IDOL RECAP: America's Bunniest Home Videos
It's pretty much official now: We are experiencing a kinder, gentler American Idol, the kind of season where even a hirsute man in a bunny suit is embraced with compassion and understanding by Simon. Wednesday night's Salt Lake City audition show ended -- like all the rest this yawny year -- with a weepy story about overcoming obstacles and not wearing shoes. Didn't the Idol auditions of old used to end with something mean and nasty, like making bearded loveless hobos sing Like a Virgin or parading a fat guy's severed head around on a stick? What happened to the hateful days? I totally blame Obama.
Season 8 of American Idol is shaping up to be the Year of the Osmond, literally and figuratively. On last night's show, we met David Osmond, son of Alan Osmond, "the oldest of the performing Osmonds." Not only was David hunky and talented and as pure as Uncle Donny's pearly whites, but like his father, he's battling MS. It's my job to snark, but gadzooks, that's a great bleepin' storyline!
In fact, Salt Lake City, "the happiest place on earth where 98 percent of the teen population is apparently knocked up or parentless," gave us the best talent of the year. And they were all goodie-goodies to boot. Potential Top 12ers include 24-year-old Frankie Jordan (has a kid, pronounced schnoz), 23-year-old Megan Corkrey (has a kid, divorced, bad tattoo) and young Rose Flack (dead father, no shoes). It was almost enough to make me put away the Crown Royal and straighten up. Almost.
There's a bonus ep Thursday night: auditions in NYC and Puerto Rico. The Pop Life Idol Chat will be open as always. And even if Idol is playing nice, well, we're not. See you then, boys and girls.
[Dorky Simon shirt and a big pink bunny ... loser! Fox photo]
Riss, of course you won't be here tonight, because I will. That is if I get back from class by 8. I totally digging that Osmond boy, he is very crush worthy. He definitely needs to make it further so we have something to lust upon!
Posted by: Starfish | January 29, 2009 at 09:34 AM
We had gnarly feet last season. I suspect the producers think it worked for the show. Dirty feet part deux
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 11:12 PM
SD, I have a correction to your recap. Rose had the trifecta - dead father, dead mother and no shoes.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 09:57 PM
In case someone missed it, here's the tshirt that Sean wasn't able to post.
http://mentalorigami-wildhair.blogspot.com/2009/01/parenthetical-knockers.html
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 09:43 PM
JillyBean, so sorry you're under the weather. I hope you're better in the morning. I'm counting on you to make up for my absence tomorrow night with double the wittarific snark
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 09:21 PM
I'm mentally stomping my feet over missing tomorrow night. Meanwhile, I am creating an official Parenthetical Knockers tee on a website.
Here's the dealio: Graphic on front (obviously) and in a grungey font "Parenthetical KNockers" on the back. What say you??
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 09:20 PM
Ugh i'm off for the night. I have some sort of stomach flu, so it's ginger ale and bed for me. And mentally prepare myself for two hours of Idol tomorow. Bye!
Posted by: JillyBean | January 28, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Two hours tomorrow.
Last pre-season game.
I'm coming off my pitch count.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 09:07 PM
YIKES! I wasn't expecting more Idol tomorrow night. I have to put in my turn of working a night shift.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 09:06 PM
somebody fix this please.
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Miguel, Mormons equal large families. Also they give large sums of their earnings to the church. That may have been a problem to you friend.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 09:03 PM
ack! I can't get back to the page where the most recent comments are!
Posted by: JillyBean | January 28, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Did anybody see Ryan's new girlfriend Sara Jean Underwood? She's 2007 Playmate of the Year. Do you think he pays her?
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Oooh, Bikini Girl seems to be having some trouble in Hollywood.
"Mr. Flynt on Line 1..."
Posted by: Sean Daly | January 28, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Wow Salt Lake City Utah.I have a story about that,nothing to do with American Idol,thow.
A friend of mine went to study in London,and met an american girl.Well,he made her pregnant.Bad luck for the guy.He took the responsability,so they decided to go live together.Where?In Utah.Yes,the girl was a mormon.I don`t know if it is a good or a bad thing,i don`t know much about mormons,so no disrespect from me.But all i know is that my friend ran away back to Portugal saying those people(the girl´s family) were insane.
Enjoy American Idol,Pop Lifers! I won´t bother you.If it was Project Runaway it would be a different story.
Posted by: Miguel | January 28, 2009 at 09:00 PM
Let me get thus straight...
Tomorrow is the most dramatic, and next week is the most intense.
When's the most hyperbolic?
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 09:00 PM
Idol again tomorrow! Is it the last of the auditions?
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Good to have someone shoe-averse on the show this year. After all, the properly shod are so dull. Good for Rose, she's gonna clean up real nice.
Posted by: Sean Daly | January 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Can't she hide her bra straps?
Posted by: | January 28, 2009 at 08:58 PM
Salt Lake City one of the happiest places on earth. Now, I will find my happy place.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:58 PM
SD,
Stand by for a barefoot Castro sister.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 08:58 PM
It's the raccoon in he backpack.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:57 PM
After, that sob story...Thank GOD.
Posted by: | January 28, 2009 at 08:57 PM
'Riss...
me me me! Last week, the day after it premiered i kept trying to discover who was lying, but whenever someone started talking, i would totally forget.
Posted by: JillyBean | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Clean her up and pass her.
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
nice one, gg.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
I think she is holding back.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Hello Fiona Apple.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
second hand rose
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 08:56 PM
Pls be good pls be good...
Posted by: Harriot in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 08:55 PM
Tough to pick on the doomstruck lost Castro sister.
I'm assuming that this much backstory will culminate in a golden ticket.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 08:55 PM
With or without the words, SD? Did you read what Douglas said about the design?
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:54 PM
Bad hair, bad clothes, dirty feet.
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 08:54 PM
Does Seacrest think woodsman plaid makes him look masculine?
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:53 PM
Spearsy has shipped off both chihuahua stuffed animals. Today I gave away his blue Florida bear to a colleague. The only thing left is a stuffed alligator wearing a Karate Kid bandana. Maybe we can swap for a "Parenthetical Knockers" T-shirt?
Posted by: Sean Daly | January 28, 2009 at 08:53 PM
I think the William Hung type auditions are over after the girl shot herself on Paula's lawn. Damn you people!
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:53 PM
Who else loves that show LIE TO ME?
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:52 PM
Are they hitting us with weepers at the end of every show? Didn't they used to end on a nasty, funny note? Like a bunch of ugly talentless bearded people singing "Like a Virgin" or something?
Good lord, I sincerely hope this isn't the first year that it really is a "singing competition."
Posted by: Sean Daly | January 28, 2009 at 08:51 PM
ARGH! Sean, call Spearsy and promise to leave his Taco Bell dog alone so he'll fix this mess.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:50 PM
They didn't scold her for her song choice? I thought for sure that was coming.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:48 PM
"I was impressed because I saw her in the bathroom."
No additional snark required.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Taylor, where are the other 7 maids-a-milking?
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Do you want to send this girl to Hollywood with Kobe Bryant lurking.
Kind of sounds like Amy Grant.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Oh, I so feel her pain regarding being tall. LEARN TO LOVE IT, SISTER! Also, get used to your b@@bs being at eye level to the average man.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:47 PM
Hurricane, Utah?
That's like Glacier Bay, Cuba.
Posted by: Jeff in Cuba | January 28, 2009 at 08:47 PM
My feminine wiles are of no use on SS anymore. Sorry I can't smooth things over and get this segmented BS rectified.
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:46 PM
her eye makeup is giving me seizures.
Posted by: JillyBean | January 28, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Ah!
OK, SD, Douglas thinks I need to nix the words on the tshirt and just go with the design (art school grad)
Posted by: Marissa | January 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Kiss and make up SD, this segmented thing is freaking crazy already.
Posted by: sparky | January 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM
Major malfunction. I'll keep trying.
Posted by: gg | January 28, 2009 at 08:45 PM