LIVE IDOL: the Antichrist goes back to the beach!
Woo! My faith in humanity is restored!
I can put my high heels back on! Protesting is so two months ago, anyway.
In a jarring and unexpected move, the worst singer on American Idol actually received the lowest number of votes. Evil hellspawn Jason Castro, who seriously confessed to his "brain being dead" on Wednesday's show, went home.
YAYYYYY.
Tuesday, he turned in nightmarish renditions of Bob Dylan's Mr. Tambourine Man and Bob Marley's I Shot the Sheriff. "Somebody told me that I shot the Tambourine Man," he cracked. Well, no, but millions of people threatened to shoot themselves.
We're super close to a two-David ticket just begging for bumper sticker slogans. David squared!
THE BOTTOM TWO: Syesha Mercado, Jason Castro
AND FOURTH-PLACE GOES TO: JASON CASTRO, YAYYYYYYYYYYYY, LET'S HAVE A PARTY!
YOUR TOP THREE IDOLS: David Archuleta, David Cook, Syesha Mercado


This is the best talent in the country? All those people in all those audition lines, and we have a dude with French-bread-crusty dreadlocks and alarming cognitive problems in the top four? If Jason Castro doesn't go home, I'm going on strike.




Tonight's American Idol is all about celeb mentor Andrew Lloyd Webber, the British composer responsible for such theatrical cheese plates as Cats, Evita and Phantom of the Opera. Oy, was this a brutally bad idea. I can't wait to see Jason Castro bust out the ukelele and warble Don't Cry for Me Argentina.
Kristy Lee Cook, American Idol's resident Kmart Kellie Pickler, was booted off the show Wednesday night, leaving six remaining contestants. This came as great relief to me and my libido, as I was tired of wondering why I wasn't hot for her in the slightest, and yet all my male friends were. Was something wrong with me? Should I be worried? 'Cause let's be honest, I hit 38 years old like a brick wall, folks, and stuff's breaking down on me by the hour.





This week is all about inspiration on American Idol. Tonight, the final 8 contestants sing songs of inspiration. That begins at 8 p.m. You just know David Archuleta is busting out the Josh Groban.



















