The Mai-Mai Uprising

So it's Sunday, and the fam is beat from a Mother's Day at Disney, and we've just frantically pulled off the road somewhere between Orlando and Tampa. I wanna say the name of the town is Scrotum Loop, but something tells me that can't be right. We're in the skeezy parking lot of a weird Wendy's, emergency-feeding my youngest daughter, who is now 14 weeks old, and who weighs in the neighborhood of Dom Deluise. On the radio is Hall & Oates. One on One.

We call our youngest Mai-Mai. Or Pugsley. Or Pugs. Or occasionally Kid TwoTwo. She is our mellow child (4-year-old Kid Lulu is a pip, and a brain, but she's a first-class drama queen). Anyway, Pugs sleeps 10 hours straight every night, and spends the rest of her time giggling and flirting. She's healthy, and adorable, and looks pretty much like a hippity hop. She never loses her cool.

Except, as it turns out, when she's very hungry.

We thought we could make it home from Disney. But we were wrong. Really wrong. So with Lulu passed out next to her, a ravenous Mai-Mai eventually slow-boils to an Exorcistian hunger maelstrom. We have never heard this before. It is a ferocious response to our suspect parenting. We used up all our baby bottles at the park, but we have one precious pouch of Similac left. So we need to find water soon -- or at least before the kid's head starts spinning and she unleashes the forces of hell upon her old man.

Finally, an exit. Scrotum Loop! Take it! Take it! I hit a curve so hard I swear we're pulling a Cannonball Run on two wheels. The Forever Fiancee bolts into Wendy's, and I pull Beelzebaby from her seat. At this point, Pugsley is breathing fire. There's a sad, curious woman right next to us, who seems to be moving all of her worldly possessions from one car to another, perhaps a friend's. I have a feeling this woman is on the run. Pugsley has a feeling that if she doesn't eat soon, she will tear my face off.

Anyway, we eventually pop a bottle in Mai-Mai's mouth, and she basically shotguns the thing. Lulu wakes up and, finding nothing odd about this situation, starts play-by-playing her day at Disney. (She went on Test Track with Mommy. Very exciting.) The FF and I just kinda stare out the window, looking at this weird Wendy's in Scrotum Loop, wondering when all of this life happened. It's now completely dark. Hall & Oates has since turned into Counting Crows' Accidentally in Love. And with that, we drive home.

Comments

[Sherrie]

It's Socrum Loop, near Lakeland. I know just which skeezy Wendys you speak of, having been stranded there myself about two years ago. We were towing our pop up camper (nothing says luxurious camping like a pop up), pulled off for some questionable food at the Wendys and soon found all re-entries to the Interstate were blocked by Polk County sheriff cars. We sat at the Wendy's, pondering our fate in the Socrum Loop Twilight Zone/Bermuda Triangle and finally just wandered the greater Lakeland area until we could find an I-4 entrance. Frightening, I never want to face Socrum Loop again! (And I have to admit that my husband called it Scrotum Loop as well...must be a paniced man thing.)

[NickWithAnAxe]

You should write for the FLA tourism guide, because I am now primed to see the sights in Scrotum Loop. (Come on, the copy writes itself - "Pack your bag for Scrotum Loop!" or "You'll go nuts for Scrotum Loop!" or the less popular "Scrotum Loop...you should smell us on a hot, humid day!")

I must now see this Stephen-Kingsian Wendy's before I shuffle loose this mortal coil.

[Forever Fiancee]

Well, there goes our invitation to any future Socrum Loop Chamber of Commerce events! And let's hope we never break down there during our frequent travels between Tampa and Orlando.

I've thought more about Pugs' meltdown last night. I'm sorta proud of her for stating her opinion so clearly. She knows what she wants and when she wants it! That's a sign of good self esteem and a powerful voice. She's gonna be loud, just like her Daddy!

[bigmac]

I have lived in Lakeland for about a year and I get so many chuckles driving around this town. We also have Drain Field Road. Wouldn't you like to live on that street?

[Marissa]

Wow, this takes me back to being in caught on the highway in a snow storm many years ago. It wasn't safe to pull off on the shoulder due to zero visibility. We were certain to be casualties of a semi-truck.

My sister and her 4 month old son were our passengers. The baby was screaming in hunger while my (then) husband tried to navigate through the storm. We had no idea he had such lungs on him until that night. We finally managed to safely get off at an exit so she could nurse.

Hell times two.

[Eric62]

Criminey! I've driven that stretch between Orlando and Tampa enough times to wear out a set of tires and I never noticed Socrum Loop (or its skeezy wendy's). I surely would have stopped and taken a picture or something. Now I must question my Polk County native wife about what she knows about this community. Where is it, pray tell!

[MaiSitter]

Mai is not pleased with the Dom Deluise comment. She would like you to know she is filled with stuff and fluff. Oh yes, sugar and spice too.

[bigmac]

I thought Socrum Loop was just part of Lakeland and not an actual city. I guess I don't get out enough around here.