IDOL RECAP: Hernandez Stripped of Glory

Despite my snotty, snippy snark, I thoroughly enjoyed American Idol's salute to the Fab Four on Tuesday. And that's a good thing, 'cause on Wednesday's boot-off show, Seacresty announced they're doing ANOTHER Lennon-McCartney tribute next week. Awesome! I can't wait to see Brooke White sing "Love Me Do" in just a dandelion crown and unwashed paisley tunic. Ugh, I can't stand barefoot hippie girl.

But apparently America disagrees with me. 'Cause she wasn't one of the Bottom Three last night. I predicted Polynesian Pixie Ramiele Malubay would get the boot. But she wasn't one of the Biggest Losers either. I obviously suck at predictions. Seriously, at this point I couldn't guess my own weight. ("Um, 150 pounds?")

Instead, here were THE BOTTOM THREE: Syesha Mercado, Kristy Lee Cook, David Hernandez

And who was DOINKING #12? DAVID HERNANDEZ

I think Paula summed it up perfectly when she said, "I've never seen a more stronger final three." Yep, "more stronger." Well said, Paula, well said. As for Hernandez, the former male stripper had a brave exit line as well, confidently saying, "You'll see me at the top." Sure, sure...unless you pay him "extra" to see the bottom. Good night, ladies and gentleman!

Comments

[DG]

in a related story, Ringo is bringing his latest All Starr Band to Clearwater.

There's nothing quite like the feeling of watching the drummer from the most important band in history playing "The Stroke" with Billy Squier.

[Sean Daly]

I've always wondered how much "drumming" Ringo does in those all-star shows. Isn't he more like Chuck Barris, doing schtick in crazy hats, working the mike like a besotted emcee?

[DG]

No, he plays drums on all the songs except a couple his hits (It Don't Come Easy, Yellow Submarine), for which he walks the stage with a microphone.

His shows are really fun; he just picks musicians that are usually not anywhere near the league of his first band.

[Sean Daly]

I've just been told by a high-level source that Syesha Mercado could be a surprise doinkee tonight.

Curiouser and curiouser...

[Marissa]

Miss Riss' picks for the bottom 3:

Ramiele
David H.
Syesha

David might enjoy being the meat in that loser sandwich, but he prefers -- ::insert unsavory punchline here::

[sparky]

Bottom three:

David A. - How do you forget the lyrics?
Kristy "Hee Haw" - What in "Pickin and Grinnin Land" was that. I concur with Simon.
Ramielle - All I have to say is YAWN!

[sparky]

As for Caveman, I thought myself and 2 of my friends were the only people who watched that.

Gotta love the script for that movie.

Trivia time
What does Zogzog in the movie mean?

[Marissa]

ZogZog means having carnal relations

[Marissa]

And Sparky, I've seen "Caveman" more than twice. Again, my weird memory tells me I watched it at the drive-in.

[sparky]

WOW! Miss Ris must have had the same misused childhood that I had.

I am very impressed.

[jane]

Bottom three:
Syesha
Hernandez
Kristy Lee

If I were a betting woman (HA!) I'd put money on both Syesha and Hernandez to go home. I think Kristy Lee's country appeal is going to keep her around way past her expiration date.

[Jackie]

I know David A. is cute but doesn't it bother anyone that he couldn't even remember the lyrics to the songs? All politics aside, I'm sure they all have the same amount of rehersal time etc., he gave the worst performance - he needs to go. I could do what he did...da da da hummmm mmmmm mmm

[Sean Daly]

When we first got cable in the Daly household ('81 maybe?), "Caveman" was on approx. 17 times a day. Weird to think there was a time when Shelley Long made me feel funny inside.

[Sean Daly]

I'm with you, Jackie. Last year (Brandon Rogers) and the year before that (Melissa McGee), forgetting your lyrics led to first-round dismissals. Alas, Archuleta is just about untouchable at this point. He could have belched "Love Me Do" and he would have been the top vote-getter.

[jane]

Totally agree, Jackie. Forgetting lyrics has been a pretty unforgivable sin in the past -- but it's not going to affect that massive fan base Archuletta's already amassed and his label as The One To Beat is still sticking tight, deserved or not.

Should Go and Will Go are often totally different entities on this show. Unfortunately.

[Marissa]

Speaking of belching while singing or speaking. I watched an episode of the train wreck that is "My Fair Brady: Maybe Baby?" and Adrienne Curry belched, at a poignant moment, 'i love you' -- Who finds that alluring? I ask you? WHO!?

[mrstreme]

My bottom three predictions in no particular order:

Ramiele
David H.
Kristy

If Syesha goes, I think it could partly be blamed on going first. Makes you wonder what would have happened if Archuleta went first and forgot his lyrics...

[DoctorDrew]

Wow, lately jane and I are on this amazing wavelength together. I agree with her bottom 3.

I think KLC (finger lickin' good) needs to go with David H. #2 (insert joke here).

But alas as mentioned I fear Syesha despite her technically sound singing is just forgettable. If she wants to stick around, and she needs to because look at the women who are left, she needs to dress like Tina Turner and insist they only shoot from floor level. More leg shots. [Not sure jane and I will be on the same wavelength for this one :-)]

Not only did David A. forget the words, he broke the most important rule of the music business--White boys from Utah should never try to cover Stevie. Almost as foolish as going in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

[jane]

But Archuleta's transgression is just as foolish as getting involved in a land war in Asia!

And you are correct, DoctorDrew, about us not being on the same wavelength regarding Syesha's gams. They're good, I'll give you that. But they don't do all that much for me. Now, Jason Castro's eyes, on the other hand...

[mrstreme]

Jane, I second your sentiment about Jason's eyes - as long as they're open. He has some goofy eyelid flickering when they're closed.

[Sean Daly]

Castro also has a ridiculous moon-shaped face that blinks and smirks at odd times. Not that I'm jealous or anything...

[Marissa]

Sean, you're plenty pretty, too. Fear not.

[jane]

Ah, Mr. Daly -- I didn't think you Irishmen were wearing o'the green until Monday... *wink*

[Sean Daly]

Thank god I have you lovely ladies to prop up my giant cranium every now and then. What would I do without you?

[Sean Daly]

Remember, everyone, 9 p.m. tonight. So get the kiddies to bed, and the tumblers filled with hooch, and then zing like there's no tomorrow.

[Bassnote]

Have fun tonight everybody. I'll be out tonight. Keep the snark at maximum.

[Marissa]

Bassnote, we'll turn it to 11.

[jane]

Giant cranium, Mr. Daly? It's not quite an orange on a toothpick, but more like Sputnik -- spherical but quite pointy at parts.

[Sean Daly]

"HEED! PANTS! NOW!"

Jane, will you marry me?

Oh sorry, that just slipped out.

[jane]

Hey Sean... you've turned into a right sexy wee b*a*s*t*a*r*d. Did you know that?

And yes, I know I said that out loud.

[Marissa]

If dialidol.com is close to correct, then my 3 picks for the bottom are dandy. However, it says Syesha is saying sayonara.

On the edge of my seat, I am.

[sparky]

no zog zoging on the blog

[Marissa]

I'm smitten. I'm deep in smit, Sparky.

[Marissa]

David C. is still wearing the wrist band!

[David-b]

Despite the Dialidol insights, I've got to go with
Ramiele
David H.
Kristy

[Marissa]

Sanjaya in da house! lol

[jane]

Good grief -- was that Jim Carrey in a Horton Hears a Who costume?

And did my ears deceive me or did Seacrest just announce that due to popular demand, we get more Lennon/McCartney next week? Hmmm.

[Marissa]

More via the Show Choir Sing off, I think.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm working late stemming the tide of Communism, and everybody started without me!

[jane]

Ah, the glorious return of the group sing. Point, point, POSE!

[Sean Daly]

I'll tell you what, Chikezie is starting to sound pretty damn good.

And although it hurts to say this -- both above and below the belt -- Amanda's cat-in-heat warble is starting to annoy me. Sorry, baby. But it's true.

[mrstreme]

The Beatles are great, but do we need to hear THEM sing another week of it?

[mrstreme]

It's okay, Sean. We know...

[Marissa]

Damn, it's about time you woke up and smelled the racid pachouli, Sean.

[Marissa]

racid = rancid

[jane]

Ah, Mr. Daly. The bloom is off the rose. It happens.

Although I can't help but wonder what she'd bring to the party on something like standards or ALW night. The train wreck possibilities, they boggle the mind.

[Marissa]

Chalk one up for moi!

[mrstreme]

Can DialIdol.com predict the presidential election too? =)

[Jeff in Cuba]

Syesha is no surprise.

One down, one Fembot and one stripper to go.

[Marissa]

The Mogwai is next to sing.

[jane]

Syesha. No big shocker there. Looks like they're going in three groups of four, with one in each group being in the bottom three.

[mrstreme]

Ack, the Cake song. Please stop. It's making the cat howl.

[Marissa]

Man, that was ... stupid.

[Jeff in Cuba]

OMG, Ford commercial and then straight into cross-promotional montage?

What have I done to deserve this?

[mrstreme]

How many more shameless ways can they promote the Horton movie?

[Marissa]

what've I, what've I, what've I done to deserve this?

since you went away...

[jane]

Ah, the glorious return of the Ford p*i*m*p-mercial. Gotta just embrace the cheesiness of this show.

[Jeff in Cuba]

One of these things is not like the other...

[Marissa]

*mute*

[Jeff in Cuba]

Kristy knew it.

Of course, tribes in the jungles of New Guinea knew it, too.

[mrstreme]

LOL Marissa, I will mute with ya!

[Marissa]

It's oh so quiet...

[jane]

Hey DoctorDrew! We're two-for-two in the Pick The Bottom Three competition tonight. Yay for us!

[mrstreme]

That damn Sanjaya.

[Jeff in Cuba]

This would be a good time to go to the bathroom...

...if I hadn't just lost all bowel control.

[Marissa]

I seriously thought all the hard of hearing country folk were burning up May-Belles phone operator lines calling in for her.

[Carla]

Sean... are you sure it's Ramiele that's going home tonight? Kristy was just as painful tonight as it was last night!

[mrstreme]

I didn't have the pleasure of chatting my way through previous Idol seasons. Therefore, two things you must know:

1) I enjoy this immensely
2) I hate Katharine McPhee

Thank you.

[jane]

mrstreme, I suspected you were a woman of great and immense taste. The fact that you loathe Katharine McPhee just confirms it. Screechy McScreech is shee.

[Marissa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8Z1MpcyqQU

let that cleanse your ears of KLC

[Jeff in Cuba]

That's odd, because Katherine McPhee's had nothing but nice things to say about you...

[Marissa]

ACK! McPhee is a shrew-like caterwauling she-devil.. EEeeevil.

[mrstreme]

So glad to be in a like-minded crowd...

[Carla]

You hit it right on the nose, Riss!!

[Jeff in Cuba]

"Hey Chachi, what's your favorite flavor of glucose tab?"

[Sean Daly]

I picked Ramiele, and I'll stand by my damning of the Polynesian Pixie. Howeva, I never said she was the worst. That honor goes to Kristy Lee. But alas, Kristy Lee looks like an amiable blowup doll. She gets the Lonely Guy vote.

[Marissa]

I knew he was going to make a mud reference

[Jeff in Cuba]

Did that guy ask if they were ever going to "throw down" or "go down"?

[Marissa]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I"m getting my ear plugs AND putting it on mute.

[mrstreme]

Here comes Kat. I think I have some hair to pick out of a drain. Or something.

[Carla]

Leave it to you Sean, Leave it to you!!! (Blow up doll--HA!)

[Marissa]

she borrowed Kristy's tank top from last night.

[jane]

Is there such a thing as a non-amiable blowup doll? Surly Sally, perhaps?

Makes the ford commercials all of sudden not seem so bad.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Holy crap, can we vote Kat off again?

[mrstreme]

I think I read the Kat married her 44-year old boyfriend. I am sure it's a match made in heaven and will last a lifetime. Or at least until Christmas.

[Marissa]

It's clear she hasn't performed live for a long time. Is she going to fall over if she walks away from the piano? She's looking to Mr. Foster for cues. Dear Lord. Make it end.

[Carla]

Surly Sally... LOL LOL Jane!

[jane]

Yes, she did marry her much older beau. People Magazine had all the photos. Pickler was a bridesmaid.

Stop looking at me like that. I embrace my tabloid tendencies.

[Spears]

Hey gang, I'm listening to American Idol creep into my home office from the other room as I do the research for tomorrow's Stuck in the 80s podcast.

A painful show to hear so far.

[mrstreme]

Didn't her record label dump her?

[Marissa]

Yeah, she married the skeevy guy. What is her deal?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Couldn't they do a better job of hiding her earpiece?

It looks like she forgot to take off her headgear.

[Marissa]

SPEARSY!!!!!!!

[mrstreme]

Maybe she's copying Celine Dion's marriage...

[jane]

Good lord -- is David Foster there? Makes me glad I'm not watching this thing live.

[jane]

McPhee's husband could be her father, 'tis true.

Celine's, on the other hand, could be her grandpa.

[Marissa]

"age is only mathematiques" -- Celine Dion on their age difference.

[mrstreme]

Mathematiques, my exponentially large butt.

[Carla]

Didn't like Mcphee when she was on the show... and well, nothing's changed!

[Marissa]

Chachi, Juice, Humper, Mogwai

[jane]

That must be mathematiques as computed on an abacus, then. Dude is old.

[Marissa]

I'm sensing false modesty from Juice. Ack!

[Sean Daly]

Wow, I suck at predictions. Good thing I'm unfairly handsome, or I might be a giant loser.

[Jeff in Cuba]

As I predicted.

Now if the Fembot gets the boot, I'll have the Grand Slam.

But I'm thinking Syesha is the only one of the three without some sort of constituency, so she gets my back-up marker.

[Marissa]

perhaps if he'd incorporated hip thrusting moves it'd be more ... uhm, scratch that.

[Carla]

YOU, a loser??? Never Sean!! Well at least not as long as you have a lifetime supply of Funyuns to offer!!

[mrstreme]

Sean, you're not a loser. You could be wearing a metallic Members Only jacket like Paula. =)

[jane]

Where is DoctorDrew? Dude! We swept the board tonight -- three for three on Losers' Lane! Wanna go pick some lotto numbers?

[Marissa]

::insert gratuitous drooling over Sean::

[Marissa]

I'm always one off. A day late, and a dollar short. I guess it's a good thing I have assets to offset my poor odds record.

[mrstreme]

I was off one too. I didn't peg Syesha for the bottom three.

[jane]

Mr. Daly, you wee sexy b*a*s*t*a*r*d you. No losers here. Just some who are more right than others. *wink*

[Marissa]

I cut Kristy Twanger too much slack.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Paula, I've never seen anyone with "more stronger" grammer skills.

[mrstreme]

I am glad Syesha stayed.

[Marissa]

Well, at least that's something. Syesha and her gams get a second chance

[mrstreme]

Think it should have been Kristy, but he needed to go eventually.

[Marissa]

"The Top" being the new strip club he's opening.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Right up there with my "more stronger" spelling skills.

[jane]

I'm actually glad to be wrong about the boot tonight -- Syesha and her gams live to sing another day.

One more spin around the pole for you, Stripper Boy. Then it's off the stage. Buh-bye.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Kristy will be back in the bottom three soon.

Her country version of "True" on Spandau Ballet night will do her in.

[DoctorDrew]

Sorry just caught up. Way to go jane 3 for 3. Happy Syeshas legs will be back.

And if anyone has relapsed into mcPheever, even with all my medical skills - you are beyond hope. Yuck!

Do gay men not watch Idol? Or do they just not vote?

[mrstreme]

Alright gang, thanks for the giggles. Catch ya later! Look forward to Sean's wrap-up article in the morning...

[Jeff in Cuba]

That was fun, but way too long.

But then again, ever since I found out that Maryanne was busted for sparking up a blunt, I've been a little unsteady.

[jane]

It obviously wasn't just radioactive vegetables they were growing on that island, eh, Jeff?

[Marissa]

No, she picked up hitch-hikers and they left the Mary Jane in Mary Anne's car. Mary Anne would not lie.

[Marissa]

Ha! Sean. I'm going to venture to guess that David H. is more 'versatile' than that.

[Jeff in Cuba]

It had to be those Howells.

Small charter boat, suitcases full of cash, thick accents...

It might as well been an episode of Miami Vice!

[jane]

I'm thinking Lovey's more of a Garland-esque abuser -- pills and scotch being her weapons of choice.

My money's on Gilligan = pusherman.

[Jeff in Cuba]

SD,

I don't want to question your Celine Dion-like mathematique skills, but isn't Stripper Boy actually Doinking #13?

[Marissa]

Sean's devilish good looks give him a mathematics 'get out of jail free' card.

[Sean Daly]

Nah, I'm counting down from 12 to 1. Kristy Lee will be #11, Ramiele #10, Spears #9 and so on.

[jane]

Need to borrow my abacus?

Although I'm thinking this was Doinking #13 as well. But I only took one semester of math in college, so I'm probably not the best judge on this one.

[Sean Daly]

By the way, we were on pace to shatter last night's 243 comments. I'm gonna work out a deal with Dunkin' Donuts. Every time Pop Life breaks 250 comments, everyone in cyberspace gets 12 free jelly-filled.

[Marissa]

Love the lemon filled powdered ones.

[jane]

Dunkin' Donuts are lovely, Krispy Kremes are better, but a deal with Patron or Partida -- now that would be sweeeeet.

[Bassnote]

Not too sad to see David H. go. I would have liked to seen Ramiele in the bottom three instead of Syesha, especially since Danny Montana was in the audience with her family.

[Marissa]

Wait, did you say Spears #9? lol