5 BEST "American Idol" Top 12ers

Hoo boy! American Idol doesn't start for another few days and already great chunks of the TV-gobbling populace hate my guts. The vitriol started mighty early this year. And you know what? I love it. All's fair, I say. I attack your dopey faves; you attack doughy bloggers. However, all my friends and enemies, the powers-that-be will delete your comments if you curse up a blue streak. So while you are free to call me fat, "Jabba-esque" even, you can't modify said zinger with any version of the f-bomb. Trust me: Your comments will have a lot more oomph if they actually stay on the page.

So now, where were we? Ah yes. Yesterday we accurately tackled the 5 Worst American Idol Top 12ers. Today, the 5 BEST American Idol Top 12ers. See? Pop Life is soooo positive! (If you're wondering who's gonna be surly this time, we should be hearing from the Claymates...right...about...now.)

5. Mandisa: With the exception of Chris Sligh, zaftig singers with gospel-kissed voices always stir my fancy on Idol. Chunky-but-funky? And how! Mandisa is my all-time fave, but Jennifer Hudson's yowza performance in Dreamgirls had everyone wondering why she didn't last longer on Season 3.

4. Fantasia Barrino: Kapow! Hudson was good, but Fantasia was the right champ for Season 3. A modern-day Tina Turner, this High Point, N.C., burner should be a bigger star today. She's funky (have you heard Baby Makin' Hips?), she's bizarre and she can showstop with the best of them.

3. Carrie Underwood: I'm still convinced Underwood doesn't want to be a country star. After all, if you've ever heard her killer cover of Guns N' Roses' Paradise City -- my oh my, Barbie will curl your toes for sure. But for someone so Barbie perfect, she has genuine charisma and a nuanced voice. Bang your head, blondie.

2. Chris Daughtry: Nobody has looked better backdropped by Idol's cheezy video flames than Season 5's Bald Wonder. I wasn't crazy about his flea-market wallet-chain, but he redeemed himself with whatever song he tackled. (Here's an interview I did with Daughtry. Like brothers, the two of us.)

1. Kelly Clarkson: American Idol is the most dominant pop-culture force of the 21st century. Kelly Clarkson -- more than Daughtry, Underwood or even Simon Cowell -- is the most important figure in Idol history. (I interviewed KC, too. Wanna see?) Hence, an easy No. 1. A huge talent with girl-power charm, she legitimized a show that didn't yet deserve it. Without Clarkson, Idol would have been done three seasons ago. So we should thank her -- or blame her for all of the world's evils.

Comments

[Pick Pickler]

Apparently Sean is a big fan of rock and R&B singers. I would add Kellie Pickler to this list since she's 1 of the 2 best country singers ever on Idol. Her voice has a beautiful tone and she nailed country songs while Mandisa (Sean's favorite) and others bombed country week. Kellie is also 1 of the 2 the best country/pop/rock crossover artists. Why is the list limited to just 5 anyway since there are more than 5 great Idol singers.

[Marissa]

Yes Ruby, most definitely idiots can post on the internet. Amazing.

[sparky]

Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town.

[Ruby]

And you put Chris Daughtry on and not David Cook? Cook is so much better than Daughtry its not even funny. I am sure you are just a pathetic failed music career loser who is jealous of David. There seems to be a lot of you out there. Its amazing that they will let anyone post on the internet. Even idiots.

[Ruby]

How dare you not include David Cook on this list?! He is, by far, better than all other idols combined. He will be bigger any singer out there, mark my words.

[Marissa]

Oh Raymond, Raymond. I have a life "POP LIFE." Duh!

[Raymond]

who gives a S@#$, you people need to get a life.

[Stephanie Coburn]

My Top 5 American Idols:
#1...Kelly Clarkson....Still the best! Numero Uno
#2...Chris Daughtry...This guy was totally robbed but came out on top anyway
#3...Carrie Underwood...She's a star
#4...David Cook...Great voice and stage presence plus he was able to stop David Archuleta from winning which would have made me vomit
#5...Jason Castro...Not the best singer but he was unique, brought a different style to the show, played guitar and his loopey comments made me laugh.

[BibleBanginBeulah]

Yes, I was being sarcastic. I ain't no bible banger! And I have nothing against Clay Aiken, but those Claymates? Oh, Maron!

It's not just the Claymates, either. Taylor Hicks has the wacko Soul Patrol, Jason Castro has the effed up Castronauts, Sanjaya has perverted old Fanjayas, etc. etc. etc. Even nastyass Constantine still has Herpesmates. I'm actually surprised none of them have found their way here.

What is it with male Idol contestants that they attract such rabid, crazy, overprotective housewives? Even the teenagers like Sanjaya and Archuleta get perved on by these middle-aged crazywomen. Ick.

[Marissa]

All I can say is this: I had to rearrange my schedule and 2 co-workers schedules to make sure I am present and accounted for on Tuesday night.

[don in tulsa]

is there really such a thing as a good american idol singer? i think not. and daughtry sucks as a wannabe rock star.

Nuff said Bassnote.

[Bassnote]

BEST "American Idol" Top 12ers

There you go with the oxymorons again.

[Chuck]

If I had known being a homosexual couch potato was the quickest way to get a gig in entertainment writing I would have skipped college.

Note to all editors: Just because the writer you are interviewing has the ability to make Liberace look like Clint Eastwood holding a dead hooker in one arm and a machine gun in the other, doesn't mean they're qualified to write professionally.

Expecting your readers to relate to the "Miss Thang" attitude is so 2002. Dump this fool.

[Michelle]

Love, love Kelly Clarkson!

[on the edge]

BBB:

"who believe that any man who is not a tough macho man MUST be g*y like they are"

And the tough macho men are homophobic, which as anyone knows is really masking their self-loathing of their own latent homosexuality, and therefore they too are g*y and must be outed.

And yes, I'm being sarcastic, and I'm guessing BBB is too. The Claymates we're making fun of, however, are all too serious.

Is schwantz dayley the same as big dick daly?

[scooterbucs]

I can't tell if Beualah is serious or sarcasctic. I'm hoping for sarcastic because only then would it be funny.

Didn't the current Idol winner, Mullet man, have a tool accessory, too?

[Jeff in Cuba]

Shin Doily,

Could you and the rest of the Media Mafia please write stories about my ability to hit a 6-iron 175 yards?

After all, if you tell a lie enough times, it becomes the truth.

[Cat]

Yeah, but what about the CLAY-MAFIA?

Sorry, but Kathy Griffin is NOT a member, just a sympathizer, like fellow Oak Park girl Judy Tenuta.

Mike Musto is a fabulous writer.

[BibleBanginBeulah]

The Gay Mafia is a serious matter!

The Gay Mafia consists of Perez Hilton, Michael Musto, Rosie O'Donnell, Kathy Griffin, Lance Bass, and several other Hollywood homosexuals who believe that any man who is not a tough macho man MUST be g*y like they are, and therefore he must be outed at any cost. So they saw Clay and made up stories.

Of course, all of the jealous haters, the fans of other less-successful Idol contestants, jumped on the bandwagon and made up stories of their own which they fed to the tabloids and to Page Six.

Finally Clay, that poor naive innocent young man, saw so many of these stories about himself that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy and he began to believe it was true. Tell a lie enough times and it becomes the truth.

The Gay Mafia were behind the story by that horrific John Paulus, who claimed to have slept with Clay but never did.

As for how they roll? The men roll in pink polka-dot Speedos (which is GROSS for Perez and Musto). The women roll in their own hatred.

WE WILL SAVE YOU, CLAY!!!! Then you can marry one of us nice older women who know how to treat you right!

[sparky]

Gay Mafia, how do they roll. I would guess in a pink cadillac and dressed in silk shirts and linen slacks.

[BibleBanginBeulah]

I and my fellow Claymates are much too busy in prayer to Our Holy Lord, that He shall minister to Clay and change his abominable sinful ways, so that he may see the light and turn straight again.

Satan has corrupted Clay through the constant lies of the tabloid media. He has been convinced that he is g*y when he is really not at all.

We must help save him through vigilant prayer to Our Lord, so we have no time to come here and fight a piddly battle against a basement dweller who obviously knows NOTHING about music.

Besides, everyone knows that Clay is the most successful non-winner in Idol history (and more successful than most winners as well).

Most CDs sold, several sold-out tours, two successful runs on Broadway, a People's Choice Award... and absolutely NONE of this involved Claymates spamming polls or buying multiple copies of CDs, or seeing each tour in 40 different cities, or seeing Spamalot 87 times.

That was all just lies perpetrated by the Gay Mafia and the Ruben fans.

[sparky]

Duff, that would be a purple Halle-Bot Snuggie for Daly.

And SD, you threw me the proverbial curve ball. I was reading down through the list and I was a good boy and didn't page all the way down, took them one at a time. Was curious to see who you had at 1, was thinking Daughtry or Underwood, but then I got to Mandisa and you threw Hudson in and I said OH BOY, SD went off the map on this one, and then Hudson didn't make the list. What is up with that.

[Sean Daly]

Now THAT'S funny. My favorite part of the monk-robe Snuggie infomercial is when the ecstatically besnuggied mom and dad are high-fiving wildly in the stands, presumably at a junior-league soccer game that will shatter the esteem of their goalie son. Run away, little Johnny, as fast as you can.

[Marissa]

Schwanz -- Best ice cream sandwiches. EVER!

[Marissa]

Scooterbucs, not at all. I am calling his le wallet chain a tool accessory. I suspect it's a good thing if you're cruising the interstate at 80 mph on a Harley. Howevah! I doubt Seacrest was going to lift Chris' wallet filled with photos of the wife and kids.

[duff]

Schwantz Dayley,
I bet you sit home on Idol nights sippin your Crown, muchin your Funyuns, wearin your David Koresh SNUGGIE, the blanket with sleeves. The question is, which color for you? maroon, blue, or uglier blue? you idol watchin, crown wearin, funyun munchin, snuggie wearin schwantz.

[scooterbucs]

I think everybody that was peeved yesterday, will be peeved today that their favorite isn't in the top 5 best list. An F-bomb tally should be kept today. And I'm surprised the Claymates haven't chimed in yet.

Riss-
Are you calling Daughtry a "tool?"

[DoctorDrew]

But does she know what pianississimo means?

(It means a really small pianiss)

[Marissa]

While I am not much of an Underwood fan (there's more than fortissimo in music), I loved Mandisa. When Simon told her that her choices of gospel music were self indulgent, I wanted to jump through the TV and punch him in the face.

I really dug Daughtry. It seems he's taken vocal lessons so he's less forced. The chain wallet? Total tool accessory.

While Kelly Clarkson can shake the rafters, she also knows what pianissimo means.

[Daughtry]

that's a lighter on a chain, like Keith Richards has