The Dead Flowers Playlist

So last Thursday, I tried to make good by sending flowers to both my mother (the Diplomat) and the mother of my children (the Forever Fiancee). I went to FTD.com, and ordered Mother's Day tulips. The next day, the Diplomat got hers. YESTERDAY, the FF finally got hers. Ugh. Yes, that is a picture of them on the left. And yes, they smelled horribly. And yes, this is what I get for trying to make good. Things work out much better when I'm self-centered and vainglorious.

Without turning this into a consumer column, for some reason, the FF's flowers were originally sent from Cincinnati, then they were in Kentucky, and then, from the look of them, they made a quick stop in Bogota. Good lord, what a disaster. The FF was relatively good-humored about the whole mishegas. As for FTD, this one's for you.

The Dead Flowers Playlist
1. Dead Flowers -- the Rolling Stones
2. Some Flowers Bloom Dead -- the Wallflowers
3. (Nothing but) Flowers -- Talking Heads
4. You Don't Bring Me Flowers -- Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond
5. Flowers for the Dead -- Cuban Link
6. Tiptoe Through the Tulips -- Tiny Tim
7. (I Never Promised You) A Rose Garden -- Lynn Anderson
8. Fading Like a Flower -- Roxette
9. (Listen to the) Flower People -- Spinal Tap
10. Power Flower -- Stevie Wonder

Comments

[sparky]

Looks like you have to break out alter ego Raul, get a fake Venezualian accent and call FTD and ask them if they "Want to sleep wit da fishes, because nobutty dos tiz to Raul Marriott".

[DG]

You could of just ordered a different plant from Bogota and probably had a better weekend.

other selections...

"Throw the Roses Away" - Hall & Oates
"You Don't Bring Me Flowers" - Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand

[Marissa]

Holy Miracle Grow, Batman! That's some hum-dinger customer service right there. This proves that it's the thought that counts.
It's a good thing FF is a good sport.

Paper Roses ~ Marie Osmond
Roses ~ Outkast

[NickWithAnAxe]

I prefer the Townes Van Zandt version of "Dead Flowers" myself...

Roses are red, violets are blue, Daly's got a giant head and...I got nuthin'.

[Sean Daly]

That's okay, NickWithAnAxe. Your commentary regarding Scrotum Loop had the FF and I rolling. You've earned your keep for awhile.

[sparky]

Heck Radar O'Reilly got better flowers from the abandoned minefield in Korea.

What does FTD stand for "For The Dead". Should have went with Proflowers.

[Guy]

Maybe FTD was upset that you ordered tulips instead of roses.

Contact customer service and get a refund.

[Jeff in Cuba]

I've never been able to do the "flowers" thing with any success.

I used to work near the Miami airport, and every night planes would fly in from Bogota full of flowers. Of course, there was always the chance that there were some other "imports" tucked away in the flowers, so the authorities randomly tear into some of the boxes looking for drugs.

They would poke them with long sticks, run the dogs over them and generally destroy them. Then some enterprising individuals would scoop up the scraps, wrap them in green tissue paper and start hawking them on nearby street corners.

I made the mistake of buying such a bouquet on my way home from work one night, and by the time I realized that it was a fistful of mulch, the light had changed and I was on down the road, fuming.

That's why this year Harriot's Mother's Day card from the kids had a gift certificate for a pedicure.

[Brad]

I usually stop at Trader Joe's (http://www.traderjoes.com/) for flowers here in So Cal. They're fresh and cheap - hey, just like you, Sean.

(What's that? No Trader Joe's where you are? How sad. You should move.)

[Forever Fiancee]

I laughed so hard when I received the flowers that I actually snorted. And then I couldn’t stop the maniacal laughter that followed. My co-workers must have thought I was crazy!

But the whole experience wasn’t a total loss. I actually got a nice vase, lots of laughs and a story for my grandchildren out of it.

“You see kids....every time your granddad tried to do something nice for me it would jump up and bite him in the a--. This is why we never got married -bad karma!”

[Marissa]

Ah! How refreshing it is to know someone other than myself snorts when laughing hysterically.

And you know what they say about karma: Karma~ A bigger b*t*h than I choose to be.

[MaiSitter]

AWW FF, how funny, I believe this is where the statement " It's the thought that counts comes into play" I can only imagine the office scene for this one!

Fake Plastic Trees, Radiohead

Definitely get a refund.

Keep the FF.

[Bassnote]

Faded Flowers - Shriekback
Blood and Roses - the Smithereens
Flowers On the Wall - The Statler Brothers
The Flowers Of Guatemala - REM
Roses - Nik Kershaw
Field Of Flowers - Sixpence None The Richer
Wildflowers - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Forget Me Nots - Patrice Rushen

[scooterbucs]

Holy Ripoff, Marissa! No worries...with a pic like that you can take anything from me.

I like the Fake Plastic Trees add. How about STP's "Dead and Bloated" I am smellin' like a rose...well maybe not.
Random thought: Sean, your middle name doesn't start with a "T" does it?

[Marissa]

Scooter, did I rip something off (from you?) I didn't take credit for that karma saying. If you came up with it then you oughta be making a fortune with tshirt sales. 'Cuz that's where I read it lol
If I ever buy one, you'll be the first to receive a photo.

[scooterbucs]

Marissa-
I was referring to your first post "Holy Miracle Grow Batman!"
I said "Holy Watermelons, Batman!" on the now infamous cha cha's picture. I like the Karma line...definitely should be on T-shirt.