IDOL RECAP: Hang in There

Hey kids, it's Sharon Fink...

snarking in for the lovely and talented Sean Daly while he serenades B.J. Upton at the Rays home opener with his Rays home opener playlist. (He even insists on going through the 3 minutes and 1 second of Mrs. Robinson that precedes the Joe DiMaggio verse. But that's why we love him.) Seriously, folks, Sean is one of my great inspirations, too, so I humbly attempt to fill this space with my take on how the final eight did at inspiring us. Or turning us more toward Satan.

MICHAEL JOHNS, Dream On, Aerosmith: Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll -- that's my kind of inspirational song. He did have some pitch problems at the start, but he got me with the flasetto at the end. But this cravat/ascot fixation has to stop, or I will deny ever having picked him to win the whole thing. SYESHA MERCADO, I Believe, Fantasia: I've watched this show from the start of the first season, and I officially anoint Syesha the most self-absorbed person to ever make the top 10. "What do you mean it's about connecting with the audience? It's about me singing histrionically and loudly." Bottom three. JASON CASTRO, Somewhere Over the Rainbow: This is why he's still in the competition: The country is full of females who want him standing outside their window late at night strumming his uk singing this song. (The rest of us want John Cusack, his boom box and Peter Gabriel.) KRISTY LEE COOK, Anyway, Martina McBride: The Kmart Syesha probably will do all right because the judges liked her. And she wore tight clothes. DAVID COOK, Innocent, Our Lady of Peace: If you do a song no one knows by a group no one has heard of and sing unintelligibly for the first 30 seconds, you should be doomed. Lucky for him he has a fan base strong enough to advance him at this point in the competition. CARLY SMITHSON, The Show Must Go On, Queen: Simon was right. She seemed angry about the whole thing. As she sang histrionically. Angry Syesha! Bottom Three. DAVID ARCHULETA, Angels, Robbie Williams: Williams' version makes it a great pop song because he channels personal demons -- drugs, alcohol, ego, self-described mental illness -- to make it compelling. Archuleta's version was kind of boring. His perpetual earnestness didn't do him any favors, but he doesn't have anything to worry about. At this point in the competition, America still loves perpetual earstness. From a cute boy. BROOKE WHITE, You've Got a Friend, Carole King: America does not like boring perpetual earnestness from a cute girl. Bottom Three.

Comments

[Marissa]

Sharon! You are splendiferous! I'm all ga-ga over Roo. I agree the ascot thing has to go. Perhaps he and wifey had some alone time and she hickey-fied him.

I'm with you on the Cusack boom-box serenade. Now I want Roo to ditch his chemically enhanced blond wife and do that for me. Address to soon follow. My bedroom is right over the porch on the second floor.

I'm a Robbie Williams fan. That is all.

[mrstreme]

Sharon, you did a GREAT job with your wrap-up post.

I couldn't agree with you more about Michael John's ascot. Someone needs to tell him that he's not Fred from Scooby Doo.

I predict Syesha and Carly in the bottom three - not sure who else should get that illustrious spot. Wouldn't it rock if Archuleta ended up there - just once????

[DoctorDrew]

Hi All

Baseball last night. Thank you TiVo.
MJ - Good not great; he's safe but not from Paula Chihuahuas - no one was safe last night from those - and in big screen HD - yeesch. Oh and drop the dickie.

Syesha - Does she have any emotion? Maybe the baby cry is emotion for her. Technically good but boring. Bottom 3

Castro - bias admit - I love Iz's version of this song and althoug he is not a 500lb Hawaiian with a uk, I thought he did a nice job.

KLC- the country equivalent of the big women rule - don't sing Martina if you don't have the big voice, she don't. Bottom 3

DC- worst performance by far but good enough to move on. Cheesy hand job

Carly - I don't know who I was more scared of this week her or her husband. Potentially bottom 3 (in place of either Syesha or KLC)

David - I laughed I cried it was better than Cats. He's safe.

Brooke - let me get this straight. You play piano. You are singing a Carole King song. BUT you are not going to sit play piano while you sing said song. And this makes sense how? Bottom 3 and gone (if they boot anyone this week)

[Marissa]

Doctor Drew, I don't know if you perused the snark fest Jeff, Sparky and myself had, but I said nearly the same thing about DC and Brooke. That girl ain't right in the head.

Simon kept looking over his shoulder during his critique of Carly. Yeah, he feared Mike and his ear biting mentality.

[jane]

Who needs the DVR when there's y'all to update me on the AI goings on...

Sharon -- great recap. MJ in an ascot again? I'm sensing a new fashion trend. Unfortunately. (mrstreme, I guffawed aloud at the Freddy reference. HA!)

DoctorDrew, you totally used one of my fave lines: "I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats." Sums everything up for me -- and I didn't even watch the damn show last night.

[Eric Deggans]

Cool recap post, Sharon. You are truly the mistress of pop culture.

I'm not sure I agree with your bottom three, only because I can't tell whether David Cook's fan base is going to keep him off the chopping block.

If it went according to performances, the bottom three would be David, C., Carly and Brooke.

Here's more pearls of wisdom from the Tv dude, if you care to peruse:

http://blogs.tampabay.com/media/2008/04/heres-where-ame.html

[SharonF]

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words. It was a pleasure and a privilege to be the temporary figurehead of your great community of snarkmasters.

I thought I might wake up this morning and have a serious rethink about one of my bottom three picks. But no. I stand by them. Even though I'd be willing to cash out my 401K to fund a covert operation to get Kristy Lee Cook out of there.

For what it's worth, Dial Idol has David A., Jason Castro and Kristy Lee safe, all the rest candidates for ejection.