'Fearless' picks for tonight's CMA Awards

 

If Taylor Swift doesn't win Entertainer of the Year at tonight's CMAs (ABC, 8 p.m.), I'll streak the Dallas Bull. AVERT YOUR EYES!

2009 MTV VMAs: Taylor Swift shoulda brained Kanye West with her moonman

The MTV Video Music Awards are still just a crass, hyperstylized shill for upcoming product. (Heck, the most anticipated moment of the night was a movie trailer for Twilight flick New Moon.) But the 2009 edition had some diverting moments. Lady Gaga drenched herself in theater blood and scared my kid. Beyonce showed off her coconut-cracking gams in a Single Ladies redux. And after Taylor Swift won a moonman for best female video for You Belong With Me, Kanye West bounded onstage (he's always bounding onstage), grabbed her microphone and said, "Taylor, I'm really happy for you, I'll let you finish. But Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!" It was a pathetic move by Kanye, but mainly because he thinks there's great artistic merit in winning one of those stupid things.

BUT the best moment of the night came straight off the bat, when a rather lovely looking Madonna (who had the good sense to cover up her zombie arms) gave an honest, beautifully crafted eulogy to Michael Jackson. HERE'S THAT SPEECH RIGHT HERE. I'm man enough to admit I choked up a coupla times. 

Photo: Associated Press

Rip Ride Rockit: Which song should I pick?

Hey kids, I'm off to Universal Studios today to do a story on the new Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit coaster. The schtick is that you get to personalize your organ-churning trek with a pop hit and then they turn it into a video for you. You can read about the 3,800-foot monster RIGHT HERE. At the bottom of the page is a list of tunes, from Kanye to country to the Crue. I'm thinking of either the Beastie's "Sabotage" or the Allman's "Midnight Rider." (Secret choice: Donna Summer "Bad Girls.") Any suggestions?

Mariah Carey "Obsessed" : Mimi defends hubby, torches Eminem, abandons voice

Let’s get this out of the way first: Mariah Carey’s new single, Obsessed, isn’t any good. At best, it’s expensively mediocre; at worst, it's resolutely craptacular. (LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE) That said, the midtempo putdown, from Aug. 25 release Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel, is somewhat interesting, at least from a pop culture standpoint. First of all, it’s a diss track, aimed at Eminem, whose lascivious new cut Bagpipes From Baghdad ripped Carey and new hubby Nick Cannon. Here, the 40-year-old Mimi taunts right back, about Em's drug use, about his out-of-touchness. She adds: "I see right through you like you’re bathing in Windex."

Okay, on second thought, maybe that's not interesting at all. But get this: Obsessed is grotesquely Auto-Tuned, relying on digi-trickery rather than natural talent. Yes, yes, everyone from Cher to Kanye West to Miley Cyrus Auto-Tunes to exaggerated effect these days. But c'mon, this is the ego-rich, octave-spanning Mariah we're talking about here, the woman with more No. 1s than Elvis Presley, besmirching her one true talent (non-booby division). I wanna say Obsessed signals either the end of Carey's career or the end of Auto-Tune. I can't decide which. But frankly, I see rich reward in each.

'D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)': New Jay-Z song tells good pals Kanye West, T-Pain to get real

This isn't the best Jay-Z track ever, but it sure is a ballsy one. From the rapper's upcoming Blueprint III, D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune) takes a swipe at such good pals as Kanye West, Will.i.am and T-Pain, major abusers of Auto-Tune, the pitch-correction processor that robotizes voices. (Remember Cher's Believe? Like that.) Expect rebuttals, hurt feelings, Kanye moying, etc.