IDOL RECAP: Agony of De Feet

Pathologically barefoot Kleenex machine Brooke White was doinked from American Idol Wednesday, leaving just three singers and one asexual Muppet, David Archuleta, who has managed to charm great chunks of the United States without any semblance of a personality. Some might say Brooke was adios-ed because of her deep hatred for shoes and obvious love of dandelion crowns.

But for the first time all season, the singer with the worst Tuesday performance (Brooke's I'm a Believer, the low point of Neil Diamond week) was given the boot. Finally, justice!

THE BOTTOM TWO: Syesha Mercado, Brooke White

AND FIFTH-PLACE GOES TO...Brooke White

YOUR TOP FOUR IDOLISTS: Jason Castro, David Archuleta, David Cook, Syesha Mercado

Comments

[Jeff in Cuba]

I think the world would be a better place if Ryan just put the Davids on the couch, looked at the other three and just shook his head saying, "Just go away".

We could then spend the next three weeks in a Skullet on Chachi deathmatch that might (just might) breathe some life into this plodding plowhorse of a season.

This season has zero drama and is ready to take its place in the pantheon of TV's Foregone Conclusions (right next to "Will Gilligan ruin the rescue attempt?", "Will Mr. Roper misinterpret Jack & Chrissie's conversation?", and "Will Flo ask Mel to kiss her grits?")

I can barely muster the interest to snark.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm going to go on the record right now with this prediction:

Syesha goes this week.

Whoever is in the bottom 2 with Syesha this week will go next week.

Whatever non-David is left will go the week after that.

I sort of hope I'm wrong and that something interesting happens, but I'm probably not, and it probably won't.

[Ian from Down Under]

Sean, why don't you get a crush on the two Davids. You are batting zero at the moment and if we could just get rid of those two, the show would be less boring. Although I missed the first round of songs, I thought Brooke's second effort wasn't too bad. Syesha was Ok but Fidel's little nephew was more of a bad karaoke singer than anything else. The big loser out of last night's show was definitely Neil Diamond. We used to listen to his tapes on long country trips in the 70's and none of his songs sounded like that. Can't wait for next weeks show theme - Drunken Pub Songs.

[Sean Daly]

Wow, this chat is ON FIRE! I can't wait to turn off the Rays-O's game, in which the good guys are leading 3-1 in the 7th, and watch "Idol"! Yep, the stars are all lined up for me tonight.

[starfish]

I cant wait for this show tonight! im a newcomer to the bunch, but i read what you guys write every week on wednesdays and thursdays!

[Sean Daly]

By the way, boys and girls, this weekend I'll be in Myrtle Beach, S.C., doing a travel-music piece on the new bazillion-dollar Hard Rock Amusement Park, with its signature coaster, "LED ZEPPELIN: THE RIDE"!!! (Supposedly Mr. Page did the music.)

Then on Monday night I have the Kanye-Rihanna show. Then on Tuesday I have Radiohead. Then on Wednesday my heart explodes. The sh-- I do to entertain you people.

[sparky]

Hey SD, why don't you buy a Powerball ticket you lucky SOB. Remember to eat a lot of food and drink a couple of beers before the ride and sit in the front car for maximum coverage when you pull a Vesuvius.

[Spearsy]

I'm only here because Sean gave me a copy of his last tape alone with the FF.

[Sean Daly]

Starfish! Welcome. Very cool. I dedicate my performance to you tonight.

[Spearsy]

Cracklin' Rose -- I'm in pain.

[sparky]

OMG the group sing. I might cry.

[Spearsy]

Can we all just agree that only Neil can sing Neil? Then I go back to drinking and watching "Tomcats?"

[starfish]

i feel like i am at busch gardens listening to the band that walks around and performs for you. its a little corny eh? david cook sounds great tho!

[Sean Daly]

Spearsy!

Archuleta has ZERO personality. Seriously. He's like a singing stapler.

[jane]

Sparky! Didja bring the Mikasa tonight?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Starfish,

Welcome to the fray.

Hopefully we can manufacture some heat around this cold TV dinner...

[sparky]

Didn't they tarnish the Diamond enough last night. This is like walking into the bathroom right after someone nuked it.

[Sean Daly]

This group sing is brutal. Maybe the worst ever.

Anybody know what Carlos Pena did with the bases loaded?

[jane]

These group sings are so bad that they're beyond being so-bad-they're-good.

Does that make sense?

And helllllo starfish!

[sparky]

Yes, and I am getting ready to start throwing it at the TV to make it stop.

[Jeff in Cuba]

As if they didn't ruin enough ND songs last night by dounle-dipping, they cram 18 more into the group grope.

Bleh.

[starfish]

thank you all! glad to be here! i usually am working on tuesday and wednesday nights helping little kids with their books at a library, but i finally scammed my way outta nights and now i can join you guys!

[sparky]

Hey Starfish. Welcome to the group. We will start the 12 step soon. Go grab yourself a drink.

[Spearsy]

Daly, as usual, you're echoing my thoughts. It's like watching a bad episodes of the Simpsons so far.

I keep waiting for Apu to show up singing "Sweet Caroline."

[Ian from Down Under]

You sure are lucky Starfish. Sean usually only dedicates to himself. Welcome aboard. I'm the slow one who comments blindly, as I am 16000 miles away and don't see the show for 12 hours.

[jane]

Sparky, just pull an Elvis and shoot the bloody thing. That would work.

Sean -- right now Pena's on a 3-0 count.

[Sean Daly]

For those hometowners: Rays up on B'more 6-1, top of the 7th.

[jane]

C. Pena singled to right, C. Crawford and A. Iwamura scored, B.J. Upton to third

[starfish]

thanks sparky! i already have myself a nice cold beer sitting next to me! there just isnt enough in the box to make that performance sound good.

[Sean Daly]

Thanks for loving those Rays, Jane!

[Jeff in Cuba]

To create the illusion of drama, does anyone want to hazard a prediction?

[Sean Daly]

Gina Glocksen is rocking those bazooms, huh?

[Spearsy]

Was that the Constantine that Deb Gibson was dating?

[starfish]

i am feeling lucky that he dedicated it to me! yay for me! it must be because im such an avid fan if AI that ive been watching it since the first season. :) and because i watch him when he is on fox 13 ha ha

[jane]

Someone has to, Sean.

Besides, I'm also tracking the Celts-Hawks game... both of which are ultimately more interesting than Our National Trainwreck known as AI.

[sparky]

I'm waiting for Ryan to go up to Simon and lay one on him.

By the way did anybody see Brian Dunkleman on Celebrity Fit Camp?

[starfish]

my prediction is jason. if not jason then its brooke. brooke in my opinion has had more strong performances then jason has. but we all know this show doesnt revolve around that like it should.

[jane]

Lord -- Constantine's in the house... actually, I don't ever think he leaves this house. He's there more than Uncle Nigel.

[sparky]

My noneducated guess is Fidel's nephew.

[starfish]

oh god, please be in the bottom 2 already. he so deserves it.

[starfish]

omg...i dont think i can handle another week with him! what is america thinking!?!?!

[sparky]

Like I said noneducated. So now I say the girls are stool samples.

[Sean Daly]

Hey gang, I have a question for you...

I'd like to continue some form of the Pop Life Chat after AI is done. Something live and fun and snarky and boozy and maybe even naked.

Should we set aside a certain day? Maybe Tuesday, when all the new albums are released? Or maybe we should choose a topic or a blog battle (U2's "Joshua Tree" vs. U2's "Achtung Baby") or some other chat starter?

Looking for any and all good ideas...

[Melissa]

OMG, I can't believe Jason is safe. We need to block the phone lines from all the teeny boppers out there. GAG!

[jane]

Ah starfish -- America doesn't think. That's the rub...

[Jeff in Cuba]

Syesha and Brooke on the stools?

Has that little troll taken any chances yet?

[Melissa]

I'm going to guess and say Brooke goes home.

[Sean Daly]

Why is that Celts-Hawks series so close? Shouldn't KG & Co. be dismantling them?

[starfish]

i should have known that america doesnt think. they should just put the two davids permanently on the sofas. there the two best in my opinion. wish syesha in 3rd.

[starfish]

now im gonna have to say its brooke thats going home. she has just dwindled down to about nothing above average the past few weeks. i enjoyed her in the beginning, but not now, she just creates a disaster out of most of her songs. and im still waiting for her to have a breakdown on the stage about something. its got to happen before she goes home.

[Sean Daly]

8-1 Rays, still top o' the 7th.

Hey Jane, see if you can catch a Red Sox score. If Boston loses, TB gets back into first.

Okay, enough of that. Hey Spears, can we get Amanda Overmyer-Daly on Stuck in the '80s?

[jane]

Mr. Daly, you are SO correct that this series should be done and over with -- but KG, PP, RA & Co. left their defense in MA for the last two games and therefore the series is tied.

(However, my Gator boy Al Horford is doing a hell of a job for the Hawks... yay!)

[Sean Daly]

I'll go with Brooke, based solely on that "I'm a Believer" abomination.

Starfish -- where have you been all our lives? You sure can fill up the comments box, I'll give you that.

[sparky]

I'm game for the weekly addict meetings but I think I will do the world and favor and wear some duds.

By the way, how long after the show before Brooke does Playboy?

[jane]

Red Sox/B-Jays tied at one, top of the 8th.

I love playing Kenny Mayne for the chat -- fun!

[starfish]

ha ha, ive been working and not getting to join in on the festivities! btw, does anyone actually watch that so you think you can dance show?

[sparky]

Who was Randy a model for Blimpies or Big Boy?

[sparky]

Is this Phoebe's last gasp? Stink Cat oh Stinky Cat.

[jane]

Hate to say it, but I'm not surprised that Jason is safe. After Paulergate last night, there's no way the producers could send him home.

[sparky]

They did send Roo home on Idol give back week.

And God I hate Natasha as much as Bullwinkle and Rocky does.

[starfish]

i cant believe they actually appologized for paula being wasted during the show. ha ha. when they flashed on her, she looked shocked that something was said about her! poor baby! lay off the drugs woman! ha

[starfish]

paula should totally go on that show so you think you can dance! she thinks she can, but she always just looks like a fool up there

[sparky]

Starfish, you're telling me if you had to listen to this crap and say nice things you wouldn't medicate.

[jane]

I'd be up for a weekly chat-o-rama -- Tuesday works nicely.

Would we just chat about music or would other areas in the wonderful world of pop culture be in the discussion queue as well?

[sparky]

That was a Pocket Full of Feces.

[Jeff in Cuba]

SD,

I like the idea of "appointment blogging".

Maybe we could team up for epic blog battles...

"Tonight, in the Pop Life Thunderdome. Jeff & Sparky take on Marissa & Jane. Tonight's topic: Toilet seats. Up or down?"

[jane]

I medicate (usually with adult cactus juice) and I'm just a mere home viewer.

[Ian from Down Under]

Perhaps the first topic should be Why Spandau Ballet, Why????

[sparky]

I am waiting for someone to call in and ask "How are putting up with this crap week after week and do you drink heavily before the show like the snarks on the Sean Daly blog"

[Jeff in Cuba]

Is the AI propaganda team tossing Paula these softball questions to help her repair her "drunk or just stupid" problem?

[sparky]

Jeff are asking what I prefer or what Mrs. Sparky prefers. I will say thatr when Mrs. Sparky is on business the seat hinges get a break.

[starfish]

who came up with the idea to do this phone call crap?? ive never found it entertaining, until this last question with simon. ha ha

[Spearsy]

Amanda can come wherever she wants.

Leave it at that.

[starfish]

i guess im the complete opposite of most women, i put the seat back up when i leave the bathroom for my boyfriend. ha ha.

[Melissa]

ha ha, Jeff, I was thinking the same thing.

[sparky]

Hey guys, just a question. Would you find a comic who stutters funny?

[jane]

Seat up or down -- matters not. As long as it's consistent so I know what I'm dealing with. Especially in the middle of the night.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I remember the first time Harriot called me on the whole toilet seat thing after we got married. My reply?

"Those things have seats?"

[Sean Daly]

I love the idea of pitting "famous" bloggers against each other. Cocky upstarts will challenge Jeff in Cuba to a pun-off, a wordplay wallop, hoping to someday top the genius that is "Skullet." JIC will refuse to lose.

[sparky]

I have a blog battle. FF vs Amanda who chokes who out.

I'm laying $100 on the FF 5:1.

[Melissa]

Ew, nothing can wake you up immediately like a dunk in the toliet in the middle of the night!

[jane]

Celts are up by 14, last part of the 2nd quarter.

Rays are still up 8-1, bottom of the 8th.

In case you were wondering.

[sparky]

Hey SD, have you got the new Diamond yet? Is it like 12 Songs?

[starfish]

ha ha, thats the worst, going in in the middle of the night and sitting on a seat that hasnt been put back down when it should have. been there done that on a few drunken nights.

[jane]

True, Melissa. But if the seat is up all the time, then I know what to expect. Just pick up or down and go with it. That's all I ask.

I'm easy on this one.

[sparky]

So how man groupies has the Diamond man deflowered?

[Sean Daly]

I WAS wondering. Thanks. In the old days, the Rays woulda followed up a six-game winning streak with a 12-game losing streak.

[starfish]

hey SD dont jinx them! if they lose the next one, im coming to you complaining about it!

[Jeff in Cuba]

Sparks,

Stuttering isn't funny. There are some syncopated delivery riffs that work, but stuttering is a serious issue.

[Sean Daly]

Alas, don't have the new Neil yet. But I loved "12 Songs," and this one is also produced by Rick Rubin, who digs that stripped-down, up-close sound. I'd expect the same thing -- which should be good news indeed.

Whoa -- Neil Diamond's MOM!!!

[sparky]

Jeff, just curious. Because Sparky stutters and I was thinking about trying standup because I always wanted to try it and was wondering how it would come across.

Kinda like "Hi I'm Sparky and I am a stutter. The MC gave me 10 minutes to do my bit so I only worked on 5 minutes of material"

[sparky]

So what is up with Neil and Simon, little tense there wasn't it?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Hey wait a minute, I can see a thought balloon forming over Neil's head as he talks.

It says "I have GOT to get a new agent!"

[jane]

I will admit that I'm more sensitive than the average bear about disabilities, being the mama to a specials needs young'un, but I'm with Jeff on the stuttering = not funny issue. Unless the comic him/herself riffs on it (a la Mel Tillis) but even then, I get uncomfortable. But that's just me.

[Ian from Down Under]

Good start to your routine Sparky. However, there are certain words you should avoid. Country being one of them.

[sparky]

Well that was Stinky Cat's 9th live, Bye Bye.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Well, as usual, I missed that one.

[starfish]

wow..she is crying, what a shock! her husband can finally go and cut his mop he has for hair now since he said he wouldnt until she got sent home.

[sparky]

Be nice for Neil to come out and save her right now.

[jane]

Bless her heart -- seriously. This bloody competition has taken its toll on her -- more so than any other contestant that I can remember.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Sparks,

If that's the rythym of your delivery then you should go for it.

It's affecting a stutter for comedic effect that I find distasteful.

Someday I'll tell the sad story of my 6-week stand-up career.

[Melissa]

I feel sorry for her. That's a shame.

[starfish]

yes she has been by far the most emotional contestant ever. as for syesha, she is in the running for being in the bottom 2 the most of all seasons.

[Melissa]

Everyone have a good night! It's been great hanging out with everyone.

[sparky]

Jeff, I always wanted to try it. Just love making people laugh. Love guys like John Pinette and Lewis Black.

I also do an impersonation of the President but that involves a couch and a pretzel.

[starfish]

thanks for a great first time here guys! see yall next week!!

[sparky]

Good night Melissa. Thanks for coming to our little shindig.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Sparks,

Harriot was also hoping Neil would emerge from the wings to help Brooke.

That, she points out with her usual accuracy, would be good TV.

[sparky]

Anytime Starfish. We always need at least one star here. Lord knows Idol doesn't have any.

[jane]

Sparky, you should go for it. You certainly won't have any trouble coming up with material, if your riffs here are any indication. Life's too short for regrets -- go do it. Especially during the 365 days left before you hit that birthday which ends in zero.

[Ian from Down Under]

A couch and a pretzel, bugger the stand up career, head straight to Manila Sparky. Sounds like it would be a hit over there.

[sparky]

Jeff and Harriot, after I said/wrote that I kind of thought it would have looked like when Clay Aiken came out to sing with Wanna Be Clay.

[sparky]

So Jeff, how does an aspiring comic get his shot. Does one look for open mic nights and is there a tryout.

[starfish]

sparky, i can help you out with that! i had a friend that did some stand up a couple weeks ago somewhere. i will ask him tomorrow where he did it and let you know next week!

[sparky]

Also Jeff, have you ever thought to write the Memoirs. Heck, serving our country and protecting democracy, Guam, Gitmo during the War on Terrorism, stand up, radio. That is some interesting stuff.

[sparky]

Thanks Starfish. I'm up in NE Pa. We do have a comedy club in the area but I haven't ever seen an open mic night.

[starfish]

oh wow..had no idea you werent here in tampa! sorry! ill still ask him, he used to live in pennsylvania.

No problem, Starfish. I got turned onto SD's little piece of cyberspace through a mutual friend of ours.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Sparks,

I got my shot by dating a woman who was in the MC rotation at the Honolulu Comedy Club. I was hanging around the club so they let me take a show every now and then.

At the time I thought they felt I had some talent. Now I realize they were probably just happy to have someone who worked for free.

[sparky]

Hey and if the standup thing goes well maybe I'll do a Tampa trek and we can have a Standing Room Only crowd in Sean's Florida room.

[sparky]

You know Jeff, I thought about joining the Navy but large guys in Dress Blues looks like a large blueberry.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I'm sure you'd be as good or better than the hacks Armed Forces Entertainment sends down here.

Bob Hope must be spinning in his grave.

[sparky]

And as far as those of you who get uneasy with stutters, don't. We get along pretty damn well.

I get the funniest looks after I stutter and then people find out that I have a BS and MS in Engineering and a Professional Engineers license. I like it when people/contractors think I'm dumb, because then I got ya.

You know how my friends knew I was drunk in college. I didn't stutter.

[sparky]

Why is Bob spinning? Because of the USO shows or the fact that I may start to host the Chrysler Classic.

[Marissa]

I'm late. However, I'm stunned there are enough horny teens out there voting for Castro to keep him out of the bottom. Jeez! And Syesha survives it once again? That means she's a goner next week.

Who's the celebrity mentor next week? Anybody know?

[jane]

Sparky, I want to be a guest on your first Bob Hope-esque special. Or part of your USO Tour. Like Joey Heatherton.

[Ian from Down Under]

It's drunken pub songs I hope.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Sparks,

I tend to use my PE to throw people off. They see the engineer device on my collar and the "PE" after my name and assume I couldn't string 6 words together into a coherent sentence to save my life.

Then I dazzle them with my verbal legerdemain.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Riss,

You've got a male in the house, so please weigh in on the hot topic of the evening:

Toilet seat up or toliet seat down?

[Marissa]

My son was taught by his father that it's in his best interest to put the seat down. We keep the toilet seat and lid down to prevent the animals from drinking out of it.
I grew up in a household of 4 males and 6 females (mom and dad included). Seat down was the concensus there, too.

[Bassnote]

I am the only male in my household, and the toilet seat is down.

[Marissa]

Sparky, I watched "Dunk" on Celebrity Fit Club. I viewed the 1.5 hr finale today. Gotta admire that Tina Yothers.

Steve and Sean: You're both evil for bringing up that Dark Helmet headed,trashy sk*nk again. UGH!

[Marissa]

I was just informed that the theme for the next installment of AI7 is ROCK N' ROLL HALL OF FAME!
Gee, I wonder if Chachi will sing, "Like a Virgin" from the ::gag:: latest inductee of RnR Hall of Famer Madonna.