IDOL RECAP: Mimi Made Me Do It
After titillating the ladies with this picture of me in Magnum P.I. shorts, it's only fair that I provide a snapshot for the guys. (To be honest, my search for a tasetful Mariah Carey photo was fruitless. If you don't like skin, go listen to Natalie Merchant.)
As for Mimi guest-mentoring on American Idol Tuesday, well, it coulda been a caterwauling nightmare. Instead, it was relatively harmless and frequently boring. Carey tried to look interested and humble, and the contestants were careful not to challenge her to an Octave-Off. But I couldn't help dreaming of an Idol-less future, which is now just a month away.
DAVID ARCHULETA, When You Believe -- Watching Archuleta hug Mariah Carey was brutally awkward. Kind of like that time I danced with my Cousin Melissa to Baby Got Back at a wedding. As for the performance? Whatever. It's the same throaty cruise-ship crap every time.
CARLY SMITHSON, Without You -- Here's what Carly Smithson should do tonight. Buy a bottle of Jack. Go out to the Sunset Strip. And take a swing at a D-list celebrity, like Willie Aames or the guy who played Cousin Larry on Perfect Strangers. 'Cause Carly needs edge, personality, a story. Without it, she's dull.
SYESHA MERCADO, Vanishing -- Syesha is getting closer to that million-dollar note. Good performance, contained and torchy when it should be, show-offy when it mattered. Plus she looked hot. That said, singing a song called Vanishing is just messing with the Idol gods. Remember: They love irony.
BROOKE WHITE, Hero -- Of course she did Hero. And of course she looked like she was going to sob. And of course she doffed a shoe and promoted the scourge of barefootism across the land. But she also had this Studio 54 wild-haired, disco-queen thing going on. I was digging that. If she joins Carly for a beatdown on the Sunset Strip, we might have something here.
KRISTY LEE COOK, Forever -- Am I the only dude in America who isn't hot for Kristy Lee Cook? Is this a salt-peter sign of my old age, a shot to my libido? Should I start bird-watching or building model planes?
DAVID COOK, Always Be My Baby -- That song is gonna LIGHT UP iTunes tomorrow. You watch, No. 1 all the way. Wow. That could be the best song on the Daughtry album, which has only sold 8 trillion copies. Nice storyline, too, with his sick brother in the crowd.
JASON CASTRO, I Don't Want to Cry -- The last slot of the night is usually a power position. But following Cook was brutal for Kmart Jack Johnson. His act is outta steam. IN FACT, I think I'm sending him back to the bonfire with a bold prediction tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Sean Daly is the pop music critic for the St. Petersburg Times. His CD collection -- from Journey to Dylan, Prince to U2, Public Enemy to Stan Getz -- is much bigger and better than yours.
THIS WEEK'S SHOW: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rock Tampa Bay. To hear the latest "Stuck in the 80s" episode now, 
CRAPTASTIC! I'm a bitter woman with snark to spew. My Love Roo wasn't on the stage and now I'm forced up on the David Cook bandwagon.
I had a list of the things one might do with an ascot when it's not around one's neck. That's all dashed and I'm left with my heart only being 1/8th in this game.
Posted by: Marissa | April 15, 2008 at 09:17 PM
I'm so glad I missed the crap-fest.
Posted by: Bassnote | April 15, 2008 at 11:43 PM
To be honest Sean, there is nothing sexy about Mariah Carey. I once heard her referred to as "Line-backer Barbie." I think it describes her perfectly.
Posted by: Bassnote | April 15, 2008 at 11:59 PM
Am I the only guy who thinks Natalie Merchant is hot? She's like "witchcraft-hot".
Posted by: DG | April 16, 2008 at 12:25 AM
Idol needs a rock god:
http://blogs.tampabay.com/media/2008/04/american-idol-1.html
Posted by: Eric Deggans | April 16, 2008 at 01:38 AM
Idol was on last night? How could I have forgotten? Mariah! Now THAT might have been worth watching; in a NASCAR-crash, hockey-fight kinda way. Sean - waiting for a world with no Idol? Let yourself go, young GL. Join me and we can wipe Idol from the universe. The force is stronger than the farce.
Posted by: Kyle | April 16, 2008 at 07:59 AM
"May the schwartz be with you"
Posted by: Marissa | April 16, 2008 at 08:08 AM
SD,
I'm with you. KLC just doesn't do it for me.
I'm a grown-up now, so I'm going to pass on the statuesque, 20-something blonds with the big racks and smokin' stems.
By the way, I'm also through with leprechauns, unicorns, the Easter Bunny, and 95-cent-per-gallon gas.
I am, after all, a man of principle.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | April 16, 2008 at 10:39 AM
I'm with you and Jeff. KLC does nothing for me. Even in good looking women personality goes a long way, and KLC doesn't have one.
Posted by: Bassnote | April 16, 2008 at 11:26 AM
IDOL is so desparate for a rock winner that DC is offered as sacrifice for the failure of America to recognize the brilliance that is Daughtry! But honestly, Cook is nothing more than another mumbled voice in a long line of mumbled voices. He is a poser (and a grubby one at that). Notice to AI: GRUNGE IS DEAD!
Give the crown to David Archuleta and let the vigil begin as to when his father will snap and beat the kid to a living pulp. Why do I have this sneaking suspicion that Ryan Seacrest has pictures of DA in the shower? And why do I have this sneaking suspicion that DA does not take his clothes off in the shower?
Posted by: Don | April 16, 2008 at 12:02 PM
haha with Don regarding DA not taking his clothes off in the shower. I got a chuckle out of that.
I think, at least for me, the fascination with David Cook is that he's not the Mariah wannabe, gonna go sing in a talent show cookie cutter guy. No doubt he sounds like a trillion other dudes out there trying to get a break. You won't get an argument from me on that point. However, in the little big world that is AI, he's UBER edgy.
TTFN -- i gotta walk off some booty.
Posted by: Marissa | April 16, 2008 at 03:23 PM