The Mother's Day Playlist

A few years ago, I took an awful cruise, on a dented SpaghettiOs can of a ship, with my family. This included my mother, the Diplomat.

Now, the Diplomat has more friends than anyone I know, a tribute to her pathological ability to treat everyone like a friend. A smile, a joke, a hug: My 66-year-old mom doles ’em out like free donuts. She wants everybody to have a good time on her watch, especially on horrific cruises.

It was brutal, too. Luggage was lost, the food was salmonellic, everyone was on edge. So the Diplomat got the idea that in order to galvanize the masses, her only child, her 30-something son, her darling Seany Boy, should enter every ridiculous contest and mortifying event on the lido deck. You know, fire up the troops, make the best of a bad situation. First up, she decided, the 3-on-3 water basketball tournament.

"Come on, Mom. No way. Can’t I just sit here and read?"

"Read? On a cruise?! Get in that pool and play basketball!"

I was teamed up with a little chubby kid who couldn’t swim and a little skinny kid who was approximately 2-foot-6. The pool, unfortunately, was 6-feet deep.

In the first round, my pathetic squad drew a team of German brothers — triplets, no less — each of whom was the thickness of Lou Ferrigno. They were tall, blonde, built. They swam like Mark Spitz on Red Bull.

We were torpedoed from the start. Within seconds, the skinny kid was drowning, the fat one was clinging for his life, and Gigantor & Co. were draining three-pointers and launching themselves off my love handles for glorious Teutonic dunks. Total nightmare.

But a funny thing happened on the road to full-blown emasculation. The crowd, and my family, once so sad, so miserable, finally started to have fun. And who was leading the Germanic Cheerleading Team, who was charming the Ferrigno Triplets’ proud parents?

Yep, the Diplomat.

"Mom, what are you doing?!" I screamed, spitting out a chokeful of water. "You’re supposed to be rooting for me! I’m your son!"

"But they’re so beautiful!" the Diplomat cheered. "Yay! Go! Go!"

So as my thighs were burning from treading water, as I contemplated barfing up the pina colada I unwisely gulped as a pregame motivator, the worst cruise in the world became merely cruddy.

The Diplomat, a proud smile on her face, had done it once again.

• • •

A few months ago, the Diplomat called to say she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I flew up to Baltimore for the operation. I’ll never forget standing in the waiting room and phoning her epic list of friends — some close, some misfits she picked up along the way — to let them know she was fine. If there had been a German mother of triplets on there, I wouldn’t have been surprised.

I’m pleased to say that, after radiation treatment, my mother is now doing great, spoiling her two granddaughters with moneybagged fervor. So here’s a bouquet of songs for my mom, and all moms, as their special day approaches. The Diplomat isn’t always easy. But I wouldn’t be half the water basketball player without her.

The Mother’s Day Playlist
1. You and Me Against the World, Helen Reddy
2. Baby Mine, Alison Krauss
3. Mama Tried, Merle Haggard
4. The Kids Are Alright, the Who
5. Hey Mama, Kanye West
6. Thank You Mom, Good Charlotte
7. That’s Alright Mama, Elvis Presley
8. Stacy’s Mom, Fountains of Wayne
9. Oh Mother, Christina Aguilera
10. Thank You for Being a Friend, Andrew Gold

Comments

[Greg Jones]

Sean,
Are your tastes really this eclecticly varied, or is it the professional music critic in you? Or is it the hundreds of free CDs you get a month?
My iPod would explode if I had Kanye West in it.

[Sharon]

Aw, Greg you've obviously never heard Kanye's "Hey Mama" because it had me crying on the treadmill at the gym the first time I heard it.

Nice mix, Sean. I like the cross pollination of Fountains of Wayne and lame-on Thank You for Being a Friend. Kinda like my mom's jello "salad" at family gatherings sitting next to my spicy jerk wings.

[Forever Fiancee]

Momma I'm Coming Home - Ozzy Osbourne

Because nothing says Happy Mother's Day like a little heavy metal!

BTW....where's the Mother's Day shout out for your FF?? Nice!

[Brad]

In Sean's defense, you're not his mom. (Space constraints prevent me from outlining my "ladder theory" for observing Mother's Day)

That's not to say that he shouldn't help the kids observe celebrate the holiday in an appropriate manner. Bling = always appropriate...

[DG]

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys - Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings
Mama's Pearl - Jackson 5
Mama - Genesis
The Wish - Bruce Springsteen
Where You Lead I Will Follow - Carole King
Teach Your Children - CSNY
Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton
I'm A Woman - Peggy Lee
Mama Tried - Merle Haggard
Mother and Child Reunion - Paul Simon
Hymn To Her - The Pretenders
Mother's Little Helper - Rolling Stones

[Brad]

In the "title only" category, I'll submit

Mother - The Police
Mother - Pink Floyd

[Marissa]

OK, as a momma and a child whose own mother passed away due to cancer nearly 27 years ago, this post turned me into a blubbering puddle.

Sean, words sincerely cannot express how happy I am for your Mom. My dedication to all moms, mommies, mothers, madres is not a song, but a book. This is particularly ideal for mother and son. I gave this book to my two sisters one Mother's Day as they have sons. In turn, when my son was born, one of those sisters gave me this book on my first Mother's Day.

"Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. Sean, even though you're a grown man you might still find valid sentiment with this book being an only son.

[Forever Fiancee]

Oh my gosh, Marissa! We actually own a copy of "Love You Forever." Sean's mother gave it to us when Kid Lulu was first born.

The first time we read it to her we couldn't stop crying. Even now - after reading it 100+ times - it still makes us tear up. What a beautful book! And it really sums up what being a mother/parent is all about. Sometimes your children drive you nuts but you still couldn't imagine life without them!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! You make the world a better place for your kids. And a very special Mother's Day hug to M.D., Sean's momma. She has had a tough year, but has come back a stronger person!

[Marissa]

I read that book to my son nightly. We made up a melody to the song and he'd sing it with me. Each and every time I would tear up. His little toddler hand would wipe away a tear running down my cheek, "Mommy don't cry. Keep reading."

[Sean Daly]

Oh man, I squirted Snoopy tears the first time I read that sucker. Devastating. Kid Lulu was wondering what was wrong with her blubbering old man. After that, I tried to focus on the cat, just so I wouldn't break down again.

It would be interesting to see how each person sings that song, tho. My version is Manilow-esque.

[Marissa]

I can assure you that even today my voice quivers trying to hold back tears. I was just at the sink doing dishes and humming 'our melody' and bam! a flood.

[Marissa]

Here's a site where you can hear the author telling the story and singing his version. I like mine better only because it just poured from my heart (as I'm sure it did for anyone who's experienced the book).

http://www.robertmunsch.com/playstory.cfm?bookID=40

[NickWithAnAxe]

Ha...humiliated by "Ze Germans".

Send my regards to Mama Daly. You also might want to apologize on my behalf for crawling on the roof and sneaking in your window to scare the **** out of you while you slept.

Good times.

[Daniel]

I am surprised everone missed the classic Three Dog Night song "Mama told me(not to come)" written by Randy Newman of "Short People" fame. Newman said he wrote the somg as a reflection of the music scene in LA during the sixties with references to drugs, alchol and sex. "That ain't the way to have fun, son" or is it?