Rihanna's new album 'Rated R' for revenge

 

"These are tricky days for hip-hop queen Rihanna. At the same time she's working the talk-show circus, poignantly revealing the human complexities of domestic abuse, she's pushing a sexed-out album that often plays like a delicious, albeit shocking, revenge fantasy. She calls it Rated R, presumably because NC-17 just didn't have that same snap. Do as she says, boys and girls, not as she sings..." READ THE REVIEW OF 'RATED R,' OUT NOV. 23

Lady Gaga & Beyonce naked -- almost

Beyoncé |MTV Music

Video Phone might be the Dumbest Video Ever. Sure, it's pretty and expensive and soft-core-y. But Beyonce is trying way too hard. And as for Gaga, not even Stephanie Hayes can defend this mishegas. Beyonce should just eat the dwarf and be done with it.

Shakira: New album 'She Wolf,' new song with Lil Wayne 'Give It Up to Me'

Shakira
Album: She Wolf (Epic)
In stores: Monday
Her hips don’t lie...too bad they don’t sing, either: Colombia’s 32-year-old Shakira does one thing very, very well — and it’s not holding a tune. Or writing a song. Or buying a shirt that fits. Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll has a superheroic ability to move ’n’ groove her hips not seen since Jessica Rabbit caused a three-car pileup in Toontown. On her new album, the boom-chica-boom beats and generic synths seemingly lifted from a 1979 episode of Dance Fever are there simply to inspire her hip bones. As for inspiration for the rest of us? Not so much. Shakira is a sexy performer, and an earnest one, too. But she sings as if she has a bottle of syrup lodged in her throat, and her mystic-hottie lyricism is neither shocking nor original enough to make an impact. The title track aims to be both a feminist growl and a promise for a hot night of lycanthropy. Unfortunately, it sounds like a dated Elvira spoof. Dance-floor burners Did It Again, Why Wait and Give It Up to Me (feat. Lil Wayne) are pretty generic, too, but hey, at least they’ll get people sweating. And maybe that’s all you really crave from a Shakira album anyway?
Reminds us of: The album’s best track is also its oddest: Spy, a duet with old Hips Don't Lie buddy Wyclef, is all about the kinky joys of voyeurism. Its hook is presumably Shakira or someone making a trumpet noise. Weird, but cool.
Download these: Why Wait, Men in This Town and Spy
Grade: C+

Carrie Underpants! Underwood gets leggy on CMAs with grindy 'Cowboy Casanova'

This is about as suggestive as Carrie Underwood gets. She could have used more of that hip swivel on her ho-hum new album.

'Fearless' picks for tonight's CMA Awards

 

If Taylor Swift doesn't win Entertainer of the Year at tonight's CMAs (ABC, 8 p.m.), I'll streak the Dallas Bull. AVERT YOUR EYES!

REVIEW: Carrie Underwood's new album 'Play On' gets a C+...for now

 

Carrie Underwood and I have a complicated relationship.

READ ABOUT OUR TWISTED LOVE.

PODCAST! Guilty Pleasure Songs of the '80s (or why is John "Staying Alive" Travolta so oily?)

Aww yeah, a little something for the ladies. Soak it in, my sisters. Just the thing to kickstart your Tuesday: a lubed-up Johnny T. You can thank me later -- or after you listen to this week's Stuck in the '80s show, which is all about the Guilty Pleasure Songs of that magical decade. Our deranged listeners picked the Top 10 doozies that make you wanna holler...and roll up your car windows so no one can hear your shame. Naturally, Frank Stallone's resiliently rocking Far From Over is on there; that was the title track from Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive, which somehow used more body oil than a Jenna Jameson movie. We discuss that cultural wrinkle, and all the other fine things in life, on a show that must be heard. LISTEN! LEARN! LUBE! 

It's pronounced BOOB-lay

 

If you hate Michael Buble, you'll like this. If you hate me -- a club whose membership is thriving quite nicely these days -- you might also kind of like this. READ ON.

(And if you'd like to have access to pictures of me in lederhosen, enter the magic at www.facebook.com/seandaly.tampabay.) 

Sexy new songs by Adam Lambert, Ashley Tisdale and Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull

Adam Lambert, Time for Miracles: What was the name of that Aerosmith song from Armageddon? This overblown apocalyptic ballad sounds like that overblown apocalyptic ballad, doesn't it? By the way, as the nerve endings of our nation get considerably more frayed, do we really need to see our planet get decimated by wrath-of-God special effects?

Ashley Tisdale, Crank It Up: I really have been better about my Tisdale fixation. In fact, I found this relatively filfthy video by accident. (Seriously!) In this grindy vid, Miss Tisdale returns to her unnatural blond, totally going for the Brit-Brit sluthouse effect. I'm not saying I approve, but I have watched the video 476 times in a row now.

Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull, Fresh Out the Oven: Because it worked so well for Garth Brooks, Lopez is rebooting her career via a new performance name. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for...Lola!!! Oh well. At the very least, this item allowed me to use that picture of Lopez playfully touching her toes. So limber, that Lola!

Streisand: New album 'Love Is the Answer'

So here's the deal: I basically reviewed the new Barbra Streisand album because I'm an only child and desperate for my mother's approval. At the same time, I have a business to run here and gotta keep it interesting for my peeps. So here you go: my critique of the Diana Krall-produced Love Is the Answer, plus a Playboy from 1977 with Babs on the cover (and showing off some surprisingly nice stems). There, is everyone happy now?

Barbra Streisand
Album: Love Is the Answer (Columbia)
In stores: Now
It’s gotta be the schnoz: In doing a Google search for Barbra Streisand’s age — Babs looks swell for 67 — I came across a 1975 live performance of The Way We Were. I’m not the world’s biggest fan, but as you can see from the video, she's altogether superheroic. I’m always impressed by those who are so good at their jobs, they look as if they’re making magic off the cuff. Her delivery was relaxed but devastating, all those “scattered pictures” getting you right in the gut. That gravitas, that not-so-funny-girl quality to Streisand’s art doesn’t exist anymore. Her rich tone and natural phrasing are still lovely, mind you. But on this album of jazz and pop standards, producer Diana Krall paints her idol in such soft orchestral focus, there’s no emotional oomph to the 13 tracks. Pristine? Yes. Moving? No.
Reminds us of: Mom, this is your Christmas gift. Act surprised.
Download this: Make Someone Happy
Grade: B-