IDOL RECAP: Ready the picket line, Jason!

This is the best talent in the country? All those people in all those audition lines, and we have a dude with  French-bread-crusty dreadlocks and alarming cognitive problems in the top four? If Jason Castro doesn't go home, I'm going on strike.

American Idol should just call it a wash and start over next year. It's like when you go soooo far off your diet that you just say, "Eff it, I'm-a just finish this here block of Velveeta and start the 48-Hour Hollywood Miracle Juice Diet in the morning."

That's how the producers must be feeling.

Recap:

David Cook: Hungry Like the Wolf and Baba O'Riley. Did he take a Soma before showtime? Really. He's usually at least got some energy. I've heard better versions of the first song at karaoke bars on the beach at 2 a.m. And song two was the hangover. Incidentally, D-Cook's bangs are really starting to bug me. Embrace your natural hairline, baby. It ain't moving down any further.

Syesha Mercado: Proud Mary and A Change is Gonna Come.  She violated the cardinal rule - avoid songs by the single-named divas: Whitney, Mariah, Tina, Chaka. I'd take Tina any day, even at six-trillion years old. Syesha glammed it up and wailed much better on the second song. She's got a few chops. Then, WAIT FOR IT... water works!  The ultimate vote grabber! Her tear-streaked mineral foundation will keep her in another week.

Jason Castro: I Shot the Sheriff and Mr. Tambourine Man.  SO BAD!  BAD!  BAD BAD BAD!!!!! AND HE FORGOT A MILLION WORDS!!  SO DONE! BOOOOO! BAD.

David Archuleta: Stand By Me and Love Me Tender. Young David admitted in the pre-song clip that he sings to his dog.  It's possible there are some missing squigglies in his genetic pool. Anyway, he's a good singer. And nobody in America seems to be turned off by his grating Kwepie-Doll-Aw-Shucks-They-Like-Me! thing. I can't wait till his inappropriate backless Annie Leibovitz photos surface.

Who's going home?:  JASONJASONJASONJASONJASONJASON.  Uh... I mean, it's, uhh, anybody's game. Yeah, that's it.

Photo: AP

Comments

[Marissa]

HA! Block of Velveeta. Sista Steph, you get two snaps in a circle with a twist on that one...and a double ::snort::

Thanks for playing along. Truly, I felt your soul tonight ~ or it was the intestinal distress caused by the implosion of The Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame.

[Stephanie Hayes]

Intestinal distress, probably. But I had fun, too! And likewise, I loved staring at your soul and feeling your heart in my hands and celebrating your essence and your uniqueness and your special internal sparkle character, Riss. (How was that for Paula Mad Lib? I tried.)

Here's what I hope happened this week:

Jason woke up this morning and realized that he was just a speed bump on the road to Chachi's coronation, and had already cashed in as much as the house was going to allow.

So he just called it quits, fired up a fatty and knocked the bottom out of a twenty-something associate producer.

Of course, that's exactly what DIDN'T happen, but in times like these I don't let a little thing like the truth get between me and a good story.

[Marissa]

Hokey smokes! The Unknown Commenter went for the gusto.

[Jeff in Cuba]

Actually Riss, that was me.

You didn't recognize my work?

[Marissa]

It wasn't until I sent it that I thought, "Jeff calls Archuleta Chachi" and a DUH! moment was born.

[jane]

How sad is it that I got more excited about seeing that photo of my girl Tina Fey on the writers' strike picket line than I did about all of last night's show.

Grand recap. Grand chat. La Steph, you are teh awesome.

[Scott]

NARRATOR:
"Jason .. determined he'd had about enough of this 3 weeks ago, proceeded to drag out lame choice after lame choice and suck all over them .. and STILL couldn't get voted off.. then ... he had a revelation.. 'Maybe if I choose a songwriter that CAN'T sing, and then .. if I totally forget the words.. yeahhhh THAT will get me kicked off and out of this furshlugginer competition!! Then I can go back home and light a big fatty and laugh at the insanity my life had become..."

[Marissa]

Excellent call, Scott. The online rumor mill is running on that very theory.
I've read in a couple spots that "COOKIES," as David Cook fans are called, have theorized that DC doesn't want to win the whole shebang. He's hungry like a wolf to be Daughtry'd.
Now, I don't know if that will make a difference to those chicks who'll go off the deep end if they don't get their DC fix weekly --as I did when Roo hit the bricks.
I have, by the way, fully mended.

[Forever Fiancee]

Hey gang! I’m a late entrant on this chat, I know. But I had to DVR American Idol last night because I had two bambinas that needed to be washed, clipped, brushed and powdered. With Sean’s friggin’ concert schedule lately I might as well be a single parent. Sheesh! But, I digress....

Anyway, once my motherly duties were finished I sat down to watch AI with a fat bowl of ice cream and a Corona Light. A disgusting combination, I realize, but it was either the beer or the chocolate that was going to get me through this.

Alas, neither worked. Last night’s show was so God awful that I would have needed mind altering drugs to enjoy it! I didn’t like a single performance! I wanted to slap David Cook for ruining Hungry Like the Wolf, my childhood theme song. And did he really say he was born the year it came out?? I want to cry. I also wanted to slap David Archuleta for looking like a deer caught in headlights every time someone spoke to him. And I just wanted to slap Jason Castro for being Jason Castro.

So I finished my ice cream and beer and went to bed with a single tear in my eye, mourning the death of a show that used to entertain the heck out of me!

[matthew john fonseca]

i hate american idol . it sucks . i dont ever want to see it agien . it is the werst show ever .

[STARFISH]

starfish here! cant wait to see jason get booted off tonight! ill be coming into the chat late, as i have to work til 8 and live an hour away from work :/