A vote for Syesha is a vote for freedom

So the Forever Fiancee is convinced American Idol's David Archuleta looks like a character from The Dark Crystal. She's extremely proud of this, so I'm indulging her. As long as she mocks the little gwat, I'm cool with it. Tuesday night's Idol -- the battle of the top 3 -- was so stacked in favor of a David-vs.-David final, it was slimy, with the judges spouting scripted anti-Syesha sentiment. My fellow Americans, go against the corporate morons and VOTE FOR SYESHA. She was the most entertaining person on the show, and you know it.

DAVID ARCHULETA (songs performed: And So It Goes, With You, Longer) This kid's 1,000-yard stare is just plain creepy. Am I the only one not bamboozled? The lights aren't on with this dope. And yet, like some sort of Muppet Rain Man, he can mimic deeper material with a strange resonance. Frankly, I find the whole thing eerie. Billy Joel wrote And So It Goes as a middle-aged man with severe emotional issues. Archuleta had no idea what the song meant, and yet an unexplainable synaptic misfiring allowed him to fool millions. Soylent green is people!

SYESHA MERCADO (If I Ain't Got You, Fever, Hit Me Up) Watching Syesha tonight, I totally wanted to pull a Bodyguard, scoop up the Sarasota native and carry her away from all this mayhem -- or at least carry her to a mountain hideaway, where I'd foil the plot of a cold-blooded killer then jump into a lake and heroically save a kid. But I digress: I think she could pull an upset. I really do. The Alicia Keys song was fine. But Fever was hot, and Paula is an idiot. (Since when did Abdul get so mean? Did someone hide the Xanax?) Plus Simon's kiss-of-death proclamation aren't as lethal as they used to be. Hop into my arms, baby. VOTE FOR SYESHA!!!

DAVID COOK (The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Dare You to Move, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing) On national television, with tons of people watching, David Cook has perfected the art of acting nonchalant about being on national television, with tons of people watching. He's a cool dude, and the ladies love him. (Did you see the "Cougars 4 Cook" sign? Damn. I'd love to see a "Divorcees 4 Daly" sign. Hint, hint.) But the truth is, Cook has been pretty bad for awhile now. The first song was kinda wussy, and the last two were weak and blah, especially the Aerosmith mess, which was catastrophic. But the judges "loved" it anyway. Of course they did. Yuck.

Comments

[Marissa]

lol gwak? Soylent Green is people! priceless...
Say, I'm divorced. But I make t-shirts, not signs. Woe is me.

[eh]

paula is an idiot for saying something negative??? eehhh

[Marissa]

SD, you need to check your mail when you get to work. Just sayin'

[Sean Daly]

Aw shucks, Marissa -- did you make me a "Divorcees 4 Daly" T-shirt? Are you wearing it in the picture? Or, ahem, not wearing it?

[DG]

I have no idea why I know this (yet I do, I promise), but Billy Joel actually wrote "And So It Goes" not as a middle-aged man (when it appeared on Storm Front), but almost a decade earlier. The cause of his despair was his breakup with (the much younger and way taller) Elle MacPherson, before he hooked up with Christie Brinkley.

He's got a way about him...I don't know what it is.

Sean, totally agree with you about Archie. We actually think he should get into Christian rock. Somehow that seems like it fits. Sayesha-- well, we will have forgotten all about her in a month. But how are we so far apart on David Cook?? You are now on my list for two reasons. My faith in you is waning.

KC

[Marissa]

Sean, I guess you'll have to look to find out. I might have clip art-ed Spearsy's Journey shirt. Ya never know.

[t odell]

well, if i have to watch Sayesha hog the camera in her self absorbed arrogant way one more time, i will SCREAM!!! i think it will be a david, although i dont know which one will win. i'm still voting for Michael Johns!!! or do i mean dreaming....

[Marissa]

ha! T Odell, I'm right there with you on Michael Johns. Wait, that's worded poorly. I haven't been the same since his too early departure. But if he'd stuck around along with Carly, how much fun would Pop Lifers have during snarkfests?

[Jeff in Cuba]

SD,

Stop fighting City Hall and just drink the Kool-Aid. It's going to be the Davids.

Rooting for Syesha at this point is like rooting for Hamlet not to die.

There's a storyline and it must be served.

[Marissa]

I'm torturing myself by watching/listening to the performances again. DC's take on that Switchfoot song was atrocious. I'm talking dogs howling bad. That's a doodle that can't be undid, home skillet. Or should I say home skullet?

Little Archie didn't do anything new. He's "Up With People" and will guest star on Donny and Marie Prime Time Specials or join the brothers in Branson, Mo.

Syesha is made for off Broadway musical theater. She annoys me while boring me.

[sparky]

Maybe Davey A can be the new lead singer for Stryper. What do you think about that SD?

[TM]

I know this is normally all about the snark, but it seems to me that there are some serious comments begging to be made regarding the infinite (infinitesimal?) wisdom of the producer's song choices. (Particularly our/SD's girl!) And then to have the judges going on and on about how the song wasn't right for him/her? W-T-LetterafterE? They spent the whole season preaching song choice, and it seems the pros are even worse than these poor kids.

Despite always expecting this show to be ridiculous and stupid and illogical, it still ticks me off every time.

[Sean Daly]

Indeed, a colleague just used the word "unprofessional" to describe how they sandbagged Syesha last night. I couldn't agree more. Producers gave her the penguin song, right? And the judges basically pulled a sky-is-green scenario, bombing Syesha's performances when in fact they were entertaining and watchable than the rest of the dreck.

David Cook seems like a cool enough dude. But that Aerosmith finale was HORRIBLE. Cluttered and clunky and weak. And yet, the judges tried to sell it as a revelation. Slimy.

[giant head]

While, yes, Syesha is a good singer and the "most entertaining person on the show" last night, doing a sexy number like "Fever" isn't going to get the kids voting for her.

Plus, her arrogance makes it difficult for anyone to want to warm up to her. Hell, even local TV didn't pay much attention to her until she actually made Top 3...

[Sean Daly]

Wait a sec, Giant Head -- I thought you liked the "arrogance." Wow, I've been going about this all wrong.

[giant head]

I do like arrogance... But, only in my superstars who have earned the right to act that way.

[bj]

You are funny! I think Syesha is the greatest! Her fan club website is for sale, http://syeshafanclub.com and I would totally buy it if I knew how to run a website! I think she's going to have a lot of fans for a long time to come once she finds the right person to "produce" her. She didn't need to win Idol to "win." Love your blog!

[bj]

I think Syesha is the greatest! Her fan club website is for sale, http://syeshafanclub.com and I would totally buy it if I knew how to run a website! I think she's going to have a lot of fans for a long time to come once she finds the right person to "produce" her. She didn't need to win Idol to "win." Love your blog!