Who will win Idol? Read our live chat transcript!

The American Idol live chat is officially closed! Sean Daly and Stephanie Hayes hosted 130 Idol fans for one rollicking, bawdy, fun-lovin' hour. Who will win the Idol finale? Should Kara get sacked? Why is Sean not wearing pants? Read the transcript below on this fancy new chat mechanism...

IDOL RECAP: They're Bad! Literally!

Hey, Idol lovers. Guest host Stephanie Hayes here with the recap (just reminding you so you don't start vicious J. Edgar Hoover rumors about Sean Daly when you reach the part where I rave over Jasmine's pink dress). The top 13 collectively mutilated the complete works of Michael Jackson. Wednesday, two people go packing, making the Baker's Dozen TOTALLY POINTLESS and MADDENING. But that's how Idol rolls. Away we go!

Lil Rounds, The Way You Make Me Feel
Lil sounded fab, true to her standard form. But tragically, she selected a pair of white trousers last modeled by Joan Van Ark in a three-episode storyline on Knot's Landing.

Scott MacIntyre, Keep the Faith
Scott continues to ROPE 'EM IN with songs edgy as a tennis ball. Last week, he confused "sexy" with "Bruce Hornsby and the Range." This week, he sang the end credits of that after-school special where the girl gets too close to the school bus wheel. Next week's hot single: NBC's The More You Know.

Danny Gokey, PYT
He sounded great, and for the first time, didn't mention his terrible, heart-wrenching sad wife situation. (Tragic, yes. Overkill, yes. We need a break.) Plus, he made Paula cry, and we all know what a steel dame she usually is! Iron Man will go far.

Michael Sarver, You Are Not Alone
All I can think of when I hear this song is Michael Jackson's pasty, naked body strewn out across a set of Greek columns. And then I die a little instead. If you don't know, YouTube it.

Jasmine Murray, I'll Be There
Loved her dress. WANT IT. The singing? Uh... er... that... was... nice... too? Ugh, who are we kidding? She's 16, and she sounds like a 45-year-old cabaret singer in a Poughkeepsie bordello. Lighten up, child!

Kris Allen, Remember The Time
I think I saw this guy buying organic cheese and Tilex at Publix today. Or maybe he was in front of me at the car wash. Or maybe he directed me to theater six at the midnight showing of Watchmen. I can't remember. Yawn.

Allison Iraheta, Give In To Me
This girl is great, but I want to RIP the BRACES OUT OF HER MOUTH. I'm a total supporter of orthodontia, but they really garble her shinging. Shtill, she's good and different, might be my favorite girl. Go Shmallison!

Anoop Desai, Beat It
Somehow, Anoop makes for an unconvincing gang member. But who knows? He might throw down in the back alley with his 4.0 shank, y'all! Magna Cum Laude!

Jorge Nunez, Never Can Say Goodbye
He's a great singer, cute and charismatic, but he's so forgettable. Why is that? Maybe he should perform wearing a coconut bra and thigh-high fishnets. Drink three cans of Crunk Juice and swing from the rafters. Adopt six orphans and form a zany backup band. I dunno.

Megan Joy Corkrey, Rockin' Robin
She's totally cute and pretty, but can someone please show this gal the way to an Arthur Murray dance studio? A community college tap class? A booty-banging club on a Friday night? Come on folks, let's teach her rhythm! It'll be adorable, like Footloose.

Adam Lambert, Black or White
I need to shower.

Matt Giraud, Human Nature
Ever since he dumped the whole Coldplay schtick, Matt is really super smooth. Still, he's a bit forgettable, too. Maybe he and Jorge can start a double dutch jump rope league! Brillz! I should be a manager.

Alexis Grace, Dirty Diana
I thought she was great, but the judges cut her down to size for oversinging. I clearly can't win, but I can be sure of one thing -- a black satin diaper is never OK. Just sayin.' After all, the More You Knowwww...

IDOL RECAP: Norman bites the dust, Brooke White wears a shoe

Another night of doinkings has come and gone, and I feel cleansed.  Joining the ranks, we have raspy rocker Allison Iraheta, totally random dude Kris Allen and creepy foundation fan Adam Lambert.

First, though, the sadists over at Idol beat and tortured us with a group rendition of a Neyo song called Closer that is barely passable when Neyo sings it. Seriously. The sight of Adam Lambert singing the words "I can taste her on my tongue" will chill me to the core for the rest of my life. Shuddddder.

After a ton of time wasting recaps, sappy sentiment from The Welder and grating insincere comments from Bette Davis Eyes, they got down to business. Ladies and gentleman, in order, THE DOINKINGS!

1. Allison Iraheta - TOP 12!!
2. Jesse Langseth - DOINKED (and annoying!)
3. Matt Breitzke - DOINKED
4. Megan Corkrey - DOINKED
5. Kris Allen - TOP 12!!
6. Matt Giraud - DOINKED
7. Jeanine Vailes - DOINKED
8. Mishavonna Henson - DOINKED
9. Kai Kalama - DOINKED
10. Jasmine Murray - DOINKED
11. Adam Lambert - TOP 12!!
12. Norman Gentle - DOINKED

Other... uh... "highlights":

• Producers reached into a big bin labeled "ACME RETROSPEKTUVS" and pulled out a generic video montage to fill space. Toilets around the world were heard flushing.
• Former Idol Brooke White made a guest appearance singing her new song (snore), and in a daring move, she ACTUALLY WORE AT LEAST ONE SHOE! Nothing stays the same, does it? *wistful sigh*

Next week, our group features That Weird Kid With The Skinny Headbands, That Girl They Replaced The Other Girl With, and That Guy Who Looks Like He's Pooping When He Sings. Should be great! Don't miss a moment!

-- Stephanie Hayes

IDOL RECAP: Nine doinkings! Oh, the humanity!

Hey Idol fans! The blood bath has raged, and we have our first three members of the top 12: Alexis Grace, Michael Sarver and Danny Gokey. First, we had to sit through a group musical number (so early? So soon? Really?) I'm surprised the producers picked something modern, like Jason Mraz. Usually they force us to sit through a 12-part harmony of "Afternoon Delight" (wooooop). But the whole thing sort of felt like that scene from Mean Girls when all the high school kids are assaulting each other in the hallway like panthers. "This is my LAST CHANCE, BROSEPH! OUTTA MY CAMERA SHOT!"

Anyway, people were doinked left and right! A massacre! Here's how it went down, in order:

1. Casey Carlson - DOINKED
2. Stephen Fowler - DOINKED
3. Alexis Grace - TOP 12!
4. Ricky Braddy - DOINKED
5. Jackie Tohn - DOINKED (and annoying!)
6. Michael Sarver - TOP 12!
7. Anoop Desai - DOINKED
8. Ann Marie Boskovich - DOINKED
9. Brent Keith - DOINKED
10. Stevie Wright - DOINKED
11. Danny Gokey - TOP 12!
12. Tatiana Del Toro - DOINKED, IN THE MOST DRAMATIC DISPLAY OF DOINKING EVER!

Other highlights:

• A duet from ex-Idols Michael Johns and Carly Smithson, who though fabulous, looked strangely like a svelte Delta Burke would after raiding a Hot Topic clearance sale. In the background, we could see the doinked Idols brooding through the song, plotting Simon's "accidental yet tragic and untimely" demise.
• Tatiana Del Toro's hysterics. Seriously, girlfriend was seeking comfort in the arms of 16-year-old Stevie Wright, who had the worst night of her life on Tuesday, got reminded of it eight times, then got doinked. Poor Stevie was all, "Uh... just, uh... take a deep breath, Tatiana? Chill? Life's not over? Maybe you can get a job at Targe...AHHH SHE'S BITING ME! HELP!" God, I hope they make Tatiana the wild card. Please? Pretty please? Say it with me now: "Good TV!"

Photo: Americanidol.com, plus added doink art.

IDOL RECAP: Crazy B's make for great TV!

I feel like I need to go to church. Seriously. Katrina = DEVIL.

First, she joins up with Rose Fleck, which is like throwing Gloria Steinem screaming into Hef's grotto. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Then, she goes to her room early and sobs. Then she drops out. Then she shows up to sabotage the team, sucks it up like a Hoover, then blames scoliosis for going to bed early. SCOLIOSIS!!  I haven't heard that one since 3rd grade!

In a slight show of humanity, the judges booted Katrina (pictured above left) and her unsanitary-footed frenemy, Rose. But in a boneheaded comeback, they booted the cute Osmond and kept Tatiana, who frankly I'm afraid to write anything bad about for fear she'll show up in my bushes with a sniper rifle and leaves glued to her face. Girlfriend is unstable.

All in all, though, I gotta say -- not a bad night of TV!

Lingering thoughts:

• As Sherrie pointed out, we got man tears in the first 15 minutes -- that can't be bad!
• What's with the abundance of horizontally-placed skinny headbands? Like if Rambo went on Atkins. Not a good look.
• Crazy group names! Action Squad. White Chocolate. The Rainbow Coalition. Team Compromise. Up next: "Team Insurance Adjuster;" "Team Oddly-Shaped Rash I Noticed In The Shower;" "Team Oops, I Thought This Was The Food Court."
• Quote of the night: "I saw an evil in her eyes" -- eliminated contestant Ryan Pinkston, who OBVIOUSLY has not seen the video for Opposites Attract. Otherwise, he would have recognized the evil long ago.
• Finally, let's all take a moment of silence for Sean. Times will be hard without Bikini Girl, but he'll persevere. I know it.

Photo: Sunday afternoon portrait of Katrina from Times files.

IDOL RECAP: Hmm? Wha? Sleeping? Snort. No. Resting my eyes.

So, at least we got a death threat from a man named Mudd who packs his cell in holster. That's the most excitement all season. Where are the William Hungs? The singer-songwriter-pimps in floor-length fur? The 500-pound guys singing falsetto Josh Groban in thong panties and body paint?

I feel let down. So low. So cold. So very alone. So... nice and loving. *shudder*

Alas, you bloggers were in full snark, and for that, I'm thankful. Jillybean, gg, Jeff, CG Barrett, Marissa, Sparky, lurkers -- you complete me. Thanks for hanging out. Don't give up hope! I think Idol will catch its groove again soon. It's just growing pains. Sean is back with a fury next week!

Some observations:

• Growing up, there was once a stray cat in heat outside my bedroom window. I had never heard that noise before in my life. I thought someone had abandoned a baby in the backyard to die. I almost called the cops. But it sounded better than Tiffany Shedd.
• "Be careful in whatever you do." Most. Chilling. Phrase. Ever.
• Low point of the show -- quote from guy who does my taxes, Ross Plavsic: "Two characters, while ostensibly complex, share a lot of characteristics."
• High point of the show -- when H&R Block's Ross Plasvic drank out of Paula's cup. She looked like she saw an abandoned baby die in the backyard next to a cat in heat.
• 21-year-old stay home mom Alexis Grace has chops, and an adult film star name. But as blogger gg points out, she needs some serious hair, makeup and wardrobe. Clear heels, perchance?
• Aaron Williamson wants to be America's Next Top Model... oooh, is that on? TYRA, SAVE US. BREAK US FROM THESE CHAINS.
• Just when we thought we'd get away without a sob story, enter Leneshe Young! Raised with nothing! Homeless! In Idolspeak, hot sexy buzz words. She's good to boot, and she's sailing through. See you in Hollywood. I'll bring the Kleenex.

[Kara thought Rebecca Garcia's singing was meant to be a joke. Oopsie. Fox photo]

LIVE IDOL! Some crazy little singers there

Welcome to Pop Life Idol Chat & Pajama Party, Part II. Janet the K. here blogging for the lovely and talented Sean Daly who is checking in tonight between diaper changes. The baby's, not his.

Okay, quick show of hands by everyone who thinks Paula and Kara are getting along too well. This will not be fun unless someone starts fighting. We need drama, people. They both started to sound like Sally Field tonight. They really, really like everyone. Or at least showed lots of maternal concern for the worst singers. But I liked some too. My faves from the second half of the show:

Daniel Gokey, the young widower who learned the exploding fist bump from Randy. (Even I already know that and I'm old.)

The Bollywood Bill Gates, Anoop Desai. As a food writer I've got to give him a double exploding fist bump for studying Southern folklore through barbecue.

The middle school band director, Asa Barnes, who was mighty cute, and Lil Rounds the Memphis Mama who can truly blow.

But honestly, who cares about the good ones? Freak of the Night honors go to Michael Nicewonder who stole my kindergarten hair cut. Michael, baby, mother does know best. That caterwaulin' is hardly singing.

Mia Conley started out as Sleeping Beauty but ended as Fatal Attraction. She put a hex on the judges. Watch out for boiling bunnies.

And poor Michael Lang. The cheerleaders (and there were a lot of them sprinkled throughout, weren't there?) didn't do him any good. Maybe that was an attempt to sway the Laker Girl in Paula.

After two hours of lukewarm entertainment, I'm left to wonder: Did the producers hand out fake hillbilly teeth to every other person in line? Man, there were a lot of lousy choppers.

[Michael Lang and his cheerleaders. Fox photo]

LIVE CHAT! It's time to open up...

Welcome to the Pop Life Live Chat & Meat Market!

I'm all yours for the next two hours, from noon to 2 p.m. I have the headphones on, a mega-sized satchel of Funyuns at my feet and hot new pop tart Katy Perry (pictured) stripping on my desktop hi-fi. So let's chat. I'll provide a talking point, but this sucker is basically all yours. Feel free to stuff the comments section with random music picks, ridicule, shameless self-promotion (c'mon, local bands, let's hear it), Celtics-Lakers analysis, favorite pickup lines, etc.

WHAT'S ON YOUR SUMMER '08 PLAYLIST? So far, Weezer's Pork and Beans is my top track of the sweaty season (WATCH). It's not even close. In fact, I strongly believe the federal government should pay Rivers Cuomo to soundtrack every American summer. BTW, Weezer's self-titled new disc has two other surefire smashes: Troublemaker and Everybody Get Dangerous.

As for other summer songs, I'm also digging the Ting Tings' Shut Up and Let Me Go (WATCH), Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl (WATCH), N.E.R.D.'s Everyone Nose (WATCH) and last but not least, Bryan Adams' I Thought I'd Seen Everything (LISTEN). As for new albums, check out Santogold, James Hunter and Martha Wainwright, all of whom I gushed about in my Summer Music Blowout.

Of course, knowing my core readership, many of you are currently rocking out to new product from Journey, Def Leppard, Asia and Night Ranger. (I think I have some fresh Dokken around here, too). So by all means, tell us what tracks to test, or post music links on the comments section, and let your freak flags fly...