAT might have been something worth watching.

[jane]

ZzZzzzzzzzzz... el dull-o.

When paula starts off with a clothing comment, it's not good.

[Bassnote]

LOL Jeff!

Yes, rip her apart Simon!

[Marissa]

Oh my! I've already chugged through one fairly good sized margarita.

[mrstreme]

Time for me to put my monkeys to bed - will be gone for awhile. Can't wait to read the snark while I'm gone... =)

[jane]

I'm still grooving on Chikeze's song -- it was awesome. Even though the stylists used Carlton Banks as their inspiration for his look tonight.

[Marissa]

ha! Jane, I was waiting for him to break out into the "Carlton" dance. HA!

[Bassnote]

What's with the bugs buzzin' around Jason's doo.

[Marissa]

I thought that m a y b e Jason would do "while my guitar gently weeps"

[sparky]

this is horrid

[Bassnote]

He IS doing If I Fell. He's going to get flack for playing guitar. His vocal is not that great either.

[Marissa]

Jane, i don't know about you, but i'm sitting here swaying feeling warm and cozy ... love how he slips into falsetto.

koo koo ka choo

[sparky]

Gary Cherone wants his career back.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Jason's really struggling.

But he must get more tail than the guy sweeping up at the sausage factory.

[Bassnote]

I didn't like that at all. He looked like he was having a bowel movement everytime he sang the word 'you'.

[Marissa]

Guys, the bottom line is that chicks dig the dreds and the dreamy eyes that twinkle ... don't you freakin' see it?

[jane]

I thought it was a really sweet performance--not his best, but kinda lovely. But I'm biased.

Koo koo ka choo.

[Marissa]

Y'all don't be pickin' on Jane's sweet love muffin -- yo!

[Bassnote]

Marissa, it don't work on guys. Unless they're Danny.

[Jeff in Cuba]

"Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to vote for me?"

[Marissa]

'tis all right. You have ::snicker:: Amanda ::chortle:: and Kristy ::giggle:: and Syesha ::chuckle:: and G-rated Brooke ::guffaw::

[jane]

It definitely a chick thing -- Jason's appeal with this performance, that is.

Having a song like that sung to you by a cute journalism/English major playing the guitar = swoon-worthy.

Not that I'd know anything about that.

[Marissa]

Ok, I'm a heterosexual female -- but that Irish accent is rockin'
Too much tequila, maybe.

[Jeff in Cuba]

At least this song fits her voice.

But she's more than a little scary.

[Bassnote]

I kinda liked that version of Come Together.

[Marissa]

ha, can you imagine if this was last season and Blake Lewis beat boxed to this
when she was doing that shuffle thing it made me think of Blake.

[jane]

that blue carly's wearing is a great color on her.

[sparky]

me 2

[Marissa]

Jeff? Scary? How? She's beautiful with killer ink (not that i'd go to that extreme).

[Marissa]

...and this just came to me. American Idol IS better while under the influence of alcohol.

[Bassnote]

Okay, the wink by Simon scared me. I couldn't tell if it was for Carly or Ryan.

[jane]

Not bad, Irish Lassie. Not bad.

It's nice to see these guys showing some personality, especially during judges' comment time.

[Jeff in Cuba]

So Skullet's going to rock "Eleanor Rigby"...

"Oh, look at all the balding people..."

[Marissa]

Jane, as you know a huge audience all on their feet begging for more does one hell of a job at esteem/confidence building.
This bigger stage makes them (the contestants) come to life.

[Marissa]

Jeff! I have margarita salt up my nose thanks to you.

[Bassnote]

Only 5 performances in, and we're well over 100 comments. Where's Sean at?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Riss,

Inked-up, raven-haired belters hammering out stalker lyrics scare me, OK.

There, I said it.

[Marissa]

So, I saw Luke Menard this morning ... he sang Killer Queen live. His cousin Joe played the electic casio keyboard. Uhm, his grandma lives here. Uh, yeah. You all missed it. I know you envy me. The entertainment dude said he was pushing for Luke to be the lead in "PIrates of the Caribbean--the Musical"

[Marissa]

Was David Cook just attempting a Scott of STP move?

[Sean Daly]

I love you guys.

And yes, that is the Crown Royal talking.

[Bassnote]

I hate Skullet's jacket. I'm not impressed this week.

[sparky]

I really liked it. Live meet the Beatles.

[Marissa]

lol and Randy goes to the 'pitchy' thing as a fall back as not to rave.

I thought David would surely crank the gee-tar again.

[Bassnote]

Simon's wasted. That was not good.

[Marissa]

Sean, I love you, too... that's the tequila talking and has nothing to do with the imagery you painted earlier this evening. Thank you, though. My life is near complete.

[Marissa]

I didn't nor do I want to start liking David Cook. However, since I was all up in loving Chris Daughtry (throw your popcorn at me now), he's growing on me much like the mildew grows in a frat house shower stall.

[jane]

David Cook. That was hot. He's totally growing on me and not in a skeevy fungal way, either.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Skullet wasn't great, but he wasn't boring.

His ever-expanding forehead will be back next week.

[jane]

HA! Miss Riss -- our tequila is forcing us to have similar thoughts.

[Marissa]

Jane, although we don't think alike, we have a common middle ground. And I like that. LOL

[Marissa]

I declare that if Jane and I ever ended up in the same location with a bottle of tequila.. well, we'd need bail money and lots of it.

[Marissa]

exactly alike, i meant to say.

[Bassnote]

How did I know she was going to play the piano?

[sparky]

yawn.

Why does she remind me of Phoebe from Friends,

[Bassnote]

The audience is surrendering again!

[Marissa]

annunciate, my dear Brooke. Or, as Diana Ross advised last year, "pronunciate your words"

[jane]

We love you too, Mr. Daly.

And yes, that is the Partida Añejo tequila talking.

[sparky]

Smelly Cat o Smelly Cat

[Marissa]

bahahahahbahaaa Sparky. You're a gem amongst uh, cubic circonia?

[Jeff in Cuba]

With her hair straight, I really can't tell Brooke from Kristy.

Except this doesn't make me want to throw my TV in the ocean, so it must be Brooke.

[Bassnote]

That was somewhat predictable and safe.

[Marissa]

B O R I N G! Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z

[Jeff in Cuba]

Nice dress.

Somewhere out there is 40 pounds of potatoes without a home.

[Bassnote]

I was pretty bored by that. I think Randy has started hitting Paula's glass too. Usually I agree with Simon, but he is way off tonight.

[Marissa]

Simon must want to a) do Brooke or b) do brooke, or c) at least see her naked, or d) sign her on his label.

[Marissa]

Who declared that Brooke would go barefoot? Huh? Who? i read it!? Seanmeister, was that you?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Riss,

Harriot in Cuba couldn't agree more.

[Marissa]

Why is David HErnandez dressed like a waiter from Bennegins?

[Sean Daly]

Bare feet! Bare feet! What did I say???

[Bassnote]

Oh yeah, stripping to the Beatles is next. Can't they just skip him?

[Marissa]

WOOT! Thanks Mrs. Jeff in Cuba!

[jane]

Well, I liked it. Understated and simple. Maybe Simon has a margarita in his glass tonight.

And I'm late with the comment because I had to roll back the DVR -- Miss Brooke. Barefoot. My kinda gal. (Daly, you called this one!)

[Jeff in Cuba]

Riss,

Just be glad he's dressed at all...

[Marissa]

Sean, you are a god amongst Funyun lovers, my dear. I'd bow at your feet, but that would appear compromising and would land me in hot water ... and I don't like feet.

[Marissa]

seeeeee he only strips to work his way through college... like all those female strippers. Sheesh. And y'all were prejudging him.

[Marissa]

"work the stage" -- translation: beg for dollars

[Bassnote]

David really sucks.

This was the other David's song.

And shouldn't he change the hers to hims?

[Jeff in Cuba]

You can't sing this song an let the back-up singers take the "OOOOOOOOO"

I call 'foul'!

[Marissa]

When I was a little girl, I would dance to this song. I'd ask for it to be played over and over. yeah, my family loved me.

[jane]

He's not wearing enough Flair to be a waiter at Bennigan's.

And I had to leave the room -- not good, stripper boy. Not good at all.

[David-b]

Not as boring as the last one, but sill bad!

[Marissa]

Senor Hernandez might be saying adios.

[Marissa]

Flair? You want flair? Here's your flair! hehehe

[Bassnote]

Finally the judges get one right.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Apparently Simon isn't interested in doing David...

[Marissa]

..and for the record Jane, I did NOT display the same hand gesture Jennifer Aniston did .. just so we're clear.

[Bassnote]

I love the movie Office Space. hehehehehehe.

[jane]

Can I just say that they could run that ad for the Clooney/Krasinski movie (Leatherheads) every single commercial break and I would never once FF through it. Sigh.

[Bassnote]

Yeaaaaaahhh......I'm gonna need you to come in tomorrow...

[Marissa]

One of the greatest movies ever, Bassnote. I long for a red stapler -- Swingline, of course.

[Marissa]

Hey, Sean??
Was Spearsy all bajiggity over seeing TMBG tonight?

[Marissa]

Hmmm a skunk goes Farrah Faucett.. interesting.

[mrstreme]

I think Amanda's hair matches the stripes in her pants.

[Bassnote]

Amanda looks like she's channeling Elvis.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Not a bad song choice.

Just don't screw it up.

[Marissa]

She reminds me of the nurse from that show with Richard Mulligan and Kristy McNichol .. Empty Nest.

[Marissa]

Like I said before, she stole Mickey Dolenz pants

[mrstreme]

Ohhh, good call, Marissa, on the Empty Nest analogy.

[Marissa]

::waiting for Sean's droolarific comments::

[Jeff in Cuba]

RnR RN can sure work her niche, but one of these weeks (Country Week? Perry Como Week?) she's going to be left with nothing to sing.

But at least she doesn't look suicidal this week.

[jane]

The blonde in her hair extensions doesn't match the blonde in her real hair. And I found that distracting.

She did OK -- and actually looked like she wanted to be there, which is a change from the past few weeks.

[Bassnote]

That was kind of, eeh. Not great, not entirely terrible. She she survive.

[Marissa]

I have nothing to say.

except this: One Trick Pony

[mrstreme]

I think Amanda finally got that stick out of her butt and is having some fun. Or she's drunk.

[Marissa]

my vote is on the alcohol, mrstreme.

I thought she'd sing, "Drive my Car" since she got a DUI or "Get by with a little help from my friends" to bail me out of jail.

[Bassnote]

There goes the audience surrendering again.

[sparky]

This is really yawnarific.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Wow, I can hear the sound of panties hitting TV screens from here...

[Marissa]

I love my 'Roo.

[mrstreme]

Sorry, Jeff, those were mine....

[Bassnote]

It was okay, but that is not one of my favorite Beatles tunes. It was slightly on the boring side.

[sparky]

Is that PAula's panties around her ankles?

[Marissa]

I HATE YOU SIMON!

[mrstreme]

Simon needs a roster with people's names on it. He totally forgot Carly's name. WOW.

[sparky]

This should be horrific.

[sparky]

Did She really think there are 8 days in a week

[Bassnote]

Eight Days a Week, Kristy still stinks.

[Marissa]

duh,"i'm turning it into a country song." that was predictable... and she actually thinks there are 8 days in a week.

HATE It! H A T E I T!!!

[sparky]

OH SWEET JESUS!

[Bassnote]

Excuse me, I need to vomit.

[Jeff in Cuba]

This sucks 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, 53 weeks a year.

[jane]

Michael Johns -- pretty good. And damn pretty, to boot.

I'm already out of the room, even before Krusty Lee's countrified Eight Days a Week starts. Ai yi yi.

[mrstreme]

Kristy just guaranteed her spot in the bottom two with this one.

[David-b]

not good. my wife flipped the channel over to biggest loser. hate it.

[sparky]

Ringo is going for the Gong.

[Marissa]

any goober can take a song and add a fiddle and turn it all country-like. Jeez. She knows she's captured the country folk. UGH. I need to hurl, but that'd waste this awesome buzz.