'Fearless' picks for tonight's CMA Awards

 

If Taylor Swift doesn't win Entertainer of the Year at tonight's CMAs (ABC, 8 p.m.), I'll streak the Dallas Bull. AVERT YOUR EYES!

Spank Bank...for journalistic purposes only

Lemme say this right off the bat: I have editor clearance to pursue this story. In fact, they're urging me to use my sharp investigative skills...

So I'm at the Kenny Chesney tailgate on Saturday, mingling with thousands of tan, healthy young people. They are flirting and having fun and taking pix of each other in various displays of sassiness. And as I pass these pretty young things, I hear them use the phrase "spank bank."

Usually there's a camera involved, and as the girls pose and the boys snap, everyone cries out in unison, "Spank bank!"

It's like the new "cheese" or "smile."

Well, sort of.

Now listen: I'm not going to pretend I'm all chaste and such. We know I have issues. "Spank bank" is defined by the Urban Dictionary and YouTube as a "mental depository" of sexy images that someone might conjure when in a state of arousal. For instance, Pamela Sue Martin from Dynasty. 

I get the concept of the spank bank.

HOWEVER, what I was shocked by at the Chesney tailgate was how open and photographical everyone was about it. When I was in high school, I can assure you I never approached the hottest girl in my class and said, "Hey, I plan on pleasuring myself to your image tonight. See you in trig class!" "Spank bank," it seems, has become a brutally honest form of sexual currency.

Have you guys heard the term "spank bank"? Am I more prudish and naive than I thought? Does anyone have an extra copy of that Pamela Sue Martin Playboy?  

Kenny Chesney Hot Tub Party, Tampa, Aug. 8

I snapped this picture -- nay, richly textured photo essay -- at Saturday's Kenny Chesney show at Ford Amphitheatre in Tampa. Notice how it captures both the fear and optimism of Young America. Those aren't just suds from a makeshift hot tub -- they are the figurative clouds their dreams rest upon.

If you'd like to read my heart-tugging opus on the Chesney phenomenon, GO HERE.

If you'd like to see the work of a real photographer, my new best buddy Kainaz Amaria, check out her spectacular photo gallery RIGHT HERE.

And if you'd like to read other chit-chat on Saturday's show, come see me on my Facebook page. All "friends" are welcome.