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Review: Jonas Brothers, Tampa, Aug. 18

Fans scream before the Jonas Brothers show at the Times Forum. Below, Kevin Jonas performs during Tuesday's show. [KATHLEEN FLYNN | Times] Click on photo to enlarge.

TAMPA – It’s not easy being the Jonas Brothers these days. Sure, they have millions of squealing fans, lucrative Disney deals, impossibly rad hair. But after a short, refreshing reign as unmarked rockers, Nick, Joe and Kevin have become boys-to-men tabloid fare stuck in the celebrity jetstream. There are now as many snide punchlines about them as JB posters adorning tweenage lockers.

Have rampant rumors of their dating life -- poor little Taylor Swift, so innocent, so blond -- tarnished the good clean fun of their music? Is the magic officially kaput once their fans are old enough to order a margarita? It’s getting tricky for the trio from Wyckoff, N.J. Sales of new album “Lines, Vines and Trying Times” have been disappointing, and a new Disney Channel show is a rush-job dud.

But hold on, let’s get back to those squeals for a bit.

Some 19,534 fans showed up for JB’s 21-song, 110-minute sold-out show at the St. Pete Times Forum on Tuesday. That’s more than Green Day and Judas Priest drew to recent shows in the same venue – COMBINED. So for all the naysaying and upturned noses, for all the threats of a shaky future, the JoBros aren’t done quite yet. Most musicians can only dream of the ear-splitting adulation heaped on these kids.

(By the way, Burger King is the official sponsor of this tour. But if I’m in Advil's marketing department, I’d start making calls. How loud was it? Imagine slamming your head in a jet engine while wearing an angry wombat for a hat.)

After opening sets by Honor Society (there's a good chance they were cyborgs) and Jordin Sparks (the sturdy "American Idol" star would later come back and perform her hit "Battlefied" with the headliners), JB took to a massive spinning stage. This ginormous sucker was centered in the round and had two side platforms plus an arachnoid lighting rig straight out of George Lucas' daydreams. I'm telling you, it was so big, it was often hard to keep track of the lil' buggers.

Sixteen-year-old Nick (the Cute One), 20-year-old Joe (the Funny One) and 21-year-old Kevin (the Tito) excel at guitar-based jangle pop, sheer athleticism and cool-kid charm. Their self-penned pop is getting a little same-soundy these days, but mine were apparently minority ears at the show. From opening cut "Paranoid" to the closing "Burnin' Up," the girlie-strong crowd reacted to each cut, supplemented by a huge backing band, as if it were the second coming of "Let It Be." (Go ask your parents.)     

Radio Disney hits such as "That's Just the Way We Roll" and "Hold On" betrayed Joe and Nick as yelpy singers live, but the show was wisely built on dazzling distractions: lasers, smoke effects, blinky thingies. They saved the coolest trick for the end, when the boys performed the rambunctious part of "Lovebug" in a cone of rain. Maybe I'm gullible, but it sure looked like they were manipulating great sheets of water to spell out lyrics.

Tons of money was spent on this tour to make it look adult, to make sure fans stay around for awhile. Two violinists, flanking Nick at a white baby grand, lifted from below the stage for the new "Fly With Me." For "Much Better," the boys did flips and all manner of aerial derring-do off a trampoline. On a really cool stage that lifted into a couple stories high, Joe, with his adorably slumped shoulders, warbled "Gotta Find You" from cable phenom "Camp Rock."

And in a thank-you to parents for putting up with all those repeat listens in the mini-van, they did a clunky, but earnest cover of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline." Who knows? Maybe if the Jonas Brothers lose the kids, they'll move in on the moms. After all, with that hair, they could do anything.

DALY TV: If you need a loud man in a louder blue shirt, I'm there for you -- on demand

Hey kids, if you live in the Tampa Bay area and pay ghastly sums to Bright House for cable...you can now get my televised schtick for free whenever you want! What a (cough) bargain! Last Friday, I taped a 5-minute JoBros bit with Bay News 9's incandescent Danielle Belusky outside of the St. Pete Times Forum. Here's a sneak peek. If you want the full "on demand" experience, go to Ch. 340, then follow the magic trail from Special Coverage to Jonas Brothers to Concert Preview. Oh, and turn down the volume. 'Cause apparently I CAN'T CONTROL THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE.

Jonas Brothers in Tampa: Was this the beginning of the end for Nick, Joe and Kevin?

So I’m hanging with the Jonas Brothers, three kids from Wyckoff, N.J., who also happen to be the world’s biggest pop stars. It’s just the four of us — plus dozens of reporters, band members, fans, lookie-loos, all gathered ’round a swimming pool at the Saddlebrook Resort in Tampa.

It’s September 2008, not even a full year ago, and Nick, Joe and Kevin — cutie-pie Disney products with shy smiles and Aladdin’s hair — are in town for a concert at Ford Amphitheatre. They are humble and low-key and polite; at one point, Joe gives me a fist-bump, ’cause that’s just the way we roll, ya know?

The guys are loose, candid even — until it’s time for a formal press conference, and then they turn into audio-animatronic versions of themselves. Joe, the fan-proclaimed Funny One, is asked about his swoony relationship with country star Taylor Swift. He is straight-faced, gracious, coy: “She’s a wonderful girl. Anyone would be lucky to meet her.”

It’s a careful, cardboard line, but they way he delivers it, with little regard for the gossips, you wonder, just for a second, if the Jonas Brothers, guys in their teens and early 20s, will be the rare 21st century celebs to buck the trend and slow the terminal velocity of popular culture: the ugly tabloid, the snotty ’tudes, the fade into obscurity. Maybe that’s the fist-bump talking, but I had hope.
 
****

It’s now the second week of August 2009. Turn on the Disney Channel, and there’s a good chance you’ll see the video for Paranoid, the Jonas Brothers’ new song, in which the three boys bemoan their cruel fates: being stared at by adoring throngs, dating hot singers with poison pens, living with the stress of being millionaires before they ditch the last strains of puberty.

Paranoid is off their new album, Lines, Vines and Trying Times, a conceptual moanfest about the rigors of being able to date any girl between the ages of 18 and 45. The album includes a song called Much Better, a spiteful breakup doozy on which Joe sings, “Now I’m done with superstars, all the tears on her guitar.” It’s a blatantly mean reference to the song Teardrops on My Guitar by none other than Taylor Swift. The Jonas Brothers are no longer coy about their love lives; they are downright nasty.

You see where this is going. On Tuesday, I will be at the St. Pete Times Forum, where the Jonas Brothers will perform. Last year, their local show sold out in a heartbeat. Seats, however, are still available for Tuesday’s gig. (TICKETS) They are touring behind Lines, Vines, which hasn’t sold nearly as well as their last album, the multiplatinum A Little Bit Longer. Their recent movie, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, was expected to be a smash; it wasn’t. Their Disney Channel show, Jonas, has garnered a lukewarm reception; watch an episode, and it’s obvious the guys don’t want to be there.

Now, now, I’m not being a total doomsayer: Despite the vitriolic reaction they get from adult music fans — late-night host Craig Ferguson was rooting for their extinction the other night — the Jonas Brothers have some legit talent. They sing, play, act, write. They’re probably getting more help from writers and handlers than they let on, but that’s okay. Heck, Britney Spears is a creative dead spot, so any initiative on the point of teen stars should be applauded.

But it seems the JoBros aren’t infallible after all. Like Miley Cyrus and Hilary “Who?” Duff before them, they are starting to ebb just as fast as they flowed to the top of the charts. You can blame the fickle nature of young consumers (and middle-aged television execs). But the JoBros, or at least their parents, deserve some tsking-tsking, too: They’re getting tired, snotty, lost in the celebrity jetstream. It was bound to happen, but for a second there, these guys seemed different.

Then again, maybe I’m just mad that they didn’t invite me to hang with them again. I was looking forward to another fist-bump.

Review: Jonas Brothers new album 'Lines, Vines and Trying Times'

Jonas Brothers
Album: Lines, Vines and Trying Times (Hear)
In stores: Now
Why we care: On their whiningly titled new album, the JoBros air out all the problems inherent with being the richest, cutest, most popular boys in the world. For instance, what’s with all the girls chasing them? And, like, why are so many people talking about them? Plus it’s soooo not as cool making out with Taylor Swift as you might think.
Why we like it: Ditching pure power pop for self-penned drip-hop (a Common cameo!) diet funk (Earth Wind & Fire the Producer) and uncountry (the fauxbilly of What Did I Do to Your Heart), Nick, Joe and Kevin don’t catch like before. This album feels rushed, but more than that, it sounds snotty (don't hate them, 'cause "Hey, America built me"). But at the very least, they sure do goose the gossips, dinging Swift on Much Better (“Now I’m done with superstars / All the tears on her guitar”).
Reminds us of: So Miley Cyrus, who used to date Nick, is best friends with Swift, who used to date Joe. But now Miley is back duetting with Nick on Before the Storm. Drama!
Download this: Fly With Me
Grade: C

The JoBros play the St. Pete Times Forum on Aug. 18. (TICKETS) 

Jonas Brothers, Larry King kibbitz on Thursday, 9 p.m. (perhaps Uncle Sean Jonas will appear!)

With new Jonas Brothers album Lines, Vines and Trying Times being released this week, my good chums Kevin, Joe and Nick are running the press gauntlet. On Thursday, June 18, they'll appear on CNN's Larry King Live at 9 p.m.

The 75-year-old King, who will not have heard of the Jonas Brothers until a few minutes before the interview, will chat with the Wyckoff, N.J., trio from the stage of Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, where they'll kick off their upcoming tour. The JoBros play the St. Pete Times Forum on Aug. 18. (TICKETS) 

Jonas Brothers' new song "Paranoid"

Jonas Brothers |MTV Music

Those JoBros sure make celebrity neuroses and being tormented by ex-girlfriends look fun, don't they? Crazy scamps. Here's Paranoid, the kinda-cool first single from unfortunately titled fourth album Lines, Vines and Trying Times, due out June 16. My good pals Nick, Joe and Kevin play the St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa on Aug. 18. (TICKETS)

St. Pete Times Forum gears up for Green Day, Metallica, JoBros, Judas Priest & more

If you're wondering where all the big summer concerts are, well, they're coming. You just gotta wait a bit longer. The St. Pete Times Forum in Tampa, one of the busiest venues in the world, will host a slew of big boys (and girls) in the next few months. You folks up north might poo-poo a summer show being staged indoors, but we don't really give a crap what you think. We want AC, and we want it for six straight hellacious months.

Anyway, I'll be there for most of the following SPT Forum shows. It's a good place to cover a concert, plus the press liasons are supa-hot, and I say that journalistically. (Love ya, Nashira and Jennifer.) Here's the rundown:  

JULY 28: American Idols Live 2009 (TICKETS) Adam Lambert will have to wait until the Idol tour is over to join Queen. In related news, "Big Oil" Michael Sarver will have to wait until the Idol tour is over to sob and wonder why God smote him into the folds of oblivion.

JULY 31: Demi Lovato & David Archuleta (TICKETS) Kid Lulu is begging for  this one, which would be the only way I'd go. I don't mind Disney Channel's Lovato so much, but Archuleta? The smirky, shirky Muppet? Yikes. I'm not that good of a Dad.

AUGUST 3: Green Day (TICKETS) Green Day's new album, 21st Century Breakdown, keeps sounding better and better in my headphones -- mainly because drummer Tre Cool keeps the beat with a sledgehammer. By the way, the top ticket is only $46.75.

AUGUST 16: Judas Priest & Whitesnake (TICKETS) This is one of those shows where I don't want to review it -- I just wanna drink cheap beer, bang my head and punch Steve Spears in the codpiece. Breakin' the law, breakin' the law!!!!

AUGUST 18: Jonas Brothers (TICKETS) I remember it like it was yesterday: Nick, Joe, Kevin and Sean, the four of us gamboling in the suburban wilds of Tampa. Think they'll remember me?

OCTOBER 3: Metallica (TICKETS) I've never seen Metallica, so I'm pretty jacked about this one. Really looking forward to chanting "DIE! DIE! DIE!" with 20,000 of my closest friends.

Billie Joe Armstrong, Rob Halford: Associated Press