The Opening Day Playlist

Tuesday is Opening Day at Tropicana Field, and you know what that means: Anything is possible.

Opening Day is about rebirth, about fresh starts, about big fat fun wishes. It’s the genie bottle of sports metaphors. That great newspaperman Thomas Boswell even waxed poetic about it: Why Time Begins on Opening Day.

So when your Tampa Bay Rays take the turf tomorrow night against the Seattle Mariners, it’s entirely reasonable, and entirely mandatory, to assume that, come October, Carl Crawford & Co. will be playing in the World Series. (They crushed the Yanks for the pennant, natch.)

And after winning the World Series in seven games, thanks to a walk-off homer by American League MVP B.J. Upton, your Tampa Bay Rays will receive a ticker tape parade down Central Avenue, which even folks in Tampa will brave the bridge to attend.

And as a result of the Rays’ mind-blowing victory, newspaper sales will skyrocket as everyone in Florida, in the Southern states, in the country, will clamor for Rays stories and pictures and zany Joe Maddon quotes to hang on their Frigidaires.

And this rabid excitement for our ragtag World Champs will also commence a hellzapoppin’ downtown boom — and an uptown splash, and a midtown renaissance, and a Feather Sound huzzah. There might be a recession elsewhere in the U.S. of A., but not here, not in St. Pete, not in Rays Nation, baby!

And yes, the Rays’ triumph will ultimately lead to a new waterfront stadium, which everyone will agree was the greatest idea in the history of great ideas. And they will call it Al Lang Field, of course, because it’s never too late to correct past wrongs.

And in the posh confines of this bejeweled downtown stadium, where the championship banner hangs in straightaway center, there will be a watering hole called Ferg’s Too, a cozier version of the loyal sports pub that once lubed losing streaks next door to the Trop.

And while drinking at Ferg’s Too in the new waterfront stadium in the revitalized downtown in recession-free St. Petersburg, you — yes, you — will meet your future spouse, who just happens to be wearing the same Scott Kazmir jersey as you. You will talk and laugh and flirt. And when you stroll out of the ballpark together, you will discover, after the goodnight kiss, that your future spouse is heir to the Mack Truck fortune.

The next day, you will quit your job at Arby’s.

You and Mack will have lots of children (one named Ferg) and grandchildren (one named Ray). You’re a happy millionaire now, and you live in a mansion, and you drive one of those red Magnum P.I. Ferraris you’ve always wanted, and you have Rays season tickets on the third-base line, and you spend every anniversary drinking and flirting in Ferg’s Too.

And you will continue to live in St. Petersburg, home of the World Champion Tampa Bay Rays, because really now, why would you leave?

This place is paradise.

And to think, it all started on Opening Day 2008.

Play ball.

• • •

Whether you’re at the Trop tonight, or merely by the radio in spirit, here’s a few ’tween-inning songs to stoke those hardball fantasies — including a special seventh inning-rendition of Take Me Out to the Ballgame, celebrating  its 100th anniversary this year.

The Opening Day Playlist
1. Batter Up, Nelly
2. Did You See Jackie Robinson Hit That Ball?, Count Basie Orchestra
3. Slide It In, Whitesnake
4. Catch Me Now I’m Falling, the Kinks
5. Wild Thing, the Troggs
6. Mrs. Robinson, Simon & Garfunkel
7. Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Liberace
8. Centerfield, John Fogerty
9. Catfish, Bob Dylan
10. So Long Baby Goodbye, the Blasters

Comments

[Sherrie]

I won't catch tonight's game, but I'll be there on Sunday and again the next weekend. (For wrasslin' night at the ballpark, natch!) I love the beginning of the season, when there is hope even for our Rays. Who was the player that came to the plate to "Welcome to the Jungle"? Is he still there? Just hearing that rif three or four times a night is worth the price of the ticket!

[jane]

Your poetic waxing about paradise is simply blissful (although I'll be the one in the Jonny Gomes jersey, rather than a Scott Kazmir one. I'm such a sucker for badass boys...)

Downtown stadium! Ferg's Too! A world championship! What more could a St. Pete-livin', baseball lovin' girl want... not much, actually.

[Sean Daly]

I was thinking of using Gomesy. I interviewed him once, and he's a hoot as well as a badass. But I playlisted about the Rays last month, and Jonny was the star. Gotta spread the love around, especially since the team is finally loaded with cool dudes.

[Brad]

Sean,

This entry put a huge smile on my face.

I'll be pulling (*) for your Rays - especially with ex-Angel Joe Maddon at the helm and ex-Angel Troy Percival nailing down saves.

(*) Except when they're playing the Angels. You understand.

[Sean Daly]

Hey Brad, the Angels are in town August 18-20. Why don't you fly on over for some '80s and some Halos!

You're more than welcome to stay at "the Steve Lair," Spears' creepily named new apartment.

[Al]

Nice, wonderful post. Anything with Whitesnake is a keeper!

[Clark]

Great job. This was a pleasure to read. I can't wait to meet my next future ex-wife!

[JNCOLE]

Hey Sean,

It was really nice seeing you this afternoon. I really enjoyed your story & I'm sorry I'll be missing out on tonight’s game. We'll have to meet up for a game this season so you can help me find my "future spouse"!!!

--Jenn

[Sean Daly]

Jenn! Your visit made my day. Hell yeah, we're going to a game. First round's on me...

[Dede]

A Feather Sound huzzah to you, SD, Brilliant Prognosticator. I know it will all happen just as you say!