LIVE IDOL! Hot April Night

Hey kids, should be a good American Idol tonight (and when I say "good" I mean "watchable after a few beverages"). Last week's Andrew Lloyd Webber-a-thon was brutal. But the remaining Top 5 should have some fun with the songs of tonight's mentor: Mr. Neil Diamond, one of the coolest cats around. Show starts at 8 p.m.

Alas, I will be reviewing the Sheryl Crow show in Clearwater. But you're in for a treat, 'cause pop-culture goddess Sharon Fink will be working the Pop Life Idol Chat & Crunchy Granola Stand, which will open at 7:39 p.m. She'll also give a full snarky rundown after the show. If Archuleta does Heartlight, we all win.

Comments

[sparky]

Sparky will be present and accounted for tonight. The Mrs. is out of town on business so I will be front and center and accompanied by beverages.

Looking forward to the Neil Zirconia impersonations.

[Bassnote]

This will be the first idol I've watched since Dolly Parton was the mentor. I'm looking forward to the snark.

Sparky, "Neil Zirconia"... classic!

[jane]

Yay Sparky!

And just because:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=LU9lnmUHSUE

[sparky]

That was definitely Zirconian.

I'm betting Chachi does "You Don't Bring me Flowers" but the Streisand part.

[jane]

Sparky, you're already firing on all cylinders and (a) it's not even game time and (b) presumably you're not yet accompanied by beverages.

Excellent.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm not sure this means anything, but it seems everytime I see Neil Diamond these days he looks more and more like Sam Donaldson.

When he stands at the piano next to Brooke, it's going to look like "Primetime Live: The Musical".

[jane]

Spoilers. Salt. You know the drill.

David C: "I'm Alive" and "All I Really Need Is You"
Brooke: "I Am ... I Said" and "I'm a Believer"
Jason: "Forever in Blue Jeans" and "September Morn"
David A: "Sweet Caroline" and "America"
Syesha: "Hello Again" and "Thank the Lord for the Night Time"

[sparky]

Jason doing Forever in Blue Jeans. I may hate it.

[sparky]

Am I snarking solo?

[Marissa]

Sparky, I'm sorry JC is doing your favorite ND tune.

[jane]

I already go into his performance not liking the song itself. Blech.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Jason has all the energy of a DMV clerk.

He knows the end is near...

[Bassnote]

I'm surprised, I don't hate it.

[sparky]

This is definitely Neil Zirconia.

[Marissa]

I just flew in the door from working 9.5 hrs.
Bland performance from the dred-ed one.

[sparky]

I am so glad I am not Solitary Man tonight.

[jane]

Are there grades of zirconia like there are grades of diamonds... that might come in handy.

[Jeff in Cuba]

And Neil still looks like Sam Donaldson.

[Marissa]

ACK! I need beverage. Seriously.

[sparky]

I would say

Coke Bottle
Broken Dinnerware
Mikasa
Good enough to fake your fiancee.

That was Broken Dinnerware.

[sparky]

How did Neil not here his own songs?

[Bassnote]

Not liking DC's lower register.

[Marissa]

He always starts songs out a scant below his range and he struggles. What gives, DC dude?

[jane]

Mikasa... hahahaha!

thank ye, sparky. you always come through for me.

[sparky]

I'd give this Mikasa.

[Bassnote]

Not the best vocal from DC.

[Marissa]

I can't wait til she screws up!

[sparky]

I'm thinking Mikey Dolenz here.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Interesting performance from DC.

Now I know what Nickelback would sound like if Neil Diamond was the lead singer.

...so I got that going for me.

[Bassnote]

Why is everyone singing too low tonight? Brooke looks like a deer in headlights.

[Marissa]

Ah, when Wonder Bread is permitted to sing.

Another dinnerware. For Jehovah's sake.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Who knew it was possible to sound less genuine than the Monkees?

[jane]

Brooke. Brooke. Brooke. Honey, you were flat for a good portion of that song.

yikes.

[sparky]

This is reminding me of a drunk college night singing at the bar.

[Marissa]

Oh, this is utter crap.

[Jeff in Cuba]

On behalf of all the men, let me assure you Brooke is anything but flat.

That goes double for Syesha.

[Marissa]

Anyone remember the movie Beautiful Girls? They sing this in the bar. Much better.

[sparky]

Also reminds me of a Coke commercial. So I give my first Coke Bottle rating.

[jane]

I just realized that whenever I hear Sweet Caroline these days, it's usually in a crowd of happy drunks. Having Archie sing it just isn't the same.

SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD!

[sparky]

No Jane.

It was SO BAD SO BAD SO BAD.

[Jeff in Cuba]

That version of "Sweet Caroline" will probably cost the Red Sox about 15 games.

[sparky]

If I see a lighter I will vomit.

[Bassnote]

David needed to be much more over the top on that song.

[Marissa]

She's shouting; using her energy too early on. ACK! That funkin' money screech makes me go berserk.

[Bassnote]

Screech Syesha, screech. Nails on a chalkboard.

[sparky]

Not bad, I like the original but I give it a Mikasa.

[Marissa]

Ugh, i wanna beat Randy for saying "da bomb" to Archie.
Paula, you are empty.

[Bassnote]

Paula's wasted again!

[jane]

I also like the original "Hello Again" but way too over the top too early.

Mikasa, just on song choice.

[giant head]

OMG!!! HOW DRUGGED UP IS PAULA?!!!!

[Marissa]

I agree with Simon. OMG! Look for the locusts and frogs out of your windows.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Paula is obviously to busy checking out Jason's "lower register" to notice who's singing.

[Mars]

Share whatever you're on, Paula!!
What Second Song?? too funny

[jane]

Paula out of it = an amusing evening. I'd worry if we didn't get at least one of these a season.

[Jeff in Cuba]

It looks like Idol has finally realized the judges don't matter. They've beocme a celebrity "Magic 8 Ball", spewing random generic thoughts:

Da Bomb!

A little pitchy!

Karaoke!

Ask again later!

[Marissa]

Uh, is this the right melody?

[sparky]

Like the song. Not bad start. Glad he ditched the Geetar. Hate to say it but we have another Mikasa.

[Bassnote]

He'll get votes for his looks, but his vocals suck. He has no range.

[Marissa]

hahaha JEff, you are ::shakeshake shake:: DA BOMB!

[Bassnote]

Spot on Simon.

[jane]

The way things are going, we're totally going to have enough Mikasa when all is said and done for a dinner party.

[Marissa]

Maybe it's because I was on my feet for 9 hrs today while wearing shoes that were a wee bit tight thanks to having on socks rather than stockings, but jeez. I hate everything i'm hearing.

[sparky]

It is uncanny that he really sounds like Neil on this song.

So I give him Good Enough to Fake the Fiancee.

[Bassnote]

Is it me, or did DC look bored?

[sparky]

Jane, we need something to put the margaritas in don't we?

[sparky]

Just curious, what are the AC on Cook's guitar and jacket for?

[Marissa]

I have a margarita, but not enough tequila for me to fall in love with these performances. I will, however, declare I liked DC as I'm not too familiar with that tune he just cranked out. IT started out a little shaky. I was worried.

[jane]

You betcha, Sparky. Always better to have more than enough in case of breakage.

[Marissa]

Adam Cook, sparky.

[jane]

AC is for his brother (Adam, I think) who's battling cancer. Pretty aggressive form of it, if I'm remembering correctly.

[sparky]

Maybe at the end of the evening we could have a good old fashioned Greek Wedding and break all the dinnerware.

[sparky]

I'm not too observant. Just noticed it.

Also just noticed that SD went to go see Sheryl Crow and didn't leave us with a chaperone.

[Jeff in Cuba]

This whole show is dragging like back tire on the fat kid's bike.

It's like everyone knows they're just marking time until the Davids square off in the finale.

[jane]

Yes, but if we break all the dinnerware, then someone will have to clean it up...

[Marissa]

Crap! I have Corelle, Sparky.

[sparky]

Add another beverage holder to the collection. Not horrible but not great either.

[Bassnote]

Don't praise her this one was bad too.

[sparky]

Jeff, it's like DC is the only one with any balls to pick songs that aren't super popular.

I am really looking forward to how bad Chachi gets swallowed up by America. The song not the country.

[Marissa]

Holy Voice Change, Batman! His voice squeeaked.

[Marissa]

This is awful!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bassnote]

Still not over the top enough. Raise the hand and look down like Neil!

[sparky]

This is my worst nightmare. This is New Kids on the Block does Neil.

Broken Coke Bottle.

Theme park material. At best.

[jane]

I had to sing "America" in a variety show once upon a time. Excruciating then. Excruciating now.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I think Brooke has a few extra teeth in her skull.

Technically it's known as polydenturia, but most people know it as "Osmond Syndrome".

[Marissa]

How on Earth could white bread get anymore whiter than that? I don't know how, but he did! I can't believe they are freakin' praising that sh*t.

[sparky]

Are their F'ING EARS BUSTED!

[jane]

Where does Theme Park Material rank on the sliding scale -- before or after cabaret/wedding reception/cruise ship?

[sparky]

The sad part is I was looking forward to more Neil interaction, but instead I got this fecal collection.

[Marissa]

Ca-ca pee-pee poo=poo

[jane]

sparky, that's almost poetic. Or lyrical. Or something.

[sparky]

Jane, I would say Drunk A$# College Kid at Bar, Theme Park, Cabaret, Wedding Reception and then Cruise Ship.

[Marissa]

Ok, she's giving this a "That Thing You Do" treatment.

[sparky]

She sounds like Diana Ross doing Neil. I like it.

[Marissa]

I"m waiting for Tom Hanks to come out. His wife is in the audience.

[Bassnote]

Very Motown sounding, but I still can't stand her especially when she screeches.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Syesha's having a good hair night, and not a bad performance night either.

Too bad her fan base left her three weeks ago. She could have channeled Ella and Aretha tonight and still be in the bottom 2 tomorrow.

[Carla]

Someone may have already commented on this... but did no one do "Love On The Rocks" (my fav)??

[sparky]

Well folks, after that craptastic edition of Idol. I have to go walk the dog so he can show me what he thought of this week's edition.

[Marissa]

DC is the stand out. He could have stood up there licking his guitar and mumbling and still been the walk away winner.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Brooke and Jason deserve the stools tomorrow, but one of them will get a reprieve when Syesha takes her usual spot.

I'm thinking Syesha gets the boot.

Which is good news for Jason, because I believe next week in "Eyebrow Waxing Week".

[Bassnote]

It's a toss up; Syesha or Brooke are going.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Everyone needs to turn to PBS and catch tonight's installment of "Carrier"

Inspiring stuff.

[sparky]

I must say, this week was as exciting as getting your unit caught in your zipper when you are drunk.

[Marissa]

Sparky, since I do not have a "unit" I will compare it to an episiotomy without pain killers.

[jane]

As I have absolutely no basis of knowledge on that one, Sparky, I'll just have to take your word for that analogy.

Although I do agree that the show tonight was better than Ambien at sending one into a prescriptive-induced coma.

[Jeff in Cuba]

The only way you could enjoy this show is if you were drunk enough to get your unit caught in your button-fly jeans.

Don't ask me how I know...

[Bibby]

Please....Castrate Jason! Make it official. He's not even a one-trick pony. And as for the apparently annointed one "Little" David, he's in the same boat. A better singer, but EVERYTHING he sings sounds like a kid trying to sing like Stevie Wonder and he ruins the melodies of every song. I miss Michael Johns and Carly already.

[Marissa]

Bibby, my Idol experience hasn't been the same since my Roo left. Roo = Michael Johns.